A/N:Wow, I was so excited to read everyone's reviews, I'm glad everyone is enjoying this!

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Still sad about that.


"Good morning Colonel."

Sheppard looked up at the young officer who'd just greeted him. It took him a moment to recall the name of the man who was currently filling his tray with scrambled eggs and re-hydrated sausage.

Unfortunately, he'd yet to have his morning coffee and his brain was a little slow on the uptake, "Good morning…lieutenant," he said slowly, hoping the man wouldn't notice that he didn't remember his name.

The man, probably a little younger than Ford had been when he joined the expedition, smiled amiably and then gave a sidelong look to his friend, who was pouring Orange Juice and looking like he had something to say. The first officer dropped his eyes at the look his friend sent him and returned to the eggs.

"Everything alright gentlemen?" John may have been a little groggy in the morning, but he could tell when his men had something on their minds.

"Well, we were just wondering, sir, if…you've seen Ronon lately?"

John smiled crookedly and nodded at the proffered Styrofoam cup of coffee held out to him. He knew his younger Marines had bonded with Ronon as their trainer, and seeing the evidence of that was certainly gratifying.

"He was released from the infirmary yesterday and I hear he's doing well."

The two Marines looked at each other and smiled, "Well that's good. We hadn't seen him at all so we were wondering. If you do happen to see him, sir, can you tell him we saved a couple hamburgers from yesterday in the freezer for him? Thompson finally got that grill he requested from earth so whenever he's hungry we're all set to introduce him to BBQ."

John's smile was only a little forced as he nodded and told the men he'd pass along the message. Ronon had been released from the infirmary a full 18 hours ago now, he should have visited the Mess at least once. It was always his first stop after any extended infirmary stay because the pre-approved list of foods Keller allowed down there didn't quite measure up to the Satedan's standards.

His smile must have devolved into a frown by the time he got to the table because both Teyla and Rodney were giving him strange looks.

"Is everything alright, John?" Teyla asked as Sheppard sat down across from her. She held Torren delicately in her arms as he sucked on a bottle. Rodney looked only a little uneasy from where he sat beside her as he sent nervous glances to the childs small, bald head.

"Yeah. I mean, I think so," he winced when he sipped his too hot coffee, "it's just that the guys on KD were just saying they haven't seen Ronon yet."

"He was released from the infirmary late yesterday," Rodney announced around a mouthful of pancakes, "he should have been here at least four times by now. The man eats like it's going out of style."

John raised his eyebrows and Teyla shook her head, smiling.

"Isn't there an earth expression that applies here? Something about a 'pot and a kettle'?" John smiled returning to his eggs and Rodney looked indignant. Slowly, Teyla's amusement faded, "Still, it is unusual. Perhaps one of us should go talk to him, I'm sure he's having difficulty reconciling with recent events."

John bit his lower lip and frowned into his coffee cup.

"Well, I mean, he's home now. He's back with us now so...he'll be okay, right?" Rodney asked, his own coffee cup halfway to his mouth. His gaze bounced between John and Teyla, genuinely hopeful that he was correct in that assumption.

"It's not always so easy Rodney," John answered without meeting his eyes. Teyla looked back down at Torren, her silence signifying her agreement.

"Oh. Well, maybe one of us should go talk to him then."

"Are you volunteering Rodney?" Teyla asked sweetly.

The scientist's face flushed slightly and he practically jumped back into his breakfast, "Oh, I um, have to go off-world today so, you know, I can't."

Teyla raised an eyebrow, "Off-world?"

"Yeah, actually Rodney and I are going to M7G-677 today. They're having some trouble with their shield generator and there's a wraith ship a little too close for comfort so Rodney's gonna fix it. Plus I promised to show Keras how to play football so…" he trailed off and shrugged, dropping his unfinished toast back onto the tray and folding his arms, leaning his elbows on the table, "but you could go talk 'feelings' to our big guy Teyla. Your very good at that," he added with a charming smile

"Gladly," Teyla responded, her glare making it very clear that Sheppard's charm would not work on her, "but Torren and I are leaving for New Athos later on this afternoon to see my sister."

"So take Ronon with you. I mean you know how stir-crazy he gets when he spends too much time on Atlantis and ten days in the infirmary can't have helped."

She nodded, the Colonel had a point there. The last time Ronon had spent this long on Atlantis without a break off-world, he'd nearly sent Lorne through the wall during a sparring match.

"Fine, I shall talk to Dr. Keller," she started to get up, "but I expect that you both are planning to see Ronon when you return?" ever the diplomat, the sentence sounded like the request it was not.

"Yeah, sure."

"Of course."

"Good," Teyla nodded and added in a low voice, so as not to be overheard, "he is our brother, and he is hurting. Our place is with him." Then she left, her words ringing in her teammate's ears.

SGASGASGASGA

Ronon on his bare mattress, silently staring at the large knife before him. It was one of his most prized possessions, the only one to be saved from his earlier outburst. The blade was sharp gray metal. The handle was perfectly balanced, decorated with carved wood and white bone inlays. It fit snug and comfortably into the palm of his hand. It had been his father's hunting knife.

He'd hardly slept the night before and he knew the exhaustion he felt showed on his face. But how could he sleep? Every time he closed his eyes he was met with nightmares of wraith and the torture he'd suffered at their hand. And death. So much death. His own. Tyre's. Sheppard's. Atlantis.

The death was enough to keep him awake for hours on end now, too afraid to go to sleep and not be able to wake up. Too afraid of the one thing he'd been hoping for since the moment he'd woken up in that abandoned little shed with Tyre on the planet.

He looked back down at the knife and cursed the dark thoughts coursing through him. He knew that the honorable thing, the Satedan thing to do, would have been to take his own life the moment he'd been free and well-enough to do so. It would have been equitable payment for the things he'd done, for turning his back on Atlantis, on every Satedan in the galaxy. Death by his own hand was the only way to restore his lost honor.

But he also knew that doing so would cheapen what his friends had done for him. Would make him ungrateful for their efforts to get him back. They'd put their own lives on the line for him and taking his now would be like spitting on that leap of faith. Killing himself now would be a death without even the honor he'd yet to earn back.

So there he was, staring at his father's knife, stuck in honor limbo. It felt like he was being ripped in two. He was not used to indecision, it was not in his nature to think before he acted and doing so now was surely driving him insane. Frustrated, tired and angry, he started to search his small room for something to throw or hit. He was disappointed to find everything was all already haphazerdly thrown into the corner.

Ronon's attention was drawn to the door when it chimed, indicating someone wanted to come in. Biting back a groan at the intrusion, he got up and waved his hand over the controls.

They opened to reveal Teyla. And she had her child. He raised his eyebrows.

"Hello Ronon," she smiled and tilted the baby in her arms so he could see his face, "may we come in?"

He hesitated and then shrugged, walking away from the door and allowing her to follow. If she noticed the disarray of his room, and how could she not, she didn't say anything.

He dropped down onto his bed and stared at the wall, turning the knife over in his hands. "What's up?" He asked, a lightness in his voice that did not match his mood.

"Well, I am going to New Athos this afternoon and I was wondering if you wanted to join me. Of course, if you'd rather stay and…tidy your room, I would understand." She smiled at her own joke, but Ronon either didn't get it or didn't find it funny.

"Not allowed off-world. Doctor's orders."

"Yes, I am aware," Teyla shifted Torren to her other arm, "however I have already spoken to Dr. Keller and she said that since, technically, New Athos isn't "off world" she would allow a short trip to the mainland." She watched for a change in the Satedan's manner, but found none, "I would only be staying overnight and Jinto would like to see you."

This made Ronon raise his eyebrows, and Teyla was glad for any reaction at all.

"Halling says he's been aggravating the people of the village with his erratic knife throwing. I believe he could use another lesson."

A smile almost flickered across the Satedan's face and Teyla felt a surge of joy run through her. A moment later a quiet nod signaled Ronon's agreement and she smiled.

"Meet me in the Jumper bay in an hour."

TBC


A/N2: I'm not totally sure if when they moved Atlantis to a new planet there was a mainland for the Athosians, but I'm writing it that way for this story.