And She Wanted Him For Good
James Potter didn't love Lily Evans because the sky was blue. That's not to say that he didn't love her when the sky was blue.
Whereas, on the other side of the spectrum, Lily Evans did hate James Potter because the sky was blue. That's not to say that she didn't love him when the sky was blue.
Lily Evans hated James Potter because the sky was blue, because his shoes were always tied, because the grass was green. Lily Evans hated James Potter because of all these things, due to the small fact that if she tried any harder she would realize there wasn't all that much to hate in the first place.
Though, one should not give James Potter a free pass. For he proved to be as insane as Lily Evans was, just in different ways. For one, James Potter may not of loved Lily Evans because the sky was blue, but he had been in love with her since the first time she'd screamed in his face which is, you should admit, a little odd.
Yet, it must be said that they both were teenagers, and teenagers... Well they're insane as a rule.
And the day that Lily Evans realized what she felt, what she really felt, was an insane day. For not only Lily Evans or James Potter, but somehow, Remus Lupin had gotten himself mixed up in the mess.
Remus Lupin was a boy that prided himself in academics, which was a bit of a difference from his three best friends, James, Sirius and Peter. James prided himself in the art of pranking. Sirius as well, but also as a school renowned ladies man. Peter prided himself in a killer game of Wizard's Chess, and you'd be hard pressed to find him a worthy opponent.
The fact that academics was Remus' life may explain why he had been on his way to the Library on a sunny Saturday afternoon, rather than going outside with his mates. And since Lily, one his good friends and the Head Girl, had the same priorities as him, it wouldn't have been such a coincidence to see her there, or on her way.
That fact in itself explained why he saw her in the hallway just around the corner from the library. What that didn't explain was why she was walking in circles talking to herself.
"It's not as if he's all that great. I mean, just last week he used a sticking charm to glue me to my seat. What a child!" She whispered to herself, her face flushed with her fingers running through her hair.
Remus approached her warily. "Lily?" He tapped her shoulder. "Is everything alright?"
She looked up at him and her face looked odd, as if she didn't recognize who he was, and he began to worry even more for her well being. "Are you sick?" He asked her.
She continued on as if she hadn't heard him at all. "There's no reason to even be thinking about all this! You wouldn't even be doing so if Black hadn't put these ideas in your head," She muttered darkly.
Black? Ideas? What is she on about?
The truth was, Remus had no idea what was going on. As far as he knew, Sirius and Lily didn't talk, save the times he was mocking her and she retaliated. And how on earth could he planted ideas in her head?
While Remus' head raced, Lily continued her garbled speech. "Whenever I see him, it's all mockery. Nothing about that boy is authentic! Black says I mess with his mind? Please! That's all he does to me!" She began to twist her red hair around her finger. "He acts like he wants to be friends with me one moment and then completely humiliates me in the next. I don't know how much of this I can take!"
Remus was beginning to listen again to what she was saying and realized she was talking about some boy. He was intrigued, because as far as Remus knew, Lily didn't spend any time worrying about boys. He would come to realize at a later time that he was completely false on that account. In reality, she spent her precious nights thinking about him, and had even recently started daydreaming about said boy. Something that was turning out to be worse and worse for her Transfiguration test scores.
In that moment, Remus realized other things he'd missed as well. Sirius had been sending looks in her direction recently. Most where she just shook her head and looked the other way, others where she cocked her head and raised her brow in return.
He took a look at Lily. No, he told himself. Sirius would never do that to James. "Lily?" He paused for a moment. "You and Sirius... You haven't been..." He broke off.
When she didn't respond, or even look at him for that matter, Remus began to shake her. And he didn't stop. "Lily! Listen to me!"
She blinked and was brought the present in a second. She looked up at him with a frightened expression. "What?"
"Are you... Have you and Sirius been doing...anything..." He trailed off once more.
She gave him an odd look. Then comprehension dawned. And then disgust bubbled underneath. "Are you insane? You think I've been shagging Sirius?" She shook her head. "Please, Remus. I do have some standards." Her brows pulled together. "Though, I'm now beginning to doubt that, even," She muttered.
"Lily, what are you talking about?" She glanced at him. Then she rolled her eyes.
"It's not big deal Remus, just forget about it. You want to work on some DADA with me? I haven't finished the essay yet." She began to walk toward the library until Remus grabbed her arm.
"Lily, stop and tell me what's going on!"
"I told you. Nothing is going on," She told him, exasperated.
"Lily, don't you dare lie to me." His voice became dangerous, and Lily looked at him once more.
Remus still believes that is the moment he ever truly saw what James saw in Lily every time he looked at her. Her eyes were so green and passion burned beneath them. Her hair acted as a flame around her face, even though it wasn't nearly as red as other peoples. It framed her face, and in mid motion, it almost rippled. Her mouth was parted just enough to make it seem as if she had a reply at the ready before a question even had risen. If Remus had owned a camera, this would have been the shot of a lifetime.
"It's just-" Her voice broke, and she looked away. "I'm just having a bad day. And I can't think straight. Everything Black said... It just won't leave my head, and I don't know what to do..."
Remus looked at her oddly. "You and Sirius have been talking lately?"
"Oh, it was only once. It's not a big deal. Except I guess it is. Because I can't sleep anymore because of it..."
She looked at Remus for a long moment until her face turned to complete shock. "Shit. Shit. Shit," She started looking through her bag. "Mary... You didn't do that," She started to talk to herself. "I told her. I told her not to take it."
"Take what?" Remus asked, perplexed.
"She... She took the note. I told her, I wanted to keep it. Not because I don't trust her, which I don't, but I can't tell her that. And neither can you," She gave him a strong look.
"I don't talk to Mary, Lily."
"I know you don't. But still. What I told you is not a fact you should advertise."
"What was the note about?"
"Note?" Lily looked at him funny for a moment. Then she understood. "The note. Right. Umm, well. You know how the sky is blue?"
"...Please tell me you didn't just realize this," She shook her head.
"Of course not. Anyway. The sky is blue. And his shoes. They're constantly tied. Never undone."
"Whose shoes are ever undone? And who are you talking about?"
She groaned. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe a first years?" She looked at the ground and then back at Remus. "And also, the grass is green. Green. Not red. Not purple. Green."
"What does that have to do with the sky being blue? Or shoes, for that matter?" Remus realized that Lily may not have been as stable as she let on.
"That's why I hate him!" She practically screamed in his face.
"That's why you hate who?"
She looked away. "...Black. That's why I hate Black."
"You hate Sirius because the sky is blue?"
"Yes!" She sounded glad he understood. "I mean," She stumbled with her words. "No. That's not it."
"Didn't you just say that you hated him because of that?"
"No, I hate him because the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green."
"You hate him because of that combination?"
"Yes."
Remus gave Lily a long, hard look. "Has anyone ever told you you're insane? And also, why not hate him because he makes fun of you, or because he gets on your nerves?"
"Because... I don't know. It makes me feel..." She trailed off. Remus waited. "I don't know why I don't hate him because he makes of me, but I hate him because the sky is blue. All I know is that is why."
Remus shook his head. "Should I bring you to the hospital wing? I'm sure there's a potion for insanity somewhere..."
Lily continued on though. "All I know is that recently, I'm finding I can't even hate him because the sky is blue. Or because his laces are tied. Or because the grass is green. I can't find reason to hate him. All I know is Potter has gotten too far into my head for it ever to be possible for him to get out. All I know is that I might be okay with that."
Remus Lupin realized something right then. Lily Evans didn't hate Sirius Black because the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green. Lily Evans was having trouble hating James Potter even though the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green, is what really was going on.
Lily looked at Remus for a moment.
She looked at her hands.
Her mind raced.
"And Remus?" He nodded, showing he was paying attention.
"I think I have to tell him that."
I hope you all enjoyed that!
There will be one or two more chapters after this.
Please review and tell me what you think.
~YoungAndLiving
