Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Two.

Naruto slowly opened his eyes. He was sitting with his back on the couch of the Hokage's office, and with an unfamiliar weight settled on his lap. He instinctively touched the weight, which seemed to twitch and moan slowly. He looked down on the weight and blinked, now fully awake. The pig-tailed and blond-haired girl was snoring softly, snuggling close against his chest while holding her stuffed fox nearby.

He blinked again, before turning his gaze to where Baa-chan was supposed to be, only to find the seat empty. Well, not exactly empty considering there was a raven haired girl with bright blue eyes and a motherly face stamping out documents to the sides of the desk. She was wearing some sort of bandage dress, and he would have mistaken her for the sensei of team eight, if only she wasn't younger and with a now all too familiar whisker set on her face.

On the other side a Kumogakure shinobi with blond hair tied in a loose single pony-tail was instead squaring off with her pile of paperwork. Differently from the first, the second was struggling with it. She not only sported his whisker marks, but also polished and slightly elongated nails as well as dark eyes. Her face was sterner too, and her death glare could probably shrivel up even Maito Gai.

"Honorable father woke up." A third voice spoke gently, as Naruto turned his gaze to the source. Near the door of the office a dark blue haired girl, with a pretty impressive rack, stood dressed in a kimono. She had the tell-tale eyes of the Hyuga, but the whisker marks on her face? Those clearly displayed her, once more, as one of his children.

He shuddered slightly as he felt the eight year old on his lap stir and whine slightly, before the little girl blinked her own eyes open to stare at him.

"Daddy!" The girl smiled warmly at him, "You're still sleepy?" She asked with a worried look.

"Ehm…No, I'm fine 'ttebayo, where's Baa-chan?" He found himself asking, only for the mother-faced girl to reply.

"Granny Tsunade has gone out to drink herself beneath the table, I'm afraid." She sounded contrite. "She barely regularized our position, and told us to head off to the Uchiha's compound once done."

"Uh? Why is that?" He asked back perplexed.

"Really father," the stern-faced girl snorted, "we should be going to Kumo, rather than stay here and waste our time. How you managed to nick mother is something I'll never understand, but staying in Konoha—"

"Shut it, you grumbling kitty." The kimono-girl smiled gently as she scathingly retorted to the stern-faced girl. "Father should go and meet with mother, who is certainly awaiting him earnestly."

A loud rumbling noise was heard in the far off distance. Naruto blinked, but said nothing for the moment.

"I think father should decide," the motherly-faced girl commented. "Right, dad?" She added, looking at him with a kind smile. Of course he did sort of believe the girl held a truly angelic visage, one that would—

"Kai." The Kimono girl snapped; her right hand was on his shoulder now.

"Narenai, stop it." The Kumogakure kunoichi snapped. "Weren't you just saying how father should decide?"

The girl, 'Narenai' huffed while crossing her arms around her chest. What sort of name was Narenai to begin with?

"Oh, right! I'm Nagito." The pony-tailed blond remarked. "The little minx on your lap is Naruko, while Yakuza wife there is Nanata."

"All with Na?" He chuckled nervously back. It wasn't as if they were trying to tell him something now, was it? This was a dream, he was sure of it.

"You already met Nasuko, Nakasho and Nanko." The 'Yakuza-wife' Nanata remarked. "We decided that our real names were meaningless, and so we merged your name with that of our mothers."

He gulped down nervously.

"I see…where is Baa-chan again?"

"She's drinking with Nanade and Nazune."

"Nanade…and Nazune?" He paled slightly. Nade…Zune…Tsunade and Shizune? He felt the bile start to rise. Baa-chan was old! She was nearly as old as Jiji! There was just no way! None! Even Shizune was old, as old as hell! There was…

Meanwhile, in a bar nearby…

"My Naruto-insult senses are tingling!" Tsunade roared, standing up bewildered.

"Kaa-san it's nothing!" Nanade remarked, her face completely red as she displayed a flat chest filled with two green watermelons. Her hair, tied in blond pigtails, was as blond as that of her mother. She also had a diamond mark on her forehead, and her honey-brown eyes made her look every bit like Tsunade as possible…except for the whisker marks. She also had a wide cloak colored orange, with the word 'Lucky' on it.

"I can't believe my other self!" Shizune wailed, being a sad drunk. "Naruto-kun is too young!"

"You always said that he was your toy-boy, mom." Nazune pointed out, taking a heavy swig of sake herself. "You nearly brought down the house with all your screaming once."

"Oh Kami I want to die…" Shizune cried again.

"There was that time you actually used Tonton to…"

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" With that screeching shriek, Tsunade's assistant ran out in tears.

"Mom! Wait!" Nazune followed soon afterwards. Her hair was dark and held like her mothers, but her eyes were the striking blue of her father with her face sporting the whisker marks. She was wearing the same orange jacket her 'father' wore, only with longer sleeves.

At the same time, in a familiar BBQ…

"Troublesome." Shikamaru Nara remarked dryly, staring into the same 'troublesome' eyes of a girl that seemed having come out from nowhere. The pineapple shaped blond haired kunoichi had dark eyes, like his, the sort of softer face similar to his mother, and had whisker marks to complete the set. She was also in a loose pajama, one that resembled a deer costume.

"Troublesome." She muttered back, yawning before flipping down on the table and falling asleep. "I'm Namaru." She mumbled, "Take care of me, mommy."

"Shikamaru!?" Ino's wordless and open-mouthed state soon ended, especially when a sort of 'clone' of her stopped hugging her. The girl, with spiky golden hair, and a face that gave her a sort of tomboyish grin, had a knocked out tooth and a soccer ball in her hand. She was wearing loose shorts and a Konoha dark green shirt, but mostly it her name that struck a chord.

"I'm Narino!"

Chouji wasn't faring any better.

Some sort of extremely lithe and frail looking girl, with his same orange hair, was looking at him with a gaze of sheer disgust.

The girl was wearing a sunflower dress, and while she held her nearly skeletal hands crossed over her chest, she huffed in displeasure.

"No matter where I go, always a fat-ass my mother is." She grumbled. "I'm Naruji, whale of a mother.

Back to Naruto…

"So…you decided…to take a trip…to convince me…to marry your respective mothers?" He commented, at the sight of the Yakuza-wife nodding with a bright smile.

"Yes, father dearest."

"Who is Naruko's…"

"You had a twin sister." To those words, Naruto felt the need to belch. Naruko looked at him with a sad gaze however, and he couldn't help but feel a bit…guilty, about having overreacted that much.

"So…you're going to stay around until I choose one?"

"Yes!" Nanata smiled, "Of course since fair is fair we wrote letters to all of your other potential wives to come to Konoha on a visit!"

"I don't even want to know if there's a jutsu for that…but what about, you know the male counterparts? I am not going to bed Sasuke, or Chouji, or another male, I mean, NO!"

Nanata giggled softly.

"Do not worry! We have a Jutsu for that too!"

"Is your answer 'only' jutsu?"

"Well father, you taught us that 'as long as you have a shitload of chakra, everything is possible'." Nagito remarked. "Of course there is a jutsu for that too."

"And what about the dead people!? I mean…Yugito Nii is dead here!"

Nagito merely shrugged.

"They're back and alive now."

"But…But…" Naruto frowned, shaking his head strongly. "Why?"

"Shit and giggles." Narenai nodded sagely.

"Not in front of the kid!" Naruto hissed, clamping both hands to keep the innocent Naruko out of her…big sisters…swear words.

"And I mean, it's tiresome having people fight over who would be the best pairing. So instead, this is about who is the best daughter, 'ttebayo!" Nanata turned crimson at the word 'ttebayo, and slowly got down on her knees and closed her eyes.

"I am deeply ashamed." She unfastened her kimono as she took out a knife from her sleeve. "I will now commit Seppu—"

"No!" Naruko flung herself to stop the girl, who instead merely screeched back.

"I have dishonored my honorable mother 'ttebayo! I have to commit…again I have! Oh woeful me! Once more! I will commit seppuku thrice then, 'ttebayo!"

"You can't kill yourself three times, meat lumps." Nagito mumbled, before coyly smiling and sitting down on Naruto's lap. "Daddy! I missed you so much!" She then proceeded to hug him. "Let's go to Kumo and leave all these Konoha whores behind, all right?"

"Ehi!"

The next moment, Narenai charged at Nagito, and as the two scuffled, Naruto found himself standing up and trying to break off the fight.

Both girls suddenly hit him in the face, sending him to sprawl back on the ground just as Naruko had gotten the seppuku knife away from Nanata. The knife flew in the air spinning, before landing with a solid thunk straight between the legs of Naruto.

Naruto stared without blinking at the scene…

And then he promptly fainted.

Author's notes

Name of 'daughters' revealed. This is mostly silly/crackish/slapstick. There are no 'heavy' undertones of anything. Although some 'daughters' have problems, they do not play a 'major' role. You just wait until 'Nashina' and 'Nanato' make their appearance…ahahahahaha

The names are placed like that because 1) Thinking 'oc' names for everyone is a hassle. This is a 'easy to write' fic to get a laugh every now and then. 2) It makes it easier to track down who is the daughter of who even for the reader.

Of course Naruto-canon is Hetero, thus the reason he is completely against a 'change-sex' jutsu. (and there is a 'jab' at the various jutsu-invented by other authors that can do anything 'but they're only for high chakra users, so they're not really all that powerful') There is also a breaking of the Fourth wall too. The 'they're back alive now' and similar is just because the story is, precisely as said before, light-hearted, easy to write/read and with little to no intention of 'seriousness' intended.

There is going to be NO display of lemons of whatever type.

That's all for the moment.