A/N: Chapter Two is here and the plot thickens... the bear on a unicycle kind of plot anyway
Chapter Two: Being a Woman Isn't THAT Bad
Bruce awoke feeling much more refreshed than he had in years but that wasn't surprising considering it was the first full night of sleep he'd had in years. He snuggled deeper under the covers mentally thanking Alfred for using a superb brand of fabric softener on his sheets. Bruce awoke fully about half an hour later and stretched his arms out to get a tight feeling out of his chest. Seconds later he scowled down at his chest annoyed that there was still a weight pulling at his chest. He was the Batman and he never got sore! Bruce froze his mind not comprehending what he saw but they were there.
The Flash is just playing a prank on me again. They aren't real; they can't be real. Bruce thought as he tried to calm his over reacting mind.
He brought a hand up and pressed against the protrusions on his chest just to prove that there was no possible way they were real. His blood ran cold when he could feel his hand through those things on his chest.
No way this isn't real, Bruce. It's just a fever dream.
Bruce quickly bolted out of bed and ran to the nearest mirror. He would look and see that they were just some really advanced pieces of biotechnology that one of his enemies got a hold of and then snuck onto him in the middle of the night. It made perfect illogical sense but Bruce didn't care at the moment. He didn't dare look down yet but by the breeze brushing up against his body he could tell that Alfred left him in his boxers and nothing else. He stopped in front a full length bathroom mirror located in one of his many walk-in closets and took a peek.
Bruce first looked at the toes and worked his way up. Everything from his big toe to his hip bone screamed female as did the curve of his waist. It was a herculean effort but he managed to take a look at the protrusions on his chest.
I will not call them breasts. I am a man and I do not have those. Bruce mentally said in denial.
His eyes continued to the face and all his hopes were dashed. Instead of what he expected, he saw a feminine face framed with short black hair, full lips gracing the lower half of his features, dark eyelashes surrounding the bluest of eyes, and an absolutely horrified expression.
Oh no no no no no no no no no… Bruce would have continued the inner mantra but his control finally snapped and he or rather she let out the loudest most ear piercing shriek ever heard by a woman.
Alfred Pennyworth ex-British intelligence officer went into full battle mode when he heard a woman scream like she was about to be murdered. Did a reporter sneak into the home again and accidentally set off the defense system? Or did Master Bruce call someone over in the middle of the night but died due to his illness after physically exerting himself? All of this passed through Alfred's mind in less than a second but his body had already reacted and he was racing up the stairs into the bedroom, through the adjoining bathroom, and into the walk-in closet.
"Miss, are you alright?" Alfred asked as he rounded the doorframe.
Alfred froze in place and stared at the half-naked woman on the floor curled in the fetal position whispering 'it's just a dream' over and over again.
"Excuse me miss, are you alright?" He murmured softly to the obviously terrified woman.
The woman looked up and saw Alfred and suddenly she launched herself onto him seeking comfort. Alfred reached to provide the needed comfort but froze when he realized a very important detail.
"Where in God's name is your shirt?" Alfred yelled scandalized and back pedaled but the woman had a grip like Bruce.
"Alfred it's awful one moment you were helping me out of the Bat cave and the next I wake up in bed and find out I have these awful things on my chest and that I'm not a man anymore." The sobs increased in intensity and Alfred was once again flabbergasted.
"Master Bruce!" Alfred exclaimed in shock.
Bruce nodded a little and sniffled as the sobs soon became non-existent. He crossed his arms across his chest trying to ignore the deformation but Alfred noticed it. He noticed it a lot.
"Master Bruce, put a shirt on and go call Miss Diana immediately and tell her what happened. Then ask her to bring clothes I'm sure you're both the same size," Alfred told Bruce in a no nonsense tone of voice.
Still numb from what had happened Bruce nodded his head and pulled on a sweatshirt that was hanging on rail. He quickly glimpsed at the reflection in the mirror as he passed into the bathroom. Why are there so many mirrors in this house? Bruce thought with a snarl. He crossed into his bedroom and picked up the phone to call Diana. The phone rang once, twice, and finally on the third ring the Amazon answered the phone.
"Meta-human affairs this is Diana Prince speaking," Wonder Woman in disguise said.
"Hi Diana, you're not going to believe this but have you ever dealt with a man being turned into a woman before?" Bruce asked hoping that she had so that he could explain easier.
"Yes ma'am, or is that sir?" Diana said into the phone as Bruce sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever was helping him. It was probably Hera who would have found this several types of amusing.
"Diana its Bruce," Those three words set off a reaction he didn't anticipate.
Wonder Woman let out a loud laugh that continued for several minutes. As each minute ticked by Bruce became more and more annoyed.
"This isn't funny Diana!" He/She yelled.
"I'm so sorry Bruce, but this doesn't happen every day," Diana said as she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes.
"Alfred asked that you bring some clothes for me since I…" Bruce trailed off not wanting to accept the fact more than he had to.
"I understand Bruce but I think we need a League meeting if we're going to find who did this and how to find them discreetly. Unless of course you want the whole world to know that Bruce Wayne is now actually a woman and oddly enough so is Batman," Diana said with a hint of laughter still in her voice.
Bruce didn't even bother with a response, "How rude," Diana muttered, "He hung up on me."
Bruce walked over to his bed and sat down. He thought through the puzzle of what happened. It was obviously magic since science and biology had yet to find a way to turn a man completely into a woman. But who did he know who would do such a thing? He was still on good terms with Zatanna, Circe had returned to Greece, and Morgan la Fey had disappeared from the grid months ago. He thought it through for about ten minutes and inspiration struck him from nowhere. The gay man, Zachariah! He knew at that moment he needed to call Clark. The Boy Scout always knew a way to cheer someone up in awful or awkward situations. Clark answered while the voice mail was running but luckily Bruce was still on.
"Hey Bruce I thought I recognized your number. Sorry I didn't answer right away I had to help the firefighters on East Main Street and they gave me sloppy joes." Clark rambled his usual deep commanding voice had a boyish hint of excitement to it.
You got a date with Lois last night didn't you? Bruce thought with a twinge of jealousy. He dated the woman once but she didn't match up well with his darker habits.
"I got turned into a woman by a man witch." There he said it. Blunt and to the point Kent would understand that.
Clark immediately spit out the Sloppy Joe from his mouth and dropped the rest into the trash.
"I had no idea something so tasty could be so awful!" Clark exclaimed worriedly. How many Sloppy Joe's did you have to eat before the transformation occurred?
"Not a burger Kent! A wizard, a warlock, a gay man witch whatever you want to call him turned me into a woman not a sandwich!" Bruce yelled his voice becoming higher with each word.
Clark's face became serious, "We'll fix this Bruce. I'll contact the original seven so we can figure this out." Clark said his goodbyes and Bruce was once again left alone with his thoughts.
"About three minutes later Diana appeared at the door and I…" Bruce was suddenly interrupted by loud laughter.
"Oh man! You shrieked like a girl? I wish I was there to see you like that." Terry suddenly stopped speaking because his laughs grew too strong for him to speak.
Bruce just waited it out his face impassive, "You finished?"
Terry took a drink from Bruce's water ignoring the dirty look he was given and nodded a smile still plastered on his face.
