Chapter 2: School

Those depressing thoughts followed me for two whole weeks. My parents and I were living in our aunt and uncle's house until we could buy one of our own.

Finally, on September the first, I muttered goodbye to my family (or what was left of it, anyways) and got in my truck with my step-cousin Jesse who had graduated from Hogwarts last year. He was going to drive my truck back for me.

"I'll drive," he offered.

I didn't say a word. Instead I threw my suitcases into the bed of my pickup.

Jesse was practically my best friend. He knew everything about me. Or, until now he did. I kind of took him under my wing when he was adopted by my aunt and uncle three years ago. He was a bad boy. An arsonist. A thief. A smoker. He had done some bad things as a kid. But I didn't mind. There was something about him that had always fascinated me.

Somehow, I had managed to mend him. He was still an arsonist and he smoked occasionally but he was always there for me no matter what. Last year he had kissed me. Kind of by accident (Long story). It was okay, though. We didn't tell anybody. It was legal. He was someone I could be myself around. My friends at Hogwarts were preps and jocks. I was neither. They were all blonde and I had black hair. They all asked me for help in school while I aced all my subjects. I had to be a stereotypical popular girl around them. But otherwise, I was the black sheep.

"Jill," he said as he drove down the crowded streets. "There's something you aren't telling me."

It wasn't a question. He knew it. He knew I was keeping something from him. From everyone else in the world.

"Why do you say that?" I asked. My voice was quiet. I couldn't laugh anymore. I had dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. Shudders went through my body whenever Jesse played with fire. I was completely different.

"Jill don't be a douche bag," was all he said, looking me in the eyes. They were really, really blue and kind of clouded with memories of his past.

I stuck my hands in my sweatshirt pockets. There was something in it so I took it out. What I found made my stomach churn in horror. It was a box of matches. Damn it.

Jesse turned his head back to the road. "Jillian, what are those doing in your pocket?"

I lied. "I- I wanted to smoke."

He raised his eyebrows. "You want to smoke?"

I nodded, willing myself not to cry. How could I lie to Jesse? It was like lying to God. You just couldn't.

Without hesitation, he took my hand.

"Don't. You can't just let yourself go, Jill. If you weren't going to school, I'd fix you. But you're going to have to do it yourself this year. I know you're depressed. I am, too. I just decide not to show it," he told me.

I just nodded.

For a long time, we drove in silence. Jesse turned on the radio to a station that played a bunch of heavy metal music. I was used to that kind of stuff. Nick, my brother, had always listened to it and so did Jesse.

Right now, it was playing a song we had both memorized; Born and Raised by Alexisonfire. Jesse turned it up and we sang along loudly, just like old times.

Jesse laughed when the song was done. "Good time, good times."

"...Yeah," I agreed.

He stroked the hand he was holding with his thumb. "You're gonna get better, right Jill?"

I shrugged.

"For me?" he leaned in close and gave me a teasing grin.

"Only if you let me burn down a barn with you when I get back." I said.

"Gladly," he replied. He pulled into a parking space at the train station.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Well," Jesse looked at me. "This is it."

I looked back at him. "Yeah."

"You'll be different when you come back, Jill. I know it," I brushed a strand of hair out of my face and leaned towards me.

I leaned towards him and our lips touched. It seemed to only last a second.

"Jess, do you love me?" I asked him.

He looked at me. "No. I just find it hard to keep my hands off you."

I nodded. I kind of felt the same way.

He squeezed my hand. "But Jill, you're pretty much my sister. I love you in that way."

"Well then I love you like a..." I trailed off. Brother. I didn't have a brother anymore. And it was my fault. "Uh- I love you, too."

I got out of my truck, took my two Hogwarts trunks from the bed and looked at Jesse one last time. He smiled and winked. I couldn't smile so I mouthed 'bye' to him and turned to enter the train station.

"OMG, Jillian!" Lesley, Amy, and Brandi squealed not too long after I had pushed through the magical wall leading to Platform 9 ¾.

They ran up to me with Trace and Mason behind them.

Oh joy, I thought. My groupies.

"Hey!" I said. It took all my might to put on a false grin.

"OMG, how are you?" Amy asked in her way-too-girly voice.

"Uh..."

"Amy, you're such a blonde," Trace said to her.

"Oh! Right... your brother got murdered," her smiled faded into a look of false sympathy. They probably didn't care about what had happened.

"We're so sorry, Jillie," Brandi insisted. "Whoever killed Nick should be, like, sent to Azkaban for the rest of their lives."

I felt the tears coming. It was true, though. "I totally agree."

"Come on! Let's go find seats!" Lesley said, grabbing her trunks and starting towards the train.

Lesley, Amy, and Brandi were so unintelligent and useless that they had been Sorted into Hufflepuff. Trace was a Ravenclaw with me; he was smart, clever, and creative. He was in a band back at his home called After Blue and really into art. Mason was a Gryffindor. He was really brave and willing to do anything. He was a total jock, participating in Quidditch and his local football team back where he lived. They were all popular.

Sometimes I wondered how I got stuck with a group like them. I mean, out of all of them, I liked Trace the most but they could be just so annoying sometimes!

As we stepped into the train in search of an empty compartment, my eyes wandered to a boy who looked around my age sitting alone in a compartment. He had really long black hair cut in an emo style and rebellious brown eyes wearing eyeliner. He was, in some ways, very good looking. Something the way he looked made me want to know more about him. I looked on his school robes and saw a Gryffindor badge pinned to it.

"Mason," I nudged him.

"Huh?" he said.

"Who's he?" I nodded towards the boy as we passed him.

"Oh, him," Mason grinned. "Sirius Black. I know what you're thinking. Don't bother with him. He's made his rounds here at Hogwarts. He's an outcast if you know what I mean."

I wanted to say two things: first of all, Mason had no idea what the heck I was thinking. And second of all, I was an outcast, too and there was nothing wrong with it, either.

The train ride was horrible. The whole time, Lesley, Amy and Brandi were chatting on and on about the stupid things they did over the summer like work on their tan and go to the spa.

Hey, guys! I though bitterly. Want to know what I did this summer? I murdered my brother and burned my house down! Isn't that like totally hot?

I felt tears swim around in my eyes.

"I'll be right back." I said to them and got up and ran to the loo in the back of the train.

I shut the door, locked it and pulled my hair in anger. I cried, trying to get all my tears out so I wouldn't cry later. I washed my face and leaned my back against the sink, waiting for my eyes not to be so red anymore.

If I weren't so different maybe I'd be normal.

Dinner. Sleep. Breakfast. Classes. Dinner. Sleep. Depression.

That whole process repeated for almost a month until finally, my friends confronted me.