Summary: An interesting chat with his best friend distracts Wilson from the events of his morning. Intimate knowledge of the Harry Potter book series is needed to really understand this one.

Pairings: None.

Category: Humor

Timeline: The Duckling Era. After Tritter.

Rated: K+

Metaphor

House was staring intently at his computer screen, his face crinkled in confusion, his hand clicking the mouse every few seconds. This was the intense concentration that most doctors gave to patient files, background records, medical articles and office memos.

James Wilson knew his best friend better than that.

"New game?" He asked with mild interest, sitting down in the chair across from House's desk, slouching slightly and running a hand over his face tiredly.

He'd come in here on his lunch break to escape the hectic, depressing atmosphere of his own office. Three newly diagnosed terminal patients before lunch and he was thoroughly ready for a break.

"No." House shook his head without looking up from the computer. "Test."

Wilson's eyebrows rose in interest. "IQ test? Because if you're trying to show off, there are easier ways."

His friend barely responded to the jibe, just shook his head again slightly. "Not an IQ test."

Wilson waited several long moments before giving up. "Care to share?"

"I'm finding out which Harry Potter character I most resemble." He muttered, as if that were a casual way in which to spend your time at work. "Personality wise." He added.

Wilson waited again, to see what the punch line was, but when House said nothing more, he began to chuckle. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Actually…" House leaned back and clicked the mouse one last time. There was a long pause and then the computer made a chiming sound. "I am."

He looked up finally and met Wilson's eyes. "That's just weird." He swiveled his chair a little. "Do I strike you as a Sirius?"

Wilson had to take a second and figure out what exactly his friend was talking about, and when he did he changed his gaze to a thoughtful one, all memories of his new patients erased from his mind. "Actually, yeah. You kinda do."

House humphed. "I was expecting Voldemort."

Wilson balked, "You're not a psychopathic murderer."

The older man just frowned deeply.

"Really," Wilson put some thought into this. "If I had to chose, I'd peg you as Lupin."

"A kindhearted werewolf?" House asked questioningly.

"A really good teacher." Wilson amended and thought for a brief moment that he saw a look of pride flash across his friend's face, before it reverted back into its usual scowl.

"Maybe Quirell." He muttered thoughtfully.

Wilson rolled his eyes, deciding not to push his subtle compliment. "Again, not a psychopathic murderer."

"Quirell wasn't a murderer." House said logically – as if anything about this conversation could be deemed rational. "He was just housing one in his body."

"Still," Wilson rolled his eyes again and dropped that. "You're not him."

"I think you'd be more fit as Lupin." House studied him thoughtfully. "There's a certain…rouge similarity."

"How's that?" He inquired wearily, leaning back further into his chair and getting comfortable.

House shrugged. "You just keep going despite all the odds. He's a werewolf who wants to blend into society. You're a depressed Oncologist with three ex-wives. His best friend was a known murderer; your best friend is a known addict with a rap sheet. You both always want to see the best in people, even when there isn't any. And you're both all about the encouraging of young souls."

Wilson digested all that slowly, wondering whether to take it as a compliment, an insult or both. "You need a hobby." He decided finally.

House just grinned. "I've given this a lot of thought."

"Oh, do tell." Wilson just had to hear this.

"The kids," House started with a gleam in his eyes, "Their tests came back interesting."

"You got Chase, Cameron and Foreman to take an online test about the characters in a children's book?" Wilson could imagine Cameron doing that, if only because she would probably do anything House asked her to do. Chase might have given in if House was bothersome enough about it, but Foreman… Wilson just couldn't see succumbing to something so juvenile.

So he eyed his friend suspiciously.

House relented, "Nah," he waved a hand carelessly, "I filled in the answers for them."

Wilson could almost believe that his friend knew enough about his employees to accurately take a personality quiz for them. "And?" He really did want to know. "Who's who in this intricate game of Avoid real work in any and all possible ways?"

House grinned before responding. "Cameron's Hermione."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Well, duh."

"Yeah, that one was pretty obvious." House allowed. "And Foreman-"

"Let me guess?" Wilson interrupted, "Ron?"

The Diagnostician looked at him oddly. "Not even close."

"Fine." Wilson huffed, he'd briefly enjoyed the idea of the Neurologist as the redheaded sidekick. "Then who?"

"Malfoy."

Wilson laughed outright at that. "Scarily enough, that makes a lot of sense."

"Yeah," House was chuckling too. "Apparently his relationship with me parallels Malfoy's relationship with Snape."

"I thought you were Sirius." Wilson said thoughtfully.

"Apparently not in that metaphor," he shrugged and continued. "Chase was the most surprising of them all."

"I'm not even gonna guess," Wilson sat back and waited.

"Harry."

The Oncologist's eyes grew wide. "Harry? That website compared Chase to Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," House raised a hand to his chin and spoke rationally. "It actually makes some sense, if you think about it. The abandoned by his parents thing. Trying desperately to fit into a world that he doesn't feel he belongs in. Two constant companions, an almost crippling inability to be mean to people…" he looked as thoughtful as Wilson felt. "Plus, in that metaphor, the whole me being Sirius Black thing fits."

The younger man's eyebrows shot to his hairline, acknowledging for him that he knew exactly what that metaphor implied.

He wanted to question it more, but House had moved on. "Cuddy's McGonagall."

He couldn't help but smirk, letting the issue of Chase go easily as he knew he'd get no more discussion about it out of House. "It's so easy to picture her as a tabby cat."

"And you really did come up as Lupin." House added.

"Of course." Wilson rolled his eyes. "No Dumbledore, then?"

"I think that's what I should have been." House all but huffed. "But I had to answer yes to that stupid Have you ever spent time in jail for something other than parking tickets? question."

"Damn criminal record." Wilson mock scowled right as his pager went off. "Damn." He swore upon reading the message. He looked back up to his friend. "I've gotta go."

"Be careful," House called as Wilson got up and moved to the office door. "Tonight's a full moon."

"I'll see you later, House." The younger man answered with a grin before leaving the Diagnostic office and returning to Oncology. He felt lighter, a little better about his job, his decisions and his life in general. People wondered sometimes why Wilson had remained friends with House for so long – well, this was why.

His best friend provided him with something that no one else ever could. A little escape from the real world – that's all he needed from time to time. That's what Wilson got from House. A reprieve.

Fin.