I don't own anything. The italics are sounds from the other side of the phone or noises the phone makes.
Ring. Ring.
"Hello?"
"Alice?"
"Where the bloody hell are you? It's 2 a.m."
"It's kind of a long story…"
"You and your long stories. Now tell me what happened truthfully and you won't be punished as long." Give me the phone, Alice. "No, you can't have the phone, Rosalie. HAY!!"
"Let me talk to Emmett. NOW!!"
"Fine. Emmett, Rosalie wants to talk to you."
"Rose?"
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!!"
"What did I do?"
"I don't know… Maybe the fact that you are sitting in jail…" This is my phone!! MINE!!
"Let me talk to Jasper again. Sorry Emmett, Rose is having phone-stealing problems."
Yo, Jasper, Alice got the phone back. "Hello?"
"O.K. Why are you in prison?"
"Public Nuisance."
"Ummmm-hummmm… Go on."
"At least we didn't kill them."
"At least you didn't kill them… Right, because it is so fun to kill humans."
"Yes, it is. Wait… Was that sarcastic?"
"Yes it was." Alice, can I talk to the idiot now? "Jasper, Rosalie wants to talk to the idiot."
"Please don't hurt me."
"I won't hurt you."
"Really?"
"No, Emmett, I won't hurt you. I'll just SING HAPPILY WHILE I BEAT YOU WITH A CROWBAR!!"
"I'll look forward to it."
Sigh. "O.K. Public Nuisance?"
"Yeah."
"What were you doing to be a public nuisance?"
"Singing."
"Singing what?"
"Uhhhh…"
"Not that song. Please tell me you weren't singing that song. Were you singing that song?"
"Mmmmaaaayyyybbbbeeee…"
"What were you wearing?"
"Uhhhhhh…"
"Not that. Please tell me you weren't wearing that. Were you wearing that?"
"No."
"Oh. My. God. Were you even wearing something?"
"…"
"You weren't wearing anything at all were you?"
"…"
"Answer me!!"
"…"
"I'm hanging up now."
"NO!! This is our only phone call!!"
"I am NOT picking you up."
"What?"
"You should have called Bella or Edward or something."
"I am not calling them at 2 a.m."
"Why not?"
"Rose, please."
"Well, you deserve it considering, you wearing sing the song, that I clearly told you not to sing anymore, in public. You can rot in the cell for all I care."
Hangs up.
