CHAPTER 2
Adventure Under the Earth! :O
"It sure is dark in here," Kiyoshi said.
"Don't worry, let me just grab a torch from my bag," Kasumi said and reached into her bag… but she did not get anything out of it.
Kasumi proceeded to scream über-loudly and said "Oh no! My bag doesn't work in here! Specifically in here. It would work perfectly fine if we weren't under this specific mountain though."
"Then why don't you just go outside, take out a torch there and then come back inside?" Kiyoshi stupidly asked. "I mean, clearly stuff that you pulled out of your bag doesn't just vanish in here. If it did, me and Steve? would be back home now."
"I can't do that! The door has been shut! Touch that door, and you'll be simultaneously electrocuted, fatally poisoned, burned and turned into a sock!" Kasumi said using her Flawless Logic(TM).
"Uh-huh…" Kiyoshi said and walked over to the door and tried to open it. Then, just as Kasumi had reasonably pointed out, he got electrocuted, poisoned, burned and then transformed into a sock. Thankfully socks are immune to poison so he didn't die.
"Told you so," Kasumi said and picked up the Kiyoshi-sock, and put him into her now completely ordinary bag.
"Uh…" Steve? said.
"What is it?" Kasumi asked.
"I did bring a bunch of sticks and coal. I could always make some torches," he said.
"Oh nice, why didn't you say so earlier?" Kasumi said as Steve? crafted three stacks of torches.
Kasumi and Steve? wandered through the cave, with Steve? helpfully illuminating the place with his torches. Before long, they came to a chasm too wide for them to jump across.
"Curses, if only this cave was a little blockier I could mine out the stone to make a bridge," Steve? said. Sadly his pickaxe did not work on smooth, non-cubic surfaces and so he was at a loss as to how they could get across. Kasumi was also at a loss because she still couldn't use her bag.
"This is not good… We have to get out from under the mountain so that I can get out an antidote for Kiyoshi! He may have been de-poisoned by getting turned into a sock, but he's still got some really bad burns," Kasumi said, looking at the heavily charred Kiyoshi-sock.
"…" said the Kiyoshi-sock, which was "I hate you," in Sockish.
"Wait! I have a brilliant idea!" Kasumi said. "Let's throw Kiyoshi over to the other side of the chasm and have him look for a way to get us over!"
"…" said the Kiyoshi-sock, which was "How do you expect me to do anything there? I'M A SOCK," in Sockish.
"Oh, nonsense, you might be a sock but you can still move around!" Kasumi said with Flawless Logic(TM).
"…" said the Kiyoshi-sock but since I already told you what that means four lines ago clearly I don't need to repeat myself.
And so Kasumi threw the Kiyoshi-sock over the chasm and he started crawling around like a worm until he accidentally stumbled across a button labeled "BRIDGE". He pushed it and a bridge appeared, allowing Kasumi and Steve? to cross.
Later the trio were resting up because they had been walking non-stop for so long.
"So Kasumi, your dad… Didn't he use to live in some other country?" Steve? asked.
"Yeah. He told me he wasn't exactly the nicest guy around there so people didn't like him very much, but a friend of his eventually convinced him to turn over a new leaf," Kasumi said.
"…" said the Kiyoshi-sock, which was "I can imagine. That guy is weird… So what was that other country he used to live in anyway?" in Sockish.
"Uh, I don't quite remember… Something starting with E. It was pretty far away though, that much I remember," Kasumi said.
"And then he moved to Boardville and became the mayor through completely conventional and legal and not-at-all questionable means before marrying your conveniently absent mother and the rest is history," said Steve?, providing bunch of extra background-info that was completely unnecessary to our heroes as they all knew this stuff, but Kasumi had previously said with Flawless Logic(TM) that if they ever got into such a conversation as this they had to give as much background-detail as possible.
And then some random shit appeared. By which I mean a gigantic poop-monster showed up in front of them.
"Oh noes, it's a random shit!" Kasumi said. "Steve?! You have to fight off the random shit!"
"Why me?" Steve? asked.
"Because Kiyoshi is a sock and I can't use my bag that holds everything so I have no rubber-bands. Duh," Kasumi said applying Completely Normal and Conventional Logic(TM).
"Oh," Steve? said and pulled out his diamond-sword and charged at the random shit.
Steve? then won easily because the random shit was pretty shit at fighting. Or actually it turned out that the random shit wasn't even planning to attack them at all and so that made Kasumi feel pretty shit about telling him to kill it.
"Sorry about that," Kasumi said to the random shit.
"Oh it's okay, most people try to kill me on sight anyway," the random shit said. "Anyway, shall I show you the way out of the mountain?"
"That would be nice," Kasumi said and then the random shit gestured for them to follow it down a stairway. Then they kept going deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and… you get the idea.
"…" said the Kiyoshi-sock, which was "Hey wait a minute, we want to get out to the surface! Why are you taking us downwards?!" in Sockish.
"This is a shortcut," said the random shit and then after going deeper some more, they found themselves in front of a big blocky portal.
"Wait, could this be…?!" Steve? said.
"This is a portal to the Minecraft-world. Go through here and you'll be able to travel much easier to the outside of the mountain and also your bag that holds everything will work again," the random shit said.
"Why, thank you random shit, you're so kind!" Kasumi said before giving the random shit a hug except then she immediately regretted it because seriously, she just hugged a poo.
Then they went through the portal and found themselves in the Minecraft-world where Kasumi promptly leapt into the nearest lake.
"…"said the Kiyoshi-sock, which was "Okay so now we're in the Minecraft-world your bag supposedly works again. Could you please put me back to normal now?" in Sockish.
"Oh, sorry," Kasumi said, and pulled a De-Sockifier and a band-aid out of her bag, putting Kiyoshi back to normal and healing his burns and electrocution.
"In fairness though I did warn you this would happen," Kasumi said.
"I hate you," Kiyoshi said.
"You know, this is the first time you've been to my world, isn't it?" Steve? said.
"Yeah… It sure is… blocky," Kasumi said.
"Oh sure it would seem that way to you non-blockies, but to me, your world is the one that seems bizarre and disorienting!" Steve? said.
"Why do you even attend school in the human world anyway?" Kiyoshi said.
"Well, do you see any houses or schools or stores or anything around here?" Steve? said, looking around at the massive desert they were standing in. There was but one small dirt-hut visible off in the distance, which they figured must be Steve?'s house.
"So, uh… How are we gonna get back to our world?" Kiyoshi asked.
"Well obviously we just have to build another portal that will take us back once we've travelled far enough that we'll no longer be under the mountain once we come out on the other side. Duh," Kasumi said and so they started walking towards the Minecraft-world equivalent of where the opposite end of the mountain would be. (Kasumi pulled a device out of her bag that showed where they would appear if they made a portal at any given location.)
Five hours later they were still walking and the sun had risen and set 15 times because Minecraft-days are very short and also they were still in the desert so they were kinda exhausted. Kasumi had taken some water-bottles and some sun-lotion out of her bag to keep them from being too miserable, but even then, the journey was starting to get somewhat taxing, especially with all the zombies and skeletons they had to fight every time the sun went down. (Kasumi had pulled out another cat and named it Cat #2 so they were safe from Creepers.)
"Ugh! This is agony!" Kiyoshi said. "Are we still under the mountain?"
"Hang on, let me check," Kasumi said and took another look at her 'Equivalent Location-Seeker'. "Yes, yes we are."
After a few minutes of just glaring at Kasumi with an expression that seemed to indicate that he felt a very strong urge to ditch her and go start a new life as a farmer in the Minecraft-world, Kiyoshi was struck by a case of Flawless Logic(TM).
"Hey, why don't you just pull some horses out of your bag and then we could ride through the desert to arrive faster?" he said.
"I suppose I could… But hey! Only I am allowed to use Flawless Logic(TM)! Didn't you see the trademark-sign?!" Kasumi said. "You know what, I'm gonna let you go without making you pay royalties this time, but I demand an apology for infringing upon my trademarks!"
Kiyoshi cast her an "Are you fucking kidding me"-kind of look, but before he even got a chance to say anything, a blocky Minecraft-version of a Ringwraith from The Lord of the Rings swooped out of the sky and kidnapped Kasumi!
"Eeek it's a Minecraft-Ringwraith!" Kasumi screamed über-loudly, while being carried into the sky by the dragon-riding Ringwraith. Her bag that holds everything conveniently fell off her shoulder and landed on the sand-blocks in front of Kiyoshi and Steve?.
"What will we do?! Without Kasumi's Flawless Logic(TM) to guide us, how will we proceed?!" Steve? panicked.
Kiyoshi cast him the same "Are you fucking kidding me"-kind of look he cast Kasumi earlier, before pulling a stronger, faster, more accurate bow and arrows of light out of the bag. He then took aim at the Ringwraith, fired…
And missed.
"Damn it, if only there was a way for us to get homing arrows of light instead!" Steve? said.
Then Kiyoshi, not even bothering with pointing out the stupidity of that sentence, pulled homing arrows of light out of the bag and fired those towards the Ringwraith. Sadly the Ringwraith's dragon could fly very fast and so an epic chase-scene ensued where the Ringwraith was flying around through the sky with the arrow in hot pursuit, desperately trying to shake it off.
It didn't work. The Ringwraith was hit by the arrow of light which kinda hurt and then he dropped Kasumi who was now falling from above the clouds. All thing considered her situation could have been better.
"We've gotta catch her!" said Kiyoshi and pulled a large safety-net out of the bag and stationed it at the point Kasumi seemed to be falling towards.
"NO! THAT WON'T WORK VERY WELL AT ALL!" Kasumi shouted as loudly as she could.
"WELL THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?!" Kiyoshi shouted back equally loudly.
"PUT A SLIME-BLOCK DOWN INSTEAD! IT WILL COMPLETELY NEGATE ANY DAMAGE FROM THE FALL!" Kasumi further shouted with Flawless Logic(TM).
And so they did that and Kasumi hit the Slime-Block and bounced harmlessly into the air a few times until the momentum wore off and she was able to land on the ground without dying or suffering minor or major injuries.
"…So anyway. Horses," she said and pulled some horses out of her bag. Specifically two. Kiyoshi might have just saved her life but she was still annoyed that he stole her shtick and borrowed her bag that holds everything without permission, the douchebag! So he would have to share a horse with Steve?.
"Oh come on, you mean saving your life wasn't enough to make up for that?" Kiyoshi said.
"No."
Flawless Logic(TM).
