"Oi you, you should not be doing that!" I hear Nick's friendly tone from behind me as he slaps me on the bum with a tea towel. I pause washing the dishes for a second as he wraps his arms round my waist. "How's mummy feeling this morning?"
"A bit sick but a little better now." I smile as he kisses the side of my head.
"Anything I can do to make it better?" He asks.
"Turn up to the scan later." I laugh. We were going for our first baby scan later today and I was bricking it, excited as I was.
"You know I will. I wouldn't miss it for the world." He sighs, taking the sponge off me and gently moving me out the way. "Sit down, I'm doing this."
I know I have no choice but to leave the work to him, so instead I take a seat at the table, nursing my brew on my stomach.
"Peter missed our first scan." I remind him, which I'm sure I had done a million times before. However it doesn't seem to irritate him, he can tell I am nervous, as I'm sure he was too. "...Our only scan."
"Yeah well Nicholas is not missing this scan. Or any of the others." He winks at me and I giggle. "It'll be fine baby, I promise."
"I just need to know that everything is ok." I sigh and he finishes the dishes, coming over to me and placing his hands on my shoulders, massaging them gently.
"Hey." He kisses me on the top of my head. "As long as you take it easy and get plenty of rest, it'll be fine. So no late nights at the factory and no doing jobs around the house. That's my task for the next nine months."
"And the rest." I try and force a smile. "Now get to work."
"Ok, I'll be back at twelve." He promises and I nod. He kisses me on the lips before grabbing his jacket and leaving. I finish my tea and place my mug in the sink before heading to get dressed.
I was relying on Nick. My last pregnancy had been a battle, which was probably the reason for the miscarriage and I did not want to risk anything going wrong this time. But I trusted him. I knew he wanted this baby as much as me and he wouldn't let anything happen to either of us. Unlike when Peter would go out, get drunk, have affairs and drive me to lose the baby.
Not this time. This time I was determined to be a mother.
11:52am
"Ok, you ready?" I hear Nick's voice as the front door to my flat swings open. I was relieved, even though I had every faith in him. "Got your text."
He passes me a bar of white chocolate and I grin at him, opening it avidly.
"You're early." I tell him, biting into it.
"Yeah well I thought we could get a head start." He smiles, holding out my jacket for me to put my arms into. I go to pick up my keys, but then realise I want nothing more than for him to just hold me, so instead I turn and walk back towards him. He knows why, he reaches out and I'm there instantly. Listening to his heart beat against my ear. He places a kiss on the top of my head. "Don't be scared." He whispers and I nod, although I'm terrified. We stay there for a few minutes longer before we do need to leave and he guides me out of the flat, shutting the door behind us.
It's only a short drive to Weatherfield General, which is where the scan was taking place. Nick pulls into a space and sits there with me whilst I stare out of the window.
"You ok?" He asks and I nod. Not wanting to crumble completely.
"It just brings everything back, you know?" I sigh and he reaches for my hand.
"Ok listen to me." He looks me dead in the eyes. "You're going to be an amazing mother. Ok? Don't you ever doubt that. We'll go in there, see our baby for the first time and then everything will be ok. I promise."
"You promise?" I ask like a child, which I could do in front of Nick because he was the one who looked after me, unlike all my past relationships.
"I promise." He leans over to kiss me and that gives me the strength to get out of the car. He takes my hand again and we swing our arms slightly as we approach the hospital.
"Hi, Nick Tilsley, we have an appointment for an ultrasound under the name of Carla Connor." Nick clears his throat as he addresses the desk and I take the liberty of sitting down in the waiting room, opening a magazine despite the fact that I wasn't even reading it. "Hey, we can go in now."
"Now?" I panic slightly, I hadn't expected to be seen this quickly.
I give him a wary look before rising and following him into the room. It was very much like the one I had endured my original scan in. Dim lights, a single white bed with a computer next to it.
"Carla?" A friendly midwife greets me. "I am doctor Lloyd and I will be seeing you through your pregnancy."
"Let's hope so." I mutter, reaching for Nick's hand.
She's babbling away as I position myself on the bed and doing all sorts of checks for blood pressure. I know it's supposed to calm me, but it was seriously confusing me and I didn't need that right now.
I feel a cold sensation on my stomach as she says something about gel. I look up at Nick, who now can't hide the fact that he's looking just as nervous as me. He rests a hand behind my head, pulling a chair up to sit on and leaning over to kiss me on the forehead. He takes my hand in his and I grip it suddenly as I hear a low beat from the system.
"What's that?" I suddenly panic.
"That's your baby's heartbeat." She smiles and I'm frozen in shock. It sounded so real, so alive. I move my head to stare at my boyfriend, who is listening in awe to the noise that is being projected. "Do you want to see it?"
I nod, unable to process any words. She tilts the screen towards us and I have to cover my mouth with my spare hand in amazement. It was just like before. I suddenly remember the intensity of emotions that rush over you when you see the life forming inside. I'm crying before I can stop myself, tears rolling down my cheeks silently.
"Oh God, sorry." I laugh. "What am I like?"
"Beautiful." Nick whispers and my heart melts slightly at this. "You're both beautiful."
"There's a hand up by the chin, do you see?" She points it out to us and I clench Nick's hand tighter, but he doesn't care.
"You don't know how long I've waited for this moment." Nick tells me, sounding almost close to tears himself. I dare to tear my eyes away from the screen for a second to look at him and he focuses his attention on me.
"That's our baby." I finally confirm, my face forming a smile and he laughs, moving his forehead so it's level with mine. He moves his hand through my hair whilst we watch our child wiggle around on the screen, a black and white image that would soon be flesh and blood. I was sure of it now. I was desperate to love this baby and care for it and be a mother to it.
It. Soon it would be a him or a her. Soon it would be in our arms. Then it would be in a cradle, waking us up at five am. Then Nick would be teaching them to crawl, walk, whilst I took photos of its first birthday. We'd be feeding him or her, carrying them up to bed. Watching them walk through the school gates for the first time, tears in my eyes, Nick holding my hand, like he was now.
That's when I realise. This is what I wanted. I; Carla Connor, actually wanted a family. I was desperate for the pictures I was painting in my head and to share them with the man I loved.
"So, everything is ok?" Nick's soft voice breaks my thoughts.
"Yep, by the looks of it." She smiles, snapping a picture and printing it out. "I just need to record a few details and then you are free to go." She hands a folded piece of card to Nick and then helps me to sit up, cleaning my stomach before I let my top slide back down.
It's effort to stand up. I am so in shock and amazement that my legs feel like jelly. I don't think I've ever felt this relieved. I don't think I've ever felt this happy.
"Told you everything would be ok." Nick tells me when we are finally out of the hospital. He passes me the picture before putting his arm around me. I cuddle into his side, opening it up and smiling as I see our baby again.
"It's amazing." Is all I can say, studying the picture.
"What have you done with that hard hearted cow that used to boss me around in the factory ey?" Nick grins.
"She's still there." I tell him. "She's just finally found herself."
"Oh well, looks like I fell in love with both of you then." He kisses me on the forehead and I stop in the car park as he wraps his arms around me.
I don't know how long we stand there but I never want to move. I never want to let go. I just want to stay with him holding me, our baby in between us. Learning before it's born what it is like to feel loved.
