Chapter 2

I took a shower hoping to clear my head but everything was still a mess. I put on a pair of jeans and a nice button up. I was nervous. Anthony DiNozzo was nervous and I wasn't eve the one going out on a date. I drove to the pizza place to find everyone already there.

They were sitting at a large table and they were all laughing. Miami had his arm around Ziva. I felt anger surge through me but I recovered. I was here for Ziva. To make sure he was ok.

"nice of you to finally join us DiNozzo." Gibbs said as I sat down at the only empty seat which happened to be right across from Ziva.

"uh, yeah I was running and lost track of time I guess." I said.

"Reid." the man next to Ziva said, extending his hand to me. Everyone was watching as I shook it and put up my best smile.

"Tony." I said.

"yeah I've heard so much about you from Ziv." he smiled. He already had a pet name for her. It wasn't like ours that actually had backstory.

"Oh yeah good old Ziv." I said under my breathe with a fake smile as I picked up my menu.

We all ordered our drinks and there was light conversation. I didn't trust myself with alcohol at that moment so I stuck with a coke and steak.

"so Gibbs, Ziv told me that you built boats." Reid said.

Gibbs just nodded.

"well, I used to sail a bit when I was kid. I actually built my own boat with my uncle when I was about 13." Reid smiled. "a little amigo kit."

"no kidding." Gibbs smiled. I wanted to throw up as they began talking about their boats.

I sat quietly as he talked to McGee and Abby about computers. He was charming. Too charming. They were eating it up.

Finally he came to me.

"so Tony, Ziv tells me you're quite the movie buff." Reid said.

Again everyone quieted and was listnening to us.

"oh yeah, I haven't seen many new ones lately." I said.

"well that's too bad. Ziv and I watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith when we first met in Miami. Her favorite." he added and winked at her. She just smiled.

He was charming but wrong. I knew Ziva's favorite movie.

"yeah, kinda reminds me of when we were undercover huh sweetcheeks." I said and smiled at Ziva but I immediately regretted it. I wasn't trying to break them up no matter how badly I wanted to.

"yes. Tony that was similar except we were on the same team." She said with a firm voice and gave me a look telling me that was a bad topic.

"that's true." I said.

"and Ziva also told me how loyal you are." Reid said as he took a sip of his beer. "going all the way around the world to avenge her death even if you were probably going to die."

I looked at Ziva and she looked at me. We just stared at eachother while he talked. I knew we were both remembering our reunion.

"even though it was kind of your fault she was there." he finished.

McGee choked on his breadstick in shock. Abby patted him on the back and was still looking at Reid.

"I mean, you pretty much gave her no other choice but to stay in Israel." he said looking at everyone else for support but got none. They saw how I was when I thought she was really gone forever. They saw how close I was to really losing it.

"it's complicated." I said softly.

"Tony was not the reason I was...there." she said. "it was my father who did that part."

"oh well, yeah about my first point." he said. He realized he had put his foot in his mouth. "that takes balls. Thank you." he hugged Ziva closer to him with one arm and just smiled at me.

I was a little angry that I had decided against taking my gun.

"Just can I ask why? I mean I would've done the same but you guys weren't really on good terms and you still saved her." he asked.

I hesitated. The reason was because I loved her and I couldn't live without her but I wasn't about to tell him that.

"Well, Ziva and I had worked together for 4 years. She knows me better than anyone else. She tried to protect me from getting hurt so many times before, I tried to do the same but obviously it didn't really work out that well. I had kind of betrayed her with Rivkin but I was trying to help her. It was the least I could do." Ziva and I still hadn't broken eye contact. "I couldn't just move on knowing what I had done to her. It was kinda like my world stopped."

After kind of an akward silence Reid whistles low. "jeez it be good to have you on my bench I guess." he said.

"I don't know. I tend to miss opportunities a lot. Then I regret it and spiral out of control a little bit. Then when I can fix it I screw it up or I'm too late." I said still staring into Ziva's warm brown eyes.

Her face relaxed as my words sunk in. Abby was smiling so hard that it looked painful.

Just then the food came and the conversation was forgotten.

"so Reid tell us a little about yourself." Ducky said.

"well, I'm 32 and I'm a film amd theatre professor at the University of Miami and I used to play basketball there until I blew out my knee sophomore year." everyone had stopped eating and was looking from Reid to me. They were all thinking the same thing. This guy could be my twin. "my dad died when I was young and my mom and aren't that close. She worked a lot when I was a kid. I'm an only child so I was pretty lonely." he said as he took another drink of his beer.

"Well that's quite interesting, Anthony has quite a similar backstory." Ducky said. "he also went undercover a while ago as a professor of the same subject but only to get close to a girl."

Abby gave me a comforting smile as she saw how uncomfortable I was getting.

"Duck," Gibbs said trying to get him to stop.

He took the hint. "ah, yes well needless to say, it did not end well."

"the worst thing you can do is lie." Reid said and smiled over again at Ziva.

"tell me about it." I said. I couldn't take this anymore. The conversation wasn't that bad but I just couldn't see Ziva with another guy. He was alright as a guy but to me not so much but as long as he made her happy...

Everyone was done with their food.

"I'm gonna head out." I said placing a 50 on the table. "it's on me. See you Monday."

Everyone said their goodbyes. Reid stood up and once again extended his hand.

I took it and shook it firmly. "Handle with care." I said looking at Ziva. "Contents, Priceless."

I told her I would say it and I did. I really meant it.

"wait a sec Tony." Reid said as he got up and motioned for Ziva to do the same.

"that's exactly why I'm doing this." Reid said as he got down on 1 knee. "Ziva David, I know it's only been a few monthes but why wait. If anything, what you've told me about your life is that we shouldn't wait. Things happen and I want to always be the one to be there for you." he smiled up at her as he took her left hand. "Ziva David, will you marry me?"

I couldnt stay there. I turned away before I saw and heard anything else. I walked out to the chilly parking lot and got into my car. It seemed that the coldness outside was somehow seeping through the doors into my heart. Ziva was getting married and there was nothing I could do. It was like she died all over again. My world was at a stand still.

I started driving and I found myself by the park again. I parked and started walking along the sidewalk. It was chilly out but I grabbed an old sweatshirt out of my trunk. I was on autopilot. All I saw was her. I barely noticed when it started to snow lightly.

I sat down on the slightly wet bench but I didn't care. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I held them back. I had to be happy for Ziva. She needed family support. Suddenly every single lonely night that I spent drinking and crying over Ziva's death rushed back to me. All the pain was back. All the times where I thought about doing the unthinkable were fresh in my mind.

Suddenly I was not alone on the bench.

"Tony." I heard her voice. It sounded like it did when we first brought her back. Broken.

"Hey Ziva." I said slightly akwardly. "shouldn't you be having a celebratory bedroom party with your fiancé?" I didn't mean for it to sound so mean.

She didn't answer.

"Ziva I'm sorry. That was insens..." but she cut me off.

"I said no." she looked me in the eyes and I couldn't look away.

"what?" I was in shock. I was too afraid to believe it in case I was just hearing what I desperately wanted even if it wasn't true.

"I said no. To Reid about the proposal." she said again.

"Ziva, he's a good guy...you deserve to be happy." I said. I took her hand for support.

"no, he is a great guy. Quite a throw as you say."

"catch." I said without thinking. It felt good to correct her.

"but, what you said, and what he said, made me realize that I couldn't wait anymore. I was in love with another man. I almost lost him more times than I care to count. I..." she started to say but I stopped her.

I leaned in and kissed her. She hesitated at first but then kissed me back. She hesitantly put a hand up to my face and I cupped her cheek in mine. I felt her tongue dance across mine. I was completely lost in the kiss and then I pulled away.

"Ton..." she started.

"I love you Ziva. I've been in love with you for a long time, it's just taken me awhile to realize it." I said breathlessly.

"I love you too Tony." was all she got out until I kissed her again, this time with more hunger.

We just let the snow fall around us as we stayed in the moment that I never wanted to end.

Finally she pulled away. "what about rule 12 Tony?" she asked.

"I don't care Ziva. I can't lose you again." I said.

"you never really lost me Tony." she smiled.

"I felt like I did." I sighed a smile.

"Why don't we head home, it's cold." she suggested.

"good plan." I said. "what about Reid?" I asked once we started walking.

"he booked a flight home for tonight. He already left. He knew that I was in love with someone else." she said.

"McGee said it was obvious but I never saw it." I said.

"I told him after you left and I said no." she said.

"you said you weren't a fan of bondage." I said with a smirk as I rubbed my thumb lightly across her hand. "I didn't know you were serious."

"well, perhaps if it was to the right man." she smiled at me.

For once when a woman was talking about more than just a date next week I was fine. Heck! She was talking about marriage and I was fine with it. I actually felt anxious. I wanted to get married to Ziva right now. But for tonight, we were just going to enjoy being together because we could. No lies, no teasing, no hiding, and definitely no pretending.

I smiled down at her and saw her content smile. I wanted to wake up everyday and see that face. To feel that heartbeat against mine. And I knew that I would do anything to have that.

A/N: tell me what you think!