Author's notes: Just so you know, I no problem with Mormons. In fact, one of my best friends is Mormon. What I have a problem with is Mormon books that aren't billed as such, especially when they are badly written adolescent fantasies with priggish, Mary-Sue protagonists.

)O(

"How can this be hard?"

Bellatrix was exasperated, she was restless, and she was distracting Victoria. The two women were waiting outside Forks high school for the school day to end.

"Shut up," Victoria snarled.

"But I just don't understand how you haven't managed to kill her yet," Bellatrix whined. "She's just a muggle, and not a very good one at that."

"She's got the Cullens protecting her," snapped Victoria.

"Oh, yes. How horrifying. Shiny… vampires," Bellatrix drew exaggerated quotation marks in the air with her fingers, "who don't drink blood. That really is a frightening thought."

"Oh shut up."

"Please." Bellatrix twirled her wand between her fingers. "They're pathetic."

"Like you can talk. Wouldn't be so brave without that stick in your hand."

Bellatrix looked offended. "That isn't true. I could kill them without my wand."

"No you couldn't."

"I could!"

"You couldn't."

"I bet I could!"

"All right," Victoria said impatiently. "You're on. I'll bet you that you can't kill them both without your wand."

"What should we bet?" Bellatrix asked.

"That depends," Victoria said. "How do you feel about werewolves?"

"Hate them, filthy animals."

"Well, I know where there's a whole reserve full of them. If you kill Edward Cullen and Bella Swan without your wand, then I'll show you where they are. You can do whatever you want to them."

"Werewolves!" Bellatrix scoffed. "I'll bet these werewolves are as pathetic as these Cullens. Oh, let me guess, they don't change at the full moon and can read each other's minds."

Victoria didn't say anything.

"Yeah, okay," Bellatrix said. "That sounds good. And, if I don't manage to kill them both without my wand, then… you can go back to England and take my place."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"I thought you were all depressed because your mate James died."

"I am."

"Well, if you go back to England and say that you're me, then the Dark Lord will sleep with you. It'll take your mind right off this James person."

"Okay," Victoria said. She stuck out her hand and Bellatrix shook it.

Just then, the final bell at Forks High school rang, and the students came pouring out.

"Here's your chance. Think you can pick them out?" Victoria smirked. There was no way that this British newcomer would be able to tell which of the students were Edward and Bella.

"That depends," said Bellatrix. "Is Edward the one who looks like his shoes are too tight?"

Victoria craned her neck. "No, that's Jasper."

"Oh. Then Edward must be the one with the abominably bad fake-American accent and the poorly applied makeup."

"Right," said Victoria grudgingly.

"Ah, so Bella must be the epileptic one with the 'Mormon prig' sign taped to her back."

"If by epileptic you mean keeps blinking and raising her eyebrows every two sentences, then yes, that's Bella."

"No problem," Bellatrix grinned. "They'll be dead by sundown. Better get the directions to the werewolf farm ready."