The Tenacity of Her Heart

Chapter 2


The next day was the first warm day of spring after the long winter, and like the rest of the citizens of Konoha, the weather had put Hatake Kakashi into a pleasant mood.

Kakashi strolled leisurely through the sunny, crowded streets, enjoying the slight breeze and with an orange-jacketed book open in front of him. He was headed towards a small cafe to meet the other reason for his pleasant mood, Haruno Sakura, for lunch. Today, however, Kakashi merely held the book in front of him without registering a single word on the page, instead musing over the current state of his relationship with Sakura.

Or rather, lack of relationship.

Kakashi and Sakura had grown quite close over the last several months. Kakashi knew it had started over the summer, but couldn't pinpoint exactly when she had become the object of his affections. Sakura was now twenty years old, and had been promoted to Jonin last year. He enjoyed taking missions with her when he got the chance, as she was formidable on the battlefield and he was spoiled by having her as his own personal medic. At home it was rare that more than a day would go by without meeting her for either coffee in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, or dinner and drinks in the evening. To the casual observer, they appeared to have the kind of closeness reserved only for lovers.

They shared secret smiles when they met in the mornings for coffee, although they had come from different places. At lunch he often held her hand as it rested on the table between them. Perhaps his favorite moments were when she placed a hand on his knee at the bar, her head dropped back in a fit of laughter at whatever joke had slipped from his mouth. He thought she looked beautiful like that, with her long pink hair falling down her back and her eyes shining with mirth.

However, they had yet to cross that line fully from friendship to a true romantic relationship. They'd never kissed, only paid for their own meals, and they had never discussed their growing affection.

Kakashi knew she must share his feelings. She flirted with him as much as he flirted with her. He knew that she was not new to this kind of relationship; she had had a couple of boyfriends over the years, and he was even fairly certain that she had some sexual experience as well. She would not be oblivious to what was happening between them.

In addition to his flirting, Kakashi was becoming increasingly more obvious in his appreciation of Sakura's physical assets as well. She had filled out nicely in the last few years, and although he made sure never to be caught openly staring by Naruto or Sasuke, Sakura herself had caught him several times. He immensely enjoyed the blush that spread over her cheeks, and the shy smile she tried in vain to hide by biting her bottom lip. He always grinned at her when this happened, because he knew that she would not hesitate to loudly and publicly tell him off if she minded his looking. She never had any problems giving a thorough dressing down to Naruto or Genma or anyone else she caught staring. Her lack of protest when Kakashi looked spoke volumes, in his opinion.

Once, and only once, he had even caught her checking out his own ass. She had flushed even more than usual, until the pink tinge had spread down her neck in a beautiful gradient of color before dissolving into the creamy skin of her collarbone. In response he gave her a quick once-over and a wink (an action that was only effective when his both of his eyes were uncovered, as was the case that day), accompanied by the same wide grin that he reserved just for her. He hadn't thought it was possible, but she had turned an even deeper shade of pink.

All of these things encouraged Kakashi. He was becoming restless with their game, and wanted to progress things with her before they became an awkward elephant in the room. As he neared the cafe, he thought perhaps it was time to clear the air, and ask her out to dinner. On a real date. For which he would pay, and at the end of which, if he was lucky, he would finally be able to kiss her and show her just how much he admired her beauty.

As he neared the table at which Sakura was seated, she gave him a tight smile. Her eyes were guarded. Something was making her nervous, and Kakashi frowned.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he sat down. He took her hand in what he meant to be a comforting gesture, but she pulled away. She avoided his gaze. His frown deepened, but before he could press her the waitress bustled up to their table.

"What can I get for you?" The waitress smiled and looked expectantly at Sakura.

"Jasmine tea. Thank you."

So much for lunch. His stomach dropped and his appetite disappeared as he had a feeling where this conversation was going to go. Perhaps he had been wrong after all.

"The same for me. Thanks," he spoke quickly as the waitress glanced his way. She made a note on her pad of paper and moved on to the next table.

A minute of silence passed as Kakashi waited for Sakura to speak. Finally she seemed unable to avoid his penetrating stare, and her green eyes met his one black one and she finally spoke.

"Sasuke came to see me last night."

Well that wasn't what he had expected.

Sasuke's progress in rehabilitation with Tsunade did little to ease Kakashi's dislike at the thought of Sakura being alone with him. Not that she couldn't take care of herself. Kakashi just didn't quite trust Sasuke yet. There was something about Sasuke that seemed...unstable. He was still very reclusive and rarely spoke to anyone, even during training. Kakashi couldn't quite put his finger on it, but the boy made him uneasy. He frowned again.

"What did he want?" Kakashi asked warily.

"He came to apologize."

Well that was a big step for Sasuke, even Kakashi would admit to that.

"But that's not all," she continued slowly, clearly afraid of Kakashi's reaction, "He...came to tell me that he loves me."

Kakashi only sat there in stunned silence. This was really not what he had expected. This was practically the last thing he expected.

Faced with his silence, Sakura continued.

"I...want to give him a chance. I've wanted this since I was a girl. I never thought it would happen and I thought I had moved on...but I guess I was wrong."

Kakashi couldn't look at her anymore. Thankfully, the waitress returned then with their tea, and he had a momentary distraction in which he didn't have to respond to what she just said.

Something in his chest clenched. Why did it feel like she was breaking up with him, when they weren't even really together?

After the waitress left they both returned to silence.

"Kakashi..." she implored, "Please say something."

His eyes flashed, but his voice remained calm.

"Is this really what you want? Is he who you really want?"

She looked away again, and Kakashi knew she understood his meaning. Did she really want Sasuke? Or did she want Kakashi? This was the closest they had ever come to verbally acknowledging the attraction that had grown between them, and Kakashi refused to go down so easily. Especially to Sasuke of all people.

"Yes," was the simple answer to both of his questions. Apparently he was not going to get any further explanation; her walls were already up.

"He's no good for you."

This time it was her eyes that flashed, and her anxiousness melted away to a quiet anger.

"That's not for you to decide."

"Sakura. Be rational. He comes to apologize for all the shit he put you through, and profess his love in the same breath? And you just accept his words without question? I don't trust him."

"Then it's a good thing this isn't about you."

"Sakura..." His voice fell. Why was he so upset? His feelings for her were apparently even deeper than he realized himself.

Her anger was dissipating at the hurt in his voice, and he saw her face change to one of regret.

"I just thought I should tell you..."

As her sentence trailed off, Kakashi filled in the remaining half. I thought I should tell you, because now I'm spoken for. We cannot continue this flirtation. We cannot continue to behave this way.

Kakashi nodded his understanding, but couldn't meet her eyes. With that, Sakura pulled some coins from her purse, placed them on the table, and turned to leave.

"I would be better to you than he could ever be."

His words caused her to stop, and he heard her gasp, but she did not turn around. After a moment she spoke, and her voice was heavy with emotion.

"I got tired of playing games, Kakashi. Please let me have this."

With that she walked away, and Kakashi stared at her until he could no longer see her slender form retreating down the street. How had such a promising day turned so sour so quickly?


To Sakura's credit, she tried to keep some semblance of their normal routine. She asked him to lunch or to coffee, but not as frequently, and never for dinner or drinks. In turn, he accepted her invitations when they came, but he extended none of his own.

They were awkward. They didn't know how to behave around each other anymore, and their conversations were stilted and meaningless. Over time, he was lucky if he saw her more than every couple of weeks, outside of training. They didn't take any more missions together, and Kakashi consciously refrained from admiring her figure. He wanted to keep his unspoken promise; he would step aside and allow her space. He would not interfere in her relationship with Sasuke, as much as it twisted the knife in his chest to do so.

Then one morning, about three months after their most honest conversation ever had ended whatever was budding between them, Sakura and Sasuke arrived at training together, having walked from the direction of her apartment. Sakura was practically glowing with happiness, and it was clear by the rumpled clothing and the blush on Sakura's cheeks that the couple had consummated their relationship the night before.

She was so radiantly beautiful that morning, and so blissfully happy. Kakashi could not begrudge her that happiness. He supposed he should be satisfied that she hadn't jumped into bed with Sasuke immediately, but that was little consolation. He turned down her next invitation for lunch, and she did not ask again.

For another month Kakashi watched them arrive to training together more often than not, and it was becoming too much for him to bear. How could he have not realized his feelings for Sakura had run so deep? He missed her. It had taken him weeks to identify that hole in his chest, that empty feeling whenever he thought of her.

He, the stoic Hatake Kakashi, was heartbroken.

He had to get away from Konoha for a while. Clear his head. So he took an extended mission to Water Country.

The mission was A-rank: act as the personal bodyguard to one of the Fire Country Daimyo during his travels and business dealings in a foreign land. It was simple enough in theory but ranked for the duration and the danger presented by the location. He figured he could handle this in his sleep.

But as these things tend to do, especially when being sent to Water, what was projected to be an eight-week mission had turned into twelve before he made it back to Konoha.

He was relatively unscathed, all things considered. He paused when he walked back through the gates in mid afternoon. Normally he would go straight to Sakura's and sprawl on her couch until she felt sorry enough for him to heal his minor injuries without making him go to the hospital. Once she made him beg for a full day before administering her healing touch, but only because all he had suffered was a few bruises and he was milking his "injuries" for all they were worth. On the other end of the spectrum, the time he had shown up in the dead of night with a concussion and a kunai still lodged in his thigh, she had met him in the street. She had waited up for him for hours to come home, he realized later.

But now, going to Sakura and asking her to fix his cracked ribs was out of the question. Kakashi realized with a jolt that his time away had done nothing to ease the ache in his chest, and it wasn't just his injuries. This acute and intangible pain hadn't been so apparent until he had come home and felt just as lost as he had in the jungle.

Maybe he could convince Tsunade to heal his ribs if he impressed her by reporting in right away like he was supposed to, instead of wandering around the village for a few hours first like he normally did. Yeah, that was his next best shot if he wanted to avoid the damn hospital.

Kakashi was in luck, it seemed, because when he walked into Tsunade's office and stopped in front of her desk, she appeared to be in a better mood than usual.

"Ah Kakashi, you're on time for once." She gave him a wry smile as she finished shuffling some papers.

Kakashi shrugged.

"I have no where else to be."

Tsunade looked at him again, sighed and walked around her desk to begin healing his obviously injured torso. She was clearly showing a rare moment of pity for him.

Ah, relief at last.

"Feel better?" She asked when finished.

"Much, thank you. I quite enjoy being able to breathe without pain."

"Kakashi."

She gave him one of those all-knowing looks. Had she been wearing glasses he knew that she would be peering down at him over the rim of the frames. She wanted the answer to her real question. Did he feel better after his attempted escape from his heartache?

He swallowed and looked away from her.

"Not really."

"I don't like it either, you know. She was happier when she was with you."

He looked up at her suddenly. He was surprised to hear the words come from her mouth. It wasn't because he was surprised that she knew about the nature of his previous relationship with Sakura, but because they had never even voiced it to each other. It felt strange to hear it from someone else.

Tsunade was practically a second mother to Sakura, and the Hokage, too. She had eyes and ears all over this village, and it's not as if they had ever cared about how they appeared in public. Of course Tsunade knew about it. But to hear her actually condone their personal relationship was something else entirely.

"I never thought I'd hear of you actually approving of a relationship between Sakura and myself," Kakashi sullenly admitted, "Not that there was much of one."

"But there was. It was there, Kakashi. I was skeptical at first, but I saw how you acted around each other. I saw how she floated around my office and the hospital as if she had just won the lottery, every day. Trust me, if I had caught wind of you taking advantage of her, I would have had you down in an interrogation room faster than you can say 'Hokage-sama.' But from what I hear you were a perfect gentleman. What you had was good, Kakashi."

He felt like a teenager again, discussing his girlfriend with her mother, and in a sense, he supposed that's exactly what this was. Err, ex-girlfriend might be more accurate. He was surly, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking at everything but Tsunade's face as much as possible. This wasn't why he had come here.

Kakashi rubbed his forehead tiredly and huffed a sigh before addressing Tsunade directly once more.

"I appreciate your sentiment, but it won't do me much good now. Please just let me debrief from my mission so that I can go home."

Tsunade frowned.

"One more thing first. Will you...check in on her? She hasn't seemed to be herself lately. I'm worried about her. Maybe seeing you again will bring her back a little."

Now it was Kakashi's turn to frown.

"She won't tell you what's going on?"

"No," Tsunade continued, "She won't tell me a damn thing. Her attendance at the hospital has been perfect, she's even been taking extra shifts. Her work is as exemplary as it has always been. But her eyes seem hollow. Her smile seems forced, and doesn't reach her eyes. She doesn't go out with her friends anymore. She's a different person from when you left a few months ago."

There was that painful clench in his chest again. Kakashi hadn't set eyes on Sakura in months, and yet he could picture her harboring some unknown burden. He wanted desperately to help her.

"Yes. I'll stop by her apartment tomorrow."

"Thank you. Now, tell me how the Daimyo's business trip went."

Kakashi huffed again.

"Business trip, my ass. It was more like a vacation. The man had one meeting a week lined up and spent the rest of his days lounging around or gambling. I was late getting home because he insisted on staying an extra few days at each location. There were no attempts on his life and nothing even remotely interesting happened."

"And so how do you explain the cracked ribs?"

"Small ambush on the trip home from the Daimyo's palace. Just a band of small-time thieves that got in some lucky shots, but they didn't even give me a decent workout. I blame twelve weeks standing around doing nothing all day for the reason they were able to hit me at all," Kakashi scoffed.

Tsunade seemed satisfied with this response.

"Good." She gave him a curt nod. "You can head down to payroll and collect your check whenever you feel like it, and I want your detailed mission report on my desk in two weeks. Dismissed."


Tsunade's words about Sakura troubled Kakashi. He desperately wanted to see her, to lay eyes on her and see that she was okay. But he headed home first for a much needed shower and an even greater need: a night of sleep in his own bed.

The next morning he cursed when he realized he had slept later than he had intended to. He dressed and dutifully made his way to the Cenotaph to fulfill his morning ritual, but found himself distracted. He wouldn't feel right until he had seen Sakura. Noticing that it was nearing lunchtime, he hoped Sakura was home today and not at work, so that he wouldn't have to find her at the hospital.

Lucky for Kakashi, she was home. But unluckily, so was Sasuke. He sensed both of their chakra before knocking swiftly on the door.

No one answered, so he knocked again and called out for her.

"Sakura! I know you're there..."

After some heated whispering between Sasuke and Sakura which Kakashi could hear but not quite make out, the lock turned and Sakura opened the door just enough that he could see the length of her body.

She was thin—too thin. She wore a rumpled set of standard issue Jonin pants and shirt, clearly Sasuke's, and smelled of sex and him. Kakashi was torn between feeling nauseous and wanting to pull her into his arms and hold her.

She looked helpless. Her hair was stringy and her eyes were just as Tsunade described them: lifeless and dull. They looked at him without any feeling behind them. Her once bright cheeks were pale and her lips were dry.

"What do you want?" She asked quietly, but not unkindly.

"Sakura," he breathed, "What happened to you?"

His heartache increased twofold. What had happened to his sweet cherry blossom, his Sakura? The girl who stood before him now was merely a shell of that person, lifeless and unfeeling.

Something faintly registered behind her eyes at his question. He thought he saw anger, and perhaps a touch of fear.

"I'm fine—" she started before she was cut off by Sasuke's growling voice from the depths of the apartment.

"Tell him to go away, Sakura."

She flinched away from the sound and looked back at Kakashi.

"I'm fine," she started again, doing her best to sound cold and unfeeling. "You should go home."

Her eyes betrayed her; he saw another small spark behind them. This time it looked like regret and pain. Her poker face had never been very good.

"Sakura, please. You don't look well. You don't look like yourself."

"I said I'm fine, now go!" she hissed.

He hesitated a moment before he agreed. It wouldn't do any good to push her in this state.

"I'll go," he nodded. "Please take care of yourself."

She nodded once, and shut the door. He heard the lock slide into place once more.

Against his better judgment he trudged away from Sakura's apartment, feeling all the more miserable. Something wasn't right with Sakura, and he had a strong feeling Sasuke was the cause. But Tsunade hadn't been very specific; surely if Sasuke was the true source of Sakura's depression Tsunade would know and take action? Maybe she didn't know for sure. Maybe it was something else entirely? What if Kakashi's anger towards Sasuke was misplaced, and the bastard was actually helping Sakura through whatever trials had befallen her?

No. Kakashi knew in his gut that wasn't the case. Sasuke was the root of Sakura's problems, not the solution. His voice had been cold and hard, and Sakura had visibly flinched away from him even from another room. She was afraid of Sasuke.

Kakashi found himself at the training grounds, and summoned his dogs. He figured that he might as well get to work on honing some of his skills that had slacked during that pointless mission doing nothing for three months. And he'd get to work out some of the frustration he felt towards a certain black haired, Sharingan-wielding bastard.

The dogs surrounded him and he fought them for close to an hour before starting to lose focus again. He had to do something. He couldn't just continue to sit by and watch Sakura self-destruct while in such a toxic relationship. He loved her too much to let that happen.

Wait, what?

Love?

When had that happened?

Kakashi halted mid-attack and grunted as Bull tackled him to the ground, knocking the air out of his lungs. Well, that's what he got for not focusing on the task at hand.

"All right! I yield! Now get off me you big oaf..."

Bull barked loudly and deeply for good measure before getting up. Kakashi absentmindedly propped himself up on his hands and watched as the dogs ran around, their attacks turning playful as they continued to burn off their excess energy.

When had he fallen in love with Sakura? When had he ever fallen in love with anyone, for that matter?

Kakashi groaned and flopped back onto the ground, scrubbing his face in frustration. He had loved plenty of people in his life. His father, Obito, Rin, and Minato-sensei all came immediately to his mind. But he had never been in-love with anyone. This was different. This was important.

But here he was, pining for someone else's girl. He didn't even know if Sakura would want to be with him, even if she wasn't with Sasuke. He couldn't forget that she had made that choice once already.

Kakashi supposed this had been a long time coming. He might have even been in love with her before that day when she had chosen Sasuke over him; he couldn't really be sure. But all these months trying to let her have her space, trying to put his feelings behind him, they were for nothing. He still missed her. He still felt the same way, still hurt the same when he thought of her with someone else. And it wasn't even worth it, because she was clearly miserable.

It was selfish, but he had to get her away from Sasuke. Even if she didn't want to be with him either, Kakashi had to get her out of the toxic relationship she was tangled up in. She needed his help, whether she recognized it or not.

Kakashi jumped to his feet and sped off towards the Hokage tower. If he was going to get Sakura out of this mess, he needed Tsunade's help.

It didn't occur to him that the Hokage might be meeting with anyone else until he burst through the door of her office, with Shizune shouting her protest behind him. Three shocked-looking Chunin that Kakashi recognized but didn't know all had their heads turned towards him in surprise.

"Hokage-sama," Kakashi rushed, before she could say anything, "I need to speak with you. It's urgent."

Tsunade glared at him but after a moment she turned her gaze to the three Chunin whose meeting had been interrupted.

"You three. Your team leader will be waiting for you at the main gates tomorrow at dawn. Dismissed."

As they filed out of the office, Kakashi ignored their questioning stares and marched right up to Tsunade's desk. The moment the door closed he was looming over the desk and glaring back at his superior.

"She needs help," He demanded impatiently, "Why haven't you done something about this sooner?"

"She's refused every offer of help that I've extended," Tsunade retorted forcefully. "That girl may be like a daughter to me, but she's a grown woman and I can't help her if she won't accept it."

"You're the goddamn Hokage! You can do anything you want! Order him not to see her, I don't know!"

Kakashi slammed his fist on the desk and spun away from it in frustration. Tsunade graciously ignored his outburst and continued on calmly but firmly.

"I don't have any proof that there's anything wrong going on. If I had tangible proof of some kind of abuse or mistreatment then I could act as the Hokage to do something about it. But as it stands she just looks miserable and depressed. The Hokage can't meddle in the personal relationships of her people just because she damn well pleases, no matter who it is. I've been waiting for you to return because I think you might be the only one who can help her."

Kakashi threw himself down into a chair near the desk, his anger seething but controlled once more.

"They're holed up in her apartment. She won't speak to me honestly while he's there. I need you to send him on a mission, just for a few days, so that I can try to talk some sense into her."

Tsunade considered this. Sasuke had not yet been granted permission to take missions again, but he had been back in the leaf village for over eighteen months without incident. Aside from his apparently toxic effect on Sakura, anyway, but as an objective Hokage she had to ignore her personal feelings about the man. Would he complete a mission as a loyal ninja of Konoha? She had no reason to suspect otherwise based on his recent behavior. His rehabilitation had been going smoothly and the council had quietly promoted him to Jonin rank a month ago. She had no other reasons to object.

"Very well," she said, "I'll send him out with the team whose meeting you just interrupted. They're only delivering some documents to Suna. He can't get into too much trouble there and Gaara will let me know if he does. They should only be gone about ten days."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," Kakashi breathed. He would get to see Sakura tomorrow. For the first time in months he would be able to speak with her candidly, and enjoy her warm smile.


The next day Kakashi watched from a secluded rooftop as the three Chunin from Tsunade's office left Konoha at dawn, led by Uchiha Sasuke. Tsunade had kept her word.

He meandered around the village for the rest of the morning, first visiting the Cenotaph and then wandering the streets pretending to be absorbed in his book. What the hell was he actually going to say to Sakura? He couldn't tell her that he loved her, not yet. It was too soon and he didn't want to make this about them just yet.

He had to focus on her. It was her well being that he was concerned for right now. But he also couldn't just come out and tell her that she needed to get away from Sasuke. She was so stubborn that if he took that approach she would be just as likely to stay with him out of spite, just to prove that she didn't need help.

He would have to choose his words carefully, but he had no idea what to say. He sighed and paused in front of a noodle shop they used to frequent. Ichiraku, although serving the best ramen in Konoha, was always occupied by Naruto. When they had wanted some privacy, they came here. It was nearing lunchtime now. Maybe if he brought her food that would help to break the ice. She needed to eat, anyway.

Twenty minutes later and he was standing on her doorstep, a paper bag full of their favorite take out dishes tucked under one arm. He knocked loudly on the door and didn't wait for her to answer before calling out to her.

"Sakura! It's me. I'm sorry about yesterday; I came to apologize."

He heard soft footsteps stop just on the other side of the door, but she didn't respond to him.

"I brought lunch. I thought you might be hungry?"

There were a few more moments of pause before he heard the lock turn softly, and the door opened slowly. She stood there looking at him sadly.

"Come in, Kakashi."

She turned to walk towards the kitchen and Kakashi stepped through the door, closing it behind him. He took in the sight of her apartment. It was much the same as he remembered, tidy and clean, but with touches of Sasuke everywhere. The walls were now a deep shade of blue, and his extra shoes were piled by the door. He saw weapons propped in the corner that he knew Sakura never used.

As Kakashi came into the kitchen, which was thankfully still the same pale shade of yellow he remembered, Sakura was pulling plain white dishes out of the cabinets for their meal.

He took in her appearance while her back was turned. She looked better than yesterday. Her pink hair was clean and pulled into a neat braid. She was wearing her own clothes, the red top and black leggings that she trained in most days, although even those still hung on her slender frame more loosely than they had last time Kakashi had really seen her. She turned and caught him watching her, and that same familiar blush spread across her pale skin.

He couldn't help but notice that she hadn't slapped him for it.

He liked her better this way, flushed with color, and couldn't resist flashing a grin at her. In that moment they were like they had been seven months ago, and his heart swelled.

The illusion was shattered as soon as she spoke. Her voice was timid and quiet, nothing like her usually assertive demeanor.

"Thank you for lunch. Sasuke doesn't like it when we have visitors. I hardly get to entertain anymore. I miss having people around. Now that he's going to start taking missions again I'll be even more lonely."

Kakashi found it odd that although it seemed she spent every waking minute with Sasuke (and he suspected the unwaking minutes, too), she would consider herself to be lonely.

She turned on the kettle for tea and then finished setting the table, while Kakashi watched her through new eyes. For the first time he was seeing her not as his friend that he casually flirted with, but as someone he loved and cared deeply for. He longed to bring back the vibrant woman he had known not so long ago.

"What about Naruto and Ino?"

"Naruto is too busy these days being Tsunade's shadow. He's trying to do all he can to learn how to do the job as quickly as possible. Tsunade is being tough on him, but generous with her time. And Ino...Ino doesn't get along with Sasuke. I don't see her much anymore."

Kakashi frowned at this news. No wonder Sakura was suffering if her two best friends weren't there to support her. And Kakashi himself had just up and left the country. For the first time, he felt guilty, like he had abandoned her when she needed him. But when he had left she had been happy. How could he have known that she would be anything but happy when he returned?

He met her eyes and tentatively offered the olive branch.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I was just...surprised to see you. You've been gone for so long and we weren't really on speaking terms when you left."

Her eyes dropped to the food in front of her as she sat down. The elephant in the room had become a big, tangible thing. Kakashi could feel it taking up all of the space between them at the table and filling in the corners of the room. He found it suffocating to try and navigate such a difficult conversation.

"It was hard to see you...with him. I...didn't realize it would be that way for me. I'm sorry for that, too. For leaving you here. I thought...you were happy."

Sakura gave him a long, sad look before she spoke again. It seemed she was having just as much trouble finding the right words as he was. This honesty was uncharted territory for them. They were both still holding back, and Kakashi couldn't risk saying too much or pushing her too far. He couldn't risk making her angry and kicking him out. Hell, he couldn't believe she hadn't slammed the door in his face when he'd showed up.

"I was happy for a while. But we haven't...we haven't been happy recently. It's been hard."

She picked at her food. Kakashi didn't know if he should press her for more details. He was torn between prying into her relationship in order to help her, and respecting her privacy because he respected her. In the end he tried to choose a neutral path.

"I'm here...if you need a friend. If you want to talk, I mean. I care about you and I...I want you to be happy."

This was so not like him, to stumble over his words and have trouble expressing himself. He prided himself on being concise in his speech and even eloquent on occasion. But Sakura didn't seem to mind. She gave him a small but genuine smile.

"Thank you, Kakashi. I've missed your company. I could use a friend right now."

She didn't elaborate, and Kakashi couldn't work up the courage to ask what was actually going on. After a few minutes while they ate in silence, he tried his hand at small talk.

"So...what have you been up to while I was gone?"

"Not a lot, truthfully. Sasuke has more or less moved in here, and I've been working a lot at the hospital. When I'm not there, I'm here. It's a pretty boring life. I get sent out on the odd mission that calls for a medic to go along, but that's about it."

Kakashi was pleased with how easily she answered, without hesitation. He felt some of the old comfort returning that their friendship had been built on. He had suspected as much about Sasuke living here, but he still had to work to keep his face passive when she confirmed it.

"Why did Sasuke move here? Wasn't his place bigger?"

Kakashi gave himself a mental pat on the back that the question came out as one of curiosity, as opposed to accusatory. She didn't seem put off by this question, which Kakashi took as another good sign. She shrugged as she began to answer.

"It just sort of happened. I've never liked being alone in that big empty compound, and I don't think he liked it either. Too many memories for him. We never really discussed it. He just spent the night here all the time and started keeping things here since he was never in his own home."

"I see he redecorated," he said nonchalantly.

"Noticed that, did you? Well he does get kinda bored here when I'm at work. It was something for him to do, and I didn't mind. I think it gave him more of a sense of home, to have something of his own choosing."

Kakashi nodded in understanding. It was so strange to hear her talk about Sasuke so normally, so mundane. To Kakashi he had become some kind of enemy, and it was easy to forget that he was after all, still human. He would crave companionship and belonging just like anyone else. But Kakashi did not lose sight of the fact that something was very wrong, and the proof was right in front of him. He didn't know what yet, but he would find out soon.

Unable to continue to talk about Sasuke so familiarly, Kakashi let that thread of conversation die. After a few more minutes of silence, Sakura returned to small talk and asked about his mission.

"It was a waste of time. The Daimyo basically just took an extended vacation and scheduled a few meetings in order to call it a business trip."

"Daimyos are usually good for that sort of thing," she deadpanned.

Kakashi broke into a wide grin at this and just looked at her.

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"Nothing," Kakashi said, shaking his head, "I just haven't heard you make a joke in a very long time. You sounded more like how I know you. More like yourself."

"Oh. I didn't realized I had changed..."

Her voice trailed off and she looked away from him, pulling her guards back up. Kakashi responded softly, gently.

"Sakura, you've changed a lot since I left for that mission."

He paused to see if she would get angry. When she didn't, he continued in the same comforting tone.

"You seem reclusive and timid. The Sakura I knew was vivacious and assertive. What happened to that girl?"

She was looking away from him but he saw her trembling. When she had composed herself to speak, her voice was quiet and she still avoided his gaze.

"I've been through some things that I don't really want to talk about. It's okay. I'm okay."

"Forgive me, but I don't really believe you're okay."

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

He sighed and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"Okay," he said. "I won't ask again. Today, at least."

He stood up to leave, their bowls having been emptied some time ago. He didn't want to over-stay his welcome.

"Will you come back tomorrow?"

He couldn't help the look of surprise that crossed his face.

"Sure, if you want. I'll bring lunch again."

"I'd like that. I really have missed you, Kakashi."

With that he said goodbye and made his way back home. He felt better than he had in weeks, having finally spent some good quality time with Sakura. And the best part was that he would get to see her again tomorrow.

As it turned out, Sakura missed him enough to invite him to have lunch with her every day that week while Sasuke was away. He even met her at the hospital on the days she worked the day shift. Every day he brought take out, and every day they regained some more of their old familiarity, though it stayed strictly platonic.

On the second day, he was surprised to find out that Sasuke actually did most of the cooking.

"Oh yes, it's become a hobby of his," Sakura said. "But he's such a healthy eater, it's all chicken and plain white rice. I never get to have take out anymore!"

On the third day, they exchanged village gossip, each trying to shock the other with their news.

"Yes, well I heard that Genma and Shizune were caught in one of the hospital rooms last month…" she said with a smirk and a conspiratory whisper.

On the fourth day, Kakashi told a funny story about Pakkun trying to impress one of the female Inuzuka dogs (one easily six times his size), and Sakura actually laughed. It was the same full, mirthful laughter that he had once been able to elicit from her so easily. Her hands remained on the table, but her head tilted back and her hair cascaded down her back just as Kakashi remembered. He couldn't help but stare at her. She was so beautiful, so much more the girl he knew.

"Kakashi, I haven't laughed like that in a long time," she admitted as she tried to calm herself. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I missed hearing your laugh."

On the fifth and sixth days he met her again at her apartment, as she was working the second shift and wouldn't go to the hospital until mid afternoon. When he left each of those days she hugged him, and Kakashi couldn't wipe the grin off his face for the rest of the day.

On the seventh day, he arrived with miso soup at her request.

"I haven't been feeling well since yesterday," she explained. "I think all of the greasy take out is starting to aggravate my stomach."

"I don't mind. I like miso soup, remember?" He said with a grin.

The eighth day was much the same, but when he arrived on the ninth day he was dismayed to find her somber mood had returned.

"Sasuke comes back tomorrow," she said. The disappointment was evident in her voice. "I don't think he would be very happy if we kept having lunch dates every day."

Kakashi's heart gave a now-familiar clench. It had been a wonderful week seeing her for an hour or two each day. He didn't want it to end.

"I understand. But you're not happy to have him home?"

She hesitated and her guard was up now. She was no longer the Sakura he knew and loved.

"I told you earlier in the week. It's been hard lately."

"If he makes you unhappy then why do you stay?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm a smart man. You should try me sometime."

The words were out of his mouth before he had even thought about them. You should try me sometime; let me prove to you I can understand your problems. Alternatively, You should try me sometime; let me prove to you that I will make you happier than he can.

She closed her eyes against his words. She appeared to be in pain. He didn't want that; it was the last thing he wanted.

"Kakashi...don't," she whispered.

He felt as guilty as he knew he was.

"I'm sorry. It's like I told you earlier in the week. I just want you to be happy, and you don't seem happy with him."

She sighed noncommittally and chose not to acknowledge his comment.

"Let's just enjoy the rest of our lunch together, okay?" He was hoping to make peace with her, since he knew this was the last lunch he would get to enjoy with her in a while. She gave him a warm smile and agreed.

A little while later, and all too soon it was time for Kakashi to leave.

She gave him a tight hug at the door, knowing it would have to last him a long time. He smiled and embraced her back.

"You still have my phone number, right?"

She nodded against his chest.

"Just remember I'm here for you if you need a friend."

She looked up at him then.

"Thank you again, Kakashi, for everything. I didn't realize how much I missed you. I hope we can see each other again soon."

It seemed too formal and too final, but Kakashi didn't know what else to say. There was nothing else he could say. He still didn't know what was causing her so much pain, but at least he had been able to unearth the old Sakura. His Sakura. That girl wasn't lost forever, just hiding behind the wall she had built around herself.


TBC