Codependent
Part 2: Authentic enough
Setting: Season 6 Finale, after Sam's wall breaking
Closing his eyes, Dean rested his elbows on his knees and lowered his head onto the motionless hand he was clinging to.
"Sammy, just...wake up, will you?"
Yet as he was lying on an old foldaway bed in Bobby's panic room, Sam stayed absolutely still.
Grimacing bitterly, Dean averted his eyes.
It had only been a couple of hours since Castiel, obsessed with his sudden need of sheer power, had ended up breaking the wall inside Sam's mind that Death himself had built to save him from the painful memories of the cage.
Tilting his head, Dean placed a soft kiss on the warm yet unmoving hand in his grasp.
It had been hard enough to regain Sam as it was. Dean had never quite managed coping with the soulless shadow that had left Lucifer's cage long before his soul had followed. Sacrificing a year's worth of memories for Sam's general well-being had been the right thing to do, even if it came with a risk attached.
But, of course, Dean had never expected one of their closest friends to betray them. It was not a secret the Winchesters' Achilles heel was their dependence on each other.
But Dean had lost Sam too often already.
Inhaling deeply, he squeezed his brother's hand.
They might have been torn apart far too often, yet he'd be damned if this would be the final time.
"Dean?"
His breath hitched as he raised his head to find Sam's eyes open and staring at him in confusion.
"Sammy," Dean croaked in sheer relief, "Are you okay?"
Regaining his composure surprisingly quickly, Sam chuckled softly and replied with a small smile, "You're here, aren't you? So how can I not be okay?" As he sat up to reach for his brother's cheek with his free hand, his longing gaze never left his eyes, "It's so good to see you, Dean."
Although still too dumbfounded to accept the possibility that, just like that, things might have gone better than expected for once, the older Winchester allowed himself to crack a grin at last. "You gave me quite a scare," he commented good-naturedly as he pulled his brother into a hug, "Welcome back, Sammy."
Returning the embrace, Sam rested his head against his brother's while holding him just a bit too tightly. "Where are we, Dean?" he asked at last, glancing around without recognizing a place he should remember well.
Dean's eyes widened in alarm. Sam was talking calmly enough... but his whole body began trembling. What the... "We're at Bobby's," Dean offered matter-of-factly, but made sure to stroke his brother's back in calming motions.
What was going on?
Sam, meanwhile, stiffened in his embrace. "That's new," he pointed out in a strangled voice and slumped his shoulders, ending their embrace to meet Dean's eyes with a frown. "And let me guess," he went on at a subdued voice, "we'll have to set out right away?"
Watching Sam's reaction carefully, Dean saw no other option but to state the truth for now. "We've got three hours before Cas opens the portal," he explained slowly, "Do you feel up to it?"
Sam's eyes widened when he finally remembered their current situation. Or was it...something different? "No," he demanded quickly, grabbing Dean's hands again to make sure he stayed right there, "This is a safe room, isn't it?" Gulping, he looked troubled, "We'll stay right here, Dean."
The older hunter, meanwhile, failed to follow his brother's argumentation. "Sam," he stated quietly but firmly, "If we don't prevent this, all hell's gonna break loose." He grimaced briefly and added, "Or, well, all purgatory."
"But you'll die," Sam countered flatly.
Dean blinked. Where did that come from? "Not if you're there to watch my back, right?" he offered in response and shrugged weakly, "I mean, unless you give me a good reason not to take you along, I'd really appreciate the help."
As Sam kept watching his brother with an expression torn between frustration and fear, a long silence settled. "I don't have much influence on this, Dean," he admitted at last and lowered his head to continue at a much quieter voice, "then again, that applies even if we stay here."
Again, Dean blinked. "We've pulled bigger stunts before, Sammy," he stated and forced a confident grin on his face as he got up from his chair, "Let's get this done, all right? No one's gonna die today."
Grimacing, Sam finally stood as well. But he never let go of his brother's hand. "All right, but before we go," he all but whispered as he stepped closer to Dean, "can I at least have a moment of your time?"
Dean glanced at his watch and back at his brother. "We can spare a couple of minutes," he stated slowly and met Sam's eyes, "if you're willing to actually tell me what's going on in that head of yours, that is."
Inhaling shakily, the younger brother opened his mouth. But it took a while for any words to come out. "I miss you, Dean," he whispered at last and laughed bitterly, "Just, look at you, you're perfect."
Dean blinked. "Same goes for you," he grinned and tilted his head in contemplation, "What do you say? Once all of this is over, we'll take a week off in Vegas. I wouldn't mind appreciating you a bit more actively either." And it was true - if it wasn't for their former friend's world domination plans, it would have been Dean's top priority to make sure Sam got all the time he needed to cope with whatever the Cage had done to him.
For the moment, though, they were in a hurry.
For the moment, Sam seemed alright enough. Still watching Dean with that longing expression, he chuckled dryly, but he did not say anything. Instead, he finally closed the remaining distance between them to give in to an urge both of them had been suppressing due to the strained situation.
It was a desperate, longing kiss.
Even when both had run out of breath, Sam refused to release his brother from his embrace. "Thank you, Dean," he rasped shakily.
"For what?" his brother replied slowly, twice as alarmed yet still as clueless as before.
"For not jumping the cage along with me," Sam whispered and inhaled unsteadily as he closed his eyes, "I've died countless times, and I've watched you die even more often. But knowing it's never really you..." His breath hitched, but he still managed to go on, "that's worth more than anything else down here."
Dean's eyes widened as he finally understood – as he finally realized just why Sam was behaving too calmly and yet too fearfully at the same time.
He did not see the difference.
"Sam," he stated firmly as he grabbed his brother's shoulder and pushed him away just enough to force his meaningful stare onto him, "You're not in the Cage anymore. You got out." He gritted his teeth as he nodded around the room. "This is real." He kept his gaze locked with Sam's non-committal one. "This," he finished and motioned towards himself, "is the real me."
As he regarded his brother's words, Sam's eyes were glassy, yet his lips formed a fake yet gentle smile.
"Of course you are," he replied as he leant forward to place a kiss on his brother's forehead. "After all, you're authentic enough to willingly go out and get yourself killed by Lucifer, or Crowley, or Cas, or whatever it is this time..." He lowered his voice, "...rather than staying right here with me for once."
- Part 2: End -
