Every time that I look in the mirror,
All these lines on my face getting clearer,
the past is gone.
It went by like dusk to dawn, isn't that the way?
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay.

Well I know nobody knows,
where it comes and where it goes.
I know it's everybodys sin
you got to know how to lose to win.

Shepard idly wondered what had gone down between her friends after her death. She hadn't expected Garrus of all people to flatly refuse to go down to Horizon with her when she'd let him in on the fact that Kaidan was there. His closed mandible look was one of smouldering anger, the type that he normally kept for people who really pissed him off, like Harkin and the turian councillor Sparatus. Tali hadn't helped either, just stood there and wrung her hands, head down like a naughty schoolgirl. Bad then.

She sent a message to Liara at Illium, and had just received the enigmatic reply in her quarters:

Shepard,
Don't ask.
Kaidan moved on, last I knew he was dating Dr Michel on the Citadel.
I hope that he agrees to help you.
Liara.

From what Anderson had said to her, staff commander Alenko was to be considered 'offlimits'. Shepard had originally thought that it was just the fraternisation rule, but since he was seeing someone else, it made more sense. Two years was a long time, for him anyway.

That of course bought her back to the very uncomfortable conversation that she'd have to have with Thane tonight. How did you tell boyfriend A that you were off to rescue 'ex'-boyfriend B without it getting too personal, or lying?

Worse, that morning Mordin had collared her with an embarassing interspecies sex talk. She wondered if salarians had as little sex drive as they made out, the drell/human porn files he'd sent her were numerous, and not all from Fornax. Jane hadn't dared to open them yet, having sex on the brain was already a problem when Thane was around. Actually it wasn't her fantasies about him that were the issue, more the lack of physical contact so far. He was driving her insane with need and seemed totally oblivious to the fact.

Her door chimed and opened, speak of the devil.

"Thane."

His eyes flicked towards her, a small smile turning up the side of his lips. Thane quickly glanced around her cabin for the first time, cataloguing the points of entry and defensibility of it, then turned his intense gaze towards her.

"Larger than I imagined, 4 obvious weak spots that can be easily exploited by an assassin."

"They'd have to dodge a bullet first." Eyes front and up Shepard, sitting gave her an unobstructed view of his toned abs and groin area, so not a good idea at the moment.

He strode towards her, and admired the pistol collection on the shelves above her desk. "A nice selection Siha, all working, or are some replicas?" He picked her old HMWP pistol out and placed it next to the keyboard. "Your first choice from these?"

Shepard grinned up at him, "Uhuh, and there are 5 more scattered around the cabin, care to find them?"

He leaned towards her, resting his hands on her shoulders from behind, and placed a quick kiss on her forehead. Thane smiled at her reaction, and deftly avoided her grab towards his torc.

"What is the prize for doing so Siha?"

Jane licked her lips, and let her voice drop invitingly, " Whatever you wish Sere Krios."

He grunted and spun her chair around, regarding her impassively, a double blink. Jane began to squirm, he'd barely touched her and she was already lost in thoughts of ripping his leathers off. She felt utterly safe and yet, his whole bearing screamed predator, and she was the one being hunted. Maybe Kelly was right, scary and sexy.

"An interesting contract. This time, something simple I think, a perfect kiss." Then he stalked away to begin his search.

"Carnifex." She heard him place the gun in the bathroom sink, "Not a place I'd expect a charging krogan."

He was enjoying the game she noted as he walked past, turning her mind back to signing the datapads sent up by Miranda. She heard the leather sigh of the seats below, and a brush along the sides near the wine glasses that she'd set out. "Predator."

Shepard groaned, he really was going to hunt out her hidden sidearms, she walked down to the sofa, poured a glass of Thessian red and watched him debate his next choice.

Next her non-work terminal, he watched her face then lifted the N7 helmet. " Karpov."

He rolled onto her bed, she had to swallow hard, the bastard was making this far too difficult, and she was getting wetter by the minute. He was so not getting out of here without that promised kiss, ideally more.

For a moment he posed on one elbow, then pulled out a gun from under her pillow, "Stiletto." He brushed his hands against her sheets, the sensualist in him showing through, then he went for the kill. There was absolutely no guessing involved. The drawer in the nightstand on the other side of the bed.

Oh crap, that drawer...

"Siha, I am unsure which gun here you would use. The Phalanx or ...the Rabbit, because either would hit with great accuracy."

The mouthful of wine splattered everywhere, and she felt he could feel her embarassment just from the megaton wattage of her blush. Which grew even worse, as he sat on her bed with an evil smirk and started playing with the buttons on her vibrator. She helplessly watched the pearls rotate, and the clitoral stimulator buzz, before he mercifully turned the damn thing off.

"May I ask exactly why you felt the need for this toy?"

Shepard gulped, looked from the rabbit to Thane, and went for the most plausible answer, he'd have to drag the full truth out of her later if he dared.

" Cerberus. The Lazurus project rebuilt a fair amount of my body, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't a ...mumble virgin...mumble, besides it took the edge off...or made it worse depending on your point of view." She fidgeted then locked eyes with him, "Besides, I didn't think I had another option available."

Damn the man, drell, he just smiled softly like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Why didn't you ask me Siha?" He leaned back on one elbow looking like some damn sex god, all toned lines.

"Well, knowing me, that would either have come out as horribly awkward or sounding like a terrible flirt. I want you Thane, but I,.. I want more than just sex." Ok, could have gone better, but it could have sounded even worse, Jane winced. Just how did people survive this stage of a relationship?

Thanes face softened, he regarded the redhaired woman opposite, he knew how difficult this must be for her, and he wanted to make it as easy as it should be. Love was an easy thing if you could trust another, not a thing of mindless rut, needs of the body must be balanced by needs of the soul.

"I have enjoyed our game Shepard, but before I claim my dues, perhaps we should talk about staff commander Alenko. Is there something that you wish to confide in me?"

Mental cold shower time, 'ex'-boyfriend B.

" Yeah," she turned away, then forced herself to look back at Thane again. She wouldn't lie, so that only left the truth. " We...we were intimate once. The night before the mission to Illos, he came to my quarters. We both needed somebody. He insisted that it would never effect our work together in the future, the whole fraternisation thing. We agreed that having mutineed we could break the rules that once." She swirled her wine, and took a gulp. "Neither of talked about commitment or love, just the maybes of shoreleave. Crap, we hadn't even kissed before that, Joker was such a cockblocker back then."

Jane was astonished at herself, apparently the truth was going to be the all out, unvarnished kind, what made it impossible to lie around Thane?

"Siha, you talk of a need of the body." He moved from the bed to sit by her side, his thigh pressed against hers. Thane poured himself a glass of wine and continued. " I conversed with Mordin earlier, and turned down his gracious offer of information. My body is a highly trained weapon, sex was one of the tools that I was taught to use. When I was married to Irikah, I'd return to Kahje for the mating cycle. After she died, I did not return, in my battlesleep I would sate my heat in the arms of any compatible female that was willing, drell, asari, or human. It was not a thing of attraction or affection, just mindless fucking, a release if you will. I do understand."

Shepard, felt shocked at Thanes use of the f word, somehow that spoke more of the rawness of battlesleep than anything else he'd ever said. She reached out and took his hand in hers, their fingers meshing easily now. Taking and giving what comfort she could.

"We were friends Thane, and we were attracted to each other. Given the right circumstances, we might have fallen in love, then I died. He was the first I'd ever let get that close, before there was just a string of one night stands. After...after Mindoir intimacy was just too difficult, I didn't... I didn't want anyones pity. I tried to tell him once, but he started a conversation about Elysium getting me any posting that I wanted, so I let it drop."

There was no pity in his gaze, just his normal watchfulness, it made Jane relax, as much as she was able given the circumstances. "We should really talk about Mindoir Thane, I..."

A finger suddenly rested against her lips and he leaned forwards to whisper in her ear.

"Not today I think. Tomorrow perhaps." Then he gently kissed her jaw.

"That had better not be the perfect kiss Krios, or you are not getting out of here alive!"

Her voice cracked, but her body was already responding, reaching for him, to find that again he had evaded her. Laughing, he moved towards her office on the upper level, then turned and crooked his finger at her.

She sighed, this had better be good, the perfect kiss, not in bed or on a sofa so it seemed. Shepard put down her glass and followed him.

He pulled her into him hungrily, his lips gentle on hers, tongue greedy for entry. She sighed into his mouth allowing him entrance, pulling his face nearer, forcing him to crush his lips against hers.

Thanes hands fell to her backside, increasing the pressure between the two of them until he felt her mound hot against his hardness. Her own hands caressed his frills, then stroked down the side ridges.

Groaning he released his biotics, and began to move her backwards towards the desk, two dancers in perfect step. His blue aura teased every nerve ending in her body, Jane had never felt so alive, she was shaking from the need to beg him to take her now, she felt empty and wanted him to fill that void. She let her own biotics flow, powered by her desire to touch and be touched.

Their lips parted, and eyes met expressing mutual desire, then he lifted her onto the desk, his hands slowly swirling on her thighs. Did she open them or did he, did it even matter? It felt so right when Thane stepped between them. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he pulled her to the edge of the desk, their cores fiery against the other, each moving just enough to let their interest be acknowledged by the other, in small moans of need. Jane pulled his head down into another kiss, this time both biotic fields pulsing, drawing them towards the edge that beckoned but neither would yet cross.

It was Thanes greater control that eventually allowed him to move back, face softened by one of his rare full smiles. He lifted both her hands, gently kissed the palms and released them.

"Thane, stay with me tonight." Shepard said reaching for him again.

He bowed, falling back into formality, as he walked towards the door.

"I can not Siha, it would be wrong. Tomorrow perhaps." He paused and looked back " I...If it is needed Shepard, I do not wish to cause you pain, I will step aside, but I will always carry you in my heart."

Then he was gone.

Half my lifes in a books written pages,
Live and learn from fools and from sages,
You know it's true,
All the things you do
Come back to you.

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away.

A!A Notes

Lyrics from Dream On: Aerosmith.
Guns from ME/ME2.

British English spellchecker.