Chapter Two: Duo

The second time Alec had cried, was not a happy one. He didn't cry because of an injury, he hadn't cried because he had lost a sibling. He cried because he felt completely and utterly helpless. After all, how are you supposed to fight yourself?

Alec had known for a little while, that what he felt for Jace was more then just brotherly adoration. He knew it was more than pity for the boy's loss, and more then admiration for his fearlessness.

He knew that it was wrong for his eyes to stray to the goldnne boys body, and not his face when he entered a room. And knew it was even worse to dream of him naked and dominating at night.

It had become a regular thing, to wake up at three or four in the morning sweaty and hard after dreaming about Jace. The shame choked him and burned his cheeks, trying to wish away the arousal and frustration. And like every time before, he gave in and pleasured himself. Quietly biting down on his hand or pillow as he worked toward his release.

After a month of little sleep and tired embarrassment, he awoke in a similar fashion one morning. The day before he had been sparing with Jace, the blond boy was far more talkative then he used to be. At fifteen years old he was beginning to form a chiseled physique of muscled youth and arrogance.

Alec inwardly cringed as his stepbrother pulled his shirt over his head as he grew over heated from the match. It had been Jaces turn to choose what they would fight with, and he had chosen hand-to-hand combat, much to Alec's despair and shameful approval. Jace's muscles flexed with the movement, and drew the others eye's to the defined abs glistening with perspiration.

Jace lunged forward when he noticed Alec's attention falter, and tackled him to the ground. The boys rolled around, getting punches and kicks in between them as they did so. Alec's face was as red as a tomato from exertion and the lust that swept through his body like a tidal wave. He bit back a shout as a knee came dangerously close to his groin. Jace arched an eyebrow, but didn't say anthing as he shouted in victory, landing a fist into Alec's cheek.

Alec, finally coming to his senses, drew both his knees up, and kicked the other boy off of him, sending Jace back hard to land on his ass, Alec racing forward to land a good punch of his own, splitting the blond's lip.

They continued on like this for some time, Alec having discarded his embarrassment with his shirt as he became too wrapped up in the fight to think about anything else. And for the first time in almost three weeks, Alec finally over powered his brother, and claimed victory from the match.

Alec winced as Jace drew a Iratze on his cheek, the bruising and cuts healing as the rune sparked to life. Jace laughed, causing a cut on his brow to reopen allowing blood to well up and drip down his face.

"You really got me good this time!" Jace chuckled as he ran the back of his hand over his face, smearing the blood away.

"Yeah, finally." Alec muttered in response, but the glint in his eyes expressing how happy he was with his conquest. "You deserved it too. For pissing off Isabelle. I think she actually put poison in the food this morning."

"Oh, by the Angel, I don't want to even think about breakfast. I don't even know what that was supposed to be!" Jace moaned.

It was like a switch had been flipped and suddenly all the blood that Alec had in his body was rushing to his dick. He gritted his teeth together and shot up off of the rickety stool he had been sitting on.

"Alec-" Jace started to question, concern dripping from the name.

"Sorry, I think I really am sick from the food. I'll see you later, I'm gonna go sleep it off." Alec said in a rushed sentence as he practically ran to his room.

If he had looked back, he would have seen the dejected look on Jace's face, painted with clear understanding. He knew that it wasn't the food that made his brother run away. But he also accepted that he couldn't help Alec, as much as wished he could. Jace had leaned back on his heels, and contemplated what it would be like if Alec ever found someone who could return those feelings. He contemplated whether or not Alec would ever even tell anyone that he liked guys. He contemplated what it would be like if Isabelle knew how to cook food that was actually edible and recognizable.

Alec had returned to his room, stripping down and jumping into the shower shortly thereafter. When he was clean, he pulled on a pair of sleeping pants and a clean, well worn sweater. Climbing under the covers of his bed, he curled in on himself.

The cold shower hadn't done anything to alleviate the heavy arousal he was sporting, and like ever other day withing the last week, he took it into hand, caressing the sensitive flesh with cold fingers.

It didn't take long. It never did. He wiped his hand on the sheets, too tired to get up and clean up properly. Turning onto his stomach, a rush of anguish overtaking him. He choked back painful sobs and buried his face into his pillow.

He felt so ashamed. Ashamed that he felt this way, about another guy, and of all people his own brother. The fact that Jace was adopted wasn't much of a consolation. What would Jace do if he knew? How could he accept him, the abomination that he was. What would his parents do? What would the Clave do? Those thoughts terrified him.

He cried for what felt like hours before his body finally gave out and he fell into a deep sleep brought on by both physical and mental exhaustion.

XXX

Alec always seemed to have quite a bit of anger boiling over, and I think it was entirely self inflicted hatred towards how he felt about Jace and how he felt about being gay. In a lot of ways, most people write it that he was just worried about coming out to his parents, but I like to think it was far more than just that. Alec is never a social person in TMI, but he only ever shows such anger towards those who threaten his family, and towards his own sexual preferences. Part of his resentment from Clary seems to stem off from the fact that she could tell he was gay, and not only did she pose a threat to his love for Jace, but also because she was one of the only people who knew something as dangerous as that. In a world full of God fearing Shadowhunters, Alec had more to fear than just stepping out of the closet.

Please R&R! I hope you liked this chapter as well! I'll assume the first was good enough to get you here, so I hope this one will take you to the next. Again, sorry for the little spiel at the end, I'm mostly just thinking to myself about these things. If anyone has any questions or comments, write away! I'd love to hear your takes on Alec and anything else you can think of.