Thank you everyone for your reviews, I'm glad you guys liked it. I'm working on the next few chapters, don't worry this is no where near over.
I was in Nessie's room, watching her sleep. The sun was rising, and I knew she would soon begin to awaken. Her breath was slow & even. I couldn't imagine never knowing this beautiful child. It was hard to see how she was my daughter. Anyone in public, who saw us, thought she was my younger sister. It was a story we all went along with. But in the family, she was indeed mine.
I couldn't believe how my life turned out. How I got to this point. Five years ago, I saw my life in a completely different direction. Finishing out my days in Forks High School, going to some college, and growing up to have the husband, house, and family.
I did finish out my days of high school in Forks, but that's where it all ends, and becomes the life I have now. I didn't go to college - though I suspect one day I will, I have eternity for it after all – and I did get the husband, house and child. But the fact that we were all creatures of the night – as humans called us – was something I didn't imagine. Ever.
I did love this life, the one I never dreamed of. I did have an amazing husband, an amazing family, and a beautiful daughter; I never thought I could have.
But there was something missing from all of this. Something I so desperately wanted. Needed. I felt sick to my stomach, thinking the life I was given, is just not good enough. I was given everything I could have asked for.
And yet, I was ready to trade it all in, just for the one thing I knew I could never have. But isn't that the typical thing, desiring the one thing we know we cannot have.
In all honesty, I didn't think this applied to me. Because I've already had her. Maybe not the way I have Edward. No it was so much more different. The intense love I felt for Alice it was not mistakable. It was there. Burning. Like wildfire in a dry forest.
I wanted to be with her. Be near her, all the time. To hold her and not be worried of how quickly our time would end. It pained me, just as much as I had seen last night, it pained her.
The image of her face flooded my memory. To any of the others she looked fine, content. But to me, she was sad. A sharp pain ripped through my torso, and I fought back the need to breath, knowing it would only cause sobbing.
I
was the cause of her pain. The cause for that look in her eyes. It
was like a knife plunging into my heart, knowing this.
I wanted to
make her pain stop, as well as my own. But how? How could I do that?
I couldn't. Not without hurting everyone else.
But
how is that fair? Wasn't I too allowed to be happy, even if it wasn't
with someone I wasn't supposed to be with?
But by whose terms was
I not supposed to be with her. If we loved one another, doesn't that
count as something? And I did love her, deeply. It was not
infatuation or lust. It was love. I felt this in the core of my
bones. The very center of my silent heart. I was in love with Alice.
I would give my life for her. Do anything she asked of me. Even if
that meant give her up. If it meant for her to be happy. I would be
happy, as long as she was happy.
I didn't know if she felt the same way. We've never discussed that. It just sort of happened. But for as long as I've known her, I've felt it build to this point. I liked to think she did. That she would do the same things I would do for her. Maybe she would. And maybe she did indeed love me with the same passion that I loved her. But I didn't want to build such hope. Hope was as deadly was poison. Too much of it and it could destroy you.
I
was pulled out of my thoughts as Nessie turned, awakening I
suspected. I stayed still for a few moments. Just to see if she would
fall back to sleep, but knew she would not. She never moved in her
sleep. She was always so still. There have been many nights where I
have retreated into her room, to watch her sleep, trying to escape
from my plaguing thoughts.
Her eyes fluttered open, locking onto
me. Many mornings she has woken up to find me here. She was not
surprised in the least.
"Morning momma." She said quietly.
"Good morning baby"
She stretched quickly, than pulled the covers off and came over to my waiting arms. I was sitting in the rocking chair we had gotten her for her first birthday.
She climbed onto me. Fitting so perfectly into my body.
We stayed there for a long moment, as I rocked her.
"Hey momma?" she asked after a while.
"Yes?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course honey, what is it?"
"Well... I was noticing that Aunt Alice has been looking sad lately. Not like her usual self. Is she okay?"
I was careful not to do anything that would give me away. She was just like her father, in every way. So observant.
"I don't know. I'm sure she is fine. If you want I'll talk to her, see if she is okay. How does that sound?" I tried to play it off, though not sure if I was very successful. Her mentioning Alice threw me off, more than I would have guessed.
"Okay. But don't tell her I said anything. Promise?" She looked up at me then, her eyes big and brown. Grateful that my eyes were not among the others to be lost to my immortal body, they were in my beautiful girl.
"Promise." I reassured her, and she put her head back to where it was.
"Good morning" Edwards's voice filled the room. We both looked up at him, smiling.
"Morning daddy" Nessie chimed, jumping out of my arms to run into his.
"Good morning Edward." I said as she did this.
Nessie was in his arms already, hugging him. He smiled over to me, than looked down at her.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yes I did, I had the most exciting dream."
"Would you like to tell me on the way to grandma's and grandpas?" He said while putting her down and taking her hand in his.
They began to walk out of the room, Nessie already telling her dream. I was not too far behind.
When
we reached the house, everyone was there. Rose and Emmett on the
couch watching T.V. While Esme was in the kitchen, preparing Nessie's
breakfast, no doubt. Carlisle was most likely at the hospital. I
didn't see Alice or Jasper.
Nessie went into the kitchen, hungry.
I heard her exclaim excitement when she saw Esme. How she loved Esme.
I walked into the living room and sat at the nearest chair. Not paying any attention at all to what Emmett or Rose were watching.
"So Edward, we going hunting today? Jasper has been dying to go." Emmett asked as Edward walked out of the kitchen and coming into the living room.
"Just as planned. Where is Jasper?" Edward asked.
My attention caught, knowing where Jasper was would easily tell me where Alice was.
"He's getting ready upstairs. Alice is there with him." Emmett answered.
Just then Jasper came down the stairs, Alice at his side. She looked happy. Not the same sad look she had last night. It was different. Hopeful. She must have seen something happening today, something she liked.
"Ready?" Emmett asked Jasper.
"Indeed." He said, looking over at Edward.
Edward walked over and kissed my forehead. As Jasper did the same with Alice. Emmett on the other hand was very much different. We all looked away at his and Rose's goodbye.
Then the 3 of them were gone.
Alice sat on the couch, looking the same way. Rose wasn't paying very much attention, so I looked over catching Alice's intense stare. I could do nothing but stare back.
Than all too quickly pulled away, at the sound of Nessie's excitement when Jacob walked through the door. Seth was surprisingly not with him today.
"Hey Nessie!" Jacob yelled the same excitement in his voice.
She jumped into his arms, laughing as he ticked her.
"Hey guys" He yelled over to us, of course he didn't need to yell, we could all hear perfectly fine, even if he whispered.
"Hey Jake" Both Alice & I said at the same time, than we looked at each other, the same intense stare happening. But again looked away.
Jacob was walking into the the room at this point. Nessie climbing all over him. He was so big, he was like a tree. I smiled at this.
"Hey Bells, can I spend the day with Nessie?" Jacob asked a huge grin in place.
"Sure." I answered, they hadn't had a day to themselves in a while, and I thought I might let them have it. Plus Jake would tire her out early.
"Bye momma" Nessie said, a smile just as big as his.
"See ya later Sweetheart."
They bounded out the door together, laughing. As they're voices faded, I heard Nessie telling her dream to him. I was going to have to ask her later what it was about. I wasn't quite paying much attention to her telling Edward, and for this I felt bad.
Rose got up then, and walked out to the garage. I heard her BMW start and drive away. She was probably going shopping or something to pass the day without Emmett.
I no longer heard Esme in the kitchen. She was not in her office. She had a project she was working on most likely and stepped out to work on it.
Which left me and Alice sitting here. I looked over at her. That smile was back. And I knew now why she was so happy before. As I suspected she saw all of this happening. Though maybe not Jacob, because she couldn't see when he was in the picture, but we all knew he would ask to have Nessie for the day.
I felt a smile spread across my face as well. We had an entire day to ourselves. A very rare occasion. And we didn't waste time.
We
both got up swiftly and went out to her yellow Porsche. I got in the
passenger side, while she got in the drivers.
Together zooming off
out of the long driveway that separated us from the road, to begin a
day, we both knew would be forever in our memories.
