Authors Note:
I'm sorry for the long delay in posting for this chapter. I'm so pleased with the amount of story alerts I got for this story! This chapter is much longer than the first and I hope you all enjoy it, chapter 3 is already underway. :) Please R&R!
Chapter 2
"Suffocating in a Sea of Love."
"Finally!" Arthur mused as pulled open his front door, he rolled his eyes before stepping back to allow them in. "I had to walk." Morgana commented with a smirk as she stepped over the threshold, Gwaine at her heel. "Oh, that's right Morgana- sorry- sorry you actually had to use your legs because you drove your own car into your garage door." Arthur replied sardonically before he greeted Gwaine, as Morgana made a face before making her way into Arthur's wide living room, cradled and cozy-looking with the brown leather sofas and vibrant red and orange cushions.
"Morgana." Guinevere beamed, jumping up from her seat beside Lancelot to greet her friend; she gave her a quick hug. "You're freezing." Guinevere fussed, taking her hands and giving them a light squeeze, but Morgana pulled them away immediately and told her not to panic, before she strode over to the blazing fire to get some heat.
"Come on, come on!" Gwaine mused as he threw himself down on one of the brown leather sofa beside Merlin. "Don't keep us all in suspense." He grinned like that of a small child getting a chocolate bar, as Morgana furrowed her brows at him before sitting down at the other side of Merlin.
"Right!" Arthur grinned, almost echoing Gwaine's expression, smiling like a Cheshire cat as he took his seat beside Guinevere again, Lancelot suddenly feeling very awkward and regretted not moving over beside the other three.
"We've all gathered you here, to make an announcement." Arthur explained, as Gwaine rolled his eyes in being kept waiting, whilst Lancelot watched Arthur's every movement. "Guinevere and I…" He began steadily, as Merlin eyes flashed with excitement. Morgana gazed around the room, what was so interesting? But she realized she hadn't really been paying attention.
"Are engaged." Arthur concluded, the room erupted into small cheers, and within seconds Morgana realized she was alone on the second sofa, as Gwaine and Merlin had left to go hug Guinevere and Arthur along with Lancelot. Had she heard that correctly?
Suddenly, the cold stab of jealousy made for her stomach, she flinched, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit, as her eyes grew wide and sorrowful. No! She cried internally, watching everyone grin harmoniously to Arthur and Guinevere, who laughed and cheered.
There was Guinevere, lapping up all this attention, rolling in the joyous momentum of being Arthur's fiancée, everyone was so happy for her. When Morgana just had the urge to get up and slap her rather than embrace her, to squeal at how unfair it was, and to admit that the throbbing pain in her chest was really there, and that she wasn't just imagining it.
Soon, after what felt like hours past; when really only seconds- she found the room had grown steadily silent and everyone's eyes were upon her. She moved uncomfortably, her mouth growing dry, lost for words- what was she supposed to do? Claim she was so happy for them? Because in truth she wasn't. Guinevere had stolen Arthur from her, as foolish as it seemed to think that now, that they had been going out for over two years, but she always awaited the evening when Guinevere would give her that call of despair and sadness to reveal that her and Arthur had broken up- but it never came, instead she was confronted by this monstrosity.
Morgana had never willingly revealed her ghastly feelings for Arthur, he was always so infatuated with that thing on the chair, beside him- gloating and grinning like a right idiot. Although even though her feelings were never revealed it did not mean to say they weren't there, she had been utterly heartbroken when Guinevere revealed they were dating, and she had to pretend she was so joyous for her friends then, she couldn't bare it a second time.
They're eyes burned on her, somehow scornfully- Lancelot even looking utterly disgusted in her, that she had not uttered a word since Arthur's announcement. "Morgana…" Merlin said finally, an awkward edge to his voice.
"Are you alright?" Guinevere butted in, seeing that Morgana had suddenly gone pale and looked like death itself, she didn't look well- and the fact that she looked as though she might burst into tears if someone prodded her didn't help.
"Yes." Morgana muttered out with a forced smile and laugh after a long few seconds, she had surely made it blindly obvious now. "Are you sure?" Arthur asked, looking curious and concerned. "I'm fine…" Morgana muttered back, feeling her cheeks flush red from their staring and questions. "That's great, honestly!" Morgana tried to beam, but she couldn't make eye contact, she couldn't stay here any longer.
"I'll just go out for some air…" Morgana said finally, pulling herself off the leather sofa and strode from the room, the silence lingering.
"Is she alright?" Arthur asked curiously to Merlin, his brows furrowed to Morgana's sudden change in attitude. "I'll go see to her." Merlin nodded, before he got up and shot Arthur a grin reassurance.
Merlin might have looked like an idiot, and half the time- he was, but in situations like these he was the brightest tool in the shed. It was no secret to him that Morgana had deep feelings for Arthur, he had noticed it occasionally, when they were younger and in their teens, the way she would often glance and stutter when she said something of personal feelings to him, it was clear that she had tried to reveal her affections towards him over the long transition between childhood and adulthood- but Arthur didn't notice a single signal at all- he only saw Guinevere. Merlin saw how Morgana looked at Guinevere when Arthur and she had started dating, she had sort of distanced herself from the pair for a while, he sensed she felt uncomfortable and awkward around them, and that things might never be the way they were.
Merlin knew that Arthur might never return these strong feelings for Morgana, he hadn't in the past, and now he was to marry Guinevere. But what could he say to Morgana? That she would soon get her wish? He was as close to Guinevere as he was Morgana, he was happy for his friends, but deeply saddened for Morgana's sake, he simply couldn't win.
Merlin found Morgana alone outside, her arms folded as she took deep gasps of the winter air, her exhaling breath frosty and white as it vanquished into the air. The young man made a grunt to allow her to know he was here, and she turned fast when she heard it.
"Oh, it's only you." She muttered, before looking away from him again, her voice wasn't as cheery as it had been when she arrived; it was deeply grieved and saddened now.
"Come back inside, it's freezing out here." Merlin asked, throwing in a smile, although she would not see it. "I don't want to." She replied immediately, her voice shaky. "I don't feel well." She lied, knowing Merlin would only probe her with unwanted questions, which would lead her to snap at him, something she didn't wish to do at present.
"Oh, come on Morgana." Merlin sighed finally, seeing right through her pretense.
"Go back inside Merlin." Morgana snapped, irritable as to why he was here, she did not wish to go back in there, to have all that misery shoved in her face, and for everyone to be so joyous and accepting, whilst she would have to pretend, and she wasn't good at that; she feared she might have let too much slip already.
"I think I'll just go home." She muttered out fast, hoping Merlin hadn't left- then he could save her the bother of telling the others. "Oh come on Morgana." Merlin moaned, annoyed at her. "You've only just got here." Merlin grumbled, she might be upset- but leaving would only make things worse.
"I don't feel well." She snapped, annoyed by his moaning. "You can tell them I'll see them tomorrow or something." She spat out quickly, before she was intent of sneaking out of the drive and on the long walk home that she would be glad of, but Merlin caught her arm, making her look at him for the first time.
Morgana had never been one to show any emotion willingly, or in the view of someone else's eye, she would not cry whilst in company, and Merlin feared that she might have been out here sobbing, but thank goodness she wasn't; her face was pale, the natural blush in her cheeks lost to the defying cold. Her eyes looked pained and heavy with sorrow and her lips looked as though they would never pull another smile, but that was all.
"You feel sick for the wrong reasons." Merlin confirmed, lifting a brow, she snagged away from his grip at once. "I'm going home." She commanded through gritted teeth, annoyed; but in truth not at Merlin, more so blaming herself for the way she was reacting.
"At least come and say goodbye." Merlin pleaded, as Morgana shrugged; unnerved and wary. "Please." He begged, knowing that if she just left it would look bad on her, people would realize she was unhappy for Arthur and Guinevere. "Fine." She sighed, in a slow whisper, before she shoved her way past Merlin- Merlin watched as she entered back in through the door, apparent attitude in her stride; wanting to get this over with, viewing it as a chore, as though he had just went and asked her to empty to the dishwasher.
Morgana pulled a forced smile on her lips, wishing she wouldn't have to do this; the sudden rush of discomfort washing over her.
Guinevere smiled widely when she returned, and everyone's eyes were upon her again. "So, I'm just going to go home." She began, just waiting on their protest.
"Why?" Arthur asked, his brows furrowing in curiousness. Why? Morgana thought angrily, wanting to throttle him, or more so Guinevere- but she had to stop thinking of Guinevere in such a negative way, Guinevere was her friend- it wasn't her fault if she loved Arthur- even if the thought did make her squirm and get befuddled with rage.
"I don't feel well." Morgana explained, trying to remain calm. "You looked fine earlier…" Arthur said, raising his eyebrow.
"Arthur!" Guinevere snapped, annoyed that he was questioning her. "No, no." Arthur defended. "I just meant she didn't look ill- she didn't say." Arthur tried to explain.
"Well, I didn't think I needed to explain my life story to you coming through the front door." Morgana snapped bitterly, making Arthur turn his head from Guinevere to Morgana, his mouth ajar, his eyes looking in disbelief, as Guinevere too grew silent and stared, along with Lancelot and Gwaine, they all glared at her from her sudden aggressive outburst.
"I'm sorry." Morgana lied, although annoyed that she had allowed her rage to overcome her- she just wanted to leave, why was there so many questions? "I'm just going to go home." She told them a second time, forcing an apologetic smile.
"Right." Arthur smiled, trying to forget her snapping at him. "Well, I'll give you a lift." He smiled, ready to push himself off the chair. "No, no!" Morgana said at once, backing her way out of the door. "No, I'm fine- the walk's fine, really." She told him, the thought of having to sit in a car with him- any other time she would be glad of his company, craving only him- but not now, not now that he was engaged, it would be like rubbing it in her face, unbearable pain that could be avoided.
"Come on; don't be stupid, it's freezing." Arthur scoffed, as he stood up, digging in his pocket for his keys. "Please." Morgana half begged. "You have guests; I'll just go- its fine." She told him, as Arthur scoffed a second time. "It's Lancelot and Gwaine Morgana, hardly guests." Arthur laughed, as Gwaine punched him in the arm, stealing his seat with a light chuckle.
"Please Arthur." She said again, her eyes full with misery and pleading and unwillingly he caught the pain in her eyes- why was it there? His humor vanished, and his brows furrowed in anxiety, staring at her pained face- what had happened? Something clearly had, she was upset about something, and she wasn't telling him- she was protesting too much about the car ride home, what was it?
He opened his mouth to speak, to ask her, maybe not here in front of the other three, but he would take her outside and ask her to confide in him, comfort her- make her misery go away, but his gaze was brought to Merlin behind her, who had finally entered from outside.
"I'll take her." Merlin half-smiled as he walked into the room, hands dug in his pockets. Morgana nodded, wanting to get out as she backed out of the room. "You'll come tomorrow night though?" Guinevere shouted after her, breaking off her chatter to Lancelot and Gwaine.
Tomorrow? Morgana froze in the hallway. "Tomorrow?" She called back, walking back to the living room door. "What's tomorrow?" She questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion. "Well, we're having a party- I hope you feel better for it." Guinevere smiled back at Morgana. "Sure." Morgana said, trying to force a smile, but hating the fact that her grief would once again be rubbed in her face. "I wouldn't miss it for anything." Morgana smiled more willingly this time, meeting Guinevere's gaze, although, she would miss it for anything, anything at all. She had a few shows recorded, possibly a better way to spend her Friday night than go to an engagement party, but no- she couldn't- she had to go, and the thought made her groan internally.
Morgana pardoned herself out again, as Arthur watched Merlin follow. He couldn't help but notice how willingly she had stepped away with Merlin, had he done something to offend her? But Arthur couldn't recall saying or doing anything that might hurt her feelings. He would ask her tomorrow night- he promised himself that.
The car ride home was longer than usual, and silent. The awkward tension now between Merlin and Morgana became unbearable, she clutched onto the handle of the door, glaring out at the scenery buzzing by, aware that only the orange glow of the streetlamps could be seen, great orange orbs blurring by.
Merlin cleared his throat loudly, his eyes every so often shot to her, watching her. Morgana turned around, aware he was watching her, her face painted with guilt; he knew she was hiding something and she was aware of it.
"How're you feeling now?" Merlin asked, but she knew by his tone that he never bought her fake sickness to begin with. "Sick." She commented back at once, looking to him with a slight frown, but the guilt washed all aggression away. "Right…" Merlin nodded, somewhat sardonically as he looked back to the windscreen.
"Why don't you believe me?" Morgana snapped at once, glaring at Merlin now. "Well, because…" Merlin began, Morgana was shocked he wasn't even denying it. "Acting has never been one of your strengths." He said, looking to her at the corner of his eye, letting a slight laugh slip to add humor.
"Really Merlin, why on earth would I fake feeling ill?" Morgana frowned, looking away from him and to the window again, resting her chin on her fisted hand. "Oh… I don't know." Merlin began again; Morgana hadn't expected him to answer. "Maybe to get out of a sticky situation, to get out of that house, to get away from… Arthur." Merlin said, watching her from the corner of his eye again to see her reaction.
Morgana's eyes widened as she stared at her reflection in the glass. She couldn't believe her ears, how did he know? Panic flushed through her, but she quickly pulled the guilt off her face and looked to him, trying to act oblivious. "What?" She asked at once, her eyes wide with surprise. "Why on earth would I want to get away from Arthur?" She asked him, shocked by his accusation.
"Because you can't bear to see him with Gwen." Merlin commented as though it were a common fact. "Merlin!" Morgana snapped, wanting him to stop. "What exactly are you getting at?" She said, anger flushing through her- if he was going to say something why didn't he just come out and say it?
"That you obviously have feelings for Arthur, it's alright Morgana- it's perfectly fine to be jealous." Merlin told her, she scoffed in disbelief- was he really saying these words? It hurt enough, without him seemingly making a joke of the entire thing.
"Stop!" She snapped at once, looking to the windscreen. "Stop!" She called again, undoing her seatbelt. "Stop the car." She snapped, ready to open the door. "Stop the car Merlin, I want out." She frowned, looking away from him now, rage apparent in her tone.
"Morgana…" Merlin said in a lighter tone than before. "It's alright, I understand." He tried to explain, he was trying to help her.
"You would never understand." She snapped as she turned to glare at him, as the anger flushed through her like a hot iron. "Now let me out of this car!" She snarled, banging her hand on the dashboard.
"Morgana!" Merlin shouted, wanting her to calm down.
"How dare you!" She snapped, looking to him now. "How dare you offer to drive me home, only to corner me and question me?" She snapped at him, rage clear in her voice- but he couldn't help but pick up the sadness. "Morgana, I-" Merlin tried to explain, whilst trying to keep his eyes on the road. "Only to make jokes at my expense! You know nothing- and I do not have feelings for Arthur!" She snapped again, the sadness cracking through the rage, overwhelming the anger. "Stop the car!" She snarled, and something within her scared him, making him indicate left and turn in to the side of the road, where she opened the door and hopped out.
Merlin knew that she had feelings for Arthur, it was clear the entire time he knew her, he noticed the way she had looked to him, with longing eyes- and if he be entirely honest with himself, he would have seen Arthur and her end up together, because she wasn't entirely to blame- he had caught the wide eyes of adoration that Arthur always had for her, and dare he say it- he could still see the glint in his eye whenever she spoke to him.
But Merlin decided to go after the love-struck Morgana, before she got herself run off by ongoing traffic. "Morgana!" He called up the dark street, they were on a main road with cars buzzing by as an alarming rate- he had thought it wise to go on a long route to her home, since he wanted to talk to her, however he hadn't anticipated for it to end up with him chasing her down the hard shoulder.
"Morgana, stop being stupid and get back in the car!" Merlin yelled, somehow begging her top get in the car, as the wind blew his hair all over the place.
Morgana however ignored her, she was walking at a fast pace, her arms folded tight around her to try and cover herself from the painstaking wind, who was she kidding? But she wasn't getting back in that car with Merlin- not now.
"Morgana!" She heard Merlin call from behind, feeling the anger in his tone, but she didn't dare turn around. Her life was none of Merlin's business, how dare he question her as though he knew what it was like.
She tried tying a strand of her raven hair behind her ear, but the wind continued to sweep it away, as her hair sailed around her like a fiery mane.
Morgana knew that she was denying her feelings for Arthur, the mind sweep of captivating jealousy that was eating her up inside, and by storming out of his car and carrying on like this, she wasn't exactly saying it wasn't true. But he had annoyed her, and now she would annoy him- it was only fair.
The long road ahead was dark, but she had the company of ongoing traffic, the zooming engines mixed with the defying wind- it was hard to hear anything. Utter bliss right now, but then she could still hear the constant protests of Merlin in the background ruining it- typical.
His cold, sharp fingers dug into her upper arm, as he pulled her back- finally catching up with her. "Morgana!" He yelled aggressively, the fun was over. "Get back here now!" He snapped, making her whirl round and face him. "I'm not a dog Merlin!" She snarled, angry with him, words could barely describe.
"You're acting like a child!" He retorted snappishly. "Now would you grow up and get yourself back in the car!" He snapped hotly- she had never seen him like this.
"You think I'm going anywhere with you, speaking to me like that?" She yelled back at him, her brows furrowed in unimaginable rage. "Look." He said slowly, trying to calm himself. "I upset you, I'm sorry- now will you please just get back in the car?" Merlin told her, eyeing her up for any reaction she might make.
Morgana stood there, looking up at him- her face losing all of its anger and rage, overcome with guilt. She had been acting rather childishly, although she'd never admit it. Finally she moved away from him, brushing his shoulder as she made her way back up to the car.
Merlin thought it best not to try to walk alongside her, so he kept a little distance behind her, the long walk to the car was slow and each second seemed to drag, but finally they made it, and Morgana climbed in the passenger side, all huddled up to one side looking out the window, like it had been before he had tried to joke with her- her feelings for Arthur were clearly a lot more serious than she thought.
The remainder of the drive home was silent, and finally he pulled up at her house. Morgana pulled her seatbelt off and unlatched the door, before Merlin grabbed her hand, which made her turn around to look at him.
"You'll be okay?" He asked, afraid that Morgana would go in with a heavy heart and cry herself to sleep or something, something she would do and never admit to- still with this hard, strong exterior. If that were the case, he didn't want to leave her- if he could make her avoid sadness, he would. But Morgana gave a small nod, as well as smile- the two more than happy to forget the tiff on the motorway, before she was gone and he waited to see if she got into her home alright. She shot him a small wave before she closed the front door and he headed back to Arthur's, he'd need a few excuses as to why he was so late. Morgana invited him in for tea or something, or he stopped to get petrol- they'd be decent enough for someone as dumb as Arthur.
