Sometime In The Vague Past, Season One, At the Docks
"Hey." Said a unnamed fox white fang member that was stationed on guard duty.
"Yeah?" Replied a equally unnamed sloth white fang member also stationed on guard duty.
"Do you ever wonder why we'r-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there."
"Huh?"
"I have not watched the Orange V.S Green television show. I have no intention of watching. You are the fifth person to try to do the 'Do you ever wonder why we are here?' spiel on me, today alone. I won't do it. I refuse to respond with 'It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? ' If you ask me that again, I will ignore you for the rest of this shift and uninvite you to my wedding."
...
"I actually wasn't going to ask you why we are here." The sloth man shot his partner a look.
"Oh, then what were you going to ask me."
"Well dick, I was going to ask you why we were still in the white fang." The sloth man shot his partner another look.
"To bring equality to all faunus kind?"
"Yeah yeah that's our goal, but why are we still here after that monster joined us?" The sloth man took a moment to process that question.
"Well... Cinder isn't too bad. Yeah she kicked our asses three months ago in one of our outposts, but since she joined recruitment been up and we have been gaining a lot of attention lately. She isn't so bad on the eyes either."
"No idiot I'm talking about the other guy. Also she only kicked your ass. My ass was protected by my trusty cone."
"Oh. That guy."
"Yeah. that guy. The slug Faunus with the freaky eyes."
...
...
"Honestly man, I just don't want what happened to Tukson happen to me."
"Yeah. That's fair. I didn't think it was anatomically possible to beat someone to death with their own skull."
"I heard he drank Tukson's blood afterwards, after eating his lunch. How psychotic do you have to be to do that?"
"Hmm. Did you know, he apparently burned down an orphanage yesterday after kicking a nun?"
"What a crazy bastard." The sloth man pulled out a cigarette and searched for a lighter.
"Hey, man. You got a light?" Silence was the fox faunus response due to him being pale as a sheet and petrified.
"Hey, I asked if-" Before finishing his sentence, his fox partner started running off into the distance and tripping while turning a corner.
"The hell gotten into him?"
"I heard you were talking about me behind my back." The sloth man screamed like a little girl, foamed at the mouth, and fainted. Twice. In reverse order. Somehow.
Sometime In The Vague Past, Season One, But With Best Ice Cream Girl Waifu and Dum-Dum And Associates
*squeak, squeak*
Junior was washing some cups in a sink when suddenly, a door slamming open was heard.
A sigh.
'Roman and Neo are back from their mission with him.' Looking up to confirm his suspicious to see, yep, Roman and Neo. Slightly charred, but looking healthy otherwise.
They stomped over to him, not bothering with any greeting, and sat on the stools.
"Strongest stuff you got Hei-Xiong for me and all of your ice cream for her. Don't bother with cups or bowls."
The mob boss complied and placed six bottles of assorted vodka and malt liquor in front of the pair along with eight elephant sized tubs of, ironically, Neapolitan ice cream.
Junior was slightly impressed on how Roman was able to knock back an entire bottle in less than a minute.
"Grimmsley?"
"Grimmsley."
Another sigh.
"What did he do now?" Another bottle gone.
"He blew up the ocean." Junior blinked.
"Like the docks?"
"No the ocean with fish."
"Like that seafood restaurant?"
"No the ocean that surrounds land mass."
"Like the beach?"
"No! Like the goddamn ocean Hei-Xiong! In the middle of the ocean where water is supposed to be is now a crater!" Neo ate all of her ice cream already so she began drinking from the bottle as well at a more moderate pace. A half bottle at a time instead of the whole bottle.
Roman's head hit the table.
"What happened to us Junior? We were the kings of Vale living large and then that woman came along with her pet monster and now explosions happen near every time I go out. I can't smoke a cigar anymore because they all explode! My mom was right. I'm a nothing more than a milksop. I should've completed my law degree."
Pity could be seen on the barkeeps face.
"At least you aren't those two kids." Roman let out a pitiful cry.
"I suppose that's something I got going for me. Did you know Grimmsley made them eat a car?"
"A car?"
"He gave them a fork and made them eat a car."
"Wow." Now all the liquor was gone.
*Ring-Ring* Roman ignored his scroll.
*Ring-Ring* Roman looked at scroll.
*Ring-Ring* Roman saw Cinder Fall's face on his scroll.
Roman cried some anime tears and opened up his scroll.
"Yes Cinder?"
"You want more dust?"
"Is he going on the mission with us?"
"Oh thank Oum."
"Goodbye ma'am."
Roman stood up and face planted magnificently into the ground.
"Is he going to be okay?" Neo gave him a light kick.
"gawhhhh."
"Eh, good enough for me." Quietness filled the bar.
"..."
"Shouldn't you guys get going?"
"..."
"Yeah I wouldn't either."
"..."
"You really should go though. Last time you guys took too long, didn't Grimmsley come to get you guys?"
"..." Neo stood up, grabbed Romans left foot and dragged him up the stairs. Soft thumping could be heard.
Junior sighed again.
"Miltia, Melanie. Can you please get me the mop? The stairs are going to get stained."
'What the hell is happening to this city?'
Sometime In The Vague Past, Season One, But With a Different Perspective in a Different Location
Pathetic sobbing was emanating from a booth in a dive bar that was containing only two occupants.
"Why is everyone talking behind my back?! I just want everyone to be happy!"
"Listen Grimmsley, you're part of the criminal underground. Rumors are bound to spread."
"But I didn't do anything! I just gave Tukson a ticket to Altas! And I was trying to stop the nun from setting the orphanage on fire. AND WHY WAS THE NUN SETTING FIRE TO A ORPHANAGE?!"
"Dude, I told you that nuns were evil. Nearly all nuns in Remnant are demon werewolf ninjas but for some reason Remnant doesn't know about it."
"Why are they demon werewolf ninjas?!" The other person in the booth handed the crying man a box of tissues.
"Did you know I baked a carrot cake for Emerald and Mercury and they would rather eat a car than my cake! I know I'm not the best baker, but I'm not terrible!"
"Just go with the flow, things will work out much better for you."
"But then no one will get a happy ending!"
The other man sighed.
"Alright. I won't stop you from doing what you want to do. But I strongly advise against it. If you really want to give everyone a happy ending, I wish you the best. I need to go pretend to be a crazy Salem cultist." The other man handed Grimmsley a card.
"This is from a bakery in Mistral. If you really want to make them tasty cake, ask them for a job. Swear on my life, they have the best cake in the world."
Grimmsley sniffled.
"Thanks for listening, Tyrian. You're the best friend I could ever have."
"No problem man." Tyrian exhaled and gained a crazed look. "BLOOD FOR THE QUEEN, SKULL FOR HER THRONE! BWAHAAHA!" He then jumped out of a window.
Yep.
