Taking Care of Sarah

Disclaimer: Not mine...never will be, but I wish I owned DJE.


December 31, 2004

Vietnam Veterans Memorial

22:35 Hours

He walked with some heaviness in his step. Things had been going so well until the other night when he ended the almost kiss between Mac and him. `How can you end something that hadn't even started?' He asked himself as he walked towards his destination. `Only you could pull a move like that.' He scolded himself for it

Things hadn't gotten much better between them, but they hadn't gotten any worse, so that was a start. Mac had gone to bed that day, but hadn't stayed there the following day. Harm awoke to find his bed cold and made with no sign of the woman who had slept in it the night before. No goodbye, no note, nothing. Great.

That had been three days ago and they still hadn't spoken since then. Harm had tried to reach her at her place, but did so to no avail. He tried her cell phone many times, but only got her good friend the voice mail. There was only one option left, but he didn't want to do it. He figured she wanted some time, so he wouldn't bother her by going to her apartment and knocking endlessly just to get the cold shoulder. No way.

He stopped in front of the massive black wall before him. He spotted his father's name and traced it with his index finger.

"Hey dad. Sorry I didn't come on Christmas Eve this year, but Mac had an accident. I'm sure you'll understand. I just wanted to be there for her." He paused. "Dad I'm having some trouble trying to figure this one out. She's been the one constant in my life and yet I can't seem to get it right when it comes down to a relationship with her. I always manage to put my foot in my mouth at the most inconvenient times. I just don't know what to do dad. I want her in my life so badly that it hurts to not hold her in my arms. What should I do?" He traced his dad's name again and stood in place for minutes. "Thanks for listening dad. I have to go now. Happy New Years." He walked to his car determined to do the only thing he could. Get his Sarah back.

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

23:15 Hours

Mac sat on her couch watching Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve show. Just what a girl dreamed of...a pint of chocolate ice cream, a nice warm blanket, and her good pal the television to ring in the New Year.

Had she been foolish or rash walking out on Harm without saying anything? After all he had been trying to move things forward the right way. But hadn't they wasted too much time trying to talk? Why couldn't they just act for once? She hadn't answered his calls despite the fact that he had left over fifteen messages. She hadn't even answered her phone even though her voice mail was full to its maximum capacity. `Why do I always stop him when he's trying to move forward?' She questioned herself. But before she was able to get an answer, there was a knock on her door. She knew instantly who it would be, but somehow she wanted it to be him, she needed it to be him.

"Hey." Harm managed to get out.

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

"Ah, yeah sure. Come on in." She stepped aside as he walked in. She managed to catch a glimpse of something that he held behind his back.

"These are for you." He handed her a bouquet of beautiful flowers. "And this is for us." He showed her the apple cider that he held in his left hand.

She couldn't speak for a while after accepting the flowers that he handed her. She simply managed to give him a watery smile.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you the past few days." He stood rooted in place as she placed the bouquet in a vase and in the center of her dining table.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I was just trying to apologize for what happened the other night." He sat on her sofa as she sat next to him.

"You don't have to apologize. I was the one who walked away, again. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"No, Mac. I always seem to stall when ever we get close to something."

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is." She hesitated to say the next words. "I promised myself that I would never push you away again, and I did."

"Mac, I just wanted to talk so we could get everything out of the way and behind us. You know, we should start off fresh."

"Ok. I'm here now. I won't walk away. I promise."

Harm adjusted himself to face her and take her hands in his. "Sarah, you have been the only person in my life who has seen every side of me there is...except one, and I regret not showing you long ago. I never allowed myself to show you the side of me that loves you more than a partner, more than a best friend, more than anything. I regret not being the man to give you happiness all of these years that we have known each other." He looked down to their joined hands. "Before everything became so jumbled and stressed between us, when I went to find you in Paraguay, I was going to show that side, finally. I had gathered enough courage to damn all regulations and all of my fears just to show you that I was ready to move us forward."

"Harm?" She tried to interrupt, but she was silenced by a gentle finger to her lips.

"I know I was an idiot for waiting so long. I knew the moment I saw you kiss Clay that it was already too late and I hated myself for it. I hated him for it, and I even hated you for it." Mac shifted uncomfortably. "I hated that you were so quick to go to him without even noticing what I had done for you. It seems foolish, I know, but it's the truth. And then everything else that followed was just about the worst sequence of events in my life. Up until the time when we learned of Clay's supposed death. I know you thought I was being inconsiderate, but I did feel for the guy. As I told you before. But I was willing to get passed that to have you. I tried helping you through that, through your condition, but you only kept pushing me away. And even though I know you did it to have space and thinking time, it hurt like hell. Knowing that you needed comfort, but being unable to do so because I wanted to respect your wishes. Only until after your accident did I know that I had to do something about us. I wanted to waste no more time because I needed you. I love you, Mac. I do. With all my heart, but I can't do this alone. I need you to be there with me. I need you to be on the same page with me, for once. We're always in the same book, but always manage to find ourselves on different chapters. I want to change that. Please, just give me one more chance to see where we can go. Give me one more opportunity to show you that I am willing to give everything away for you." He stopped hoping that Mac would jump in anytime.

"It's hard to believe that we are finally here having this conversation." She smiled. "You know, they say things happen for a reason. I never truly believed that until I had my accident. It wasn't until I was unconscious and having dreams of things past and things I had to get over that I truly understood that."

"What dreams?" Harm asked puzzled.

"I had dreams or visions of a therapy session I had with Dr. McCool. We talked about everything that was bothering me and making me so angry."

"Your condition?"

"That among other things. We talked about Webb and his lying to me. You and me."

"What about you and me?"

"How we never seem to get it right. Why I think I haven't found that guy I want to spend my life with. The guy to be the father of my children."

"Why haven't you?"

"Because I found him long time ago. I just wasn't looking carefully. I didn't realize that he was right in front of me all of this time. Harm, I love you. More than you'll ever know, but I have to know one thing."

"What?"

"Are you and Alicia together? I mean, when I went to talk to you a few months ago you seemed to be close. I know I haven't seen her at your place or even heard of her calling, but I just have to know."

"I wouldn't be here telling you I love you if I was. But something tells me that that's not what you're asking me."

She looked guilty. A hopeful smile in place. "No it isn't."

"Mac, I never slept with her. I couldn't even if it had come up."

"Why not?"

"Because despite what you think, I have never stopped loving you. I never lost interest in you. I was just lost for a while after you said "never" back in Paraguay.

"Oh, Harm. I'm so sorry. I just...I was..." She cried.

"Shh. I'm not blaming you. I should have grabbed you and kissed you senseless when I found you, but I didn't."

"Harm, can we leave all of that behind us and move on? I mean is it still possible for us to see where this leads?"

"I think we can. I'm willing to try if you are."

"I'm ready."

"Good." He smiled.

He leaned in closer to her only to realize that the countdown had started to ring out through the crowd on the television. He smiled as he turned to face her. She grabbed both sides of his face. They stared at each other as the countdown kept going.

`Five!'

`Four!'

`Three!'

`Two!'

`One!'

`Happy New Year!'

They leaned in closer as they heard the old familiar tune to bring in the New Year.

"This would be the time to kiss me senseless Commander Rabb."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes."

No more was said as he kissed her as she wished. The feel of his lips brushing hers was amazing. Senseless was an understatement. They finally pulled away after a long kiss... or many long kisses that they shared. They smiled at one another.

"Happy News years." They said to each other.

"You know, I've heard that whatever you are doing when the clock strikes twelve on New Years, that's what you will be doing a lot of that year." Harm stated in between kisses.

"Well, I could get used to it." She grinned against his mouth.

"I love you."

"I love you."

All was forgotten after that. Even the ice cream and the apple cider, but who needed those things when you had that special someone to hold onto and kiss?

The End.