Masculine Wiles, Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the reviews and follows! I'll likely be posting quite often, since I'm going through NaNoWriMo withdrawal and don't want to face the mountain of editing ahead of me. To be honest, I don't know how this story ends. I'll be figuring it out as I write- let's hope I don't mess it up too badly.

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"Captain Daddy should do it," River explained. "Also, nice ass."

Mal became self-conscious about his tight pants. River had no business eyein' him. Then the import of her words hit him.

"What? Me? A whore?" He bust out laughin' in sheer shock.

"Quit usin' that word!" said Kaylee, turning to Inara. Everyone else did, too, worried about how the Companion would react to the notion of Mal layin' with another woman.

Inara's face spread in a mischievous, almost evil grin.

"Thank you for the suggestion, River," she said sweetly. She turned her imperious head toward Zoe. "I'm assuming the rest of you can handle the actual theft while the Captain is indisposed?"

"Hey, now, I didn' agree to nothin'," said Mal, trying not to show how frightened he was.

"As you said, Simon, Jayne, and the Shepherd are out of the question. We will need Wash in the cockpit to make a quick getaway, quite apart from Zoe's understandable reservations. That only leaves you. You would need a great deal of polishing, not to mention a thorough bath-" she delicately wrinkled her nose- "but under my coaching, I am confident that you will play the part adequately enough to distract the Senator. Although you don't even remotely resemble a typical Companion, that might actually work in our favor. You may possess the certain special something that the Senator has found lacking in her previous consorts."

"They don't got workin' man-parts?" asked Jayne, scratchin' his own.

"Jayne!" Kaylee swatted his arm. "They do, right?" she asked Inara, wide-eyed.

Inara sighed. "Mal?"

"There's no way I'm doin' it. Not no way, not no how. And as far as I recall, Inara, I'm the captain here and you ain't a part of this crew. I make the plans. Not you."

"As you say, Captain," said Inara. "I understand that the Senator's home world grows the sweetest, juiciest strawberries in the Verse. What a pity we'll miss the chance to try some."

Kaylee whimpered.

"ALL RIGHT! All right. I'll do it. Gorramit!" Mal threw his hands in the air. It was truly vicious of Inara to use Kaylee's love of fresh fruits in her schemin'. He could never resist Kaylee's big eyes. For some reason, he was annoyed that Inara was so willing to let him lie with the Senator.

"Shiny, Cap'n!" Kaylee trotted over to Mal and kissed him on the cheek.

Inara raised an eyebrow at Mal. "Prepare yourself. We begin your training tomorrow." Her hips acquired an uncustomary swing as she walked back to her shuttle.

"What does she mean by that, I wonder?" asked Wash.

Mal got up and went the opposite way, to his bunk.

"Somethin' about this is downright unsettlin'," muttered Jayne, helping himself to Mal's food.