Wow, thanks for all the reviews! So exciting! Glad you're all enjoying this so far. Got heaps more to come. And people will get named when Boris is good and ready… hehe.
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I don't know that I want to know what he's written. What if he completely pans my work? What if he's written to say that he was mistaken? That I don't have any potential and he no longer is interested in being my advisor? What if he tells me to give up physics? What if he says I'm not good enough?
Even more daunting, what if he says I am.
The thing is, I can't sit here staring at this unopened email all day. I know I have to read it before my boyfriend gets back. Then I'll have to delete it. Right after I forward it to my secret hotmail account that I never check from home. It's where I store the emails I want to keep because I don't dare leave them on this computer. If I did, there's a chance that the Captain will see them. Most definitely I do not want him to find anything from Dr McKay.
The message is staring back at me, all bold and demanding attention – so like the person who sent it that it makes me smile. I double click it before I can change my mind. I'm running out of time after all.
"Why the hell haven't you applied yet?" The email begins, I can almost hear his lecture voice from here. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You say you love physics and it's what you want to do so do it already. Can't be simpler than that.
"You certainly don't have any financial reasons not to do your PhD since you're on the ol' McKay Scholarship. And that's what it is – a scholarship not a loan. You don't have to pay it back. Ever. No arguments. I don't have the need for much money where I am now yet I'm still getting paid the big bucks. Besides, I really don't want my cat being looked after by someone without a proper education. Plus, I'm sure I can work it as a tax write-off anyway.
"So, having said that, I've contacted Professor Quinn and I have no doubt he'll be completing your application paperwork on your behalf as we speak. I figure all you'll have to do is go sign them. If they don't accept you then they're all morons – especially since they should be grateful to have a student with me as an advisor. Professor Quinn assured me in his original letter that the paperwork is just a formality, however, so I guess I won't need to go rushing out and start McKay University even though I'm sure it would be most prestigious and very exclusive as well as turning out the greatest scientific minds the world has ever seen! But I digress…
"I've attached some notes – basically my response to your response – where you went right and wrong and what areas I feel you need to focus on. Colonel Carter was as impressed as I with your response to the papers I set for you. Which is a good thing because now she'll be even more willing to help me out with getting other reading materials to you. Speaking of which, I emailed her my latest list for you and she'll be in contact soon.
"I have no idea how much of that video they sent you and I probably don't want to know. I'm sure the cat is doing just fine without me but it was very kind of you to say otherwise. I certainly miss her and the plans for the visit home become more definite every day so I'm very much looking forward to seeing her. As soon as the powers that be give the go ahead we'll be on our way back so it could be pretty much any day now but most likely before the end of this month. APPLY TO DO YOUR PhD ALREADY! I don't want to come back and hear that you chickened out. See you soon."
I read it about ten times, committing it to memory before forwarding a copy to my hotmail account and deleting the original. I hug myself gently, mindful of my sore ribs. Dr McKay is coming home.
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A few days later there is a knock on the door. I flinch, heart pounding. The Captain is here and I'm desperate to avoid anything that will set him off. If it's Dr McKay then I'm in serious trouble.
"You gonna get that?" The Captain yells from the kitchen where he's probably checking up that what I'm cooking is worthy of him. His tone implies an unspoken 'bitch' at the end of his sentence.
I take a few deep breaths and open the door. Outside is a tall, friendly-looking woman with short blonde hair. I notice her blue eyes and ready smile. For some reason I remember Dr McKay rambling about hot blondes with short hair and so I'm only half surprised when she introduces herself.
"Hi, I'm Colonel Samantha Carter. Dr Rodney McKay might have mentioned I would be stopping by?" She holds up the stack of papers in her arms with a grin. "Hope it's not too early in the day for you. I was just in the area so I thought I'd chance it."
"Um, yes." I'm panicking. As much as I definitely want the next lot of papers from Dr McKay, I have to get her out of here. "It is really good to meet you but, uh, yeah, now's not really a good time. Could you maybe stop back after lunch? Or I could meet you somewhere? I'd really love to have a proper chat but…"
"Who is it?" The Captain stalks out of the kitchen, probably annoyed that it's taking me so long to get back to cooking his breakfast. He stops as he catches sight of the attractive woman at the door. I can't be bothered to be jealous as his eyes widen and a slow grin climbs up his face.
"Colonel Carter!" The Captain exclaims as he practically runs up to salute her.
"At ease, Captain." Colonel Carter waves a hand. "I didn't realise you'd be here."
"I met the little woman here when I delivered Dr McKay's video message, ma'am. We've been together ever since, haven't we, honey?"
"Yeah." I wince as he squeezes me, my ribs are still painful. I think she notices. Those intelligent eyes don't look like they'd miss much.
As I direct Colonel Carter to sit down, I observe how my boyfriend is miraculously changing from a domineering and vicious control freak into a subservient adoring puppy, desperately eager to please this woman. And I hate her for it. Not that it's her fault, she certainly isn't encouraging him. If anything his enthusiasm seems to make her uncomfortable.
"How did you break your wrist?" She asks me conversationally, after declining all of the Captain's offers of drinks and/or breakfast. I find it interesting that she knows it's my wrist and not my arm. My fellow students and professors have pretty much all assumed it's my arm. Not that it matters either way. It's broken, it hurts and having a cast sucks.
I am proud of the way I answer so calmly, avoiding the Captain's eyes. "I fell. Put my arm out to stop myself… and yeah."
Technically it's the truth too. I just left out the part where I fell because my boyfriend hit me in a jealous rage – partly because he desperately wants to be a part of whatever 'program' it is that Colonel Carter and Dr Mckay are in. He keeps getting passed over and I like to imagine it has something to with his psych evaluation. A man like that should not be carrying a gun.
"Bummer." Colonel Carter replies, sympathetically. "You hurt your ribs too? When you fell? I've done that and it hurts like hell."
She's looking at me very directly and I want to beg her to please let it go.
"Yes." I reply quietly instead. "When I fell."
Again, it's sort of the truth. In that I fell and then he kicked me.
The Captain speaks up quickly. "My woman has always been a bit clumsy, ma'am, but what can you do? Wrap her up in cotton wool? I do what I can to take care of her."
I resist the urge to stare at him incredulously.
"So, Colonel, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?" The Captain perches on the arm of the lounge where I'm sitting, one hand lazily grasping the back of my neck in a gesture that probably looks affectionate but actually kind of hurts. I find myself irritated that he assumes her visit has anything to do with him – especially since she didn't even know we were dating.
The cat, deciding that she was probably safe from the Captain at the moment, starts winding herself around Colonel Carter's legs. I am pleased with the way she smiles at this.
"Hey… aren't you a sweetie?" Colonel Carter leans forward to stroke the cat. She looks up at me. "Is it okay if I pick her up?"
"Absolutely." I smile.
The cat curls up on the woman's lap, purring furiously as Colonel Carter's fingers find all the good spots to scratch. The looks she's throwing the Captain are extremely smug.
"What's her name?"
"Melisma."
"Stupid name, don't you think, ma'am." The Captain curls a lip. "But it's not our cat so what can you do?"
"I think its pretty." Colonel Carter shrugs. "It's a musical term, isn't it?"
"Yes. One syllable sung across several different notes."
"Lovely."
I'm starting to get the impression that Colonel Carter is not in any hurry to leave. Despite my urgings before. She's not even in a hurry to get to why she is here. She hasn't answered the Captain's question. Even though she has the luxury of being a much higher rank than the Captain, I get the feeling that outside of orders she doesn't bend easily to the will of others. Unlike myself obviously. I both admire and resent her for that.
We sit in silence for a while as Colonel Carter continues happily bonding with the cat. If she notices the tension growing in the air she seems content to ignore it for now. My gaze goes to the papers sitting next to Colonel Carter on the couch. I try to ignore the growing pressure on my neck.
"Don't let me keep you from your breakfast, Captain." She looks up suddenly. "You're on duty very soon, aren't you?"
"Yes, ma'am." The Captain isn't happy. He's being dismissed.
"I should go finish cooking…" I go to stand up but her fingers catch my unbroken wrist.
"I'm sure the Captain is capable of doing that." She says pleasantly. "Aren't you, Captain?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"I'll have some buttered toast actually, if you have enough time. How about you?" She turns to me.
"Um…" I pause, the Captain's eyes are very dark. "Nothing for me, thanks."
He nods and heads to the kitchen. I think I've given the right answer. Perhaps he won't be so hard on me when she leaves. Although, I'm getting the impression that she intends to stay until after the Captain has gone to work and I think that he won't be happy about that at all. So I could be in big trouble when he gets back tonight.
Unfortunately, I don't see any way out of this. All I can do is endure the aftermath when or if it comes. It's a shame because I was really hoping to do some more recovering before the next beating. Belatedly, I realise that since I wasn't expecting visitors this morning I haven't yet covered up any of the bruises on my face. Maybe she'll assume I also got them in the fall. And they are related to the fall after all.
"So…" She says casually. Quietly. "It must have been hard on him being passed over for promotion yet again." Her voice doesn't sound particularly sympathetic.
"I'm sure the Air Force knows what it's doing." I reply. Very quietly. I'm fairly certain that the Captain's ears will be straining from the kitchen to hear what we're saying.
"You must be looking forward to getting into these?" She grins, indicating the papers beside her.
I nod, smiling. "I really am." The stack is thick. I feel a slight thrill, which dulls the tension in my body.
"I thought I'd drop them by in person so we could meet properly."
"I appreciate that."
"Even though it's not really a good time?" She asks, a small smile on her face.
"You know… just breakfast… it's okay."
"And you're not hungry?"
"Not really, no. I was cooking for him."
"So you have time to chat about the latest stuff you sent Dr McKay and maybe I can take you through some of this new information?"
"Yeah, I guess. Yes. That'd be really good." I decide that since I'm probably already going to be in trouble with the Captain, I may as well make it worth it.
"Oh, and Dr McKay has arrived back in town but he's tied up with things at the moment. Probably won't be able to make it back to his apartment for a few days."
"Oh." I blink a few times. "You've seen him?"
"Yeah. I've been in a few meetings with him since his return."
"How… um… how is he?"
Colonel Carter looks kind of surprised at my question. Probably because she can tell I genuinely want to know. It's not just conversational.
"Knowing McKay, he's probably having the time of his life bragging about all his supposed achievements." The Captain walks in, depositing a plate of toast and a cup of coffee in front of Colonel Carter.
I feel a little bitter that it seems to be just the way she takes it – as she doesn't ask for cream or sugar and he doesn't offer any. It has been a really long time since the Captain did anything remotely nice for me – not even something as small as making me a cup of coffee.
Colonel Carter doesn't seem particularly pleased with the Captain's assessment of Dr McKay. I find his comment more than a little inappropriate since as far as I know Colonel Carter and Dr McKay could be friends as well as colleagues. I know he thinks a great deal of her. It just seems to me a kind of risky thing to say to a superior officer about one of her contemporaries.
She graciously ignores his comment and focuses on me. "He's good. Enjoying the attention. I know he's looking forward to talking with you about your PhD when he gets some free time. He even contacted your professor to make sure your application was in."
I stop breathing. I am immensely grateful that the Captain hadn't yet returned to sitting on the arm of the lounge near me. Otherwise I'm sure I would have ended up with some fingertip shaped bruises on my neck. As it was I can feel his eyes burning into me. I know that if Colonel Carter wasn't here I'd probably be bleeding by now.
However, as I risk looking at him I start to worry that her presence won't stop him. He takes a step towards me and I look away quickly not wanting to see it coming. Surely he won't be that stupid. Please let him not be that stupid. Though in the end it would probably be better to happen now than later when I'm alone with him.
I don't know if Colonel Carter has noticed the escalated tension in the room but I think she'd have to be pretty blind not to. The Captain is just on the edge of losing control. I can tell. Even though he hasn't yet said anything.
"Oh." Colonel Carter speaks up brightly, deliberately looking at her watch. "You're on duty in twenty minutes, Captain. Better get moving."
He stares at her like he's only just remembered that she's still here. Then he blinks. "Yes, ma'am."
I stay as still as possible as he approaches me again. I try not to flinch. I try to breathe. He pulls me reasonably gently to my feet. Not being particularly careful of my ribs, he plants a goodbye kiss on me with an inappropriate and most unwelcome amount of tongue.
"See you tonight." He breathes in my ear and I feel faint.
It's not till he's out the door and I hear his car starting that I finally feel like I can breathe again.
