I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in so long. I hope you like this chapter(:

This one is in Bella's POV.

Gone.

I repeated that word to myself over and over and over again. But it didn't click. It didn't make sense. My brain refused to accept the meaning behind that one, horrifying syllable. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. This is Jake we're talking about. My Jake. We couldn't be talking about the same person. I let the phone fall out of my hands and hit the seat of the truck, but I didn't stop driving. Instead, I drove faster, to a new location, with a new purpose.

Gone. Left. Disappeared. Missing. Vanished.

All of those synonyms, with their different connotations, lead to same unacceptable conclusion. He wasn't here. He wasn't with me. And if he wasn't here, he couldn't be my sun. He couldn't hold me in his arms. He couldn't tell me it would all be okay. He couldn't look at me the way he used to, the way that always made me feel special, made me feel like I was almost alive again. He could never smile at me with that smile that lit up the whole world.

That's when it started. That's when it began to sink in. Jacob, my Jacob. He was gone.

I couldn't even bring myself to be sad. There was no room in my heart for sad. I'd suffered enough misery for a lifetime. I couldn't even force myself to feel some kind of anger towards him, my best friend, the on who put the pieces back together just to shatter them again, even worse than they were before. No, I couldn't be mad. How could I blame him? How could I blame anyone for trying to get as far away from me as possible?

He gave me everything he had. He stood by my side and loved me when I didn't even love myself. He waited and waited and waited for the day that I would be able to finally give him something back. But I never did. I told myself that I couldn't fall in love with anyone else, that it wasn't possible. And when he showed me just how possible it was, I told myself it wasn't right, that it wasn't smart, that I couldn't get so attached to someone again. But the truth was, I was already attached. More attached than I ever wanted to be. And I still couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him how every smile he gave me took my breath away. I couldn't tell him how every time he touched me my heart skipped a beat. Or how every time he told me he loved me, my heart yearned to say it back, but my mind wouldn't allow it. How could I be mad at him for getting sick of waiting? How can I blame him for moving on?

If anyone was at fault here, it was me.

I didn't deserve either of them. But being the selfish, thoughtless person I was, I kept what I didn't deserve. It was only right that they should be ripped away from me. It was only right that I should be left to suffer alone.

Though I understood completely that I deserved it, all of it, I couldn't see how I could keep going. This is where the road ends for me. Jake can move on, he will finally fall in love with someone who deserves him, who can love him back the way I never could.

It's better this way. For him. Jacob, my Jacob.

I stepped out of my truck and took the last few steps to the edge of the cliff. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but that was a promise I never expected to be able to keep. The tears flowed freely from my swollen eyes, but they weren't tears of grief or sorrow. They were tears of guilt. But I knew that in just one more step I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore. No one else would have to suffer because of me. They could be all be happy.

In one determined movement, I stepped off of the edge of the cliff, into the raging waters below. And as I fell, almost like a prayer, I whispered "Jacob, my Jacob", and let the wind carry my prayer to the sun.

Thanks for reading(:

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I promise things well get less depressing in the future lol.