Forever
Rachel knew she had made a mistake somewhere along the way. She just didn't know where. But as she stood in the doorway to Quinn's home with tears rolling down her face, she realized for the first time how badly she had messed up.
I don't know how 'faberry' this will be. I haven't got that far yet. I know that there will be at least a really close friendship that could become more as I keep writing. If that's what y'all want, stay open-minded because that will take a lot of chapters to get to. For now, Quinn is with a guy (who has yet to be decided) and Rachel is still with Finn.
"What do we get her?" Rachel said as she strolled slowly around the world famous toy store for what had to be the fifteenth time.
"What's wrong with that doll I bought earlier?" Finn asked following his wife as she pushed the buggy full of random gift ideas, carefully surveying each aisle as she searched for the one section they hadn't been able to find yet.
"It's just a plain Barbie Doll. I'm sure she has plenty of them," Rachel huffed as she finally located what she was looking for and paused at the large collection of Broadway Barbies.
"Which one?" she asked pointing to the varying dolls, "Christine Daaé or Dorothy...I know Dorothy...but remember the picture from Halloween last year? Quinn said she's barely been able to get those red shoes off her feet..."
"And this one is any different?" Finn questioned while Rachel studied the two dolls in glass cases.
"This one isn't blonde. It looks like her, not Quinn," Rachel answered quickly before scanning the surrounding area for a sales person who could access the dolls.
"You mean it looks like you," Finn corrected.
"So? She needs a doll that will remind her of me, of us, her real parents," Rachel began to explain her reasoning but Finn wouldn't hear it.
"You sure that's a good idea?" he prodded, hoping she would change her mind and settle for the pink sparkly microphone she had put in the cart earlier and forgotten about.
"I want to be part of our daughter's life. I want her to know that I love her and that she's all I think about. I just want her to think about me once in awhile. I want her to be able to look at that doll and think of me."
Now the doll seemed like a bad idea. Sure it was a very beautiful doll. Expensive as hell too. God that stupid doll had cost nearly as much as Finn made in a month. But Rachel just knew it was the perfect gift for her little Broadway star to be. Or at least until now. Until she had showed up at the little angel's house and seen dolls all over the floor. Poor dolls covered it marker with bald spots from where her daughter played beauty parlor with them. This doll would not survive in that house. This doll needed to be cherished and loved.
Also...she realized that maybe giving her daughter a doll that represented everything the little girl had been given up in order to achieve, well that might be crossing the line just a teeny tiny bit...or a lot. She didn't want to confuse the little girl by saying mommy gave you up so she could be like Barbie. That would cause serious emotional damage that no therapist would be able to touch until years and thousands of dollars later. She didn't want her daughter to be scarred the same way she had been when she found her biological mother.
But this would be different...right?
She had tried to be a part of the little girl's life from the day she let Quinn take her away and give her a new, better, home. Sure she wasn't exactly right there physically, but Quinn took tons of pictures and emailed them to Rachel on a daily basis. In return, Rachel sent cards and presents on holidays and visited special occasions. Although, she somewhat resented that Olivia was being raised without much of a Jewish influence, she was glad Quinn would let her send Hanukkah presents and take Olivia to temple when she was in town. Unfortunately, she wasn't around much. Trying to break out on Broadway was harder than she thought. She didn't have much time to go back to Lima, even her dads were bothered that they didn't get to see their daughter much. Quinn was good about bringing Olivia at least once every year and doing what she could to make sure Rachel got to see Olivia.
But all that only lasted for the first two or three years of her life, before Quinn got married and Rachel got super busy with everything finally clicking into place. She still got snaggle-tooth smiles when a tooth was lost and yearly school pictures. Of course the yearly Christmas card became a yearly family newsletter, announcing how much Olivia had grown or that they had gotten a puppy or any other tidbits of information and pictures that were of interest to people they knew. Rachel assumed the pregnancy would be announced when the next one was sent out next month, right next to pictures of Olivia's birthday-hopefully they would be happy pictures not featuring a traumatized little girl.
How could she even agree to this? She knew how hard it was growing up without her mother. But at least Olivia had a mother to sew her Halloween costumes and make sure she had sandwiches cut into hearts on Valentine's Day. She knew Quinn was a good mother, not that her dads didn't more than try to make up for not having a mother. She knew Quinn was the kind to sneak little treats into lunchboxes with sticky-notes that read "I love you-Mom". Maybe Olivia could have a good life without her. Sure it would break her heart to do it but if Olivia didn't know her real mother gave her up, maybe she wouldn't suffer self-loathing and low self esteem the way she had. At least she would have a mother and father that loved her and would support her no matter what.
She pulled over to the side of the road when she came to the conclusion. Ever since Quinn's accident, she was terrified to even take a hand off the wheel. Pulling out her phone, she texted Finn.
"We can't do this anymore."
Cryptic sure, but that was the only way to get his attention. Then she texted Quinn, or at least the only number she had for her.
"We can't do this. It would scar her for life to know who her parents really are. Just seeing Finn would probably give her nightmares. But I don't think I can handle watching from the sidelines anymore. –Rachel Hudson"
