Rukia Journal- Entry 1

My brother never really saw me as a person. Every time he looked at me, it was as if he was looking through me. It was like he hated me. It was like he did not know me. Lately, things have been different. It is better now. Because for the first time in forever, he looked at me like I was special. He looked at me like he really, truly knew, and that made me happy.


The day had started with me preparing to serve my older brother his breakfast. The cooks in the manor were a little slow this morning angering him and me both. They made poor excuses that they were tired, so I took it easy on them. My brother cared not. He expected me to get everything to him. He wanted to start his day off right, after all. I bowed to him as he left me in the kitchen surrounded by hurried chefs. The food was finished and I was carrying the trays. I went into my brother's room remembering to knock first. He was doing paper work for his squad, I dare not look at him. Our eyes met. Mine big, innocent, almost lifeless; his narrow, responsible, and icy. I look away and give him his food respectfully. He does not thank me. He does not address me. He only stares his glare at me. I am told to leave. This morning would be another lonely morning.

I had work to do in my squad. It was a relief being in a squad not with my Byakuya. He was frightening. It was safe to say I was scared of him, but I knew deep down I had stronger feelings for him. Feelings that were forbidden in our lives. No matter, I have work to do. My captain is polite. I call him Captain Ukitake as does everyone. He respects me even though I am only a seated officer and not his lieutenant. He knows how I feel about my brother and often gives me advice. I like him. He is a true captain who hears out his subordinates.

The day goes slow. There is not much for me to do, so I leave. I return to the manner. My friend Renji is there. Byakuya is his captain, so he dropped by many times. He greets me with a smile and a wave. I smile back. We talk. My brother sees me and orders me inside with a chill to his voice. He is upset. I am now in trouble. I want to cry, but I am not allowed to show such emotions.

My brother talks to me later. He is very upset but still very calm. Seeing the two together is one of the scariest things one could ever see. He looks at me with that steely look in his eyes. I look down. I can bear no more. He does something unexpected. He puts his hand on my head, kneels on the ground. He says to me.

"I am disappointed in you Rukia, but I cannot bear to see you sad."

He wraps me in his arms in a soft, loving embrace like a true brother would. He looks at me with not a steely look or a frown but a smile and eyes filled with care and compassion. I smile. I am happy.