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Meredith's Point of View
To say this week back has been hard would be an understatement. I've been avoiding Derek at all costs; using the stairs instead of the elevators, bringing a packed lunch instead of going to the canteen for food, making sure I am down for the night shift next week and then there's the fact I've been logging as much OR time as physically possible. It's been easy considering, apart from the first day back where I was on Sloan's service; I've been working the clinic and trauma so I've been able to assist on all kinds of surgery, with most of the surgeons...apart from one particular surgeon.
Of course he has tried to corner me on several occasions but thankfully Christina, Alex, George or Izzie have been nearby. Even Lexie has saved me a few times from Derek which has been a great help but it has also highlighted in those moments, how strained things are between the two of us. Things are already hard and awkward at work as I am spending so much time and energy trying to avoid Derek that ultimately I can't put even more time into avoiding her too. I'm convinced she's using this situation to get on my good side. I hate to admit it though, I feel myself softening towards her, despite how irritatingly annoying and nice she is at the same time. Maybe something good can come out of all this avoiding after all.
I know I shouldn't be putting all this time into avoiding Derek. I should accept what has happened and let everything go but I feel free when I'm not around him, despite the fact I miss him. He needs to move on just as much as I do but I know if I ended up even spending five minutes alone with him, my new found strength would cave in. It's like an alcoholic. Eventually they can go out with their friends to bars and restaurants, watching their friends drink alcohol. However, for the first few months of their recovery, the last place they should be is near a bar because the temptation is way too strong. The temptation never goes but at the very least, their strength and will power does. Am I seriously comparing myself to an alcoholic? Am I saying I'm addicted to Derek Shepherd? Get a grip Meredith!
There is one big thing that has been bugging me since I got back...Why did he break up with Rose?
Derek's Point of View
I stand and watch her out of the corner of my eye while a nurse updates me on one of my patients in post-op recovery. This is as good as it is going to get just now. Any time I go near hear, someone jumps out of nowhere to protect her; Christina, Alex, Izzie, George and even Lexie. I have shown up at her house a few times but someone always tells me she's not home. She's changed her cell number so I can't even call her.
This is ridiculous...but then why should I be surprised? She's an avoider. It's what she does.
She looks really tired but then that is no surprise considering she's now working nights. Probably because she has less chance of running into me in the hallway. I thought after everything we went through during the trial, we would at least be able to be friends now. Especially considering Beth survived the surgery and we survived working together. Now, she can't even look at me, never mind talk to me.
Maybe if I just go up to her now and ask her advice on...
"Dr Shepherd?" Tyler questions me, causing me to snap back to reality. "Are we ok to bring Mr Donaldson back to his surgical room?" He asks, giving me a strange look.
"His post-op CT is clear so get Karev to notify the family and clear him for transport to a surgical room."
"Dr Karev is waiting for you in Zola's room sir," he informs me.
"Zola?" I question, thinking back as to whom...
"The baby from the orphanage sir," he whispers, looking worried.
"Right," I nod, feeling embarrassed. How can this day get any worse? Tyler is looking at me as if I've lost my mind. Most people do these days. I've lost all concentration and focus since Meredith removed herself from my services. Her complete avoidance of the issue isn't helping either. I need to get my head back in the game and forget about Meredith Grey.
"Do you want me to get Nelson to take the consult sir?" he asks hesitantly. He's probably unsure whether I am going to bite his head off or burst into tears at the very thoughts of Nelson taking my patient.
"No, no," I shake my head, giving him a smile. "It's fine." I insist, patting him on the back. "Thanks for your help," I smile, walking away, using all my strength not to look back at Meredith.
No matter how much I want her, it is time to move on.
Derek's Point of View
Karev meets me outside Zola's room, giving me an update on her status. As we walk into the room together, I feel that overwhelming sense of sadness that I always do when about to consult on a baby or young child.
"McKenna?" I question the home carer as Zola lets out a cry in her arms. "Hi," I nod. "I'm Dr Shepherd. Of course you know, Dr Karev," I smile, pointing towards Alex. However, I don't take my eyes off of Zola. "We're here to take a look at Zola today," I state as she passes me a crying Zola. What a cutie. She's adorable. "Sometimes babies with Spinabifida can develop Euro Malformation," I begin to explain, turning Zola onto her tummy, in my arms.
"It causes fluid build-up, in the brain," Alex continues for me. "It can be pretty uncomfortable but sometimes if you adjust the baby's head position," he says as I turn Zola in my arms so I can see her adorable face.
"It helps relieve the pressure," I say giving Zola a baby smile as she makes a cooing sound, placing her hand on my chin and giving me a lovingly, curious look.
She could be our child Meredith.
Where did that thought come from?
I reluctantly tear my eyes away from Zola to look at her carer, trying to reassure her. "Let me see this face," I coo, giving her a big smile. "Let me see this face," I repeat again in a baby voice.
"She's been at the orphanage since she was two months old," the carer begins to explain while I pull out my flashlight and Zola waves her hands and legs, staring at something up at the ceiling, "this is the first time she has stopped crying since I can remember," she continues as I flash my pen light in her little eyes, pleased with her pupil response.
"Let's just run an MRI and check to see if she has Euro Malformation Hydrocephalus," I request. "If it's possible, we're going to have to fit a shunt to drain the fluid. We'll have to postpone the spinal surgery but I think it is going to be worth it," I explain with a smile as Zola takes my pen light from my hand to have a taste.
"I think she likes you," Dr Karev smiles at me.
"She can keep it. I have plenty of them," I laugh as I pass Zola to her carer.
Time to save a baby's life...
Richard's Point of View
"Zola's surgery went well Derek," I smile at him, patting him on the back, as we walk into my office. "You should be proud of yourself."
"Thanks Chief," he nods, looking slightly unsure. Half the time I am with Derek now, he is lost in thought. "I need to ask you something."
"Shoot," I whisper, dumping my paper work on my desk.
"What surgical residents are working tonight?" He asks, sounding determined, causing me to look up at him as I sit at my desk.
"Derek," I groan. "We've..."
"We've been over this," he mimics me but before he continues, he takes a look at my stern face and stops himself. "I know," he eventually sighs. "But like you've been saying all along, these orphaned children are giving the hospital great publicity therefore we need to make sure that they get the best care at all times," he begins, taking the seat across from me. "Now you and I both know that when it comes to the end of Meredith's residency, we're going to be fighting over her and which specialty she should choose. She shows incredible talent in both of our specialties. However, right now, I don't want to leave Zola with just anyone and Meredith is the best resident working tonight therefore she should be the one on Zola's case."
"I take it you'll be staying here tonight," I smirk. "Just in case," I add knowingly.
"This isn't about me and Meredith, Richard," He whispers sadly. "This is about my patient and what is best for my patient," he slowly emphasis'. "Besides, I hardly suspected you were the kind of Chief who allowed a junior resident to tell him what she is and isn't allowed to do in your hospital," He states bluntly.
Ouch! That hurt...but he's right. Why am I allowing this?
"Dr Grey will be on your service as of tonight," I concede as Derek smiles. "But no funny business," I warn him.
"Thank you Richard," he nods before getting up and leaving my office.
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