this confusion is my illusion
nowhere to look, but know where
to find ya.
all these things I think about,
I'm sick about
always come unglued
yeah, I got this thing
it's comin' over me, I got thing
it's comin' over me, I got this feelin'
coming over me, yeah
Stone Temple Pilots
"Unglued"
Chapter 2
"The fifth amendment, NOW STOPPABLE!"
"Ummm, honor thy father and mother?"
"Grrrr, five hundred word essay on the importance of the fifth amendment, on my desk tomorrow morning!"
"Aww cripes..."
"Should I make it six hundred?"
"No no Mr. B, five hundred should teach me a lesson!"
Ron slumped back in his seat gingerly, so not to incur the wrath of the deep bruise on small of his back, inherited from the previous night's mission. Ron's secret fear had indeed come to pass, his newly developed feelings had interfered, and Dementor and his henchmen escaped easily, with parts to some machine he couldn't pronounce. Thankfully, Kim hadn't been hurt, but Ron suffered a massive blow to the back from one of Dementor's bigger, abet slower goons.
All because I was clammed up over KP. ,Ron berated himself. We could have stopped Dementor, no prob, we even got the drop on him, but when Kim needed me to come through the most, I was MIA, out to lunch, totally spaced!
The situation which lay before Ron was dire, in his own mind.
If I can't get my head in the game, KP could get hurt...or worse.
The young man rubbed his temples in frustration. Ron was used to being the second wheel during a mission, and generally making achieving their primary goal more difficult. Kim however, reminded Ron on many occasions that his "Ron Factor" was a key part in the heroic team's success, so Ron believed in Kim's trust of his odd abilities. Now though, it seemed as if his skills were off, misaligned if you will. And Ron most certainly knew the cause.
Every time I'm around KP lately, its like, I've eaten a bad bean burrito or something. Every thing's all herky-jerky, topsy-turvy even.
Ron was used to crushing on girls, being a part of the Middleton High cheer squad as the Middleton Mad Dog certainly helped feed his young fantasies. This was different though, he thought. Whereas he could appreciate Tara or Bonnie's "assets", he didn't develop any sort of soul-crushing longing for the girls. But this, this was a whole new experience for him, which quite frankly frightened the young man more than any primate or lawn decoration ever had. Usually he could just keep these kinds of things in the back of his mind, laugh them off like he did most of his troubles, but these feelings flooded his mind like a dam had burst. The fact that Kim happened to be his best friend of most of his young life disturbed him the most. Visions of a disgusted, emotionally betrayed Kim swirled through his mind, causing him despair to no end.
Aww man, if KP ever found out the truth, she'd be totally freaked. She'd think I was some kind of perv, just using our friendship to, like, catch a glimpse of her...
Ron quickly banished the thought from his mind, like he was violating some sort of forbidden law. He couldn't, however, keep the stray thoughts at bay for long. No sooner than he silenced his mind, a portrait of Kim once again begin to form in his mind's eye. She had hit a growth spurt over summer break, which by no real coincidence, happened to be when Ron began to be stricken with his new found emotions. The picture became clearer in brain by the moment. Her child-like face had begun to shape itself into a more womanly visage, greatly enhancing her already stunning looks. The last ounces of baby fat had completely melted away from her toned body, reveling nothing short of a human masterpiece. Her "womanly assets" had most defiantly "filled out" as well, making her extraordinarily enticing figure noticeable, even her most basic outfits. Ron had heard the talk around the hallways, classrooms, lockers, and lunch lines. Kim Possible was the object of every drooling, pubescent male student in Middleton High, not to mention the numerous sick and wrong websites Ron had come across browsing the Internet, and the tabloid magazines which seemed to have Kim's picture front and center at least every other month.
As the final bell sounded, Ron took the shortest path towards the exit, not wanting Kim to run into him in his current state, although, secretly wishing he would so he could behold her again.
The splatter of freshly spilled entrails splashed against the tv screen as the last zombie was blown asunder.
"Ha ha, yea! Booya! I am da man, da man with the zombie stompin plan!" Ron shouted boastfully, thrusting the Y-Cube 720 controller into the air.
"Best two out of three dude!" his less than ecstatic opponent replied.
"Face it Felix man, you face the Ron, and you're done!", Ron retorted.
"Wait, is that supposed to rhyme or something?", the other young man answered.
"Well ummmm, huh."
Felix chuckled to himself. "Looks like I've rendered you speechless, for once."
"Ha, ha.", replied Ron sarcastically, tossing a cushion at the spiky haired boy seated on the couch.
"Oh that's it homes.", Felix replied menacingly.
In the blink of an eye, a small, briefcase sized module rolled out from behind the couch, transforming into a futuristic looking hover-chair. Felix rolled into a a somersault from his position on the couch, into the waiting chair. After pressing a button located on the right side, two metal arms extended from the sides of the chair, each grasping a couch cushion. After another button press, the arms began flailing wildly, whirling the cushions around.
"So, you gonna rethink that rematch, Ron?", Felix asked playfully.
"Hey, no fair dude, no chair, no chair!, Ron screamed.
"Ha ha, so much for the mighty zombie stomper.", Felix announced smugly.
The two returned to the couch, munching on a snack consisting of mini-pizza bagels, and Xtremely Xtreme Nitro Fuel brand cola.
"So, you gonna tell me what was really up with you yesterday?"
Ron nearly dropped a mini bagel onto the floor in surprise at Felix's sudden question.
"Wha, huh? I was...sick. Mediterranean flu, you know? Wow, that stuff is ummm really rare around here. Viscious folks those Mediterraneans, heh heh. You know, just one of those thek fin...uh freak things."
Ron was crashing and burning in the wake of Felix's simple question. History, math, and language arts may not have been Ron Stoppable's biggest area of expertise, but he was absolutely terrible at lying. It just didn't come naturally at all to the normally innocent and sweet natured young man.
"Dude, Barkin said you left around 8:30 yesterday, but when I called your place at lunch to check on you, your Dad is clueless, says you're at school as far as he knows."
"Oh no, you-"
"Don't freak, I got it covered, I told him I saw you in the hall just then and I just must not have got much sleep the night before."
Ron sat in silence. He was grateful for Felix for covering his tracks with his Dad, but he knew Felix had busted him.
"Dude, it's not like you to skip school like that, what's up?", Felix concernedly asked.
"I was...I...I did some thinking.", Ron replied hesitantly.
"What?"
"Thinking! I went up to Lake Middleton and did some thinking...deep thought..."
"Woah, hope you didn't hurt yourself."
Ron flashed a weak smile. Felix regretted making the wise-crack, even though Ron didn't think anything of it. The wheelchair bound young man could tell something was really bothering his friend. He knew Ron was telling the truth this time.
"So...thinking, huh?"
"Yea."
"Uhhh, so...what's been on your mind?"
Ron looked at Felix for an instant, then back to the television.
"HEY HOW BOUT THAT REMATCH HUH? Best two out of three right? Let's go!", Ron exclaimed.
Felix swiftly grabbed the controller cord and gave it a hard tug, releasing the controller from the console.
"How bout we have a man to man instead?", Felix offered.
Ron sighed, defeated.
"You're gonna make this hard, huh?"
"Yup."
"Okay, but this doesn't leave this room, ok?"
"You got it Stoppable."
"I mean it, swear on the honor of the delectable mini-pizza bagel that this will not leave the room."
"Man Ron, you are serious. Ok, I swear."
Ron let out a long sigh, then returned to the couch.
"For about two months now, something's been eating at me."
"Heh, now you feel the naco's pain."
Ron had to smile at Felix's wise-crack, he soon returned to serious mode however.
"Seriously, I don't know what to do about it."
"What? What is it?"
"I've got this...crush I guess.", Ron finally blurted out, not being able to put into words what exactly he was feeling.
"A crush? That's what this is about? No sweat man, happens all the time right?", Felix responded easily.
"Well, it's not really that simple.", Ron replied.
"What? Older woman? A teacher? Ms. Rockford right? She is so fine..."
"KP"
"KP? Who's th..."
It hit Felix in mid-sentence.
"Oh...oh wow." , Felix could only offer.
"Satisfied now, oh brain picker?", Ron responded crassly.
Felix certainly couldn't blame Ron, even though he considered Kim a friend, he found himself sometimes gazing at Kim himself from time to time, especially since the new school year began. At once he could see exactly the situation Ron was in. If Felix felt semi-guilty looking at Kim, he couldn't imagine what it must be like for Ron, being such close friends with her for practically his entire life.
"Well, um, how bad do you got it for her? What are we looking at here?" Felix asked seriously.
"On a scale from 1-10? I'd say...Texas would be a good start." , Ron replied.
"Oooo, yowza."
"So, that's pretty much it."
Felix leaned his head back against the couch cushion, deep in thought, while Ron sat, fingers interlocked, gazing a hole in his mother's new carpet. Finally, the spiky haired young man jolted strait up, as if suddenly inspired.
"Okay, way I look at it, I got it boiled down to basically one option."
"What, what is it?" , Ron begged.
"Go with it."
3:04 a.m, the clock on the VCR read.
Ron still found himself unable to sleep. He rolled over on the couch to look at Felix's sleeping form lying prone on the small air mattress below him.
Easy for you to sleep homes, your brain isn't running like a hungry Rufus in his playwheel.
He thought back to his conversation with Felix earlier.
"Go with it."
Like it's just that simple. Like I can just walk up to Kim, "Hey KP, thanks for the study session last night. Oh by the way, I want you soooooooooooo bad." Yea, real smooth. Like she'd really fall for a guy like me, if it were anybody, it'd be...it'd be...
"Monkey."
Ron's eyes popped open immediately as he spoke the name aloud. Felix shifted a bit at the noise, but didn't seem to wake.
Ron rolled back over, closing his eyes again forcefully.
Monkey.
He recalled the first day of school three days earlier. Ron was in the library gathering up his mandatory reading assignments bestowed upon him by his "favorite" teacher Mr. Barkin, when he heard a hushed conversation taking place in the next isle over. Ron wasn't one to intrude or eavesdrop on anyone's private discussions, so he got the two books he needed and planned on heading up front to begin the lengthy check-out process, that was until he heard Kim's name. He couldn't seem to help himself as he quietly crept back over to the row of books and peered silently over the shelf.
"Man, I'm telling you, Kim was hot before, but now it's like, woah, major dish."
"Yea man, makes me miss middle school, ha ha."
Ron could make out the figures of two of Middleton's most popular students, Walter Nelson and (of course) Josh Mankey.
"But hey man, didn't you two date last year?", Walter asked Josh.
"Well, it's kind of a long story, lemme tell you straight, we went out a few times, but we really didn't get a chance to get very far, ya know what I'm sayin?"
"Oh trust me I know. 6th grade? Braces? Come on, I didn't even get another shot."
"6th grade? Com'on man, that's kid's stuff."
"Yea...Yea, but hey man! You two are still kinda tight, right? I bet you really go for it, you'll be back up in her good graces in no time!"
"Dude, you so read my mind. In fact..."
Ron was unable to hear the rest as the pair turned and made their way out of the library.
What was Monkey saying? Something about going after KP again?
Ron strained his mind trying to remember every detail he overheard. That's when another revelation hit him like a ton of bricks.
If Monkey does manage to pull the ol' charm on KP, then she'll for sure fall for him this time!
Even more, quite frightening began to surface in his mind. Images of Kim graduating, receiving her diploma, then running to greet Josh with a kiss and a shared congratulations. Images of Kim being accepted to a prestigious, out of state college, along with the brainy Josh. KP happily leaving Middleton to room together with Josh at said college, starting a new wonderful life. Leaving Ron alone.
Alone...No! Felix is right! I've gotta do it! There is no other choice, it might devastate her, but at least...
Then another, final revelation reveled itself. An image of Ron, fashionable haircut. No, not the lame "New Ron" hair cut, something...more suitable. An image of Ron, in sharp new duds, and shoes. An image of Ron, pushing his body to the limits, subjecting himself through strenuous training even a madman wouldn't attempt. But the results! Oh, the results! He could picture himself standing in front of a full length mirror, admiring his newly developed, muscular body. Flexing his six-pacabs, steel rod-like forearms and biceps, perfect pecs. Even better, he imagined Kim running her hands along all of them...
YES!I can do it! I've gotta do it! I've got to...for Kim, anything's worth it! I will be more golden then Josh Mankey! Starting this morning, Ron Stoppable becomes... RON STEPUPPABLE!!!
--------------------------------------------------------End Chapter 2--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next: Bargain
