Author's Note: No weird smelling ladies, I promise.


The next morning…

Kate Beckett hadn't even bothered trying to sleep the previous night, her emotions too raw for her to even think about it. So following her last rendezvous with Vikram, she did the only thing she knew: she returned to the Twelfth Precinct and holed herself up in her office. But seeing as how the sun was rising, and her detectives would be in soon, she dropped and closed the blinds looking out over the bullpen.

It was the closest thing she had to privacy for the moment, but it would have to do. Unfortunately, her newfound duties as Captain couldn't be put on pause for her personal vendetta. Not like her marriage.

That thought made Kate slump over her desk, the taste of bile burning in the back of her throat. She had cried her eyes out after leaving Vikram, so much so that she had to pull off to the side of the road before making it back to the precinct. Her eyes still stung with emotion, and they began welling again.

No.

She was not going to break down at work.

As it was, the boys would likely know something was up. The bags under her eyes, the fact that her outfit and hair weren't quite as "on-point" as usual - to borrow a phrase from Detective Esposito. Her current frame of mind, and the precinct's dimly-lit locker room, were to blame for that, but Kate knew she couldn't hide forever. Especially with a meeting with One PP later that afternoon.

An actual meeting with One PP, not something she came up with on the fly to keep her husband from asking questions.

Her husband… could she call him that anymore? She still wore the silver band on her finger, as if to convince herself that she was fighting to return to something. But what if there was nothing to return to? What if she had done irreparable harm to that? What if, in the process of asking Castle to trust her, she made sure he never could again?

Her free hand almost reached for the iPhone sitting on her desk. It was practically instinct, a habit so engrained in her over the years. Call Castle. Even though it wasn't even seven in the morning yet, and she guessed he had as much trouble sleeping as her, Kate stopped herself just short of grabbing the device.

Would he even pick up? What would she say if he did?

Vulcan Simmons' mugshot scowled at her, but she wasn't as focused on it as she should've been. A New York Times expose' detailing Simmons' connection to former Senator Bracken's SuperPAC was trapped under the mugshot, revealing nothing Kate didn't already know. But if this investigation was to be successful - if she was to bring down Bracken's partner and even have a chance at reconciling with Castle - she had to start from the beginning.

Technically, her mother's murder was the beginning, but the Simmons connection was the first time Kate remembered Bracken being in cahoots with anyone of note. Prior to that, Bracken had appeared to be the proverbial lone wolf, hiring out expendable muscle and assassins on his own whim to satisfy his needs.

Simmons obviously wasn't the partner - unless he had pulled off the world's greatest fake death - but he seemed like as good a place as any to start.

Vikram's tech savvy was what had led them down this road; for lack of a better term, he had hacked into the NYPD's Narcotics database - despite Kate telling him she had her own Narcotics expert who could offer the needed intel - and discovered the signature Simmons used on his drugs.

He was now looking to see if drugs with that signature were still in circulation. A bit of a longshot, but if Vulcan Simmons was connected as he sometimes boasted, it would make sense someone was still pushing his product in his absence.

And in hindsight, not seeking Ryan's help was prudent; that was one less person who needed to know what she and Vikram were really doing. As it was, she was dreading the conversation she knew she'd eventually be having with the boys about why her husband was now nowhere around and why she wouldn't be going back home every night.

They weren't going to like this. And Lanie might actually smack her.

The black watch on Kate's wrist caught her eye. She still had a few hours before she had to be at One PP, to go over the maddening work of arrest data and the like. The minutia of running a police station was, for the first time, interfering with her crusade for justice. Some part of Kate wondered if that was a sign, the world's way of telling her she was making a mistake.

Maybe that state Senate run wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Kate's frown deepened when she stared at the watch. Her father's, given to her once he had finally sobered up. She had worn it every day she could since, desperate to cling to the life she saved while still wallowing in the one she had lost. He had battled his demons - still was to this day, he would admit - and she hadn't conquered hers.

Not like she thought.

Biting back a fresh wave of emotion, Kate pulled the watch from her wrist and let her thumb graze over the surface of it. Tears were building in her eyes again, and this time there was no stopping them. One tear fell and landed on the face of the watch before Kate pulled open one of her desk drawers.

Burying her face in her hands, and letting herself give in to the pain again, Kate shook her head. She didn't deserve to wear that watch right now. She didn't deserve to wear a mark of "victory" over addiction, not when she was knee-deep in her own personal rabbit hole again. Part of her wondered if she had ever gotten out of that hole, or if it only felt that way because she was in it by herself for the first time in years.

Even if that was the case, she still deserved to be punished - because she was the one who made sure this was a solitary endeavor. If Richard Castle hated her for this, she deserved it and would accept it, because that meant he would be alive to hate her. She could live with that far easier than she could live with him dying because of something she did.

In the depths of her despair, Kate hadn't noticed when the door to her office opened. Nor did she notice when one of her detectives cleared his throat.

It wasn't until a shadow crept over her desk, signaling the presence of someone standing right over her, did Kate sniffle and look up. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Detective Esposito standing before her, a couple days' stubble on his cheeks. He had bags under his eyes, too, but likely for a far different reason than her.

"Uh… Captain?"

Kate sank back into her chair, pursing her lips and swallowing back another sob that wanted to push free. She swiped at her right cheek as nonchalantly as she could, even though she knew her boys would see clear past the charade.

Detective Ryan had kept by the door, his brow creased in a mix of confusion and concern. "Everything alright, Beckett?"

Esposito threw a glance over his shoulder - because really, asking someone if everything was alright when they were in tears wasn't the smartest move – before the annoyance left his face and he regarded his new boss with the same scrutiny.

She hated it. Hated feeling under the microscope like this. Why couldn't it be one of the other detectives in her office, one who didn't know her quite as well?

"What's going on?" she deflected. "You're in early."

"We've got a body," Esposito explained. "Found him in the woods, impaled against a tree. Our vic was wearing an orange jumper."

Kate frowned, the tear streak on her left cheek all too noticeable against the rising sun peering through the blinds. "Escaped convict?"

"That's the theory," Ryan said slowly. "We're checking all correctional facilities for any escapees matching our vic's description. He's on Lanie's slab now."

"Good." Kate sat up, picking up her pen and moving a manila folder so it covered up the newspaper article and the mugshot. She hoped beyond hope neither of the boys had seen it; the last thing she needed was them getting involved in this. "Keep me posted."

But neither detective was leaving. In fact, Ryan had joined his partner by her desk.

Keeping her head down, hair framing her face as she pretended to tackle a stack of paperwork that was far too big for her liking, Kate pursed her lips again. "Something on your mind?"

"What's wrong with you?" There was more bite to Esposito's tone than she liked.

"Yeah, Captain," Ryan added. "I know you don't like paperwork, but come on… it can't be that bad."

Dropping her pen and pushing herself away from her desk, Kate shrugged. "I left."

The boys watched with scrunched brows as Kate walked past them, grabbing her white mug with the block K on the side as she made a beeline for the break room. They followed her, exchanging confused glances before they stopped in the doorway, seeing her reach not for the fancy espresso machine but the pot of black coffee.

Esposito's hands curled into fists when he saw pouring her mug full. "What do you mean, you left?"

"I walked out," Kate explained.

Ryan chewed on his lower lip with a frown. "Why?"

Kate approached the doorway in hopes of getting back to her office, but the two detectives blocked her way. They both stood with their arms folded over their chests, and the look Esposito gave her wasn't much different than the look he had given her years before when she was with Demming and Castle was on his way out.

She hated that look.

"What?"

"You walked out," Esposito repeated. "On Castle?"

"It's complicated" was all Kate would give them.

"Now what on Earth could Castle have done," Esposito cocked his head to the side, "that would make you walk out on him? Especially after he had just gotten you back?"

"It's not him," she admitted with a shake of her head.

"He was with us," Ryan said. "When we found those bodies in that theater. He found your bracelet in a pool of blood. Beckett, it was like when 3XK took you all over again."

The bile rising in her throat again, Kate clenched her jaw and walked back to the sink. She poured the contents of her mug into the sink and slammed the mug against the surface of the counter so hard she thought it might crack. The detectives stood in place, and she hated the matching scowls they were throwing her way.

Mostly because she couldn't really blame them for it.

"Don't you two have a murder to solve?" she snapped.

She expected at least Esposito to say something to that, but the boys just glared at each other before turning and leaving the break room. Once they were back at their respective desks, placing phone calls and working on their computers, Kate stared at the discarded coffee in the sink.

Her lower lip quivered, and before she could think to do otherwise, Kate tossed the mug across the break room, letting herself drop to her knees when the ceramic shattered against the soda machine.


Outside…

For the first time, Richard Castle realized he didn't own any inconspicuous vehicles. They were all flashy in their own ways - none more so than the Ferrari - but that was befitting of the charismatic man-child the world saw at book parties and signings and other public events that Black Pawn occasionally required him to attend.

But for tailing someone, for being sneaky, he didn't have anything that fit the bill. Still, his silver Mercedes would have to do until the rent-a-car places started opening up and he could rent something less noticeable.

Probably a navy blue Taurus.

He was parked a block and a half away from the Twelfth Precinct, an uneaten bagel and a lukewarm travel mug of coffee at his side. Though Castle's stomach growled - it had been almost twelve full hours since he had last eaten - he ignored what his body was telling him. After a quick stop the previous night to his renovated P.I. office, Castle had begun tailing his wife as best he could - starting with the airplane hangar in which they had been reunited.

He glanced at the phone cradled in one of the drink carriers. One missed call. Alexis, probably wondering where her father was and why a few things from his desk at the office were missing. He thought of calling her, but thought better of it; he didn't want to explain what was going on to her.

Not yet.

Not ever, if he could help it. Alexis had accepted Kate as part of the family, fully and without reservation, and as much as it gutted Castle to have her walk out on him, part of him shuddered to think how that would potentially damage his daughter's relationship with his wife. So for now, silence was the order of the day.

But to keep Alexis from calling the cops about stolen items, he grabbed the phone and shot her a quick text, saying he had taken a few things for a case he working on.

Nice and generic.

A phone call to the number Hayley Shipton had provided went straight to voicemail. Of course she would be out of reach. That woman seemed to come and go as she pleased, despite her immediate rapport with Alexis and her help in tracking down where Kate had gone on what was supposed to be her first day as Captain.

So it would appear Castle was on his own on this. Fortunately, his wife was somewhat predictable. He hadn't found her at the hangar, but he had found the man she had been with. Vikram Singh, he remembered her saying his name was, and Castle couldn't help but wonder why he had returned to the hangar.

Not that Castle was able to ask Vikram, as he had lost the other man after leaving the hangar. Castle's tailing skills apparently needed some work.

Castle adjusted the black headphones covering his ears, turning up the volume on his laptop. Sneaking into Kate's office in the middle of the night had been more of a chore than he had hoped, coming down to bribing one of the officers on night watch with a Twix bar from the vending machine, but he had managed to slip the tiny listening device under the trunk of one of the ceramic elephants behind his wife's desk.

His wife's desk. His wife… his…

Was she still his wife?

He had heard the boys mention a new case, and he almost let his instinctual curiosity about that get the better of him. Solving murders with the boys would have felt like old times, in a sense, but Castle had his eyes set on a much larger mystery - that of just what the hell Kate Beckett was up to, and why she felt the need to walk out on him to do it.

The sound of a door slamming shut jolted Castle, so much so that the headphones almost fell off his head. He placed them back over his ears again in time to hear the squeak of her chair and a ragged sigh pushing from her lips. It was the sound she always made after she'd had a good, hard cry, and despite the anger and confusion, Castle's heart broke for her.

Whatever this was, it was torturing her.

Part of Castle liked that - but he immediately hated himself for it.

If Castle's hunch was right, there was something she didn't want him knowing. And not in the same sense that Meredith hadn't wanted him to know about the director who spent time in his bed back when they were still married. This was clearly something bigger, something so big he couldn't be a part of it.

Assuming, of course, that Castle was right. But he had to be… he couldn't have possibly done anything to sabotage their marriage in the hours since their reunion, had he?

She wasn't mad when she walked out. She was in tears. She was apologetic.

She had asked for forgiveness.

But why?

The buzz of her iPhone against the desk filled Castle's ears, and he turned the volume up even more as she answered it.

Beckett.

Yeah. What'd you find?

The silence stretched on for far longer than Castle liked. He wanted to know who she was talking to and what they were discussing. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just the boys checking in about the case. Maybe he had been wrong.

Maybe there was no grand reasoning to all of this. Maybe he was just watching yet another marriage disintegrate in front of his eyes.

You're sure?

Look… I don't like you being out there by yourself without resources or protection. We have a temporary opening here at the precinct. Our video tech is on extended leave to deal with a family illness. Take the job, Vikram.

The sound of that man's name caught Castle's attention. He immediately reached for a pad of paper and pen that were sitting next to his bagel. He jotted the name and several relevant notes so quickly that he wondered if he would be able to read them later.

You'll have NYPD resources at your disposal, and I'll be able to watch your back.

Another sigh, this one less ragged than the last.

Yes, I'm sure. You can back out if you want, but I have to see this through.

The call ended on that note, and Castle shed the headphones before reaching for his phone and thumb-tapping a quick text to his daughter. She hadn't replied to the last one, but that wasn't of consequence at the moment.

Vikram Singh – what do we know?