SUPERCOMPUTER276 interviews EVIL BLACK JEWEL
sc276: 666, make a note. I've decided to not interview any more of my officers in the future, especially after what happened last time. That was a complete mess!
666: All right. Better get ready, you're on in five.
Announcer: LIVE from the Mushroom Bowl in Mt. Majesty, it's the In-noying Interviews, staring the biggest of all baddies, supercomputer276!
(supercomputer276 comes in.)
sc276: The SuperComputer276 is reporting in!
(Crowd cheers as sc276 sits down.)
sc276: You know, the announcer says I'm the biggest baddie, but that simply isn't true.
(Audience starts murmuring.)
sc276: Shut it! Bring in the chest!
(A Chargin' Chuck wheels in a treasure chest and leaves.)
sc276: The reason I say I'm not the biggest is the fact our interviewee himself is huge! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present... the final boss of Wario World... the one... the thankfully only... EVIL... BLACK... JEWEL!
(The chest explodes in a shower of light to reveal the jewel, henceforth referred to as EBJ)
EBJ: Well, well, well, where am I now?
sc276: You mustn't have been listening in there. You're on the In-noying Interview show with me, supercomputer276.
EBJ: Actually, I think I'll turn your money into monsters.
sc276: Also actually, there's no real stuff to transform. My wand is the most powerful in the world and I've played Wario World. I can return any abuse you give the Game Over tenfold.
EBJ: You have no proof.
(sc276 stands up.)
sc276: You wanna find out the hard way?
EBJ: Bring it on!
sc276: I warned you. Now face the wrath of the Super Computer!
(sc276 pulls out the G. O. Wand as EBJ starts sending out waves of fire. Several blasts of magic knock out EBJ, who sc276 proceeds to pick up and Piledrive.)
EBJ: OK! Uncle, uncle!
sc276: I knew you'll see it my way. Now sit down or get another Mad Move.
(They both take their seats.)
Dry Bones (in audience): I'd knew there'd be trouble.
sc276: Shut it!
(sc276 zaps Dry Bones with his wand, turning it to dust. The Dry Bones, that is.)
sc276: Now for questions.
EBJ: I suppose...
sc276: What are your attacks?
EBJ: I trap my opponents by shooting a wall of fire, then I use fireballs or seismic waves.
sc276: I see. Why did you summon those crystallized Spritelings during the battle?
EBJ: Actually, I didn't.
sc276: Huh?
EBJ: Nintendo just did it that way. In truth, the Spritelings came in all by themselves. Nintendo just wanted give Wario a way to knock me out.
sc276: Well, how did Wario knock you out then?
EBJ: He just ran around while he waited for the Spritelings to attack me.
sc276: Next question. Why didn't you transform the unique treasures into monsters?
EBJ: They were too unique to transform.
sc276: Pardon?
EBJ: The treasures had a magic spell on them that kept them in their true form. I was unable to break it.
sc276: Well, that's all my questions. Time for the audience to voice theirs. 666! Bring in the slots!
(666 brings in the slot machine.)
sc276: Now let's spin those slots!
(He pulls the lever and gets 31 07 17.)
sc276: Section 31, row 7, seat 17!
666: Boss, you destroyed the Dry Bones that was there.
sc276: Oh, yeah... Next spin.
(It comes up 29 31 25.)
sc276: Section 29, row 31, seat 25.
Grodus: On an evil scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most evil, how would you rate yourself?
EBJ: Definate 10. Most want to conquer the world. I seek to destroy it.
(Another spin comes up 28 18 14.)
666: Section 28, row 18, seat 14.
Waluigi: There you are! Now revenge will be mine!
(Waluigi runs down the aisle toward the stage.)
sc276: Ladies and germs, please remain seated while I call in the security system.
(He waves the G. O. Wand and spikes shoot up for a second in the aisles. Everyone in a seat and onstage is safe, but Waluigi takes one to the sole and shoots high in the air.)
666: SECURITY!
(Two Koopatrols catch Waluigi and carry him out of the stadium.)
sc276: Well, that's that. He must have been focused so much he forgot to be scared. Let's continue the Interview.
(The next spin of the slots results in 30 12 39.)
sc276: Section 30, row 12, seat 39, give the jewel a question.
Ms. Mowz: How much is that gem worth?
EBJ: It's very valuable. That's why Wario wanted to steal me from the temple.
(The slots give 25 26 40.)
666: Section 25...
sc276: Oh, dear...
666: ...row 26...
sc276: ...Oh, no...
666: ...seat 40.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
sc276: SECURITY! Get that Koopaling out and make sure he has a very clean mind wipe!
(The Koopatrols take Morton out as he starts his infamous speech about speeches.)
EBJ: Mind wipe?
sc276: We're in the middle of a secret base here. It's gotta stay secret.
EBJ: Ahh...
(Another spin yields 04 08 33.)
666: Section 4, row 8, seat 33.
Pink Yoshi (from Dark Koopa's interviews): Do you like Yoshis?
(As EBJ answers, sc276 casts a small Barrier Beam around Pink.)
EBJ: No, I believe them to be practically useless.
(Pink gets that icy look.)
Pink: QUEEEEEEEE!
(She charges, but bounces back due to the Barrier Beam.)
sc276: After the Interview, Pink.
Pink: That's what Dark always says!
(The result of the next spin is 04 12 19.)
sc276: Section 4, row 12, seat 19.
Mario wearing L Embelm: I'm-a Luigi!
666: SECURITY!
(The Koopatrols take Mario out.)
sc276: Three times in one Interview. Gotta keep an eye on the security cameras.
(Another spin. This time, it's 34 29 39.)
666: Section 34, row 29, seat 39.
Buzzy Beetle: Why were there no regular Mario enemies in Wario World?
EBJ: I haven't seen any of those, and I preferred to make my own monsters.
Pink: Can I kill him yet?
sc276: Not yet. 666, you have any questions for Multiface here?
EBJ: Excuse me??
sc276: I'm teasin' ya!
666: Yeah, I've got a question. What kind of jewel are you?
EBJ: I'm an amethyst. One really dark amethyst.
sc276: Time for the next roll of the slot machine!
(It returns 35 05 35.)
sc276: Section 35, row 5, seat 35.
King K. (after too many fights, rattling his mind): 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35...
666: Should I get security?
sc276: Nah, he'll blow over.
5 minutes later...
sc276: Finally, he finished! Next spin before he starts again!
Security Koopatrols: Finally, a break!
(It comes out 18 31 13.)
666: Section 18, row 31, seat 13.
Dark Bones: Could I get a job application?
EBJ: No.
sc276: Final spin!
(The result comes up as 06 06 06. The machine starts to glow red and explodes, but sc276 manages to cast a Barrier Beam around it. Only a few embers get through.)
sc276 (to 666): Well, we're safe, and the audience is safe.
666: What about the Evil Black Jewel?
sc276: Well, when I casted the Barrier Beam to stop the explosion, I had to down the one stopping Pink Yoshi from getting on-
(Pink Yoshi gets on the stage and proceeds to attack the jewel.)
sc276: -stage.
Security Koopatrols: Should we?
sc276: Nah, don't really like the guy anyway. Besides, it'll save us a treasure chest.
(A Piledriver from Pink completely destroys the gem.)
sc276: Cool! You want a job?
Pink: Nah, already got one. By the way... do YOU like Yoshis?
sc276: I should say I do.
Pink: You lie!
(Pink gets that icy look, but sc276 creates another Barrier Beam around her.)
sc276: Thanks for coming to the In-noying Interviews! End transmission! As for you, my pink friend, you're coming with m-
