The Avengers Tower is cold and empty and foreboding, but he forces himself to keep walking, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. He can feel the eyes of the others on him, raking over his metal arm and his unkempt hair and his tired eyes.
Steve is just the opposite, walking with a bounce in his step and a twinkle in his eye. He is at ease here, comfortable and happy. He leads Bucky up and introduces him, saying nothing about the Winter Soldier but only the good things, joking about Bucky saving him in alleyways and scoring him dates with women a good six inches taller than him.
The others introduce themselves. "Clint Barton" (a brooding sort of man with wary eyes, a possible threat), "Bruce Banner" (quiet, the type who seems to polish his glasses quite often - not a threat), "THOR ODINSON!" (a big puppy dog with a giant hammer - threat), "Agent Romanoff; I'm glad you remember, Mr. Barnes" (unreadable - perhaps the greatest threat of all), "Tony Stark; you knew my dad" (threat, but many flaws to take advantage of).
The air chills even more as Stark mentions his father and there is a hint of malice in Stark's eyes. Bucky remembers Howard and his mustache and wit and way with women and maybe something else that he can't quite put his finger on, but he doesn't have time to think before Steve is showing him around like a whirlwind, showing him all of Stark's robots even though Bucky knows better than anyone about the "wonders" of modern technology.
There is a television in Bucky's room, and after ten minutes of tinkering and the help of a disembodied voice he learns is called JARVIS, he turns it on.
"The aftereffects of the collapse of SHIELD are still rocking the nation, and with Alexander Pierce's cronies still at large -"
His breathing becomes shallow and rapid, he can feel something in his eyes and his vision begins to blur - with rage or tears he cannot tell - and he begins to smash buttons on the remote, as if he is punching Alexander Pierce's soft old wrinkled flesh, and he's pummeling it over and over and over and over -
"Sir, I can sense your blood pressure is rising. May I suggest you take a break from beating the remote? You are causing the volume of the television to fluctuate."
The cool voice jerks him back to reality, and he quickly turns the TV off, wrapping his arms around his chest, feeling the cool metal on his skin. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, over and over and over - "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" -
It takes a long time for Fury to trust him.
"He almost killed me," he says indignantly whenever Steve asks why Bucky isn't an official Avenger yet. Steve gets frustrated and explains that it wasn't Bucky (who the hell is Bucky? who the hell is Bucky? who the hell…?) who did those things, it was Alexander Pierce.
"Yeah," Fury says, fiddling with his sunglasses, "another friend who betrayed my sorry ass."
Steve sighs and quits, but only for a week or so, because then he's at it again, pestering Fury despite Bucky's quiet protests.
It is only when Bucky takes a bullet for Barton that Fury begins to trust him.
There had been a handful of rogue Hydra members that Fury wanted dead, so he assigned Barton and Steve to take care of them ("Don't let your star-spangled ass get all sympathetic now, you hear? I only assigned you because Romanoff is with Stark and Banner in Sweden," Fury had said), and Steve quietly brought along Bucky without telling Fury about it. "Compartmentalization," was Steve's response when Barton asked why he was bringing "Snowman Number Two" with them.
It was a hit in the leg. Nothing compared to what he had gone through before, but Fury begins to trust him. Or, rather, he begins let Bucky be included with the Avengers - trust isn't exactly included in Fury's agenda anymore.
It takes longer for Stark to trust him. He always called Bucky Mr. Barnes or Robocop or Replicant and Bucky never understood why Stark disliked him until Loki came along.
It is three months since Bucky has been residing in the Avengers Tower, and it is his first encounter with Loki. ("He is my brother, Sergeant Barnes, and he may be unstable. His imagined slights have completely overtaken his mind, and there is little reason left in his brain… Yet he is still my brother, and I do not want him seriously harmed," Thor says, a sad look in his otherworldly blue eyes. "But be warned, he will be able to read you like a book, and pry out your darkest secrets." Bucky thinks it a little dramatic, even for the Asgardian.)
Bucky is sent to keep an eye on the Frost Giant, who is locked in the room where Bruce goes whenever he gets upset. He is wearing some sort of Asgardian bracelet that saps his magic, and he looks thin and gaunt and decidedly different from his big and blonde brother. Loki is a snake, a viper that is ready to strike at any moment.
Minutes pass. Bucky hears voices upstairs, arguing about what to do. "I do not wish him to be harmed," Thor says, voice carrying the loudest. Bucky cannot make out what the others are saying.
Loki begins to chuckle, slow and quiet and deep and terrifying. Bucky doesn't respond, but his skin begins to crawl.
Minutes pass. Then,
"You know, big brother told me all about you." His voice is low and drawling. "Well, I might have just overheard him. As you may have noticed, he is quite loud."
Don't respond.
"How you were captured by that… Hydra, is it?" Loki speaks slowly, savoring every word and loving the sound of his own voice. "Tsk, tsk, it was very rude of them to brainwash you."
Who the hell is Bucky?
The W - Bucky's throat tightens.
Loki pushes ahead. "Do you know why Stark distrusts you?"
Bucky can't help it - he looks at Loki. How did he -
The god seems to read his thoughts. "Oh, come on," he laughs. "Even someone as thick as your patriotic little friend can notice that he has an innate disliking of you. Do you ever wonder what happened to his father, the one that you knew?"
A woman screams -
Bucky clenches his jaw. "Shut up," he mutters, voice low and dangerous.
Loki smiles devilishly - not the mischievous way Romanoff smiles, but the smile that smells of deceit and treachery. "Oh, it is a simply marvelous story."
There is a car, it's red and two people are in it -
Bucky pinches himself.
Loki is inches away from the glass now, eyes alight and excited at this new game he is playing - "Don't you remember, Bucky?"
Who the hell is Bucky?
There is a car, it's red and two people are in it. Howard Stark, his intended target; his wife, a necessary casualty. He doesn't know her name; it isn't necessary.
"SHUT UP!" Bucky yells, not only at Loki, but at the Winter Soldier, at Alexander Pierce, at Dr. Zola, at the world -
Stark is grinning, but the smile dies as he spies the lone figure on the lonely road, metal arm glinting in the sunlight. He tries to brake the car, but the Winter Soldier has already laid his trap, the same on he has used time and time again - flip the car with an explosive, clean up the mess -
Someone is laughing, high and cruel and cold.
He can hear the woman scream as the car flips over and he can hear the glass shatter and then come the sobs, the aching, heaving sobs of a dying woman which are soon silenced as he kicks her head - someone is screaming, maybe it's him, maybe it's the man - and he looks into the eyes of Stark, and there is a flicker of recognition. There is a bubble of blood at the corner of Stark's mouth, and he dies with a look of horror and shock on his face - "Barnes? Hey, Robocop - Oh, Jesus - ah, fuck - someone get Steve in here" - and the Winter Soldier rolls the car to the side of the road, hearing the crunch of bones as the Starks' heads are crushed and ribs shattered and skin maimed and the Winter Soldier wonders why Stark recognized him, but then he is taken away - a deep, thundering voice is shouting at someone, shouting so loudly - and then the pain comes again, and the cold, and he doesn't remember Stark anymore, he doesn't remember anything, he's just a tool, a soldier, the Winter Soldier - and suddenly Bucky is reeling backwards, screaming, hitting the wall and making a dent and sliding towards the floor, screaming, screaming "I'M SORRY" over and over and over and then suddenly strong arms are there, and he thinks it's going to be Steve but it's Tony and Bucky can't stop crying, because he killed them, he killed Tony's parents, his friends, his friends, his friends -
No one talks about that incident, but Thor makes sure to give Bucky a good deal of Pop Tarts, and Bruce begins to experiment with tea making, and Natasha and Clint begin to spar with Bucky more, and Steve sometimes tries to talk about the "good ole days", and Tony begins to called him Bucky or Buckaroo and adds over one hundred songs from the 1940s onto his iPod.
Some days, Bucky can even pretend the Winter Soldier never existed.
