Chapter 2
Albus Dumbledore was utterly lost for words, mouth opening and closing rather like a fish out of water. One minute he'd been in heaven, now he was being yelled at in his own office.
"WELL ?!" Minerva bellowed, the paintings on the walls trembled slightly, as the noise reverberated round the room. One even fell off the wall, landing with a loud bump in a dusty corner, causing it's occupant to wake with a start, and say ouch loudly. Albus stared at Minerva, horrified and dumbfounded, her furious gaze demanded an answer, a response.
"I ...I ... thought you were going to see Poppy .." Was all Albus could think to say.
"I changed my mind." Thundered Minerva, "I decided Poppy could wait. Is this true Albus ? Is the poem really about lemon drops ?"
Just as he was about to answer, Albus was distracted by the strange antics, of two of the paintings on his wall. Phineus Nigellus was making strange cutting motions across his throat, and shaking his head. Armando Dippet looked as though he was trying to speak, but no words could be heard. Could paintings become ill, Albus wondered.
"Phineus ? Armando ? Are you all right ? Are you unwell ?" Albus asked in a worried tone of voice.
Minerva had turned to glare at the paintings, with her eyes on them, neither one dared to answer Albus's query. Instead Phineus was rolling his eyes at the ceiling, and muttering under his breath. While Armando had his head in his hands, and was groaning. Albus grew even more concerned, as he watched them. Suddenly there was a sneeze from the corner, spinning round, Albus saw the inhabitant of the portrait that had fallen from the wall earlier, wiping his nose and sniffing. What if the paintings had some kind of virus, he'd never heard of such a thing before, but anything was possible.
"Perhaps I should call Madame Pomfrey, I'm not sure if she's ever healed paintings before, but perhaps she could try." Albus said, a note of growing worry in his normally calm voice.
"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you stop trying to evade my question, and answer me this instant." Minerva commanded, glaring at him with fire in her eyes.
"Really Minerva, I assure you that I am not trying to evade anything. I am simply concerned that the paintings may be unwell." As he answered, Albus wished that Minerva would stop glaring at him. He found it most un-nerving, and felt rather like a naughty child caught doing something wrong.
"There is no need for concern, Albus, we are perfectly well." Armando Dippet spoke softly, from his portrait. "I really think you have more pressing matters to deal with ..." Armando looked desperately as though he wanted to say more, but with Minerva's piercing gaze still upon him, he remained silent.
"If someone could possibly hang me back on my wall, it's terribly dusty down here." Came a voice from the corner, followed by another sneeze.
"Of course, of course." Albus answered vaguely, his main awareness on Minerva's furious gaze, and with a wave of his wand the painting flew back to it's original place on the wall.
Minerva was now tapping her foot, arms folded across her chest, and staring at him with what looked like an unspoken threat in her eyes. Albus began to realise why students in her classes were always so well behaved, as he started to feel distinctly uneasy about answering her.
Albus spoke softly, as he finally answered Minerva's question. "I am sorry Minerva, but the poem was about lemon drops ..." Sensing an imminent volcanic eruption of fury from Minerva, Albus quickly said, "But if I had known that you wanted me to write a poem about you then, of course i would have done so."
As the inhabitants of the portraits heard Albus say this, several of them groaned in despair, some of the women sighed and rolled their eyes. While Phineus said to no one in particular, "He really has no idea how to treat women, does he !"
"Did you know that the lemon drops wanted a poem when you wrote them one ?" Minerva snapped, her voice like the crack of a whip. Then answered her own question "NO! of course you didn't, and That Albus Dumbledore is the whole point !"
For a second or two Albus stared at her baffled, "but ... but I love you far more than lemon drops my ..."
"You dare to compare me to mere Candy ?!" Minerva interupted, her voice full of rage.
"No ... no ...of course not ..." Albus was beginning to think that everything he said just made things worse.
"I am going to get you for this, Albus Dumbledore." Minerva's tone was threatening, and filled Albus with a sense of impending doom.
For a second, Minerva fixed Albus with a furious gaze. Then turned and stormed from the room, slamming the door loudly. As the door slammed behind Minerva, there was a thud, as the same painting fell off the wall once more, and a plaintive voice came from the corner. "I Do wish she would stop doing that."
For a few minutes, silence filled the office, as Albus stood, seemingly stunned, gazing at the door, almost as if he hoped that Minerva would change her mind and return.
"We tried to tell you, you know..." The exasperrated voice of Phineus Nigellus interrupted Albus's thoughts.
"You mean you wanted me to lie to Minerva ?" Albus asked, looking at Phineus and Armando with a piercing gaze.
"Naturally, how else would one deal with an enraged female." Phineus answered.
"I do think it would have been for the best dear boy." Armando Dippet, Albus's ex headmaster, agreed quietly.
"Well why didn't you say so then ?" Albus queried. "Instead of waving your arms around, and making me think you were ill."
Phineus looked at Albus as though he was an idiot, then spoke very slowly and clearly, as though explaining something to a particularly dense child. "Because then she would have known that you were lying."
"No, she would not." Albus replied firmly.
For a second, Phineus looked at Albus, as though he was beginning to doubt his sanity, then just as he opened his mouth to speak. Albus continued, "Even if you had advised me to lie to her, I would not have done so. I have never lied to Minerva before, and have no intention of starting now."
"More fool you then" Snapped Phineus, and stalked out of his painting, with his nose in the air.
Armando seemed preoccupied with something on his desk, and looked slightly shamefaced.
"Armando ?" Albus queried, "You always taught me to tell the truth, surely you cannot think it acceptable to lie to Minerva ?"
Armando sighed slightly before answering, "My dear boy, have you never heard the saying, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'
As Albus remembered the fury he had seen in Minerva's eyes, he felt his blood run cold. Maybe, just this once he should have lied, then she might have been still here kissing him.
Absently Albus reached for a lemon drop, he may not have Minerva, but at least he still had lemon drops. As the sweet started to dissolve in his mouth, Albus's face wrinkled in disgust, his lemon drop tasted of pickled cabbage and sour cream. Must be a bad batch he thought as he spat the candy into his hankie, and opened a new tin. The next one tasted even worse, reminding him of rotten eggs and ear wax, and Albus began to feel slightly queasy. Just then, he noticed Minerva's face glowering at him from the fireplace, there was a gleam of triumph in her eyes, and the hint of a wicked grin on her face.
"This is only the beginning Albus Dumbledore." She said, a distinct note of implied threat in her voice. "By the time I've finished with you, you're going to be sorry, very very sorry indeed."
With those words she vanished, before Albus had a chance to tell her that he was already very sorry, and longed to be kissed by her, even more than he longed for a lemon drop that actually tasted of lemon.
Author's Notes
There will be more of this story, chapter 3 is almost done. I hope, and think, it's funnier than this chapter, I laughed alot writing it, but I have a weird sense of humour. ;) Well, I guess Albus is really in trouble, rubs hands in glee :D I have rough notes, ideas for a couple more chapters, it's just a case of when inspiration comes. And what evil plans Minerva comes up with. ;)
Yeah, I know bad tasting lemon drops is kind of weak, but as Minerva herself says, This is only the beginning. The site is playing me up like mad lately, ads keep crashing my browser, anyone have any solutions, please mail me. Thanks to everyone who reviews, reviews make authors days, so please review.
