Chapter 2

Hours later, a small airplane (or a large private jet) flew through the sky. In a bold font it said Spielberg Airlines with a big picture of his face on the side. Inside of this airplane consisted of every employee in the office as well as some crew members hired by Spielberg to help out with the film. The cameras, boom-mics, and light fixtures were all setup and filming the next scene. All the cast and crew were crammed off camera, while only a few were in front of it.

Agent Michael Scarn sat in his seat sipping a glass of chardonnay while wearing a tuxedo. An FBI agent, named Agent Grape Drank (played by Jim Halpert) approached Michael with a gorgeous lady named Jan (played by Jan, of course) beside him.

"Agent Michael Scarn," said Jim "I thought I'd find you here."
"Agent Grape Drank," replied Michael as he took a sip of his chardonnay and made a disgusted face from the taste "Who's the fine lady?"
"This is Spray Tan Jan. She can be all yours if you can do a simple task for me."
"I'm already on an important enough task, but I can consider yours a side mission."
"There have been a string of kidnappings going on in Tokyo lately. One of which is Catherine Zeta Jones II. She was kidnapped from her hometown and brought to Japan. My agency wants you to go undercover as a Yakuza and infiltrate them while disguised."
"I had a similar plan," said Michael "Except I was just gonna walk into the Yakuza hideout and go in guns blazing. I like your plan better because it sounds like I have a better chance of survival."
"If you can complete the task, you can have Jan all to yourself. Just to prove I'm not lying, I'll give you half now and half later."
"I think that saying only works for money."
Jim pulled a katana out of his pants and sliced Jan in half at the waist with a single swing. Her two halves landed on the ground and gasps drew from the people off camera.
"Which half do you want now?" asked Jim.
"I'm a mouth-man, so I'll go for the lower half for now. The reward of an upper half will motivate me to work harder on my mission."

"This movie is gross," whispered Pam to Erin, who was beside her off camera.
One of the stewardesses also looked paled and appeared as if she was about to faint. Michael called out cut and some people clapped to celebrate a successfully shot scene. A few of Spielberg's associates came to dispose of Jan's body by stuffing her two halves into two suitcases.
"This isn't how movies are made," said Dwight to Andy "I've seen enough behind-the-scenes documentaries to know that you need to switch your actor out of the scene before killing them."
"This is Spielberg, Dwight!" said Andy "He's a movie wizard!"
"My character steps on a landmine on page forty-seven. I'm gonna investigate a bit more before I agree to do anything."
"Just a landmine?" exclaimed Andy "I get torn apart and eaten alive by the Yakuza!"
"Why is this movie so violent?" asked Pam who stood near them "The first Threat Level Midnight was good quality fun for the whole family."
"It's what the people need," said Dwight as he walked off.
Dwight made his way into the cockpit to go socialize with the pilots and compare his flight skills to theirs. One of the pilots was a Spielberg associate and the other... was Creed.
"Creed, I didn't know you knew how to fly a plane."
"Spielberg planes are based off of video games, Dwight. Also, I've never played a video game."
Dwight stared in confusion before looking off at the other pilot "Other pilot, where are we heading?"
"Tokyo," he replied "You're all off to meet the big man himself, as well as some of the Japanese actors in the film. Real life Yakuza members, if I've been told correctly."
"Sounds dangerous," replied Dwight "Good thing I know karate."
"But do you know Spielberg karate?" asked the pilot.
"My cousin Mose taught me everything I ever wanted to know about karate and football. I taught him everything else he needs to know about life."

Minutes later, Jim was sneaking around at the back of the plane with no other people around while filming himself on his camera phone.
"Hey YouTube, I'm gonna pull a prank on Dwight. He's currently taking a big ol' poop in the bathroom. I'm gonna sneak in, dump a package of hotdogs on him, then steal his pants and toss them out the window!"
Nellie then ran into Jim's video looking very excited with the idea of a prank "Are we pulling a prank? I love pranks! I once convinced someone to put their socks on inside out!"
Jim proceeded to look very disappointed, but informed Nellie of the plan once more. Jim kept his phone filming as the two snuck up to the bathroom door and opened a package of hotdogs. The two of them giggled as Jim signalled a countdown from three. When he reached one, Jim kicked open the door as they saw Dwight with his pants down. Dwight yelled and tried to get his pants back up, but Jim and Nellie pulled them off and made a run for it, with his underwear included. A fully exposed Dwight chased after the two of them until they reached a window of the airplane. Nellie laughed like a madman as she struggled to open the window.
"No, don't!" yelled Dwight.
She opened the window and immediately got sucked out. With the turbine right next to them, her legs got sucked in first and the entire interior of it was instantly coated red with her blood. She screamed in terror and freed herself from the hold of the turbine. Jim and Dwight stared out the now closed window as the upper half of her body fell rapidly from the sky and out of view. She left a lengthy trail of blood and intestines the more she fell. After a minute of falling, her blood trails splash landed in a Japanese neighborhood, covering the roofs of several houses, swimming pools, and cars. The remains of her upper body landed right in the center field of a community baseball game and received a reaction of disgust from the crowd and the players.
Dwight and Jim looked away from the window and at each other with blank expressions. Jim shut his phone off.
"Nice prank there, Jim."
"Here's a towel," said Jim as he handed him one "Now cover up."
Dwight wrapped his nude lower half up with a white bath towel and the two of them made their way back to the large group, where Jim stood next to Pam.
"You look very pale," she said "Like you saw a ghost or something."
"No, no. Just, um... Dwight's penis."
"Gross."
Michael picked up the megaphone "Next scene calls for Michael Scarn to bask in the glory of the gorgeous stewardesses. Has anyone seen Nellie? She plays the uptight old lady next to me."
"She left!" yelled Jim "Grabbed a parachute and jumped out the window. She had a dentist appointment or something like that."
"She'd rather go have her teeth cleaned than be in a big Hollywood movie? Oh well, her loss!"
Michael put the megaphone down just on time for the pilot to make an announcement "Attention everyone, we will be landing in Tokyo in about five minutes. Have a Spielberg day!"