-I just wanted to apologize for how bad I am at writing fanfiction. This one is probably going to be the worst I've ever written. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. Now for the next chapter.-
DEAN
Waking up at 9:00am, I finally got out of bed an hour later. I really don't want to tell Cas about my feelings. The only reason I agreed to was because I was afraid that Sam might tell Cas himself, which would be a lot worse than me just telling him.
Cas is staying in one of the many empty bedrooms in the Bunker. Even though he doesn't sleep Sam and I still thought that he should have a little privacy. It's not that far from my room, I wish it was though so I would have time to think on my way there. As soon as I get there I wait outside the door, trying to pull myself together.
About three minutes later I knocked on the door saying, "Hey, Cas. It's Dean, I was hoping we could talk."
There was no answer. He should be here. He hasn't come out of the room since he got here, since he hurt me. Where the hell is he? All of a sudden the door opened a crack, showing only a tiny bit of Cas' face.
"What do you want, Dean?" Cas asked in a small voice.
Scared to tell Cas the truth about why I was here, I came up with a lie, well there was a little bit of truth to it, "You haven't been out of your room since you got here. I'm worried about you. Can I please come in?"
"No."
I wasn't going to take no for an answer. Wedging my foot between the door, I pushed it open. Surprisingly, Cas didn't put up a fight, he just took a step back so he wouldn't get hit by the door.
Being so caught up in thinking about my feelings, I didn't really worry about Cas staying in his room until now. The room was a mess, blankets thrown all over, a broken lamp and chair in the middle of the floor. Did Cas do this? What happened wasn't his fault, he had no control over his body.
Whispering I said, "Cas. . . What did you do?"
He just kept staring at the ground, like a little kid who just got in trouble for doing something he wasn't supposed to do. The only time he looked at me was when he opened the door. It took ten minutes for Cas to speak up.
"If you're just going to stare at my room you can leave now," he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"It wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, you hear me!" I didn't mean to yell, it just came out that way.
"I know that, Dean. It doesn't change anything, though."
This was going nowhere, I know how it feels to blame yourself for things you
have no control over. I've done that so many times, I can't remember the last time that I've felt no guilt or responsibility.
No more stalling, "Cas, can I tell you something? Promise that it won't change anything."
"Uh. . . Yeah, I guess, sure. What is it?"
"IthinkImighthavefeelingsforyoubutIdon'twantittochangeourfriendship," it was like ripping off a Band-Aid, saying it fast just to get it off my chest.
"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"Dammit Cas! I think I might have feelings for you!"
Then I did it, I kissed Cas. The kiss was hungry, fierce, intense, and so much more. Being so distracted by my own thoughts, I couldn't tell if Cas kissed me back. When I pull away I'll find out.
Cas' eyes were huge, filled with shook. There was no anger or disgust in them though, that's a good sign. Maybe, hopefully, he'll act like this never happened.
"Um. . . That was. . . What was that, Dean?" Castiel asked me, obviously having a hard time processing what just happened.
Honestly, I don't know what just happened, I wasn't thinking, it just happened. So I said, "I don't know, Cas. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry, Cas."
"Don't be."
Leaning forward, Cas kissed me, this time the kiss was sort of awkward, but you can't blame him. He's only had experience with Meg, learning what little he knows from The Pizza Man.
I was shocked, "Uh. . . Do you. . ."
He smiled, "Yes, Dean. I, too, have feelings for you."
Just then, Sammy called for me, asking where I was. Annoyed, I ran out of Cas' room praying that Sam didn't see me. Him seeing me in there would be enough for him to know that I confessed to Cas about my feelings. He might have been the one who told me I should do it, but there's no way I'll ever admit to him that he was right, even if he was.
"Hey, Sammy."
"Hey," Sam replied pulling me into his room, "Did you tell him?"
Playing dumb I said, "Tell who what?
"You know what I'm talking about, Dean."
"Fine, I did. And, no, I don't want to talk about it. So don't bring it up again."
"Okay. I can just ask Cas about it then. He has no lying skills, I'll find out no matter what," Sammy smirked, knowing he was right.
Planning on grabbing a beer, I headed for the kitchen. If only Cas was never controlled by Naomi, then things wouldn't be a complicated as they are now.
