Misunderstandings

By: Unknownred

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Note: Hi fellow readers, thanks for reading the first story to Misunderstandings and sending me reviews! This short story's dialogue is between Sasuke and Sakura. Hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the prequel.

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"No."

"Oh, come on! It won't even hurt!"

"I like my personal space."

"And you think I don't either? Especially when other doctors touch me during my mammogram?"

"Hn. It's different."

"How is that, pray tell?"

"…"

"And don't say it's because I prefer being comfortable around female doctors that grope me, instead of male doctors. I'll let you know that I have had my share of male doctors examine me. It's not a preference per say, only they've been assigned to me, less the ladies are too busy to take on patients and I'm left with the men. Besides that, I don't see any reason to begrudge them; it's part of their job! They're specialized in that field just like you are with your sharigan and summoning Susanoo."

"…You're an open person."

"And you're shallow. It's not like you're gonna be assigned to just any doctor. I am your personal doctor. Unless you prefer a male doc touching you…probing inside you…without your knowledge?"

"How do I know you wouldn't either?"

"Pfft!"

"Sakura."

"Sasuke, I'm a doctor! My work is professional. Just because I like you doesn't mean my feelings for you will override my duty of manhandling you. Besides, what if you have polyps or something worst from all that bacteria?"

"Poly-what?"

"Polyps, small clump of cells that forms on the surface of the colon or rectum."

[Sasuke looks perplexed]

"Your asshole, Sasuke. The hole that enters your butt. I swear, men and their learning barrier. To think, you of all Uchihas' don't even know what their respectable butt hole is called."

"Tch. Your point is?"

[sigh] "My point is, if those polyps aren't removed, it can be cancerous."

"And how do you suppose I'd get these polyps?"

"Ah, it's not technically a known fact but since polyps do grow from bacteria in the rectum, a simple fisting could go long ways to becoming your very, dreaded answer."

"Simple…what?"

"Fisting."

"As in… a practice of defending oneself with handballing chakra and impacting someone's body. Normal. What do you think we are, Sakura? Pretend ninjas? Even Naruto would side with me on that."

"I didn't say anything of the sort!"

"But your implication of such action sounded riskier than what it's actually worth."

"No… okay, look, it's like this. Let's say, after a whole day of… training, Naruto is feeling-"

"Why Naruto?"

"It's just an example. Now shut up. Naruto is feeling hungry for..."

"Ramen, so he heads over to the Ramen Ichiraku, as he always does."

"Uh, no, that's not where I was going… his hunger is more carnal because he-"

"Just got done from using his tailed beasts' powers. Sakura, any Jinchuriki possessed person would feel that way after training."

"Sasuke, please, it's just an example!"

"So, he goes to the ramen shop, and all the ramen is gone, thanks to that Akimichi guy. He does the one thing his bean brain can manage and that's Kakashi's secret hidden leaf finger jutsu."

[Moment of silence]

"Oh, my, gosh! I don't even know where to start- where that even came from!"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"You're gonna be a great fatherly story teller one day."

"Hn."

"So egocentric, I swear. Okay, let's say that happened…"

"What, there's more?"

"Yes! Now, shut up so I can finish the damn story! And don't you dare interrupt me; this is important! Naruto didn't wash his hands meaning his hands are infected with bacteria."

"What does that have to do with fisting?"

"Oh, so we're back on subject? You know, I don't think impaling Choji's butthole with the One Thousand Years of Death would be consider 'fisting,' but your perp is Naruto. That, I can see why you'd avoid this as much as your denial in- uh, never mind."

"In what, Sa-ku-ra?"

"Dare I say it! You know what, it just makes sense! Who on earth would ever give you (if you ever did get) the One Thousand Years of Death if not Naruto? Kakashi sensei? Ha, you better think again! You'd probably fireball his ass before he sneaks one up on you! …I was referring more on the lines of being closely intimate with your S.O. ...that kind of thing."

"What do you mean by S.O.?"

"You know, SO, significant other?"

[Crickets]

"No? Boyfriend, girlfriend- ring any bells? Partner in crime, domestic partner, life partner, soulmate, better half, spouse, lovers, admirers, beaus. What is it that you don't understand?"

"Special Officer."

"Yes, special! Finally, something that clicks in his brain! That's exactly- wait, what?"

"SO, special officer."

"No, SO, significant other, a person whom you are in a closed relationship."

"I have no more means of getting close and personal with my adversaries."

"Tch. What about a certain rival?"

"Which is?"

"The guy we exemplified just now? The one who would do the stupidest jutsu in the hidden leaf village and get away with it? 'That rival'!"

"No, that dumbass wouldn't know a fisting coming when he sees one."

"So, he's the submissive type? That would make you the domineer. Huh, I can see that."

"Of course. Sooner or later, I'll need to revive my clan. Perhaps, you'll consider assisting me in it?"

"Wait, wait, wait, are we still even on the same subject anymore? And that sounded more of a command than a proposal. [gasp] Hold up, that wasn't a proposal, was it? Hell-o soldier, no can do! If you're still pounding Naruto, I wouldn't want to be your rebound or mistress. It won't be right and it won't definitely make me happy nor will it your future generation."

"Sakura, what are you even talking about?"

"Sasuke, what I'm trying to say is… well, I still have an inkling suspicion that you could be- not that I believe it but it just crossed my theory and I'd be super disappointed if it were true because I loved you for a long time and then to find out you're actually…"

"Get to the point, Sakura."

"Gay."

[Awkward silence]

"No."

"You sure? Just because you kissed me doesn't mean you aren't gay."

"I think I'd know that for myself if I were or weren't."

"Then accept the colonoscopy! Think of it this way, accept the examination by proving to me once and for all that your rear end isn't… loose."

"Sakura."

"Oh, man up, for goodness sake! It's not like I'll be fisting you. Unless you've already-?"

"I'm not gay. And no."

"It won't even take longer than 60 minutes. It'll be over before you know it. And if you want, I can give you sedatives."

"There's even an option?"

"It really depends on the patient's pain tolerance but I'd recommend the patient being as calm and participant as possible during the procedure. Won't want anything getting stuck-"

"My final answer is-"

"And I won't take no for an answer. Either you take the checkup or I'll see to it to disable you with my chakra scalpel and assign one of your fans to doctor you up."

"Is that a threat?"

"Did I stutter?"

"…"

"…"

"The answer is still no."

[Later that evening]

[beep!]

[breathing]

[beep!]

[breathing]

"Oh, and Sasuke, I didn't specify which gender of your fans you'll be assigned to, but it won't matter now that you're here and medically under dosed. Sleep tight!"