Execution's a bit messy and the thought process is almost all over the place. Lots of moody, broody Deidara and Sasori acts a little off kilter towards the end.

Summary: Deidara was almost killed by his own partner's poison due to his own stupidity.


Thinking on it, Iwagakure sure is a secretive little village, isn't it? True, all villages are like that…but to the extreme degree Iwa made itself out to be? No. Ironic that hidden villages like Konohagakure exist, but for all its power it's still pretty open, un.

When Sasori-danna and I were traveling through Wind Country I picked up some local slang. 'Tree-huggers,' un. Derogatory phrases like that circulated pretty freely when the last Kazekage reigned. Before all that bad Orochimaru crap at the Chunnin Exams. Hmph. I heard a rumor recently that Yondaime Kazekage's murder was executed by Orochimaru, who was in league with Akatsuki.

Not true! Not true, un! Before Suna tags all of Orochimaru's freaky shit on Akatsuki, may they be reminded that we kicked him out? Un…technically, it was Itachi who did that, but who cares. Little details! What matters is Sasori-danna's methods are way too similar to be cool. Yeah, they were partners and crap, and that stupid Snake Sannin rubbed off him all the wrong ways, but, but…!

Okay, yeah, I'm jealous. Not of Orochimaru! I like to think that I'm relatively normal, un. But…whenever Sasori-danna gets really fed up with me, he tells me that on those days he'd rather have his old partner back! How can I not go spastic, un? Sasori-danna prefers Orochimaru-teme to me!

Hearing him say that after the the blown-to-hell Chunnin Exams invasion occurred only several months ago made me realize….Well, fine, so what if I'm not some big shot Sannin? I'm just an ex-Iwa-nin with a thing for explosions, and I can't pull off crazy ass jutsus like stupid Orochimaru can. Yeah, I can fly and all, and I do make things go boom really well, but before Sasori-danna and I formed some kind of teamwork I kept damaging his puppets and, and…!

Then Sasori-danna smacked me. Said I was being really, really stupid. Which I was…but I just don't like the guy! He's creepy. Creepy as hell, un. And, really, looking at it realistically, Orochimaru can kick my ass any day.

Hmph. My only consolation is that I heard the Sandaime Hokage did something to Orochimaru and now he can't use jutsus. Sasori-danna's spy…Kabuto, is it? Never did like that little snit. He confirmed that Orochimaru's arms were out of commission few months ago. Don't know about now and don't care—I don't like keeping tabs on the freak. I'll leave that to Sasori-danna. Now I feel sorry for me.

Several hours ago we encountered Anbu from Suna. While it was Sasori-danna who was mainly the target, they still brushed me off as if I weren't a threat! Pissed me off, un, and I showed them that! Sasori-danna insisted that he was fine on his own, and we had made arrangements beforehand that if we should encounter some of his old countrymen to let him handle it, but I couldn't take those stupid Anbu's dismissal! It was Iwagakure all over again…

Damn it, Sasori-danna even attacked meat one point to make me stay away from the fight! No explanations, no warning, just—BAM—I'm hit with Hiruko's tail and I narrowly manage to dodge, but after that I pretty much got the point, un. I conceded to playing the 'sniper' like I always do; safe and high above the battle on my winged creation. But I knew it wasn't enough—Sasori-danna needed me, but at the same time he was rejecting my help!

I didn't understand.

Did he doubt my abilities? He couldn't have, un. Sasori-danna trusts me! We know each other limitations so well we're able to cover for each other seamlessly in battle—me being long range, and him being short range. He could move easily to the side as soon as I let loose a bomb, and I'd easily duck away from his shot projectiles if an enemy got a little bit too close. It was rough in the beginning…especially when we weren't exactly friendly with each other, and any chance at teamwork between us would've been shot to hell if that one mission didn't force us to change the way we fought. After that, though…we worked as well as Kisame and Itachi, un!

Admittedly, Kisame always follows Itachi's lead, which is probably why that partnership works so well, and the dynamics in our own team were pretty similar…

Could you really blame me, un, when I ignored Sasori-danna's orders again when I saw him being played right into a clever Anbu trap?

As I was in the air sniping off Anbu—unsuccessfully—I saw that Sasori-danna didn't really need my help at all. He was fighting flawlessly, and Hiruko was doing an excellent job at protecting its master, much to the Anbu's frustration. I think at one point I was even enjoying myself, watching him fight as well as he always did, and I slowly felt that tension drain from me. It was fun.

Who was I kidding, un? Sasori-danna, taken down by some measly Anbu? I was probably just more so on guard because Suna Anbu was more likely to be able to counter Sasori-danna's puppetry more effectively than, say…Konoha-nins. And I was right; not that that was able to save most of them. They kept dropping like flies. And to me, someone who'd literally took to the skies to fight from above, yeah…they kept dropping like flies. It made the battle kinda like watching a movie, un.

My skills weren't necessary after all, I realized. It was then that I relaxed. "What can two Anbu do to Sasori-danna now?" I thought. I was absently molding clay without any intention of using it, since I figured at that point there really was no need for me to fight anymore.

But that was the thing about being in the sky: You could see everything.

The two Anbu I mentioned earlier? The ones I'd already dismissed as dead? Turned out they'd been frantically setting a trap for my amused danna, who didn't seem to realize it at all!

I admit it. I panicked. Something even washed up shinobi knew: Don't Panic Ever, un.

And then I did something incredibly stupid.

Danna was being merrily led into a trap, none the wiser, and in those two shinobi's movements I saw a teamwork born, not only from sheer grit and practice, but out of desperation as well. A desperate shinobi is not a happy shinobi, and that's when they tend to do the craziest shit in their careers. And I gotta say…however masterful their hastily made trap was, it was the kind of insane genius you'd only get through sheer desperation, un. Supernatural inhumane strength. Crazy.

But that wasn't all I saw. In those Suna Anbu I saw a level of teamwork that Sasori-danna and I could never ever have. A bond, I realized, that far exceeded what pitiful teamwork we actually had. A teamwork based solely on trust and love, desperation driving both shinobi to fight for each other so that the only one could live. A kind of ruthless, last ditch effort they threw their all into, in a battle that would've most likely been their last.

They weren't just teammates. They were friends, un. Best friends placed on the same squad, only to be the last ones standing in the same squad. And for what? To have allowed two notorious S-class missing-nins to escape with their lives? For an entire Anbu squadron to be demolished by a single shinobi who was once one of their own?

Live together, fight together, die together. They, at last, positioned themselves perfectly for a flawless attack that would've immediately killed an absent, lesser shinobi.

Sasori-danna was neither an absent nor lesser shinobi, but he'd been fighting this whole time, and we'd been traveling for weeks without rest from our last huge battle. He was not at his best because I already knew he'd gone through most of Hiruko's arsenal, pulled off every despicable, backhanded puppet trick he could think of, and though Sasori-danna could never become tired I swore I saw his movements become slow.

The Anbu naturally pounced on his weakness, sensing the end. Meanwhile, I was in the air, slowly being rendered shock at the conclusion that I was coming to. That—that Sasori-danna could die. And suddenly I was freaking out, more afraid than I was when I was surrounded by my own countrymen.

You know that incredibly stupid thing I did? It was an urging in my head that screamed for me to tear that bond apart, to save Sasori-danna, and to prove that just because I was a missing-nin didn't mean I didn't care about my teammates either.

Throwing myself off my bird to let gravity do its work in bringing me closer to the battle than my flying ever could, I flung my already active clay at them, letting the unsuspecting and startled Anbu have a taste of my technique. I was furious because I thought they completely ignored me as a component in their hasty trap planning. I thought, How dare they mock Sasori-danna, how dare they mock me, how dare they mock what we have together by thinking I'd not come to Sasori-danna's aid!

Right at the same time Sasori-danna had triumphantly let loose some poisonous fumes in their faces.

With me stupidly caught up in my own partner's attack.

Some teamwork, un.

Of course, by now it must have been obvious to what Sasori-danna had been doing. He was not weakening, he was not going to die. He saw right through their trap and, free from all distractions (me) and inhibitions (me), he pulled an even better counterattack. I'd stupidly forgotten all about his poison arsenal, having only been distracted by his extreme loss of weaponry, just like the Anbu were. That's not...art, though. I had completely regarded the rest of his art!

Turning their trap against them by making their trap into his trap, he'd allowed himself to be 'caught,' all the while working off of the extreme stress they were under, and taking advantage of the foolish panicked desperation that clouded their minds.

He'd been unhindered by exhaustion, while those two Anbu were the only survivors of a near hour long battle. He also was unhindered by those 'petty' human emotions that was making them panic so much towards the end of the fight, which led to their deaths. He'd masterful stayed in control of the entire battle, from start to finish.

The only variable that was out of place in his 'Perfect Plan' was me.

Rather than trying to work out how to make me a part of this 'Perfect Plan' of his, he stuck steadfastly to the strategies and tactics he'd been undoubtedly been forming the entire day ever since he forced me to agree to staying out of future Suna-nin battles.

Every variant was tightly controlled, every attack was carefully calculated, and, hell, I bet Sasori-danna even thought of all the possible outcomes that could come from all the different situations he'd come up with beforehand! The only thing he couldn't predict was me!

So he took the choice from out of my hands and kicked me out of the fight from the very start.

And so, when his useless partner was supposedly far away enough from interfering in his grand master plans, who should come in at the very end to screw it all up, un?

Me.

I guess…what the real issue I keep rambling on and on about is am I not good enough, un? I know I'm not a Sannin…I know I'm not some former-Kage-turned-puppet—I know all that, okay? I know I'm not some supped up S-class shinobi that can kick ass on the fly like stupid, stupid Itachi! Yeah, Iwagakure slapped on me the S-class label, but I'm not. I was considered a genius in Iwa, but what about in Konoha, huh? The Land of the Freakin' Genii?

I'm not like Itachi, who has an ultra cool, super, beautiful bloodlimit. His arrogance is justified because he's so fucking smart, and he doesn't even need to lift a finger to kill someone! He just has to look at them for fuck's sake! His Mangekyo Sharingan was able to defeat me instantly, but he chose not to kill me! What do I have, huh? Just these dumb hands that I shouldn't even have!

Kisame, who's jealous of my good looks and flirty abilities, shouldn't be! Just because his skin is a charming shade of blue...My entire chakra probably wouldn't even be able to fill up one of his mizu kage bunshins, un! And, he has that big ass Samahada! And even then, even that can suck up even more chakra for its master! And me—all I have in terms of sporty equipment is some stupid scope crammed into an eye socket! An experiment, mind you—fuck, I'm a walking, talking experiment!

And what about Sasori-danna, un? How can I even compare myself to him? Why was I even paired up with him? Why did Sir Leader choose me to replace Orochimaru—why me? Sure, I hate the guy…but wouldn't it make sense to give Sasori-danna a stronger replacement? A stronger partner? Or is Sasori-danna just so powerful that Sir Leader thought that even my weaknesses wouldn't be able to hinder the great Akasuna no Sasori?

Well, he was right. He is. Sasori-danna is. He doesn't need me, un, he….What was I thinking? Partners? Teammates? Yeah, he puts up with me, and he really held himself back from killing me when we were first paired up so I guess I should be thankful since I'm still alive and all, but….Friends?

Are we even friends?

We are…right? Sasori-danna, he doesn't really think of me as worthless, right? I mean, un…sure we work well together, but after that last fight now I'm not so sure. And we do have a Kisame-Itachi thing going, where I listen to Sasori-danna because, duh, he's my danna, but unlike Kisame, I don't actually follow his orders most of the time…un. Wait, orders? Since when did I start thinking about our teamwork as me just following orders?

When did I start doubting our relationship so much? Why am I even questioning it? We're Akatsuki, right? Bad ass terrorist organization and all, we've got an image to keep. And, yeah, I understand the whole 'holding hands' part is definitely not entailed in our resumes and definitely not welcomed here either, un.

So…why am I getting so worked up? It should have been obvious, after all, that we're nothing more than missing-nins banding together for a common goal. I shouldn't even be this upset! After all, I didn't leave Iwa only to go join another village of any sorts, even if it's in the form of Akatsuki. I knew what I was getting into when I signed up—sorta. But when I decided to break off of Iwa and work independently as a terrorist bomber, at the very least I knew that life then wasn't going to become all smiles and roses, flowers and sunshine crap. Even if life in Iwa wasn't all smiles and roses, either, come to think of it. But it was going to become harder, I knew.

It's just…Sasori-danna. We've worked for three years now and that should be enough to be some basis for some trust, I'd imagine. But when he goes off and pulls a stunt like this, what else am I supposed to think? And we all know that a genius like him don't make mistakes…un. What the hell is Akatsuki if I just follow orders blindly, huh? It's Iwa all over again!

No. Not Iwa. Iwagakure never hurt this much. I didn't allow those bastards to, so since when have I let my guards down around Akatsuki? What made them so special?

Is it because they let me freely use my art? Well, hell, that's why I liked being a terrorist bomber after ditching Iwa, and Akatsuki didn't change my life a whole lot in that aspect. But even in the name of art, I wasn't going to expose myself to the degree I already had. I can't possibly think of what else is keeping me here, un. After all, didn't Sasori-danna just tell me, basically, to stay out of an entire battle?

Morosely, I remember the end of said battle. What little of it I can, anyways. After I'd foolishly jumped into his very clever poison attack, there's not much to say….I jumped out of the poisonous fumes as fast as I could, chakra propelling me all the while holding my breath, but I didn't take into account that skin contact was also a no-no. Not that I could complain at that point as I was a little too busy jumping for my life.

Poison that can and will kill you upon breathing, while making the skin unbearably irritated at the same time? Wow, Sasori-danna's a real bastard in that he could go jerk off in one of his own attacks while people are screaming around him in agony and not feel a single damn thing. Even the jerking. Is he even equipped for that sort of thing…?

Well, in any case, the skin irritant, I guess, is supposed to force a shinobi to inhale simply because screaming seems to be the only irrational way to play off the pain.

Very clever, danna. Too bad I was stuck in it, too, un.

My fault, of course. It simply can't be Sasori-danna's, after all.

One good thing did come out of my stupidity. My birds exploded before I could die from the poison, clearing away the fumes. The two others caught in the same attack as me were not as fortunate, which I'm still damning them for because if they had lived at least then Sasori-danna's full attention wouldn't be placed on me immediately.

No…thinking on it now, if those two had managed to survive the attack that I ended, however accidentally, then he would've been even more pissed, un. Oh, good that they died just then, huh?

Still didn't make the ensuing fight any less painful, though. Sorry, did I say fight? A fight implies that there are active participants actively trying to hurt the other in a two-way battle, whether through words or actions. What really happened was after Sasori-danna fished out an antidote for my dying skin, then he started smacking me around. And yelling at me. Lots of yelling. How many times did he threaten me then? How many times did he berate me for my stupidity? I'd lost count.

And that's when Sasori-danna, grumbling and already turning to shuffle away, brought up Orochimaru.

"This would've never happened had Orochimaru been here."

His exact parting words were to compare me to Orochimaru. Orochimaru. What, I'm not good enough as Orochimaru's replacement?

Apparently not. And, damn it, I know that!

Now I'm traveling, alone, miserable and cold, un. I'm miles away from Headquarters, and I'm steadily approaching Wind Country borders. It's nighttime and damned if the desert isn't freezing my ass off right now.

I miss my danna. I want my danna back, un. But I don't think he wants me, not when he treats me like I'm nothing but a nuisance and ditches me half way across the desert. Which shouldn't really be a big deal…but it's the ditching that's really bothering me, un.

But I'm still Akatsuki. And I'm in it for life. And you don't go join Akatsuki if you're going to cry about being left behind and simper in some sand…dune. Or whatever. Just like you don't just leave Akatsuki like you leave a village. Betraying a village is…well, not that hard, actually. And even the troublesome crap you have to deal with after becoming a missing-nin isn't too difficult to overcome, if a pain. But Akatsuki…

Well, like it or not, I'm in it for life. I'm not quite willing to have everybody out for my blood, heart, head, or life…which are the only reasons why my 'comrades' would turn on me. And so, like someone befitting Akatsuki's stellar reputation, I'm going to pick myself off this miserable ground and march off to Mountain Country, un!

What I really want is to just sulk some more, though. Hopefully, danna won't be waiting for me too long. For one thing, he hates waiting, and there is a small chance he is waiting for me at our nearest rendezvous point. Unlikely. Maybe.

Another thing…if danna waits too long, he might just go on to Headquarters to report to Sir Leader that I'm trying to ditch the organization—which I'm not. And then I'll become a missing-nin among…missing-nins. Haha. Un.

Would Sasori-danna really do that? Heartlessly rat me out to the others because I annoy him that much? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. But what, what am I thinking? Of course he would do just that...he's a freakin' wood and wire construct! Not...someone...with my feelings in mind.

You can't deny that I don't make it a life's mission to perk up my annoyance skills, though—would he really count that against me? Probably, un. Looking at my chances now, I'd say my prospects aren't looking good. At all.

Which is bad, un. Really, really bad. Because just when I started getting comfortable with my would-be kidnappers, forcing me into the organization from the beginning and all, I go through some deep, not-so-philosophical thinking and now aren't too happy with my peers at the moment. Which is, again, bad.

Ibelong here. I belong in Akatsuki! I'm not…cut out to be a loner. I need people around me—I crave acceptance and human interaction. I am most definitely not a hermit! I just…want acknowledgment. I am not useless. I'm not!

I…I'm cheerful, un, but that brightens up a dark, gloomy Akatsuki day, doesn't it? And—and Kisame…who's going to listen to him bitch and moan about Itachi and join in on the bashing? What about Hidan? There can't just one one fanatic in Akatsuki—even if I don't believe in that ridiculous Jashin-kun, and he could care less about art. At least we both understand each other!

And Kakuzu and Zetsu. I need someone to whine about my destructive habits—I practically throw money down the drain, and Sir Leader doesn't allow plotted plants around HQ anymore because then Zetsu gets all winded up when I uproot dirt for clay. And what's going to happen to…to danna? Doesn't he need me? Doesn't anyone need me?

Even if…I'm just that crazy bomb-happy kid everybody likes to make fun of? After all, everyone's so fixated on the fact that I look effeminate and young. Gads, why can't they make fun of Itachi instead? He screams feminine! But that's right—he's Itachi. Of course no one's going to make fun of him!

Is it such a crime to be wanted and respected, un? I'm not that kid from Iwa anymore. I don't have to take this bullshit. I don't need to go through any of this crap. My life wasn't supposed to complicate from leaving, un! But that's all that's happened ever since I'd taken up terrorist bombing, hasn't it? Needy, greedy bastards—my clients sucked! All they did was bitch and whine about my work, my art. If all they did was complain then why did they hire me in the first place, un?!

Because I was the only decent terrorist bomber in the business…? Goddamn, I didn't ask for these hands! Besides, who the hell would go into the bombing business if all they could scrounge up were explosive tags and kunai…? Damn right I was the best!

Hmph. In those days I did whatever the hell I wanted. I got to practice my art and live somewhat comfortably, as much as a missing-nin could. Easy pay, easy lays. If I wanted to spice things up, I'd double cross my employer if I knew they were planning to double cross me. It'd be like...a quadruple cross. It was even more fun when I did it to idiots who actually believed my stupid promises—should've read the fine print! And if a client was willing to cough up a little special, I'd introduce them to my C-batch formulas, which are extra nice. A lot more effective than your simple explosive tags—I mean, honestly.

Then there were those people who wanted a special something for the occasion—me being the hired help, of course. These guys wanted something a little more serviceable than a big blast. Simple jobs like dropping a bomb over a compound doesn't cut it for these men, oh no. They wanted to give off a very big sign to their enemies saying, "Fuck you, I own you, bitch, un...!!" in which a little creativity and sneakiness didn't hurt. Not at all, un.

In those days, work and pleasure were constantly intertwined. Life was good, but after Iwa-Hell, anything would've looked good. Such a job was relieving, and even if it was kinda solitary, as you couldn't really hold anything other than one night stands, I liked it. But other than sex, women didn't really interest me much, so it wasn't too much of a problem.

As expected, my reputation grew and suddenly I served a very specific clientele—but Akatsuki definitely weren't on that list, un.

And then I was drafted. Bah.

Brooding about my worth isn't going to do anything for me right now, though. My goal…didn't I resolve to be one of the most feared Akatsuki members? What happened to that drive, that sheer grit and determination? I'm one of the cockiest members under Sir Leader's command because I earned it, damn it! Just one fight…just one fight can't reduce me to, well…this!

It was a mistake, un. A stupid, idiotic mistake worthy of my apparent blondness. And Sasori-danna…hasn't killed me yet. I'm still alive right now, though, aren't I? If he really thought so little of me he would've just let me die back there, maybe even in his poison cloud. Maybe. Because Sasori-danna could've easily just have withheld the antidote or let me ruin his stupid 'Perfect Plan' from the start and wait to get myself killed before wiping out those Suna Anbu, ignoring my death. Maybe.

He calls me a brat. A whelp. And, yeah, everyone else, too…but they also used to call me worser things before I wrangled their respect and attention. And if they were only towards my art, fine—it's my art, anyways. So they really are, indirectly, paying attention to me, un.

Once I got over my love-hate conflicted feelings for Akatsuki, I actually started having fun. It was…a change. A forceful change I didn't want initially, but turned out to be even better than I expected.

In Akatsuki, I quickly learned, I got to work my art on an even greater scale than I had before. I could test out my bombs and new formulas with ease in some backwater country, and no one would give two-shits about it.

Akatsuki has contacts I could've only dreamed of as a terrorist bomber, and not to mention the sheer amount of resources it has and the power it holds. And don't listen to Kakuzu, but money's pretty much a given—in fact, it's damn near steady, un.

A comforting thing since steady pay wasn't guaranteed to me before because lots of times I had snarky clients who wanted to off me as part of 'hiding their trail' agenda or simply refused to give up the cash. The ones I grew to like had the sense to pay me beforehand, knowing that I love blowing things up too much to give up the opportunity and so their supposedly foolish investments were assured. They did their homework, un, and I loved them for it. The rest are the bastards I mentioned before who insisted on paying afterwards but then never did. Lot of good it did for them; they all ended up dead. Should've known better, those idiots.

Back then, even with the money and some satisfactory and many not-so-satisfactory clients, my relations were strained. Nearby towns accepted my presence as an inevitable bane and demanded Iwagakure to do something about their missing-nin problem. Which only caused stress on poor me. With Akatsuki, though…I not only had protection from just simple admission, I commanded instant respect and reverent fear. Very handy things to have when you want things done. I'm not above petty bullying, after all—let the lesser underworld organizations do the menial work that would be utterly demeaning to Akatsuki.

But what I loved most about Akatsuki when I first started liking it…was the appreciation. The acknowledgment of my skills, and the expertise in my field. Explosive specialists, good ones, are few and in between because the nearest thing to one is a seal specialist, but where are you going to get one of those? Few have developed such an effective ninjutsu as mine, albeit made even easier with my hands. But I can confidently say I'm the best. Art is a bang, un. And the world knows it, too, ever since I joined.

People like me are rare, un. And Akatsuki has me.

So I guess…I am wanted. I may not be downright thanked anymore by Sir Leader, who chooses instead to commend me for a job well down. And I may have ended up with a reputation where the others think I'm an joke that won't die and would sooner compliment my art than stay still long enough for Hidan to convert them, but I still can see they're impressed on occasion. No one in Akatsuki has the sheer power my art has behind them, not when Sir Leader's looking for mass destruction.

I'm unique, un, among the freaks of Akatsuki. I think I should be flattered. I think I am.

I'm irreplaceable, as long as I don't majorly piss off the higher ups too much, which is confined only to Sir Leader, as far as I know. Although there have been rumors…

But, whatever. It doesn't matter, now that I've finally gotten a grip on my emotions.

Honestly, Sasori-danna always claimed emotions would be the death of me one day, but…I like where I stand. I like waking up every morning, knowing that I'm not waking up to another day as your average shinobi, that I'm not expected and forced to hide away my feelings as if they're a thing to be ashamed of because...because that just sucks, un.

Don't underestimate me just because I can care. At least I'm not as transparent as those tree-huggers, though. They not only wear their hearts on their sleeves, they flail them around for everyone to see! I understand that Sandaime Hokage was quite the benevolent Kage and I once had the misfortune of fighting this 'Will of Fire' of theirs, but did they have to advertise themselves so much? As much as I'd love to blow Itachi to Kingdom Come, un…I have to agree with him that Konoha-nins are quite foolish.

I wonder if they'll change under new leadership. Doubtful, but Konoha has a tendency of shipping out powerful shinobi. Unfortunately, for all their bravado, they'll always be rendered vulnerable if only for their excitable emotions. Even I have the sense to know that, even if I don't entirely believe it.

Un. I guess Sasori-danna really was right in insulting me when he said emotions'll be the death of me one day. Then again, Sasori-danna did grow up on disdain for Konoha, especially since Konoha and Suna were bitter enemies during the Great War and blah blah blah. Really, I don't really pay much mind to what vestiges of nationalism is left in Sasori-danna, if any. But he does bring up a good point…cutting off emotions does remarkably well for raising shinobi statistics.

Take Uchiha Itachi, for example; hailed as a genius in his home village and managed Anbu squadron leader at the tender age of thirteen, the guy really is a fucked up nut case in the eyes of Konoha and everyone else on this side of the sun. He, apparently, is viewed as a heartless bastard-murderer—which he is—but coming from the people he'd defected from, it's rather hypocritical of them to do so. Yeah, he killed his clan and all, even if the loss of the Sharigan was a shame, but that's not the most disturbing part—the guy is a complete blank slate.

Even Sasori-danna, who'd turned himself into a freaking puppet, has more emotional capability than Itachi does, un. And that's just plain freaky. And wrong. And just weird. And that's from the mouth—mouths—of someone who can claim he's got two sets of them to feed. Not that I do. Really. I mean, where would the food go?

And I do mean to say, knowing the freakishness of my own body, that I believe Itachi is a freak. Maybe even a fellow one. Hell, wasn't I just saying that Akatsuki's full of freaks, un?

How Kisame can stand him is beyond me. Kisame is all cocky and loud. More confidence than I can muster up on a good day and much more boisterous than I ever could be. Brash, too. Let's not forget brash. In a morbidly fascinating way those two go well together. A match made in hell, un!

But Kisame has no emotional attachments. What ever is left of them remains with the Seven Swordsman of the Mist, which is pretty much none. He does remarkably well in battle and whatever losses he receives he makes up for it in sheer brutality in the next fight, as if to vent. He likes Itachi well enough, un. Sometimes he comes by to, yes, bitch and rant. Or at the very least complain. Kisame needs some sort of outlet every now and then or he'd go crazy with just Itachi's presence alone.

I keep him sane. How cute.

No one's my personal therapist, un. I don't think I really need one…I've a bad habit of going back to Iwagakure every year, though. I can't help myself. Maybe I really am emotionally ruled.

Is it so much of a weakness as everyone makes it out to be? Iwa didn't care, not the village I was born into. Godaime Tsuchikage was a bastard to the highest degree, and he certainly didn't care about us. And then there were those within Iwa…what should I say about them? I'd loved to bash them with as much pleasure as I bash Itachi, but it isn't the same. Not even close to being the same.

Itachi's…Itachi. Everyone knows I've got a grudge against him, and he could care even less, which in some aspects connects him to the people of Iwa. Otherwise, the two are completely, irrevocably different.

Contrary to popular belief, un, I don't hate Itachi. In fact, I don't even hate Iwagakure…much. Yeah. Alright, so I'm lying a little on the last bit. My whole aspirations of "I'm gonna be a terrorist bomber so you better be afraid that I'll blow. You. Up. Un!" was really just an icing on the cake to leaving, and not even close to being the whole bit. What really caused me to defect…is far more personal than I'm willing to admit.

Un…I do have some self-preservation instincts at all, even if Sasori-danna says differently. And I do have that innate shinobi sense after all. To try so desperately hard to hide something so cuttingly close to the heart of the matter…I guess I'm just like any other shinobi in that aspect. Because then I have no weaknesses. None to speak of, in any case. Shinobi detachment and numbness and...all that.

I'm as emotionally stunted as any other shinobi, you know, I just hide it better than most. I'm more open about myself after all; I don't try to hide my feelings beneath some dumb stoic facade. I am perfectly aware that I'm pretty much a failed shinobi in this aspect, but I could care less. There's no way I can claim my innocence back, pick up the civilian life and live happily. That's just stupid, un. There's no happy endings for us—everyone knows that. Must be why most mothers have the decency to be horrified when their little boy reveals he wants to be a shinobi.

I know mine would've been, if descriptions were anything to go by. Normally, they wouldn't, but the source…was quite reliable, thank you very much. And I trusted her inexplicably. Before Sasori-danna came around, the only one I've ever trusted was her.

Truthfully, had she not wished it to happen, I would've blown up all of Iwagakure, and then some. Six years is a hell of a long time to keep a near pointless promise, but I've done it so far, so a few more can't hurt. The Iwa she knew from girlhood was one I never really came to know, anyways. It's pointless to try to justify her persistence in wrangling that promise out of me because in my mind I already knew.

Iwagakure sure is lucky as hell, un.

One of the ways she'd calm down my bouts of hysteria was to tell me stories of her girlhood, of that Iwa I never knew, of that Iwagakure she wanted to return to. Because if I could somehow hold onto the belief that my village wasn't evil, that it wasn't trying to fuck me over countless times per day…then I could be at peace. Sorta.

Little white lies, I guess, really helped my denial to seep in all nice and tight. Like a baby nicely tucked in, un. Not that I would possibly know of such a thing; my mother had the good sense to go and die as soon as possible after kicking me out of her belly.

I wouldn't want the woman who birthed me to witness horrors of the world around her. Sure, she picked the shittiest year for me to be born into, but I don't feel much bitter anymore. No point, un. Why cause a dead woman grief now? As ridiculously softhearted as it sounds, I wouldn't want to. Don't tell anybody, though—I'm vulnerable enough as it is. Wouldn't want toss out all my secrets, eh?

The proclaimed shitty year that I was born into had everything to do with politics. Mmhm, politics. I know what you're thinking and whatever it is you're assuming right now don't. The whole matter simply has to do with a strong desire in a change of…Kages.

Wow. That scenario's never been used before.

Actually, on top of the civil war, two more factions were added subsequent to another attempt at revolution. There were those who wanted to overthrow the current weak, complacent Tsuchikage for their more favored war hawk leader, and those who didn't want to add more chaos and confusion to the already broiling civil war. Obviously, the latter just had to be caught up in their self-righteous 'peace keeping' crap duties of said war, and before anyone knew it, a Godaime Tsuchikage was named.

This one though…like I said, he was a war hawk, un. He ended all the fighting, yeah, but he did it so brutally. Iwa was in deep shit, even deeper shit than the war with Konoha and then the one with themselves. After all, the only reason this guy completely stopped the civil war was to place more power on the already existing dictatorship system in the village, and then tighten more control onto his people, the ones he already held within an iron fist. No, he didn't stop the war for the good of the people, un…

He stopped it so that he could send Iwa into another war.

Yeah. Very turbulent year. Very shitty, too. Anyway, through all of this, if you can believe it, my mother got knocked up with me and was hitched to the bastard I knew as my father. In that order. Kami only knew why my father married a whore...

I've mentioned before that I don't feel embittered towards the woman who was my mother for all the remaining hours of her life after I was born, but seriously…could you get the timing any worse? Yes, feel the pity all around.

Whatever, un.

The point is, my bastard of a nationalistic father left me as soon as he could to go off and die for his village and the Tsuchikage and blah, blah, blah, without any regards to me. Of course. Why would he even think of me, even consider me into his last plans? Not the unwanted kid he was shackled with. Not the kid he was forced to keep due to old fashioned honor that Godaime bizarrely kept. Haha! My old man was just like Sasori-danna in that way.

So, off Father goes and dies a heroic death—every shinobi's dream, I assure you—loosing to some random no names from a nearby minor hidden village, which is just pathetic. Little Deidei (that's me) was one of many orphaned children left running around in Iwa, generally defenseless, helpless, and left to the whims of the second major bastard in my life. Yes, the one, the only…

Godaime Tsuchikage. Un…I sure know how to pick them.

And this was where the story just got weird. And uncomfortable. And where really bad shit hit the fan. The type that made all that lovely political intrigue taking place after I was conceived look likechild's play, in comparison. Mmhmm, war hawks. I guess that's why I don't completely begrudge old geezer Sandaime of Konoha for his peace keeping ways…Still a soft bastard, though.

Ah, angst. Don't we love it? Konoha and Iwa at a standby in a long, excruciating war that wouldn't end, all the while shinobi were dropping around the two hidden villages like flies. After the very long and drawn out Great War finally was over, Iwa promptly sped downwards into civil war—when Godaime seized control, making the whole war promptly a wasteful and insignificant gesture on Iwa's part.

What a bastard, un. He was so obsessed with power and victory over taking over one of the great shinobi villages for himself that he never considered Iwa's problems from the last wars.

Which was really stupid, come to think of it. Lots of vengeful, crazy ass Konoha-nins managed to off a lot of people during this time, and vice versa. Iwa's still stinging from when the infamous Yondaime Hokage slaughtered an army of theirs. Good riddance and thanks very much, I'll say.

And then the guy went off and got himself killed, which promptly killed my respect for him.

Was killed over sealing a bijuu, no less. The man thought big, for sure, but I've always thought everyone involved in the last Great War was a little more unhinged than your usual shinobi.

After all, who the hell sacrifices himself to seal Kyuubi for the sake of a village anyways? Only a man unhinged from a Great War, that's who, un. Feel bad for Kyuubi—he wasn't even sealed to be used as a proper weapon at all. He was captured to save a tree-hugging nation!

Damn. That's got to hurt some ego, un. Makes me smile, actually…

But people think I don't like Konoha because of all of that crap. Stupid, really. Why should I care about old politics now? Iwa doesn't concern me, after all, much less the Great War. Yeah, back when I was a local terrorist I played a part in politics heavily, since a lot of my clients were, too. Bombs make a statement, un. And art is a bang.

Not surprisingly though, it's been declining in stature ever since the war with Konoha, and its reputation's been pretty much shot to hell. And then civil war happened, as if Earth isn't struck by one civil war or another. And, what the hell, why was Fire always so prosperous and peaceful and civil-war-less and shit? Whatever, un.

Anyway, Akatsuki isn't really interested in Iwa, not a straggling village desperate for aid. Although they do take advantage of situations whenever the need calls for it. That year was ripe for machinations because of all the warring going about. In fact, there's never an end to it all. Always fighting, always dying, always fighting, whoring, warring, soaring off to die...

And when that happens they send me, un.

I already make annual trips to Iwagakure and as it stands right now I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. I rarely go otherwise, but sometimes Sir Leader demands it. Smart, even if it's not comfortable to me. Earth Country is massive, though Wind is a little bigger, and no one in Akatsuki knows how to traverse it better than I do. Headquarters is also located on Earth Country borders since our base is situated in a mountain, but nobody really bothers to map out the country we're in. My intelligence, apparently, is enough, un. As damn well it should be. Pein'll see to sucking my head dry of all my pretty little knowledge before I'm cast off to die, you just wait, un.

Even though I've been a little behind on the political scene, Akatsuki certainly isn't, if only for the sake of manipulating it better. I'm not bothered at all by our machinations in the capital or in the local hidden village.

The only thing that bothers me about ordered trips to Iwa is that the visits aren't made out of my own violation. I only go during autumn, and everyone knows that…un, even if they don't know really why. My job there is simple. Observe and gather intelligence and carry out orders to perform locally. After all, Akatsuki has to be somewhat interested in Iwagakure because Headquarters is in Earth, not that Iwa-nins are in any position to drive us out. I don't think they even know of us, un.

Earth may be one of the Five Great Countries, but even Water Country has been doing better than them, and that's saying something. Not too long ago, that area was ravaged for years by some underworld criminally inclined business tycoon. Gatou, I think? Kyuubi's jinchuuriki helped in eradicating his presence in Wave, and now the area is climbing out of the ditch they'd dug themselves in.

Hmph. Pathetic. And Kisame agrees with me: How can a country allow itself to be captured so easily, un? He's not above having petty debates about the worth of our radically different homelands, and neither am I.

I don't like Iwa, but I do love Earth Country. I'm at home there, un. And I can deal with citizens as long as they're not actual shinobi. But there's a small, lingering sense of pride in me that is staggered at the country's extreme drop in economy, which is not helped at all by Akatsuki. It's great for us, especially since our lowered prices, mission-wise, are favorable compared to the desperate ones of Iwa, but…

I don't dare voice any complaints; I shouldn't even have complaints. And I honestly don't really care about Earth's decline, but it's still the principle of the being, un! In that aspect, Kisame understands me, and he hates Kirigakure, but he knows very well what pride is. Pride in one's country, pride in one's village, pride in oneself, he knew all those things. He was once as nationalistic as I was, and on top of being one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist he should very well know what I'm talking about.

Plus, it doesn't help that he'd occasionally throw the sneering insult at me that Water's doing quite well for itself. All in good fun, un. It's annoying to know that he's right though.

Sometimes, we spar, too. But we don't encounter each other much. Itachi and Kisame goes off traveling a lot, when Sasori-danna and I like to stay 'home.' Whenever we do meet, one of the first things we do is catch up, even if its in the fighting sense, un.

Last I've checked, we're at a standstill. His water-based jutsus against my earth-based ones. Kisame can totally kick my ass if we spar with only elemental jutsus, but I'm proud to say that I've often surprised him with my unorthodox methods of combining my arsenal of earth jutsus with my personal fighting style. Mainly, blowing things up, un.

But he usually wins. Most of the time I'm forced to fly when fighting him because he always cheats by flooding the area with water. It's not fair! It's still fun, though. Our styles are really different and I like how they clash, and seeing our respective jutsus cancel each other out only makes us more determined to beat the shit out of the other with said respective jutsus.

Kisame is the only one in Akatsuki who doesn't sneer when I talk about Earth in a favorable light. They don't understand. Earth and Iwa are not interchangeable, and I like the fact that Kisame can agree with me because he's the same way.

Only…he doesn't like anything about Water Country, un. His jutsu and sword are only means to an end. It's just like how I fight with clay, or insist on only going to Iwa in the fall, but they don't understand that either.

Akatsuki doesn't understand a lot about me. How I act so cheerful all the time or why I'm so fixated on my art. But…not danna. Truthfully, he doesn't even try to understand me. He doesn't peg labels onto me, and if I do something abnormally stupid in his eyes, he still doesn't treat me any differently than usual.

He knows when not to push, and I know when not to shove. Sasori-danna is special that way, un. But sometimes...it's like he expects me to fail. Maybe that's why he's never surprised when I do something abnormally stupid...

Worth…I don't know if I'm good enough—no, I know I'm not good enough for danna. He doesn't need my protection, but I like to think he still needs me. Me, Deidara, as a person.

Who's going to challenge his view on art? Who's going to pester him and make him indulge me like a kid? Someone needs to loosen Sasori-danna up, and if it's going to be anyone it's going to be me. I'm still Akatsuki, I'm not weak. Everyone's so much stronger than me, but when it's danna who's stronger than me, I don't mind…

Because Sasori is my danna. And that's never going to change, un.

I still don't like Orochimaru. And I still think Itachi's dumb. Kisame's still going to be my only conversationally inclined friend, and Hidan and I are still going to go around Headquarters and rant passionately to everyone whenever we're feeling like minded enough. Or when lots of people are together at HQ. That's always fun.

There's always going to be this niggling part of my brain that calls me pathetic…but I think it should just shut it, un. I'm not weak because if I were really weak would Sasori-danna put up with me the way he does? I heard Kakuzu killed all of his previous partners just because he could, but if Sasori-danna was really annoyed with me he would've just shot me with poison and be done with it. Right…?

Sasori-danna is remarkably loyal to Akatsuki, but that's only because he has nothing else to do, I think. He told me once that I made his life just that much more difficult, but you know what, un? I like that. I like that I can get under his wooden skin and annoy him as much as I do. Kisame wouldn't stop looking at me funny a few months after I joined, and told me it's because he's never seen Sasori-danna so ruffled before.

Nobody else can do that to my danna, un.

He never told me anything about his past. Neither have I, come to think about it, and I know he's curious about the scope in my eye and the mouth on my chest.

I'm not here to save anybody. I'm just a stupid kid from Iwa who likes to make things go boom. I'm content, yeah. Content as an S-class shinobi canbe, but that's fine. I've moved from one place to another, and went through a lot of crazy stuff in this organization, but all that's allowed me to be close with my danna, un.

I shouldn't have been jealous of those two Anbu-nins. I shouldn't be. Yeah, Sasori-danna and I won't ever have that bond, but I think that's because we're incapable of that sort of bond. I think those two were lovers anyway. Like I said, not possible.

The idea of having that level of teamwork itself is pretty nice. There's not much to improve on with Sasori-danna, though, so it's pointless to say that our work is inadequate.

We aren't Hidan and Kakuzu at least. Their fighting's all over the place, un.

It's just…I'm terrified. I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want Sasori-danna and I to be in a position where we'd have to fight like those two Anbu did. I don't ever want to see Sasori-danna's full power because than that means he's serious. I never want to be driven to that sort of desperation…because Sasori-danna's all I have. And me? I never want to use my greatest technique, even if it'd be the greatest art I can achieve, even if it's the type of art not even the godscan ignore.

A wide, joyful smile broke out on my face. "Sasori no danna! Have you been waiting a long time for me, un?"

"Brat. Do you know how long I've been sitting here? It wouldn't take a whole day to leave Suna."

"Sorry, sorry! But, dannaaa, you left me in the desert! And I got lost twice, un." My smile was stretched taunt across my face and it felt so fake.

"You know the way to River Country, Deidara! You made me wait on purpose."

Such an accusatory tone, danna. I couldn't help but chirp, "No, I didn't, Sasori no danna."

"Whatever, whelp. Anyway…the poison."

"Poison, un?"

"The poison you were hit with! Next time you try a stupid stunt like that make sure I approve of it first."

"All right."

"It's not 'all right,' you fool! If I hadn't the sense to vaccinate you when those Anbu attacked, you would've been already dead."

"W-what? But, Sasori no danna, what about the antidote, un?"

"That was just to get rid of your itch."

"That was no itch, un!"

"You're right, brat. If that was just a normal itch, you wouldn't have been ready to claw your skin off. As for the antidote…" his expression turned deadpan, "you know I make them as painful as possible. I don't have painless antidotes. It did nothing for your poison."

"I don't remember being treated…"

"I didn't. I vaccinated you when I first attacked." Looking exasperated at my clueless face, he bit out, "I knew that you were going to come in for my 'aid.' I planned for that to happen!"

"You knew that'd I'd do something stupid? You…Sasori no danna, you counted on it?" Before I could feel properly hurt, he snorted.

"No, brat. I was counting on you to care."

What?

"You're predicable, Deidara," he continued quietly, shuffling past my shock still body. "It was that predictability that I knew to include in my plans."

Wait, wait, wait—BACK UP, UN!

"Sasori?" I squawked.

He stopped, a somewhat amused air around him. Yet his sigh was as long suffering as ever. "Hmph. You're trying to prove me wrong? Dropping the title from my name isn't going to do that, brat."

Mouth flapping, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I stared at him…in shock!

Even with Hiruko's back to me, I knew Sasori-danna was smirking at me from within. "Well? Don't dwaddle, Deidara. We're making Leader wait, and I hate making him wait."

Even in all my indignation, I could only muster a wailed, "Sir Leader won't mind, un! He loves me!"

"So why is it that out of the two of us he only gives assignments to me?"

"That's not fair, Sasori no danna!"

"Life isn't. Neither is making your partner wait longer than he should."

"Well…well, you shouldn't have left me behind!"

"You were dragging us down. Even if I continued to Waterfall, you would've caught up anyway."

"Sorry if I'm weak, un."

"Sarcasm only makes me more irate, Deidara. Did you expect me to walk you by the hand to River? It takes only several hours for that vaccine to wear off, for the poison to be eradicated, and until then you'd be forced to travel at a slower pace. How you took an entire day to get here is something I can't understand."

Feeling embarrassed and more chagrined than I was willing to admit, I fell into ready step with him, looking irritably earnest. Yes, I'm able to pull off such an expression. "So I slowed us down. Doesn't mean you can ditch me whenever you want, danna."

Sasori-danna had this air about him that screamed he disagreed.

"Come on, danna," I wheedled. "Why did you really leave me there? I hate Suna, un! You know that, Sasori no danna! It's too hot to be cool."

Not moments after I spoke did I have to absently dodge Hiruko's tail; I had had quite enough of being poisoned, thanks. "Well? Danna?"

"After that fight," the extra sneer he put into the word said otherwise, "you were utterly useless. Moping about and brooding like an angst-filled teenager, your attitude was completely disgusting. Completely unfitting of Akatsuki. Though it was my presence that apparently triggered it. Hmph. You seem normal now."

Blinking, I said, astonished, "Why, Sasori no danna, was that your way of comforting me, un?"

"What…? Idiot! What are you babbling about now?"

"Itwas," I affirmed, gleefully. "You do care! You ca-re, you ca-re!"

Angrily, he lashed out. I had to dodge his tail again.

From there, we began to bicker anew. And throughout it all, I couldn't help but be relieved that nothing had really changed. It was a vague sense of discomfort in me that caused a large lapse of silence in our travels to Waterfall, but beyond that, the silence that Sasori-danna so preferred was, instead, filled up with my blathering.

There was something about familiarities in an otherwise unstable life that gave me an incredible sense of comfort. Sasori-danna still looked out for me in that backhanded, roundabout way, I guess. His presence was soothing, and having stopped for clay on the way helped my mood a bit. Contrary to how I continued my idiotic act around him, I still was feeling largely of something. Then again, my ego and pride had been grounded down to nothing by that point, so I didn't—tried not to think on it.

It took a weak for someone to finally to crack. Not surprisingly, the only one who cared enough was Kisame. Probably did so out of curiosity alone. Ass.

He started by giving me a jab. "It's too quiet around here," he told me bluntly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I snipped back, a sour look on my face. "Don't know your own strength at times though, huh?"

He only laughed as I gave my side a ginger rub.

"But seriously, kid. Did something happen? Sasori-san's more moody than usual, and I was wondering whether you had anything to do with it…"

I snapped. "I'm not to blame for every little thing that happens around here!"

"Simply noting how down you've been." He whistled, "You haven't even given me any of those funny grunts of yours either."

"Shuddup, Fishy-chan."

"Nah. I just wanted to know why you're all beat up for being you." Silence. "Fine, I was eavesdropping when Leader saw you. Still, it pisses me off when you're being prissy for no reason."

"Ah," he nodded emphatically. "So you've finally convinced yourself you're utter shit. Congrats and all, kid, but you're not the only one. Get off your broody ass and go talk some sense into your partner. I'm sure I'm right when I say that he's all irritated because of you."

"Because I'm a moron to the highest degree, I know. I can't do anything for danna—when isn't he mad at me?"

Rolling his eyes, Kisame snorted. "Listen, kid. I can't believe I have to spell this out for you, but why he's irritated has to do with some weird logic of his that has him convinced that it's his fault you can't pick up the slack." Bristling, I was about to retort, but he beat me to it. "Can you even hear me? Ugh, why do I have to play psychiatrist? Whatever is going around in your head about your supposed inadequacy, forget it, you idiot. You've somehow got Sasori-san all worried about you. Need I say more?"

Ignoring my stunned look, he shoved my gaping figure at the wall behind me. Though I cringed, it never occurred to me to move, but I didn't have to; instead, I hit something that was distinctlynota wall. Hands griped my shoulders from behind, and I, the poor fool, could only bite out a wild, "Sa…Sasori no danna?"

"Deidara," he voiced smoothly. "The day you have Kisame of all people analyze me is the day you should realize you're being quite silly."

"Danna…?" Feeling rather confused, I couldn't do much but stare ahead at Kisame's grinning countenance.

"It's occurred me, Deidara, that you've been jumping to conclusions and blowing things greatly out of proportion. I, however, after having my suspicions confirmed and discussed with…Kisame, decided that you're in need of a 'realty check' as, again, Kisame puts it so lightly."

"Eh?!"

"Come." Sasori-danna released me, walking without even looking to see if I would follow. He knew I would. That didn't mean I wouldn't be confused as hell.

Kisame saw my lost expression, and shot me a snarky grin. "Well?" He motioned towards the hallway Sasori-danna disappeared to. "Go on then. Shoo."

My response was to give said hallway a wary glance. Curiosity urged me to go after him, but he had this weird look in his eyes…

I shrugged. It didn't really matter anyways. What did danna want?

My answer came in the form of a courtyard.

Not knowing why Sasori-danna decided to lead me outside, I meandered around, wondering what was going on. It didn't take long for me to find out.

Gaping, I took in the figure before me, not quite believing what I was seeing.

There Sasori-danna stood, cloak fluttering at his feet, metal wings outstretched and drench in poison for all to see. I couldn't do anything but stare, partly in awe—he never took off his cloak!—but mostly in fear.

For danna to show himself like this…what was going on?

Even Kisame, who had been casually following me, stopped short at what he saw. His low whistle was the only sound out here. Even the birds native to Earth, the ones I grew to model and love, were silent. And I could practically feel his raised brows.

Sasori-danna had this look reminiscent to a crazy man who'd just been pushed to extremes. I imagine he didn't go out near naked much. Once, I'd poked and prodded Hiruko trying to figure out what Sasori was, but it didn't take me awhile to realize that he was a puppet user. That tail was always a curiosity to me, even more so when I figured out it was made up of metal plates.

Old grandpas just didn't walk around with heavy, extendible metal tails.

Before today, I had only seen Sasori-danna's true form twice. Both were times I didn't exactly want to remember. The last time I saw his true form, he wasn't exactly using it for battle. It was as mundane as stripping off his mangled, ruined robes for disposal and changing into a new one. The only reason why I wanted to forget that time was the look in my danna's eyes as he tore off his Akatsuki cloak. He looked like he wanted to badly mangle the person who'd badly mangled him. Anger, with a fine veneer of bloodlust; no one forced Sasori-danna to reveal himself from Hiruko other than himself, much less his real body. That shinobi died messily, un.

Danna scares me sometimes. I'll say that right now because he does. But most of the time I'm not afraid; how could I be? What have I to live for now? There's nothing in my future besides Akatsuki, Akatsuki, Akatsuki. Rah, rah, rah. Nothing but danna.

In a strangely warped way, isn't he the only thing that makes Akatsuki worth it? Kisame's cool and stuff, and I love irritating stupid Uchiha, but they're not Sasori. Nothing can measure up to him. Yeah, he hated me in the beginning, and my feelings towards him weren't so stellar either, but we got past that. Sorta.

Something else about our weird friendship. I feel like I'm the rebellious pupil or son at times. I know, yeah? When danna got off his high pedestaled ass and I stopped trying to blow him up at all intervals of the week, we finally had something resembling teamwork between us! Eh, and I guess that awoke some sort of mentor mentality in Sasori-danna, too. Not that he teaches me anything, really, just the meaning of pain when I 'dared' contradicting his ideas of art in the beginning. I learned to dodge his random attacks real quick after that. No love lost between us, yeah.

And the first time? The first time I saw what he looked like underneath that cloak was humiliating. I'd just been recruited. To see my skills firsthand, Sir Leader chose my future partner to fight me in front of everyone. Sorta. As expected, when a member was being inducted, all Akatsuki convene at headquarters. Seeing the whole group being formed in front of me freaked the hell out of me, and it didn't help the fact that they used that holographic jutsu of Sir Leader's. Actually, that freaked me out even more.

What kind of technique allows a shinobi to appear like that from any distance away? How can that presented person be able to physically affect things to where he's been projected, yet be untouchable? Why is it that those cast figures were able to be shown on a physical plane when their bodies were clearly elsewhere? Yeah, that jutsu scared me!

Note, this was all after I was practically kidnapped. And then Sir Leader was telling me to fight Akasuna no Sasori? Hell, no!

Not that I had a choice. My anger served me well in the fight, but I was no match for Sasori-danna when he whipped off the cloak. I went through the usual fare before he actually used himself: Hiruko, some other puppets, though he didn't use Sandaime, which is why it took so long for me to learn that he even had the Kazekage in his possession.

That was the first time I saw Sasori-danna's greatest work of art. It was impressive, yeah, but being beaten in front of everyone else didn't exactly flatter him in my eyes. And then Sir Leader paired us up. Gah.

So when I got to that courtyard, you have to understand how I was notkinda surprised, but really shocked. It's rare to see danna worked up enough to look like a crazy loon, yeah, and why the heck is he just standing there staring at me with this intensity that I would've at any other time joked that he looked like a mooning lovestruck girl?

"When first we saw of each other, your fighting was coarse and unrefined, yet you claimed to have the power to defeat Itachi."

He didn't wait for my answer; my face was enough.

"And not a week ago…" he whispered, "you fell into a lapse of character. I didn't…"

Something broke through that manic expression of his. Something telling of some strain he'd gone through, a something close-to-an-emotion-thing that stood out in sharp contrast to what should have been a smooth countenance.

"Not too long ago, I made you out to be weak. Those Suna-nins…I did not believe you would be affected by them so strongly. Partnership, friendship…what are these things? But all I seem to do is demean you, yet you only truly realized this after that battle."

"No, Sasori no danna! That's not…danna…"

Walking smoothly over to me, his steady gaze held my bewildered one.

"I see. We have a problem on our hands, Deidara." His mouth twisted slightly. "We cannot have teamwork if one of us can't work, correct? You've been doing well so far, but I could only conclude that your change was my fault, if indirectly. I've been puzzled lately, and not a little frustrated by you. I guess…it can't be helped then."

Sasori-danna made an airy hand gesture that impulsively made me smile.

"…Let's see how you really measure up now."

That smile immediately dropped…into a gawk.

Kisame slapped me on the back, startling me badly. He crowed, "Now that was what I was waiting for! Way to drag it out, Sasori-san!" I'd forgotten he was even there.

"A fight? You want to fight me? Now?"

He managed not to look irritated at my glaringly obvious statement. He only said, "Come."

…With all the patience he could muster. So says the man who hates three things: Waiting, Suna, and me.

Or my art

Sasori-danna considers no one his equal. This is especially true when it comes to other shinobi. In this admittedly private belief of his, he doesn't think that in terms of arrogance…eh, sorta. It's true that no one's his equal here. In Akatsuki, you are either weaker or stronger than Akasuna no Sasori; there is no equal footing to be had with him, or so he thinks. A strange quirk of his, but there are obvious exceptions…

Like, his entire forbidden puppet collection. Every life he's stolen, in body and mind and soul, are worthy enough to be worked to perfection from under his hands. They are the shinobi he's faced that had been his equal in every way. In life, but not in death, because with every added human to his collection, Sasori-danna grows stronger, but they don't grow weaker. They stay the same…preserved as they were in the final fight of their lives, hung up for display when they are used again and again in his path to strengthening himself.

His bizarre form of respect, but still respect.

And he's challenging me…as his equal?! No one else knows how he selects new puppets. No one else is in the know of his weird equality-complex. And no one else has been allowed to witness Akasuna no Sasori, my partner, at his most human moments…

Thisthis is his way of cheering me up.

His backhand apology at the way he executed that fight with those Anbu Suna-nins had nothing, absolutely nothing in terms of 'caring' for me, not like this. He…I can't possibly compare to Sasori-danna! How could he even consider—? This couldn't be something he thought up of in a week—respect like that, however begrudging, couldn't have been formed in so little time. So how…?

Fuck. Fuck. I choked out a laugh, raising a shaky hand to my face. "All this time, huh…?"

"Knowing you as I do," he began cryptically, "anyone would develop a healthy amount of fear for your explosions."

Fear. Heh. I shot him an answering grin, wide, crooked, and familiar. Genuine. "All right, Sasori no danna. I accept your challenge, un."

He paused, smiling faintly in realization. "This is the first time you've indulged in that inarticulate habit of yours for awhile now, hasn't it?"

My grin broadened. "Un…Yeah!"

"Good," he said simply, and then charged—!

And we spoke no more.


In the awesomelicious GaaSaku fic, "Equilibrium" by Celtic Oak, kickass timeskip!Sakura was kidnapped and couldn't rescue herself so she goes through the same angst issues here but Gaara cheered her up in the only way he knew how.