It was strange to process his own divorce forms.
Hinata signed them weeks ago, but they only just arrived on his desk.
He shocked her when he asked about a divorce nearly half a year ago. She never expected it. He sat down with her, waiting for her to question him. He wanted her to ask what he's been doing for the last few months, what was wrong, why he wanted a divorce, but she asked nothing. Naruto explained himself to her when she failed to ask him anything. A small part of him hoped she would come to understand him and change their routine.
'Look, it isn't going to work like this. We have to be partners, but it's like I'm leading and you're following along with no input.' No response.
'It seems like you're content looking at me and watching me, why aren't we able to interact more normally? Aren't we married? There's like a wall between us that you won't climb over or tear down.' Nothing.
'Please, speak up. I want to talk to you about this. I'm not trying to hurt you-ttebayo. I'm sorry. Why are you content with this? It's like we're distant friends, not husband and wife.' She cried.
She excused herself. She refused see him or speak to him for weeks. Maybe she had hoped he would come running back to her and apologize and ask to forget about the divorce. When he asked a second time, she gave in and signed the papers. His son was furious, their daughter was heartbroken, but he expected that.
He gave Hinata the house and much of their belongings. He only took what he needed to live to his new place of residence. She wanted to keep his surname, he didn't protest to that. It made things easier for her. He ensured that the kids were taken care of financially, not that he planned to stop interacting with them. He figured they wouldn't want to see him for a while, but he looked forward to spending some time with them after this. The dread he held significantly decreased once he and Hinata separated.
Guilt clung to him when he realized how relieved he was over the divorce. He stared down at the staring at the unprocessed papers on his desk, second guessing himself. Is it really that big of a deal if she wanted to keep things as they were? She wasn't doing anything wrong. It'd be ridiculous to ask for her to change, she's been that way since they met. Couldn't he adapt?
Wasn't he being selfish? Maybe HE needed to do more. Maybe he needed to try and interact with her more. Maybe he needed to try harder… but the loneliness of working by yourself was hard to bear. It tired him out. He tried to make things work, forcing himself to fit in, forcing himself to ignore his doubts and go with the flow, forcing himself to act a certain way even when his heart felt nothing. How long can someone do that before things fall apart?
It already fell apart. Silently. Slowly. Or… maybe it was never together. Their ideas of marriage, of love, of many other things, were too different. He refused to be frustrated playing out her idea of an ideal relationship any longer. Someone out there must be better for her. Someone who held her beliefs and lifestyle. Someone better than him.
Someone knocked on the door to his office. He discreetly covered the unprocessed document under his scrolls.
"Come in."
She came again. In fact, Sakura had come every day since he came to her house a year ago. Her persistence on the issue surprised him. It seemed she was doing more to save his marriage than to fix her own.
"Need something, Sakura-chan?" He smiled. His smiled so easily now. His heart fluttered and his mind was clear as a whistle. How had he forgotten this feeling? "If you're here to talk about that, I've already told you I won't change my mind."
A few times he had caught her off guard with his smile, she hadn't seen it very much either. It didn't trip her up this time. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.
"I can't believe you." How many times had she said that already the past few months? She acted like THEY were getting the divorce.
"Sakura-chan, you know how much I've thought about this." He leaned back in his chair, resting his arms behind his head. "It's better this way. So p-"
"But she loves you!" She came closer to his desk. Nearly every day she came into his office pleading like this. Her mood ranged from from anger to sadness. At times, she hardly allowed him to speak over her shouting. Sometimes she sat quietly and listened to what he had to say. And sometimes she did this, pleaded to him. "What did she do to deserve a divorce? You've been married for… for over ten years!"
His smile turned into a frown and he leaned forward. He didn't want to argue about this with her again.
"I already explained she didn't do anything 'bad'… we don't work, Sakura-chan. And sometimes, you have to try something different."
"You keep insisting on that. Naruto, we aren't children. Sometimes, this is how marriage works. You can't just abandon your wife for such superficial reasons!"
He narrowed his eyes at the papers on his desk.
"I'm not abandoning her. Sakura, my parents weren't like this. YOUR parents aren't even like this. You keep insisting it has to be like this. I don't know why you WANT it to be like thi-"
"Naruto, you already made the commitment!"
She made this argument a lot too.
'You already married her, you can't back out of it.'
'You already have children together, what are the children going to think?'
'What is everyone else going to say about you, divorcing a perfectly capable woman because of a little trouble in a marriage!'
"Sakura, things change." He stood from his chair. His height outmatched hers. In fact, she looked feeble. Tired, stressed, upset. Why should his divorce stress her this much? Or did she always look this exhausted…
"I have my own ideas of how a marriage should be, none it it appeared in this marriage. I ignored my feelings, I ignored my happiness, and I ignored the happiness of others. I thought that what I was doing was the only possible way to make everyone happy, the best way to include everyone in my idea of 'happiness', but I was wrong. And I intend to fix that, no matter how long it takes."
She stared into his eyes, refusing to back down, so different from the Sakura he saw when Sasuke was around. He always wondered why. Why did her 'love' for him cripple her?
"It all starts… with this divorce." Sakura opened her mouth, intending to argue with him again. "But that doesn't mean I'm abandoning her or the kids." He insisted.
"It does, " She rebutted. "You purposely spent months away from your children, for what? To prove a point? And now you're removing yourself all together!"
The double standard appeared again, but she acted oblivious to it. He didn't understand why it seemed to escape Sakura's understanding or why she ignored it. She felt abandoned and alone, yet she never failed to give Sasuke a pass and excuse him for being away for years at a time.
"Why is it reasonable to you that Sasuke can still be married to you, yet ignore you for years at a time?"
She slammed her fist onto his desk. "That has nothing to do with this!"
She always refused to answer that and slammed his desk in protest. She already smashed his two of his previous desks in only a few months time. This one was sturdier, but he swore he heard it crack.
"It's not the same!" She continued.
'It's not the same, Sasuke was different, Sasuke's actions weren't neglect, Sasuke's actions weren't troublesome. Sasuke was 'perfect' for her.'
Whenever Naruto brought up Sakura and their child, Sasuke had a very specific response, the same feelings Naruto shared. Responsibility… Obligation… Commitment… Burden… Constraint… Duty… Sasuke married Sakura not out of love, but for the same reason he married Hinata. Sasuke felt like he owed her, like the had the responsibility to be with her because of her feelings. Responsibility and obligation only went so far; Sasuke still refused to live in Konoha or to travel with Sakura and their child. He took many precautions to avoid her, and his methods worked. Sakura had not seen him for 12 years. No meetings, no notes, nothing. Sakura only knew Sasuke's status because Naruto never appeared on her doorstep to tell her he died or got injured.
He and Sasuke always ended up sharing these similarities. Sasuke was just as much of a shitty dad as he. Admittedly a little worse. Marriage meant so much more, not the situation between himself and Hinata, or between Sakura and Sasuke. Sakura wanted something different and something more, she resigned herself to this, refusing to seek anything more. She probably feared he would leave her. Given the situation, Sasuke had already left, or he never arrived.
Their eyes locked stubbornly. She looked so determined, so willfully blind to her situation. So insistent that the loneliness she faces was right and just. This is why he ignored it for so long… it hurt to see Sakura this way. He felt like it was his fault. He let her push him away for too long. He let her believe this is how things should be, in a way, he encouraged it.
"I don't get it." Naruto sat into his chair. "You must love him SO much that you're willing to forgive all the things he's done to you, and how little he cares about your 'relationship'. Yet for me… just the idea of me doing something similar is unacceptable to you."
"That's because you're an idiot. Stop pouting like a child." She answered, more calmly now. In fact, she looked weary and even more tired than before. He refused to believe she didn't see the clear similarities between their situations. She seemed to ignore her own problems too, she only seemed so determined because she spent years convincing herself that this is all she wanted. Why didn't he notice sooner?
"An idiot, huh." Naruto broke eye contact first this time. He scooted his chair closer to his desk and began to moved scrolls that hid the papers so well.
"What are you doing?" Sakura asked, but he didn't answer.
He grabbed a large stamp and firmly pressed it onto the paper.
"I'm processing my own divorce papers. Weird, right, Sakura-chan?" He smiled, even if the unfortunate occasion didn't call for it. A heavy weight dropped from his shoulders. He would make everyone happy, not what others forced onto him.
He smiled, even as he watched Sakura eyes widen.
He smiled, even as she reached across the table to snatch it away.
He smiled, even as he kept it out of her reach, accidentally making her losing her leverage.
He stopped smiling when she toppled over onto him and sent them both to the floor, chair and all.
He groaned, somehow, he hadn't landed in the chair, but directly on the floor onto his back. Something soft and warm that wasn't his chair landed on top of him. Some kind of deity must have cursed him.
She groaned as well and sat up on top of him. Had she not realized that she was on top of him?
"Sakura…. chan…"
When she opened her eyes, she didn't meet his eyes. She focused on the divorce papers in his hand. She planned to try and grab them again. He moved to summon a clone to safely take the papers away, but she caught his hand and held it firmly to the floor. When it came to brute strength, Sakura outmatched him many times over. He stretched out his other arm as far as possible, just out of her reach. When she started to get up to stretch farther, Naruto trapped her legs with his legs.
He started to realize this was a bad idea. Not only because it was extremely childish of them to be doing this in his office in the middle of the day, but Sakura was roughly rubbing her body against his. All for a sheet of paper. Cursed he was.
"Naruto, let go of me!" She yelled, unamused by their ridiculous predicament. She tried to grab the paper again, but Naruto stretched further.
"Not if you're gonna rip up my paper-ttebayo! I'm don't wanna ask Hinata to sign another one!"
They struggled on the floor, it was becoming unbearable for him. Naruto wondered if the ANBU stationed in his room decided to just abandon him there or if they actively watched him struggle to keep the paper out of her hands. He managed to flip over, pinning Sakura to the ground while keeping the paper out of reach.
"Sakura, stop it!"
"You stop! You're ruining everything!"
"I'm not going to do it anymore Sakura! If divorcing Hinata means I can be myself again, and I can better take care of my family, and I can help you, then so be it!"
At last, she stopped struggling, but refused to look Naruto in the eyes. He slowly released her, still holding the papers protectively in case she tried to trick him. The papers were wrinkled and ripped on the edges, but he's turned in papers in much worse condition.
He sighed and looked at Sakura when she sat up, back facing him. Neither of them said anything for a long while. The silence was awkward, but it was strangely calming to sit there with her, even with her back turned to him.
"Sakura-chan, you and I are a lot alike, even though you hate to admit it."
She said nothing.
"You have a different idea of marriage too."
She stayed silent.
"No matter how hard you try to be like Hinata, or like Sasuke, it hurts you that your marriage isn't anything like you actually imagined… right?"
"Don't act like you know what I think, or what I want Naruto." Her tone was harsh, defensive… and uncertain.
"I know that you want more than this. I know that you want a husband who is here for you, raising your kid together with you, who comes home everyday and treats you like their partner."
When she didn't turn his way, Naruto reached out and gently turned Sakura to face him. Her expression was pained, like she was ashamed.
Before he managed to say anything else, Sakura stood and left his office, leaving him sitting alone on the floor with his divorce papers intact.
He stood and exited the office as well, passing the divorce papers to the nearest secretary. Sakura was long gone.
"Sir… is everything alright?" The secretary asked. Of course, everyone on the outside heard their yelling and struggling.
Naruto grimaced, smiling as he rubbed his head sheepishly.
"Everything's fine… but don't tell anyone about this, alright? Kind of embarrassing-ttebayo."
"Yes sir."
Naruto reentered his office and shut the door. He picked up his chair and sat back in his seat. He was exhausted, but sleeping now wasn't possible. So much work still had to be done. He didn't want to be here, not in the least.
He wanted to catch up with Sakura and speak to her more. He was right, her lack of reaction said it all.
What could be done? Convince Sakura to divorce Sasuke? Impossible. It wasn't his business, just like his business wasn't hers.
But… things couldn't continue on as they did. He wouldn't bring Sasuke back. Sasuke didn't want to come back. He was happiest outside the village and content with meeting with Naruto every few weeks. The village had done terrible things to him and his family. Forcing Sasuke to return for Sakura's sake went against his mission to please all his friends and family.
Sakura wouldn't just leave the village either. She had a child and traveling with an Uchiha was a dangerous game. Additionally, no way Sasuke would travel with her and his child that he barely knew. It would hinder his goals.
The most logical conclusion was… a divorce. Sasuke would be happy as long as he his journey continued without being hindered by marriage and obligation. Yet… that wouldn't make Sakura happy… would it? Would she really be any happier divorced, that wouldn't help anything.
Naruto laid his head down on his cool desk. He pondered how things had ended up so tangled and messy. Although he finally started to fix his family and his life… Sakura remained trapped in her own self inflicted tragedy.
What could he do to help her?
What could he do to convince her?
What could he say to make her admit, "I'm not ok with this."
But what did that mean for him? Why did he want to hear her say those words in the first place? Because… he wanted to fix it. He wanted to-
"Seventh."
A shock went through his body and his head jerked up. He relaxed when he realized it was Shikamaru. Naruto squirmed nervously in his chair, he hadn't expected anyone to come in so soon after Sakura…
"Are you slacking again? This is the third time this week that you've been napping on your desk." Shikamaru twisted a cigarette through his fingers in annoyance. He wasn't allowed to smoke in the building, but that didn't stop him from carrying his next cigarette out in the open.
"I wasn't sleeping… just resting my head." To prove his point, he pulled open the next scroll waiting for his approval. He couldn't focus on the paper, it mattered very little to him at that moment.
"You said this divorce wouldn't distract you, but you've been more distracted than ever."
"That's to be expected right? Besides… I just processed the papers. It's over now. Hardly a distraction anymore."
Shikamaru hummed thoughtfully, Naruto sensed his skepticism stabbing him all over.
"I'd say it wasn't really the divorce or Hinata that distracted you in the first place. Processing the divorce papers means nothing."
"What are you saying?" Naruto glanced up from the scrolls.
Shikamaru sighed and started to leave the office, pausing at the door.
"If you don't resolve things with Sakura, I will order ANBU to block her at the door."
"I… don't think that's a good idea… for their sake." Shikamaru paused again.
"Ah… you may be right."
"Shikamaru, I want to discuss something with you later."
Noticing Naruto's change in tone, Shikamaru turned back to him. Naruto's face had become stern and determined. The sudden change surprised Shikamaru.
"I want to change how I run this office, and how I fit into this role."
Shikamaru blinked. And then blinked again. Naruto's serious face wasn't new by any means, but rarely did so much determination shine through these days. He hadn't seen Naruto this way since…
"We can discuss it now if you wish, Seventh."
"Not right now, I… have something to take care of. Please close the door on your way out."
Shikamaru bowed slightly in respect and closed the door, leaving Naruto alone again in his office.
Naruto sighed and rested his head on the coolness of his desk, hoping somehow the coolness on his forehead would travel and calm down his lower extremities too. Thankfully, no one noticed how 'attentive' he became after his wrestling match with Sakura.
Maybe he hadn't been as prepared to help Sakura as he thought.
