Chapter 2: Diary part 2
SIX MONTHS
I went to the doctor today, Dr. Marta Crawford. She's a good woman, giving me the standard ultrasound and informing me that my baby was brainless. I was almost cheerful at this point, about to wisecrack about it but something just stopped me midsentence. It wasn't appropriate to joke about a baby without a brain and I am glad I stopped myself.
"So what of the baby itself?" Dr. Crawford gently asked.
"One of my nurses already told me about the organ donation program for newborns and infants," I'd already researched the literature. "I want to do that. I want to save some lives and prevent families from grief like mine."
"You have a great heart," Dr. Crawford smiled as she entered the information into her office notes. "labor with this one should be no different than any other labor. You might find it a bit easier.."
We let that hang in the air for a few moments before she asked me about my diet and exercise regimen. I liked to walk around the block or down to the store instead of the hassle of getting out the Accord and to prevent blood clots.
On the plus side of everything I definitely look pregnant now. It was my vanity that I finally looked the part of the expectant mom!
On the other side I had to go shopping for some new clothes. I took the credit card, went to a department store, bought a few tops and pants and that was it. When I worked in the clinic I had scrubs on and those came in the sizes that I needed. At home, all I had to do was walk around in my pajamas and those were plenty big enough. My robe would be able to fit my girth just fine.
My patients today were on the crazy side on account of the full moon. I had a couple come in from wherever and both were going on about how they kept having bad sex. There was nothing wrong with them physically so I gave them a number to a licensed sex therapist and get them out of the clinic.
One guy had an inflamed appendix so I had to call ahead to the emergency room to get them ready, as that sucker was going to pop soon. I asked the ambulance driver to take him over there which he did, wished the poor guy luck, and admitted the next patient.
The next person was a real weird one. She kept hallucinating things, running around and trying to pick up invisible animals she was convinced that the exam room had. I first thought it was the Pokemon app, but she had other physical symptoms. It was clear that she was reacting to an overdose of heroin so I gave her the medicine which would counteract the effects.
We had a drug counselor on call and it was definitely the time to call her. I took the patient down to the counselor's room, gave her the file and left. What a shame it is that heroin is still such a big problem in this country.
Anyway, the next two patients were no problems at all. A guy with kidney stone trouble, easily managed. The next one had a very fussy baby which I diagnosed was colic. I treated that one, educated them on what to do, etc, and soon they were done.
What pissed me off today was hearing about a couple with their two children intent on ignoring conventional medicine for quacks with unproven methods. I may be biased but I did not believe in holistic medicine at all. In my views it was worse than whatever ailed the patient.
With my views aside, the day was uneventful. I did not have to listen to any female in pregnancy denial so I was quite happy about that. The infant rattled me a little bit as it reminded me that the baby I was carrying had no brain and would die very soon after birth.
It just wasn't fair to me or Jim. Millions of women have babies every year with hardly a problem and yet here I am, essentially carrying a baby that was going to die as soon as it was born. Why on earth couldn't Jim and I have a happy family life?
After I had supper here and fed Cassidy (note to self; keep cat food on top shelf in pantry. She will get into it), I sat on the couch to watch some TV before coming up here to write.
Was everyone out to get me today? The first show was that stupid one about teen pregnancy. I mouthed off, telling those idiots to cherish their babies and treat them very well as some people really struggled with what nature chose for them to bear. My mind wished all sorts of evilness on those slutty girls from miscarriages to God only knows.
Actually I know but the majority of what I was thinking had been more of the SAW style murders. Those were too gory so I would not put them here.
What came next was sort of my consolation prize for today, I supposed. I'd put my nightshirt on and was preparing to get to bed when I got whacked by the baby on my left side. There was a clear indentation of the baby's elbow through my skin and when I tickled it, it retreated then thrust back out.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I wished Jim was there. He would have been thrilled to see the movement and probably act like a little kid over it. I don't know if he'd ever had anyone before me who was willing to bear a child, but it didn't matter.
For me I didn't allow it to represent the fact that I was having a baby on a limited lifespan, but the fact that it could move around was a triumph in itself. I chose to focus on the little things and then face the big ones later. There was no point in me focusing on everything at once and driving myself nuts over it.
Damn. The baby's kicking me as I write this. Maybe it's telling me to go to bed.
I will say this: the third trimester as I've just gotten into has made me crazy horny. I get by but I want Jim and his pork missile to do it properly! The first time we had sex I was so damn nervous I almost stopped but Jim gently encouraged me. He knew I had a bad time with it and coaxed me to just be myself.
No wonder Aster Hall is the place in my mind I go to when I want pleasant memories. Jim had once been wounded in some plot-I never asked particulars, so I took him into the medical room and patched him up. He found it amusing that I was a doctor and about 40 miles away from anything found a medical room all fitted out and waiting for me.
Coincidence or not, it was damn convenient. I have fantasized many times about me and Jim fucking in every room of the house, on the kitchen counter, the table, the living room couch, etc. I guess these hormones are to blame!
Just the thought of sex right now is going to drive me mad until I finally go to bed. I have to sleep on my sides now to ensure good circulation which is no problem. I'm a side sleeper anyway.
My other problem is I have turned into a bit of an insomniac. My mind's all over the place, I can't settle down, I only sleep for like four or five hours at a whack. Some women would say the baby kicking all the time wakes them up but fortunately that hasn't happened yet.
I took a picture of the bump today. It's on my phone so I can show Jim when he returns. Believe it or not I really was this big at one point!
SEVEN MONTHS
There isn't much to write about today so I think I'll keep it short. The full moon is out and starting to wane and I swear to God every psycho in this city has lined up outside the clinic door to try to harass me today.
So many car accidents! I have no idea what has triggered this many but it was unbelievable. Many of the routine stitching jobs were diverted away to the clinic so my two colleagues and I had a lot to do today.
Boss moms and emasculated dads getting stitched up or waiting for their daughter or son to get stitched. One of my colleagues was bossed around until he was at his breaking point by one hectoring mom. He calmly told her to get out so he could concentrate on his work. She was insulted but security was called and she was taken out.
I had one bratty kid who would not stop running his mouth. He made snide remarks about everything-even my bump! The little jackass pointed his finger at my belly and said, "Like to spend some time flat on your back with a dick up ya?!" and he laughed.
He earned a slap across the face from me. The parents looked like they were grateful-what's so hard about giving a little slap when your kid gets fresh? My boss didn't mind as he saw the whole thing. I stitched up the little shit and sent him on his way while the mom apologized profusely.
At least I got an apology.
The multicar accident kept all of us working some overtime. It wasn't until 7 that we could close the doors and lock up. I still had to grocery shop before I went home which I did.
Putting everything away just drained me completely. I had no energy left to cook supper so I had a small snack and went to bed. Cassidy went to her bed, which strangely enough is Jim's pillow. She'll be put out when he comes back and sleeps with me again!
Now we shall see if I can sleep through the night tonight. I don't want to get my hopes up, but through some relaxing techniques I learned online I want to give it a try.
