This a fan fic of a fan fic Naruto. The Fanfic is Dreaming of Sunshine and its an OC self-insert of the author one Shikako twin of Shikamaru. This story is if I was the one reincarnated as Shikako instead of the original narrator. I'm the less smart person, with bad social skills, bad planing skills and horrible memory. I'll also be a little more crazy and off-hinged than the actual Shikako. And I'm still not sure if I want to be Orochimaro the Second coming.
Chapter 1
I was floating in the abyss. Somewhere dark and cold or was it warm? Out of the nothingness there came a noise or should I say a melody. Above me there was a comforting and slow thrum that I could get lost in. Beside me there was a quick beat that matched my own. It took me awhile to realize that they were heartbeats and that the one above me was my mother but when did I have a twin? Did I reabsorb them in the womb? Is this how my life flashes before my eyes? From the very beginning perhaps.
I remember dieing really randomly; there wasn't even any warning on the news about serial killers or anything. It would be torture if I had to make the same exact mistakes again without being able to change anything. Eventually though it dragged out and it just seemed so safe so long, so real. Than I started to think about the possibility that I was reincarnated; maybe God thought that I was too pessimistic for Heaven.
Even if I didn't have any friends then and I didn't really have any motivation or any kind of future; I had a life full of regret. I wanted to fix my relationship with my mom and the people I still held dear even if I didn't talk to them anymore. I sort of wanted to be able to go back in time and redo my life not start a new one. I grieved for myself, for the friends and family that I did have and hoped that I didn't reincarnate too late in my own time line. It would be kind of sad if I searched for them and found them all dead.
I'm worried about my mom the most though since; I was practically her whole life. She worked to support me and she never remarried because she wanted to be a good role model for me. The past 18 years of her life had me in it; and I always wondered what would happen if I ever moved out.
I really tried to motivate myself for my new life but I couldn't really do it. Instead I started wondering about my new sibling; what kind of person they would be. Whether or not if I could be a reliable older sister or a strong younger one. In my old life I had always wanted a sibling ever since I found out that I did indeed have one when I was five but that he was dead. Even in my last days I would wonder how my life would be like if he was alive. With that older brother alive would I have been more motivated to compete in life? Would my mother have been more happy?
I came to love this new and unknown sibling; wanting to become someone important in their life. It wasn't surprising since I was someone who was quick to become attached to people even in my old life. I also wanted to protect them from and give them every thing. This wasn't the first time that I wanted to have a younger sibling, but who was I kidding I had younger cousins that I practically saw every day and I didn't treat them the best that I could.
Always reading when I could play with them. But maybe I just didn't want another younger cousin who looked up to me and then be disappointed; when they realize that I'm not as smart as they thought. I'm incompetent about the world around and even at the end I didn't try to enlighten myself. Or maybe I'm just making excuses even now.
Suddenly I wanted to make them hate me, make them not even bother with getting to know me. If they loved me and found out my deficiencies than how will I feel than?
One day in the middle of my thoughts there was a sudden shift in the womb; it wasn't obvious at first but then I noticed that something had changed. There was a certain pressure, and my world suddenly got tighter. I tried to reach out to my twin, but could do nothing but listen to old familiar sound of the twins heartbeat.
Then I was suddenly struck with anxiety. I didn't want to leave the relative safety that I had found. I tried to do something to stop it; to stay in there for one more day. I tried to do something, anything. I tried to look for my other half but since the nine months of being together I never actually felt the other one brush against me, so we were probably fraternal twins. But I reached anyway; grasping for any kind of comfort.
But my wiggling around probably did do something since I was suddenly the one closer to gravity. I guess that was all for nothing since now I'm suddenly going to be the first one born.
Something was wrong though, instead of feeling safe. It felt constricting. I was pretty sure that I hadn't reached the birth canal yet and an uninviting darkness started to enveloped me. It was terrifying; I was never so afraid of the dark.
I blinked and everything was so blurry. Babies really do have bad eye sight huh? So boring.
My first breath in this new life burned yet it felt humid at the same time. It felt like I was drowning in lava. The only thing in my life before that I could compare it to was when I was little and in a pool; and off my noodle I fell and promptly sank to the bottom. I felt detached and mutely alarmed as my first breath seemed to make my sight become bright and shimmery like it was the sun through the chlorine of a pool. As I drew in oxygen the mirage seemed to disappear and become blurry again.
I feel so sleepy, my eyes drooped and didn't brother crying. But humongous hands kept on poking and prodding me; and clearing my nose. I guess they were checking to see if I was okay. Then something happened. Green light seemed to come from those hands and I dimly thought whoa magic! So cliché. Am I in some crappy and unbelievable world with monsters and adventurers? Where mutated animals decimate whole villages if they aren't protected? Life just a whole lot harder and crappier in my mind.
Breathing in this new life was crap, I kept on wondering if I had asthma or something. But that wasn't all there was; not only could I feel this weird disturbance in the air as I breathed in but also under my skin. Like I had literal bugs crawling under it and in my organs and that I could feel deep in my bones. It felt like winter time cold seeping into your bones but it was more lukewarm. More alive somehow.
But feeling it actually moving around in my body felt unnerving and disgusting. It just felt unnatural. It made me want to cry all the time and when I wasn't crying I shivered. Bringing the saying that my skin crawled to a whole new level. That probably only added to the affect that something was wrong and that I sick.
I wanted to tell my new parents to help me. To yell at them. To communicate with someone. To be rid of this feeling; to heal me with their magic. How can they not notice that one of their kids was in pain especially with how much I was crying, practically screaming myself exhausted everyday.
I think it was more of my screaming than the actual skin crawling that was starting to affect not only my physical health but my new parents' mental health too. So when I was around a week old they brought me to the hospital to be examined. Since they both went to the appointment they also brought my other sibling along and somehow it felt alright. My sibling gave me this feeling of familiar safety. Of nine months in the womb; safe and secure and not alone.
It wasn't like I could actually see him with my weak baby eyes but I could sense him. Somehow I knew that he was a boy the same way I could tell when it was my new mother or father even before they entered the door way to my room. Strange how I didn't notice this fact until I reunited with my brother. I guess they separated me from him since they didn't want me to wake him? Or something.
By the time we were at the hospital though, I had finally stopped crying. The doctors were saying a bunch of things but I couldn't understand anything of course. Something about it kept on niggling me in the back of my head. Then I heard the words Chakra and Nara. Everything else was a indecipherable but those words stood out. They weren't even in the same sentence. Then my mind went from that to the fact that the two people who were now my new parents saying the words Shikaku and Yoshino around each other a bunch of times clicked. They were names and, and … I remember what they called me, Shikako. I didn't suddenly learn the language or anything like that but I finally realize how exactly familiar their words were. Although I'm American I watched a lot of anime and although I never learned the language from that since that would have been unrealistic. I recognize a few commonly used phrases on animes in the life around me.
But OH Shit! Not only am I in Naruto-Universe, I'm in the DOC-Universe. I know its not a paradox since I remember from one chapter that she had younger siblings that she had actually met and taken care of. So I'm not the narrator of the original DOC-UNIVERSE.
How will I ever meet up to her intelligence and actions and Social Skills? How can I teach Naruto to be strategic and convince Sasuke to stay? How will I stay alive? In my past life I had horrible hand-eye coordination. I'll probably poke myself in the eye with my own kunai the first time I use one. I have horrible memories and bad planning skills. How will I think smartly? Is that even a word? I'm freaking out and I'm screaming my lungs out again since someone took Shikamaru out of the room.
This had made me rethink the reincarnation thing. Am I actually dreaming this whole world up? When I think this over and consider how realistic my dreams. How when I was younger I sculpted my ability to realize when I was dreaming and even change the direction I wanted it to go. How eventually my dreams adapted to that and started to become complex. Now I dream not in short dream-like clips but in movies and epics. My dreams even foreshadow and drop hints that lead to revelations at the end. Not only that but I even dream of being different people and in different worlds. So far as giving myself whole backgrounds and and even a set of memories. One time I woke up from being half asleep and still half thinking this guy's internal monologue.
I could believe it if this was all a dream. A coma induced, self-prolonged dream to occupy my semi-brain dead mind from going off the deep end.
Later I even learned that just by being here, I had already changed the DOC-UNIVERSE. Shikamaru was supposed to be born first; he's still technically older since he was the first out of the womb but there's some people of the clan that believe that I should be the clan heir since I was halfway through the birth canal already. I caused my own near death already by twisting myself in my own umbilical cord which had required an emergency medical jutsu C-section.
I guess you could say that I'm lucky in a way since I wasn't reincarnated as Shikamaru. There would have been so much worse. I can't even imagine how I could have stood up to those expectations never mind having the male parts.
Three weeks after I was born or at least I thought it was, going by the light cycles through the windows.
The days went by that I even forgot this event. There was a flavor in the chakra in the air that felt different. Like it could unravel my skin, muscles, and splinter blood vessels into nothing. Was this the killing intent? The blood thirst that I only knew of as fiction in my past life?
It felt like mind numbing rage and pure, unadulterated HATRED but somehow...
Somehow it also felt really lonely and sad. The kind of sadness and loneliness and self isolation that screams of regrets and tends to border insanity. I felt something that I haven't felt in years; the need to reach out to someone because they seemed so lonely and that loneliness resonates with my own heart and not just because I need someone to be my friend. I wanted to help. I wanted to reach out to this person's pain and take it away.
I instinctively knew that this must be the Kyuubi's chakra and killing intent. Yes it scared the hell out of me but it also made me feel sad. It brought up memories of self-loathing and even earlier memories of trusting people unconditionally. It reminded me that I was very much like Naruto when I was little; believing the best in people and quickly making friends with everyone but unlike Naruto my social graces although lacking like his never did rub people the right way like his did.
I'm also not sure if I want to be bene/malevolent character. But I will be seen as at least a little crazy by the other characters.
