Opal's Rules the World
This Chapter is unrelated to the first one, as this Fic in itself is a hodgepodge of the Fowl books, twisted to my humor. This Chapter was inspired by Painted Cricket and her comment. Thanks Painted Cricket!
Some characters will be OC at times (especially Holly), and you can disregard the plotline of the main series in this (at least for now). Root is alive, and Opal hasn't teamed up with Cudgeon to do the Goblin Rebellion. She's going for world domination in a different way.
Opal sat in her Hover Boy, thinking. She had been working toward this day for years, under everyone's nose. No but her and Merv and Scant knew about the master plan.
The chair groaned under her weight as she shifted and reached for a bowl of truffles and smiled smugly to herself.
The world was about to be under her control…
Haven
Holly, the dumbest elf in the LEP, was flying a shuttle threw a chute, on her way to Fowl Mansion. After Artemis had tried to kidnap her, she'd been told to keep an eye on the Mud Boy, in case he decided to try any other tricks involving the people.
"Wheeeee!" she shouted, flying the shuttle, and almost crashing into the wall.
She somehow made it out without crashing it and landed at a shuttle port. She activated her wings and flew to Fowl Manor, doing loop de loops and singing the Pizza song.
She arrived at Fowl Manor and found an open window. She peeked, shielded. It was Artemis's study and he was busy on his laptop, clattering away on the keyboard.
She flew in silently.
Stealth, she thought to herself. Like a ninja.
Her foot hit a small spinning globe on a table under the window and it fell down.
Artemis jumped in his chair.
"Oops," said Holly, aloud.
"Holly, I recognize your voice," said Artemis.
Holly swore and remembered, just because you'er invisible, that doesn't mean you can't still knock stuff over, and her visor was up, so anyone could hear her voice.
Well, he already knew she was there.
She unshielded.
"Hi, sexy!" she said.
"W-what?" spluttered Artemis.
"I said, HI SEXY!" shouted Holly. "Whatcha doin?"
Artemis stared at her for a moment. "What are you doing in my manor? I kidnapped you and let you go, since you were such a pain and sexually assaulted myself, Butler, and Juliet."
Holly plopped in a chair. "Well, ever since your little trick to try and get fairy gold, Foaly and Root said I'm supposed to watch you, in case you try to do something else that involves the people. Oopsie."
Holly realized she'd said too much.
Flashback
Root shouted at Holly in his office.
"Go and watch the Fowl boy, make sure he isn't up to anything else that involves us," Root had roared. "And for the love of Frond, don't let him know you're watching him!"
End Flashback
Holly clamped a hand over her mouth. "Rewind. I never said any of that."
"I guess I'm not supposed to know you're here watching me," said Artemis, with a smug grin.
"Don't know what you're talking about," said Holly.
"Well, the dogs out of the bag now," said Holly.
"Cat?" asked Artemis.
"What cat?" asked Holly, looking around. "You got a cat? I want to see!"
Artemis groaned and went back to his computer.
"Don't bother me."
"Are you plotting a way to get gold from us again?" asked Holly, leaping up and bounding around his desk.
"HOLLY!" shouted Artemis. "Listen, go buzz off."
"Listen, since I'm here, we should go out or something," said Holly.
"Huh?" asked Artemis.
"You're so cute and sexy," said Holly, dreamily looking at him.
"You've got Stockholm syndrome," said Artemis, which was a syndrome where kidnapped people develop a bond to their captors.
"Stockhelm what?" asked Holly.
"Never mind," muttered Artemis. "And why the hell would I, a twelve year old boy, go out with and eighty year old fairy?"
"Because I'm pretty!" Holly batted her eyelashes.
"I'm not in the habit of dating child molesters," said Artemis.
"Technically, I'm pretty close your age," said Holly. "Us fairies age differently than you humans, remember?"
Artemis grumbled something under his breath. Butler suddenly came in, and seeing Holly, drew his Sig Sauer.
Holly screeched and dove under a side table, her rump sticking out.
"It's fine," said Artemis. "She's supposed to be watching me, in case I'm plotting something else."
"Oh," said Butler.
"You're not still mad at me for trying to take your virginity are you?" asked Holly, peeping out. "I mean, I really only did it so you'd hopefully let me go."
"You're still a virgin?" asked Artemis.
"Holly, be quiet!" shouted Butler. "Only Juliet knew that!"
Artemis plugged his ears. "I don't want to know anymore. Lalalalala-"
Holly's helmet beeped. There was a video call coming in.
Root's red face appeared in her screen. "HOLLY! WHAT THE HELL! I TOLD YOU TO NOT LET HIM KNOW WE ARE WATCHING HIM! AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU UNSHIELD AND HAVE A CHAT WITH HIM! I SWEAR YOU'RE FIRED WHEN YOU GET BACK-"
"Blah, blah, blah," muttered Holly hitting mute. She giggled, seeing Root, not realizing he was muted, still shouting and pointing and the screen.
She knew they wouldn't really fire her. With budget cuts, it would cost more money to train and hire someone else, and wasn't worth it.
Artemis, looking at something on his computer, suddenly jerked his head up.
"Troll attack?"
"What about trolls?" asked Holly, cutting communication with Root.
"The live news from America says trolls are rampaging through New York City," said Artemis.
Another video call was trying to come in. Holly answered it.
Foaly's face appeared. "Holly, trolls are popping up everywhere in the world! They're attacking towns and cities! There are millions of them and we don't know where they are coming from!"
Opal's hideout, somewhere underground.
Opal giggled evilly to herself, unwrapping a truffle.
"Isn't it wonderful!" she chortled.
"Yes," agreed Merv and Scant. They eyeballed each other. Opal getting quite obese. She'd really been downing the truffles lately.
Opal shifted her growing butt in her chair, greedily chewing truffles. Oh, how she loved truffles! They were the best thing ever!
She looked at the screens on her massive computer. She'd spent years cloning trolls. She had millions of them, all with a chip in their brain. Her plan had been to hide them through the world an when she was ready activate the chip, and they would go forth and take over the world, killing and destroying millions in the process. A few would be kept as slaves. Once the pesky humans were dealt with, she'd take over Haven.
And all she had to do was watch and eat truffles.
Fowl Mansion
Butler and Holly tried to protect Artemis and Juliet. But the trolls were already in Ireland, Dublin to be exact, and were smashing a path of destruction to the Fowl Manor.
Nobody made it.
Opal's lair
The massacre went on for days.
Opal's five chins jiggled as she sat in giggling in her chair, which was now planted firmly on the ground. She'd gotten so fat the levitation on her Hover Boy had failed.
Opal laughed, causing all her rolls to ripple, as rulers of multiple worldwide countries were taken prisoner. The humans who had held high positions would now be her slaves, and would serve her.
The human slaves were brought to her lair and assigned jobs. There were toilets to be cleaned, truffles to be made, and somebody had to clean the sweat from Opal's many rolls.
Once the human world was pretty much destroyed, the trolls went for Haven. The LEP fought back bravely, but there were so many, it was hopeless. The entire fairy civilization was decimated, and not a single fairy was left alive.
Opal reclined in her chair, her rolls hiding pretty much all of the Hover Boy. Somebody, the king of France, or maybe it was Lithuania, or China, (Opal didn't know and didn't care) was cleaning under her fat rolls, wincing at the smell of BO emanating from her.
"I am the ruler of the world," she said proudly. "And aren't I a beautiful ruler?"
She grinned, her five chins waggling. Merv and Scant nodded eagerly.
"Oh, you are the absolute picture of loveliness."
"Gorgeous, no one is prettier!"
Opal purred happily, basking the fake comments, while her ego grew another notch.
But lately, she'd been having some chest pains. And it was hard to get around. She fallen through a part of the floor in her room the night before and Merv and Scant had had to rig a sort of rope and pulley system to winch her out. It hadn't worked at first and they had had to use a gallon of butter to grease her up and try again.
Plus, her arms had grown so fat, she couldn't even reach her mouth. Someone had to hand feed her truffles.
Now that the world was destroyed and she ruled who was left, she realized there was nothing to do. She had achieved her goal and now what?
Maybe should set a new goal, and lose some weight. She didn't want the falling through the floor fiasco to happen again.
How much would she lose? Five pounds should be good.
"Merv, Scant," she said. "I decided to lose some weight. Five pounds should be good right?"
"Uhhh, five hundred?" asked Merv.
"What did you say?" shouted Opal.
"Five pounds should be good!" Merv said quickly.
"I wonder how," said Opal. "Computer, bring up the location of the nearest Weight Watchers."
The computer hummed for a moment and then the computer answered. "Opal, all Weight Watcher locations have been destroyed, courtesy of you."
"Oh." Opal sat, defeated.
"But you could try walking, and laying of the truffles, you fat ass," the computer answered.
"WHAT?!" Opal roared. She struggled to her feet, her massive fat rolls hanging to the ground and huffed and puffed over to the computer and beat it with her flabby fists.
Once the computer had been destroyed, she ordered Merv and Scant to fix it while she huffed and wheezed her way out of the room.
She hadn't thought of this before destroying the world. Even if she did lose some weight, what would she do after? Humans and fairies alike were defeated. There was nothing left to do, except torment the few humans left to do her bidding. But even that would get boring after a few days.
She couldn't stand the idea of being so bored for the rest of her life.
What had she done?
But she didn't get to worry about it, because fell down the stairs and landed on her back. A fat roll smacked her in the face and then lay there, covering her face. Her arms were fat to move up enough to move it, and she suffocated, due to her own flab.
Opal was done for.
Haven
Holly jumped in bed. She'd just had the weirdest dream. Some pixie named Opal had destroyed the world and then died, suffocated from her own fat. Weird…
She turned over and fell asleep, farting as she did so.
The End.
Okay, it wouldn't be much fun if everyone really died.
