Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure my bank account would be happier if I owned the Mentalist but I don't.

An1: Well guys, the reviews were amazing so I managed to type up chapter 2 and with Lisbon in mind, so it's a more in depth, confused chapter. She's so confused, poor thing. I just love doing this to her.

Her heart had stopped. It'd ceased to beat for those few seconds out of fear and it left her chest feeling funny and her head feeling utterly confused. Lisbon usually managed to keep her head straight but there were things messing up her tactics. Things being a man – Jane. It was his fault that she couldn't close her eyes without remembering what it'd felt like to kiss him, to be kissed by him. Her lips still tingled when he was around and it'd been a week since that evening in her office when things between them had become so complicated. But that wasn't when her heart had stopped, oh it'd definitely skipped a few beats but no, it stopped when a letter opener had been pressed against Jane's throat. When slapped in the face with the truth that Jane was human and had a knack for attracting dangerous situations that could eventually lead to his death, she realized the true weight of her feelings.

She didn't know what those feelings were but she knew now that they were stronger than she'd be comfortable admitting. She wouldn't admit it, ever, not even to herself and certainly not while sitting in her office late in the evening.

It was the reason she'd been upset with him so many weeks ago in that cellar when Red John had once again disappeared. Her watery words she'd spat out in anger had probably told him more than she ever intended but he hadn't said anything. In fact, they hadn't spoken a whole hell of a lot since. Nothing serious, always pertaining to the case or some attempts at joking around here and there but even that had tapered off since that stupid kiss. That delightfully stupid wonderful lip lock that she thought about more than she should. She hated it but she wanted it to happen again. Although, that was why she hated it, because she knew it couldn't. That'd be her one and only little taste of how things could be if circumstances were different but they weren't.

Some strange part of her was fine with that. He was Jane and she was Lisbon. Anything more than that would only end in disaster and she wanted to keep him as her weird, sometimes annoying, friend and consultant. He was a friend whether he realized it or not and it'd scared her when there was a sharp blade pressing into his skin. She hadn't fought, she'd complied with the terms given just so he wouldn't get hurt. She was almost positive that Patrick Jane had no idea he was capable of terrifying her in such ways.

It was easy to be pissed at him for reasons that probably only made sense to her but Lisbon didn't care much about such things. If she wanted to be pissed off at him for scaring the crap out of her, then she could. If she wanted to be pissed because Minelli had berated her for playing along with one of Jane's schemes, then she could and most importantly if she wanted to be pissed at him for inadvertently reminding her how it felt to let his tongue explore her mouth with every stupid grin then she could. Nothing was stopping her from it and she didn't know any other way of dealing with the mixed emotions and he only made it worse by acting as if nothing had happened.

Okay, so yeah, she'd told him – in not so many words – to forget about it but it still stung a little that it was so easy for him to do so while she was having such a hard time. Just a glance at him and she wanted a repeat session. It was wrong, so very wrong, but that was part of the appeal. It couldn't happen and that was what made her crave it all the more.

Minelli was right, she was drinking the kool-aid and the problem was that she liked it. She shouldn't but she did and she couldn't even feel ashamed. The man was constantly in her head, even hours after seeing him last and a ton of paperwork couldn't keep her mind from wandering to Jane. Was he okay? Had he eaten? Should she offer dinner? It was easy to tell just by looking at him that he wasn't taking care of himself after learning they'd been pulled from the Red John case. He looked as though he wasn't getting what very little sleep he usually managed and she was almost positive he'd lost a good five pounds. It wasn't healthy.

Thinking of ways to confront him about his decline kept her from letting her mind torture her about the shrink she was being forced to visit and the memories it stirred up. Worrying over Jane was her way of distracting herself from thinking of her own problems, not that she had problems. Her life was fine. She was content and things were good. Sort of.

Her feelings were rather tangled but she didn't need professional help to straighten them out. She'd manage fine on her own although apparently Dr. Carmen didn't seem to think so. It made her even more pissed off at Jane to know he'd been cleared and she was still under observation. It sucked. It more than sucked and even though it wasn't the consultant's fault, she still blamed him. It was easy to pin it on him since her jumbled emotions were mostly his doing – the recent ones anyway.

The mind boggling kiss being the most recent. For some reason she'd let herself be pulled into the illusion, let herself part her lips to his curious tongue and even urged him closer, wanting more. That brief moment, that small lapse in judgment was enough to have her constantly wondering what would have happened if she hadn't come to her senses and pushed him away? The answer to that, she didn't know but her brain rewarded the question with an onslaught of fantasies that plagued her dreams on sporadic nights.

Dropping her head to meet the solidity of her desk, she let out a groan and wondered how one man could hold so much power over her ability to concentrate. Then again, she wasn't so sure it was just the one man anymore. Bosco being back in her life had certainly stirred the pot a little and she still had no idea how to feel about that. Why did everything have to happen all at once? Perhaps Sam had been correct, perhaps there was something clouding her judgment as well and that something was becoming a bigger and bigger issue in every aspect of her life – Jane.

In a desperate attempt to try and make things less awkward, she exaggerated a sigh and decided that talking to the captor of her thoughts would be best. She'd tried to avoid, forget, it wasn't quite working as well as she'd hoped. Especially considering that there'd been two nights she'd let herself go while thinking of their kiss, let her hands explore as if they were his – she'd pretended they were – let herself indulge in touch and pleasure that she desperately wanted but hardly received.

Chastising herself for recalling such events while exiting her office to talk to Jane, her cheeks flushed and her body heated. Inwardly cursing, she took measured and steady steps to the bullpen while trying to momentarily push the sudden arousal from her senses. It didn't really work but she managed to somehow walk up next to the couch and gently nudge his shoulder with her knee. She didn't trust herself to do anything more.

"Oh, hey Lisbon." His nonchalance was starting to annoy her. Was it actually that easy for him? Of course it was, he had other things on his mind. Things he considered more important than her and though it shouldn't, the thought of being less important than a serial killer actually stung a little. She was growing used to feeling the weight in her chest. The weight brought on by knowing that Jane came with Red John, that even though she considered him a friend, she'd always be beneath his enemy in his mind. "Need something?"

"Uh, no, not really. I thought we could talk."

"Isn't that what we're doing?" The boyish grin irked her but she just shook her head in disbelief and silently willed him to get the message. "Okay, what's on your mind?"

"That's a loaded question." Raising an eyebrow as he swung his legs over the edge of the couch to sit up, Lisbon released a breath. When he patted the cushion next to him, she offered a tiny smile to politely decline. She was fine with standing.

"What do you want to talk about, Lisbon?" Searching the area with her eyes to make sure they really were alone, she spoke softly just in case.

"Last week, in my office."

"You're going to have to be more specific m'dear." Setting her jaw and straightening her shoulders, Lisbon gave him a glare. He knew exactly what she was talking about and she wasn't about to spell it out for his sick and twisted pleasure.

"This isn't a game, I'm serious."

"What do you want me to say? I thought it never happened. That was what you wanted, wasn't it?" Shocked by the edge she could hear in his voice, her automatic reaction was to go on the defensive.

"You agreed."

"Mm, so I did." He offered nothing else, just a blank gaze and she came to the conclusion that it'd be the only thing she pulled from him. It hurt a little and then she was angry with herself. It shouldn't bother her, it was Jane. What did she expect, some heartfelt declaration on how he wished it could happen again but knew they couldn't overstep that boundary? This was real life and it became clear in those moments subject to his stare that she honestly hadn't thought this through.

What did she want him to say? Truth be told, she had no idea. They weren't dating, they weren't going to date. It'd been a fluke, a moment where both had been blinded by the sting of losing the Red John case. Emotions had taken over and they'd both needed an outlet, that was it. So why had she even come out to talk to him? She didn't know but suddenly it seemed like a very bad idea.

Without saying anything more, she tore her gaze away from his and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. In the process of gnawing at the flesh, she turned to leave with a sense of disappointment settling in her chest and had no real clue as to why she'd expected anything else.

She hadn't quite made it to the doorway when a hand caught hers. His hand, she knew. Warm and tugging her back around. She let him, let her body turn back and a puzzled look adorn her features. Releasing her abused lip from the hold of her teeth, she waited for him to say something, to do something. He was still gripping her fingers, brushing his thumb over her knuckles in an almost sensual manner. He wasn't helping put a stop to any of her fantasies by doing such a thing.

"I'm sorry, Lisbon." That was it? That was all she got? She would have been a little miffed at him for such a weak statement but something in his eyes gave away that he was really trying and just didn't know how else to say it.

"Me too." He was close. She could breathe him in, feel the heat of his body and it was only then that she noticed a tiny red spot on his neck. Leaning closer without thinking, she studied the mark until she realized that the blade of the letter opener must have nicked him. Unable to resist, and temporarily forgetting that they weren't the type to touch each other, she let her free hand raise to ghost over the area. It wasn't until he spoke that she was pulled back to reality.

"It's fine. Nothing life threatening." The hand he wasn't using to hold her hand moved up to grasp the one she had gently caressing the wounded skin. He pulled her fingers away and flashed her a small smile.

"Sorry, I just...I didn't notice before." It wasn't an excuse. She had no excuse for touching him like that but then again, he'd shoved his tongue down her throat the week before so maybe it was her payback. Although she wasn't sure of whom it was punishing. "I guess I came out here to find out why."

"Why it happened?" At her nod, he squeezed both of her hands gently and then let go. It was the only explanation she could come up with. Some part of her was curious as to why he'd kissed her and since avoiding the topic hadn't worked out so well for her, she'd wanted answers to questions that hadn't yet formed. "I think we were both shaken by the turn of events, tired, fed up."

"So we're in agreement that it was just an accident brought on by emotional distress?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now come on, we're leaving." Pushing all of her confusion on the subject away for the time, Lisbon jerked her head in the direction of the elevator. No, she hadn't managed to forget the feel of his kiss and she'd probably only be making it worse but she was more concerned over his wellbeing.

"Wh-"

"Don't dally, let's go. I'm hungry." A hot meal would do him good and she needed to learn to live with her new memory. She couldn't just 'forget' that she'd kissed him but she wasn't planning on doing anything about it either. It'd live forever locked away in her mind and that would just have to be enough. Neither of them could handle anything more and she knew he hadn't been himself that day. Patrick Jane never would have done something like that. Patrick Jane was too dedicated in his hunt for the man who murdered his family.

An2: And there's chap 2. Personally, I didn't much care for this episode...didn't give a whole lot to work with but I did the best I could and had Lisbon (kinda) confront Jane about the kiss even though she was the one who thought forgetting it ever happened was a bright idea. Oh Lisbon, how very confused you are.

Finally picked a name for my baby girl. After several arguments, Patrick and I settled on: Addalyn Rose.