Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series...which makes me sad.


I woke the next morning, with swollen eyes and dried tears staining my cheeks. After moping in bed for too long, I decided that it was time to get dressed for school. I was dreading it, afraid that Sam would still be angry with me. I didn't want to argue at school; I hated it when we would fight. It's such a small school that everything we said would be common knowledge by lunch. He used to be much more laid back, but lately it seemed like he would get angry much more quickly. I usually attributed this to the fact that we were getting our selves so worked up but I am not so sure anymore.

When he wasn't at my house in time to pick me up for school I figured I better start walking. We always rode together even though it wasn't that far, that way if it rained we didn't end up soaked. I figured he was still angry at me and had decided to not come by. My dread for school today was building exponentially. My only hope was that he had calmed down last night and that maybe we could just talk through it.

At school, there was nothing but talk of Sam. The place was buzzing with the news that he hadn't come home last night. I didn't have time to think before I was surrounded. Everyone wanted to ask me what I knew, but I hadn't seen him since yesterday afternoon when he had left after our fight. I became really afraid then, afraid that I had made him mad enough to do something stupid. His mom hadn't sounded that worried last night, but I'm not sure she understood how upset he really was. I needed to talk to her and find out what was going on. I turned and ran out of the school, leaving theories and speculation in my wake. I ran hard, harder than I ever had before. I felt like I was running to save him, but that seemed ridiculous.

Panicking, I wondered if I should call Emily, my cousin and best friend. I didn't have many close girlfriends, with school and track and Sam, I didn't have much time left over for friends. She lived on the Makah reservation, just north of La Push. We had been close since we were little girls, and it was almost like we were sisters except that we fought less than real siblings. It easier for me to talk to her than anyone else, even Sam. She always seemed to understand how I was feeling.

Last week she had called to see how I was doing, since she knew that Sam and I were butting heads about how far we should go. She wasn't dating anyone, her last boyfriend had been really pushy with her about sex and they had broken up. I knew she was afraid that Sam and I would end up in the same boat. She had known Sam for a long time and she knew how much he meant to me. I wasn't exactly an outgoing girl; he had been my only serious boyfriend so far.

It seemed strange to think about how close Sam and I had become, in such a short time. We started out as workout buddies in track. I tended to stick to myself, but one day we were weight training as a team and he offered to be my buddy. We were pretty mean to each other in the beginning, teasing about how weak the other person was, trying to cover up how much we actually like each other. We started running together on the weekends, since we were "buddies". This went on for a while before running in the morning turned into hanging out most of the day, and then always eating lunch together at school.

Emily was actually the first one to ask me if we were dating or not. I had laughed, but she pressed on, "You guys hang out all the time, how can you not have talked about this yet?"

When he asked me to go to the movies with him the following Friday, I asked him, "Is this a date?" raising my eyebrows and crossing my arms.

He had shrugged and smiled, "Maybe. What do you think it is?"

I knew what I wanted it to be, and it sounded like he wanted the same thing. "Well, I guess I can go to the movies with you, but if it's a date, you are definitely paying."

He laughed his loud, husky laugh. "Will do." He put his arm around my waist drawing me closer to him and asked, "What time should I pick you up for our date?"

"Do I get dinner too?" I asked teasingly.

"Sure, what the lady wants, the lady gets. I am at your command." He put his hand up in what I guess was an attempt at the Boy Scout hand signal.

I put my finger to my lips, pretending to really think about my options. "Hmmm. How about you surprise me." There weren't many places to choose from in Port Angeles, so there were only so many options available.

I had been so nervous that night, even though we had been hanging out everyday for weeks. This would be our first real date and I wanted it would be special.

Planning what to wear had been a challenge for me, I wasn't really a clotheshorse and I didn't have much to choose from. I called Emily for advice, and she had offered to come over with some of her clothes so we could put together the perfect outfit.

She was awesome. I ended up wearing a pretty cotton dress of hers, with a sweater over it for the cool night. She had even brought me some of her shoes to choose from. It helped that we were pretty close in size, I was taller than her, but since I was borrowing a dress it didn't matter as much.

"It's shorter on you than me, but it just shows off your hot legs" she teased. "He will be speechless after seeing you in workout sweats and jeans for so long!"

"Does it look too short on me? I don't want him to think that I am…you know, trying to look slutty." I was a little unsure of the outfit at first, but I walked around and practiced sitting in it too make sure I wasn't showing too much. I wasn't used to heels and skirts, "This could be tragic! Maybe I should just wear my tennis shoes."

Emily just laughed and reminded me to cross my legs at the ankle and try not to trip. "You will be fine, and anyways, if you fall he will just have to catch you!"

"Great, but if I sprain my ankle and I can't run, then this season will be wasted."

"Well, he will just have to catch you then!" Emily smiled and clapped her hands together. "You look so cute!"

When he came to the front door that night, Seth let him in without telling me. Sam headed down the hallway to my room and knocked on my door. Thinking it was my mom or Seth telling me he was here, I answered. "What?"

I was sitting on my bed, trying to get the shoes Emily had lent me to buckle, but I was having some trouble. I looked up expecting anyone but Sam.

I jumped up when I saw him, which of course wasn't the best plan. Not having gotten the shoes secured, I started to fall back down. He was across the room in a second, catching me before I could cause myself any serious damage.

He was dressed nicely in a button down shirt and grey trousers, which was a big change from his uniform of basketball shorts and t-shirts. I had trouble looking away from him; he looked like a different person, with his hair pushed back behind his ears.

His silky, black hair was just long enough to reach his jaw. It was so long that during track meets he would wear a headband to keep it out of his eyes. He had taken to borrowing my headbands for meets, "For good luck" he would tell me.

I hadn't put my sweater on yet, and the top to the dress was a little revealing. His eyes raked over me before looking back into my eyes. "Nice dress. Need some help with your shoe?"

I nodded, unable to speak. I would like to say that it was only embarrassment that stained my cheeks and kept me from being able to form a coherent sentence, but that was not the case. He looked really good.

He knelt down on the floor and picked up the offending shoe. Putting it back on my foot, he buckled it. When he stood up he absentmindedly let his hands run up my legs before reaching for my hands. Chills went up my spine, and I laughed nervously.

"Ready?" He asked pulling me up off the bed and into his chest.

"Uh huh" was all I could manage to say, while blushing deeply again. He chuckled and led me out of my room by the hand.

For a first date, it was perfect. We went to a little Italian place in Port Angeles for dinner. It wasn't too fancy, just nice and cozy. I had never been there before, my parents tended to take us to more family oriented places, my dad loved any restaurant that had an all-you-can eat special. The food was really good and all throughout dinner Sam would reach over to tuck my hair behind my ear, or hold my hand. He was like a different person, never once teasing me when dropped my silverware on the floor and then almost fell out of the booth trying to pick it up.

When we were ready to leave for the movie, he came over and held my hand while I stood up from the booth. I was surprised, but he just smiled and held me close as we walked out.

The movie was a comedy, something light so I wouldn't have to cry at sad scenes or blush furiously while watching love scenes. We both liked it, and had a great time. Again, he held my hand, halfway through the movie moving his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, enjoying myself immensely. I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see me blush. I tried not to smile when he put his arm around me but it was impossible.

I couldn't tell if he had seen, but there was a big smile across his face and I didn't think it was the movie putting it there.

After the movie let out, we walked back to his truck slowly, holding hands and talking the whole way. It just felt so natural talking with him, I was a little nervous but I was also very comfortable with him. We talked about where we wanted to go to college and what we wanted to study. He was thinking of getting a degree in criminal justice or law, so that he could help protect people. I told him how I wanted to study biology, maybe someday be a doctor on the reservation.

We were at his truck before we knew it, and he opened my door for me, helping me into my seat. As I got buckled in, he went around to the driver's side. When I looked up, he was smiling at me again and before I could ask what he was smiling about he leaned in and kissed me.

Now, this wasn't my first kiss, but it should have been. At first he slowly worked his lips over mine, but as I responded he became more enthusiastic, opening his mouth and caressing my tongue with his. My arms went around his shoulders and he slid across the seat to be closer to me. His hands held my face so carefully, before he slid them down my arms and lowered them to my waist. I was still buckled in, so my movement was restricted, but he didn't move to unbuckle me.

We stayed like that, kissing, for a few minutes, before he broke off, giving us space to breathe.

"Ready to go?" He started the truck and backed out of the parking spot.

I wanted to say no, I could handle a few more hours of kissing him like that, but instead I just said, "I'm ready if you are."

I didn't realize the possible double meaning of that statement, until he smirked at me. "Really?"

I just nodded, afraid of saying something dumb, so he put the truck into drive and headed for home, with his arm around my shoulders.

That was probably our fanciest date, but he was always thoughtful, taking me to breakfast before school on my birthday, bringing me flowers just for fun. Our families knew each other so that part was easy, we didn't have to worry about them not approving.

He became a fixture at my house, since his mom worked so much, often eating dinner with us several times a week. My mom loved him; he was always offering to help out around the house, like taking out the trash when Seth was too busy playing video games to be bothered. We were together almost all the time, but hadn't gotten sick of each other yet. At least I thought we hadn't. But now I wasn't so sure.

When I got to Sam's house, his mom was there sitting in the living room. One of the elder's, Quil Ateara, was with her. As I walked in, I heard Quil saying to her "He's a teenage boy; he's bound to have some rebellion. Who knows, he's probably just out sowing his wild oats. He could be hanging out with some new friends, maybe he met a girl. With boys his age, there's no telling."

I knew that he was telling her this to calm her down, to remind her that Sam was almost a man and he could take care of himself. But it didn't take the sting out of his words. The thought that he could have gone to some random party and hooked up with some random girl flashed through my head. I mean, I know I didn't go as far as he wanted but the idea that he would look somewhere else, find someone else to replace me so quickly, broke my heart. The sob that escaped me as tears started rolling down my cheeks brought their conversation to a screeching halt.

Quil stood up quickly, looking chagrined and Sam's mom reached her arms out. "Come here honey," she wrapped her arms around me, "don't you worry. He is usually a pretty responsible young man, he will call soon." She sounded so sure, but I had a feeling that could be for my benefit.

"Now, did he say where he was going when he left your house?" Quil had come to stand next to me and put his hand on my shoulder as he asked. "Was everything okay when he left?"

I could barely look at either of them knowing the reason for our argument, not wanting to share it. This was hard enough on me, the guilt, knowing that if I just hadn't been so afraid to…I couldn't talk about that with them, definitely not with Mr. Ateara.

His mom could sense my apprehension; she started moving old Quil towards the door. "Thanks for coming over Quil, why don't you leave Leah and I here to talk. We'll let you know if we hear from him."

I sat down in one of the living room chairs, and let my head fall forward into my hands. I was trying to control the emotions that threatened to rage inside of me, before I would have to explain to his mom what had actually happened last night. I felt so guilty, but I couldn't tell her that I felt guilty for not having sex with her son. She was a very open minded mother, but that would be crossing the line.

"So, Leah, I think you need to fill me in with what went on last night. Did you guys get into a fight?" Sam's mom asked me, sitting down in the chair next to me.

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out to tell her without humiliating myself. "Well, we had an argument about…you know, our relationship. I mean, our physical relationship." God, this was awful.

His mom was an easy to talk to person and we had always gotten along really well. We would sometimes gang up on Sam, which drove him crazy. But he had always said we were his two girls, so he had to forgive us.

She was looking at me very closely, "Leah, have you two…I mean I assumed that as serious as you are, that you had already…" she trailed of uncomfortably.

Great. Even his mom thinks I am a prude. "Linda, I told Sam I wanted to wait until I was married and I am trying to stick with that. He doesn't think it is a big deal to not wait." I didn't want to say the truth, that we had fought because I was afraid he would find someone better the minute I slept with him, that I didn't think I was good enough to hold her son's interest very long. And that I couldn't let myself be that vulnerable with anyone, not even Sam.

She nodded, and inhaled deeply. "Honey, I think that you waiting before having sex is a wonderful idea. It is a big step to take. I am a little surprised at my son though. He should not be pressuring you to do something you aren't comfortable with." Her face was stern. "And then for him to not call or come home, it's disrespectful to both of us."

I jumped to his defense "He wasn't pressuring me, I wanted to…" why did I have to say anything? "What I mean to say is, that we both want to…um, take that step, I am just afraid." Afraid of so many things.

"It doesn't matter if it seemed like you wanted to do that or not, you obviously have discussed your decision with him before and he should respect that." I could tell that she was pretty disappointed in him. "And for him to run off after that, he had to know you would be very upset. It's ridiculous."

"Do you think something might have happened to him" I practically whispered, not really wanting to even say the words out loud but I had been thinking them ever since I had heard.

"He is a strong, smart young man. I will give him until tonight to contact us, if we don't hear from then we will call the authorities. He could just be so embarrassed about his behavior that he is afraid of what we will say to him." She hugged me again.

I didn't know how she could be so sure. I was awash in fear for him, for us. "I guess I will head back to school…" I definitely didn't want to go there.

Linda shook her head, "No, sweetie. You are going to call your parents and tell them that you are spending the day with me. Tell them what is going on and that we are going to sit tight here at the house waiting for him to come home."

I wasn't sure if my parents would come home right away. They looked at Sam as their son-in-law practically. I knew they would be as worried as I was.

"OK, I'll call them now. And I think I will lie down for a while after that. I didn't get much sleep last night." Dialing my parents' cell number was the easiest part of the call. They freaked out, and said they were going to come home this afternoon. Linda ended up talking to them, she convinced them to wait until tomorrow morning at least. If he came home tonight, she figured he would be pretty embarrassed and may not want an audience for his explanation. By the time she was done talking to them, they had agreed to wait. But I am sure they would probably come home tomorrow morning whether or not he had come home. Mom could tell from my voice that I was really upset.

After we said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone, I realized how exhausted I was. I didn't want to lie down in the living room, in case more people stopped by. That really only left one place to go. Grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen, I headed to Sam's room.

His bed was a mess, as was the rest of his room. Not filthy, just cluttered. His track trophies and ribbons were piled on a small shelf in one corner of the room, above an equally messy desk. A rumpled king sized bed took up the other half of his room. His mom had just recently bought that for him, he had actually broken the twin bed he was using before. I remembered the sneaky look in his eye as he chased me around the house one day, ending up in his room on his new bed. He was pretty proud that his height had warranted a king size bed.

Just looking around his room was hard; I was so worried that if he did come home that he would be angry that I was here. That I would be unwelcome, unwanted. Tears started welling up in my eyes as I tried to imagine not being here someday, not being part of his life. I sat on the edge of his bed, crying quietly with the hope that Linda wouldn't hear me. She had to be more worried than she was letting on; I couldn't imagine him doing anything as irresponsible as this. Between my fear for his safety and my fear that I had unwittingly ruined everything between us, I could hardly breathe.

His mom came in a few minutes later, "Here honey, take this medicine. It will help you relax and sleep." Apparently I hadn't been as quiet as I thought. "I already talked with your mom and she said that it should be okay."

I took the pill she offered and drank it down with my bottle of water. "Thank you, Linda. I am so sorry…"

"Don't apologize. I know how much you care about him. Now, you get some rest, I can tell you have a lot on your mind. But don't worry about Sam. He's a good boy, and he would never mean to hurt either of us." She was straightening his bed as she talked. "I know he will have a good explanation for us when he comes home." She walked to the door of his room, but turned back to me before leaving. "I hope he understands how lucky he is to have you, Leah."

As I lay down on the bed, I inhaled deeply trying to control my tears. His scent clung to the sheets and while it made the pain worse, it also helped calm me a little. It seemed like if I could hold on to this little bit of him, that everything would be fine. If I could just hang on, that he would come home safely and we could work through this. I pulled his blankets over me to simulate his warmth, and fell asleep.


I hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you notice any glaring inaccuracies or anything that you really like! I like to hear what people think!