View from Heaven.
Who said it was easy to love someone?
by. brokenstrings.

01. Sanrio Pens and Mourning.

As white as it looks, I don't think this is heaven. I think it's some sort of … In between. I don't know, I don't think it's heaven at least, heaven is supposed to be perfect, and I'm not boring enough to think all white is perfect. I actually think this place is a little bit scary, it's like those mental hospitals you always seen on the latest drama, all pristine and white and shiny, or like those brand new houses, with brand new furniture, and white leather sofas which you know you can't touch or else you'll get dirt on them.

But then I looked down, to see what exactly it was I was standing on, and I found myself falling, in between a paramedic and Tomoyo. I looked to her, and back to the paramedic, and then down again, and I hoped the ground wouldn't open up and I would fall down to hell. I swear for a moment the ground shook, but thankfully it didn't open and I stayed right where I was.

And at my feet, was my body.

To say I screamed, that wouldn't be doing the noise I made justice. I mean, my body- it was disgusting. I was utterly repulsed, never had I even come close to imagining myself looking like that, it was three times worse what I had looked like before I had grown into my body. I cringed.

I looked to the side, and I saw Eriol there, staring at my body with glazed eyes and I flicked back to Tomoyo who was standing there blinking at the paramedic. I moved closer and watched as the first tear fell from her glistening eyes.

I wonder if they remembered my will by any chance?

They were at the hospital. Wow… I don't think I've ever seen this happen before. Why did they even bother taking my body to the hospital anyway? It's kind of obvious I'm dead. What sort of other medical confirmation do they need?

Yeah I guess no one else thinks that way. Oh crap. I just remembered mother. And father. Holy… What are they going to say? They're going to- okay wait just hold that thought while I think of something else I can say. They technically can't kill me anymore… Hmm.

I wonder if Tomoyo and Eriol are okay? Tomoyo looked really shocked, but I don't think she got hit. Odd, but I think Eriol's arm was shattered, how did that happen though? He was with Tomoyo. I looked up again to see Tomoyo being ushered out of the doctor's room and Eriol walking in. I followed them in; I think this is going to take a while to get used to, this not being seen business.

"Your arm experienced a fracture, I think it will take about 6 weeks or so before you can function properly again. Where were you when the car hit?"

Eriol looked down. "I was actually with my girlfriend, the girl you just saw, but uhmm, when I saw Sakura about to get hit, I rushed to push her, only I was too late."

The doctor raised an eyebrow at Eriol. "You like playing the hero? I advise you not to do something like that again, but I offer my condolences for your loss."

"Thank you. Are there any further instructions you have for me?" Eriol bowed stiffly to the doctor.

The doctor turned to his pad of paper and said, "Yes, go down to the clinic, they'll fix your arm up properly and then you can get something to eat. If you would like to call your parents, there is an opportunity to after you have been taped up properly. Good day."

I followed Eriol out of the room and watched as Tomoyo flung into his arms for a hug, ready to start sobbing again. However this time, Eriol growled at her, and pushed her off with his good hand. "My arm is broken. So don't."

I watched this drama unfold before I walked away to a different section of the hospital, the emergency ward.

My mother wasn't crying but she was shaking. My father wasn't crying either but he held my mother tightly in a vice-like grip. They kept their eyes on the doctor as he explained that I had been pronounced dead on the scene, that he was sorry, that there was nothing that could have been done for me, and despite the blood, it had been a painless death.

Trust me, that I could vouch for. I had learnt the hard way.

My father still stood straight and hugged my mother and the words sunk in properly. He led her away to their car, I followed them silently the whole way and watched as he gripped the steering wheel driving back and as my mother shook in the seat next to him.

When they reached the house, they went to their rooms, they shared the one bedroom, but my father had his study and my mother had her lounge room.

I checked in on the study first and saw my father writing on his legal pad, and I was glad nothing was abnormal. Until his pencil snapped. That snapped something inside him as well and he started crying silently. I walked over to him and hugged him the way little girls hug their fathers before bedtime. My hands sort of just sat on his back, but I suppose he couldn't feel any pressure because he just kept crying and seeing his tears, it made me cry too.

I went to the lounge room next and mother had her face buried in a pillow and muffled screams could be heard. I quickly ducked out and slumped my back against the wall and banged my head. It actually really hurt, but there wasn't any noise. This not being alive stuff is going to need a lot of getting used to.

What was I supposed to do now? Everyone was crying and being depressing, and I had nothing to do… Gosh this is really boring, I can see why people are always making movies about ghosts terrorizing the community, I would resort to that too if I had to spend years and years doing this…

Yeah so I'm just going to lie right here… And wait for something to happen… Hmm.. If someone happens to walk past me… Do you think they'll trip over? Maybe that's why Eriol is always tripping over nothing…

I think too much. That's probably why I fell asleep. Sort of. Turns out, that's one of the other things I can't really do. Fall asleep. This afterworld, whatever it is, it kind of sad. You can't eat, you can't sleep. I bet everyone's skinny, this is ridiculous… I want to eat!

I moaned to myself and curled up in a vain attempt to fall asleep. "Having fun there?" a dry voice spoke up.

I jumped and whirled around to see a very good looking guy leaning at the doorway of my house. What the heck… He wasn't talking to me… How could he be? It's not like he could see me. I ignored him and went back to my sleep attempts.

"It's rude to ignore someone when you know they're there you know," he commented casually. I blinked. There was no one else in the room… Holy… He was talking to me! He could see me! YES!!

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were talking to me…"

He laughed. "Who else would I be talking to?"

"Well… I didn't know you could see me! No one else can see me…"

"That's because no one else is a ghost?"

My eyes widened with shock. "WHAT? You're a ghost?"

"Technically no. I'm a Lost Soul."

"Are you just trying to sound mysterious or is that actually what you are?"

He looked at me with a weird look. "Uhh, that's actually what we're called," he said with a laugh. "Okay, I take it you're new?" I nodded. "Hmm… Where to start. Basically, this is where we are, before the afterlife. Like a break. We stay here until our final wishes are granted and then we can go up to heaven… Or down to hell. It really depends I guess. There aren't too many of us, but they leave it up to the Lost Souls to explain to new people, otherwise it's just too complicated. I mean it's not like they can tag everything with explanations, and tour guides are a bit out there too."

I was in shock. My final wishes? OH MY GOD. My will.

"What if you don't have any final wishes?"

He looked up at me. "Everyone has them. It's just some people like to make it easy and write it down. But if you haven't gotten it on paper, they usually just send you to your afterlife. It's easier that way, otherwise your final wishes might never be fulfilled."

Oh my god. So if I hadn't been a dork, and written out my will, I could be in heaven or hell? I suppose that was alright. I didn't know which I was going to yet… If I was going to go to hell, I might as well put it off for as long as possible. It occurred to me I didn't know this guy's name yet. "Uh… What's your name?"

"Li Syaoran. And you're Kinomoto Sakura. I already know."

What? Stalker much…

He must have read my look and he gave me a look back in return. "No, I'm not a creepy guy who follows you around whenever I can and peeks and you or whatnot. I was in your room."

Oh god. He was in my room? And he says he's not a stalker? What is wrong with him? "You were in my room?"

"Yeah, when you were slumped against the wall earlier. I was looking for food."

"Food? You can eat food?"

"Um… What did you expect to eat?"

"I thought we didn't eat!"

"Actually… You're right we sort of don't eat. We just inhale the food and we get full," he laughed. "But it doesn't really matter either way. We stay like this for the rest of the time we're here anyway."

"Like this? What do you mean?"

"Well, pretty much, while you're here, you look the same way you did when you died. The bloodier people get cleaned up of course, but generally the weight and shape etc. stays the same."

I must have gotten cleaned up then… I definitely looked better than I had at the site of the crash. Hm. I had told Tomoyo about the will, so I guess she'll help fulfill the will. Oh… Shit. That wasn't good. That means they're all going to read it. Oh I don't want to be there when they read it. I'm scared already.

You must be wondering, what exactly was it that I was so scared about? Yeah well, in case you thought I was just being a drama queen or something… It's not like that. I'm really quite calm most of the time. And yes, it really is that bad.

Okay so it wasn't like I had asked for something really bad in my will. I was just frustrated and I wasn't sure how to get rid of the frustration, it was really hard. So instead I decided to be spiteful. It was actually sort of clever in a roundabout way, but I don't think I meant what I wrote.

Only they don't know that.

And they won't get a chance to find out either.

I am so screwed.

Did I mention that Li Syaoran has the hottest body?

Okay so, maybe that was a bit off topic. But he looked really good, being over the refrigerator, his face was scrunched up cutely, wondering what on earth it was that smelt so good, because there was pretty much nothing in the refrigerator. "Check the pantry," I suggested.

"There's never anything good in there," he complained.

I raised my eyebrow. "Geez… You sound like you know my house well. I restocked this morning, there should be something there."

"There isn't. I checked while you were upstairs writing. What were you writing anyway?" he asked curiously.

"Uhh… Nothing," I stammered.

He looked at me carefully. "Are you sure? Hmm… Was it your diary?"

"No."

"A love letter."

"No."

"A shopping list?"

What the… "No."

"Christmas cards?"

"No."

"A fan-letter to Shun Oguri."

"Ha! No."

"Oh my god, what on earth were you writing?"

"You don't need to know."

"I'm dying of curiosity."

"Actually, you're already dead," I corrected.

He waved it off. "Yeah whatever. You know what I mean…"

"It doesn't matter okay…? Just leave it that I was writing something important."

He hesitated. "Yeah okay. Hey, do you know when your funeral is?"

My funeral?

I had forgotten that dead people get funerals. No I am not stupid, its just that when you're dead, you don't really think about stuff like that. And I hadn't realized that it was actually, customary for people to go to their own funerals.

I think my parents were too busy to plan my funeral. Maybe someone else would take over. Actually I wonder what my parents are up to now. I turned to leave the kitchen and Syaoran followed me up the stairs. I went to my mother first. She was at her sewing machine. There was all this silky white material flowing through her fingers, and I furrowed my brows.

What was she doing? Was she busy making a wedding dress for my imaginary other sister? Uh… Or was she making a wedding dress for me? Oh my god, please don't tell me she was going to do that thing like with the paper money, how we burnt money for our ancestors every year. Please tell me she was not going to burn me a wedding dress.

How does that even work?

This is too depressing. I'm going to visit father.

He's at his desk and he's writing furiously, which is actually kinda weird. He's a maths professor at Tokyo U, and he could never understand why I was such a failure when it came to numbers. But he's always preferred thinking things through in his head and the like, he's never been a big fan of writing letters, or keeping diaries or anything like that for that matter. So why has he started now?

I approached the desk cautiously, before I heard Syaoran snort and say, "He can't see or hear you, you could start break-dancing and rapping, he wouldn't be able to see you."

I found my voice straining out the words, "Why would I breakdance?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe because it's what you've loved doing for the past eight years?" he replied nonchalantly enough.

I felt my breath catch and I blinked up at this man, who had entered my life, and he now looked like the only friend I had, in this place, which was kind of sad, because I liked to consider myself friends with someone after I knew more than just their name. "How old are you Syaoran?" I asked him cautiously, for some reason this seemed like a topic to tread cautiously on.

He looked at me and sighed. "Which age?"

"You have more than one?" I felt my eyes widen with surprise.

He laughed bitterly. "Sort of. We don't grow old remember? So either you ask how old someone was when they died, or how long since they've been dead."

I thought over this new information. "So…How old are you? Both ages please."

"I was twenty when I died. But it's been three hundred and twenty years since I died, next week will be three hundred and twenty one."

I stood there with my mouth gaping. "Three hundred and twenty one years? Where did you hide your will?"

He glared at me. "Actually, it's in the National Museum of China. Stupid uneducated people."

HOLY… "What's your will doing there? Isn't it full of 'historical artifacts'?"

He looked at me again, this time it was with pity. "Are you really that slow?"

"No……" I said slowly. Then it hit me. Oh my god. His will was a historical artifact? What sort of person was he? He must have been really important to get his stuff stuck in there.

I opened my mouth to ask, but suddenly the door swung wide open and my father was standing in the doorway breathing heavily. He looked tired and worn out, and slowly he dragged his feet over to my desk and started looking for something.

I was wondering what he was looking for, I was getting excited, maybe he was looking for my will? But it seemed that he was only trying to find a pen, I was the one in the house with the most of them, I had a whole collection of those really cute Sanrio pens, from whenever they had a sale. Yeah… Come to think about it, I've stuck with Sanrio for a long time, probably since I was six or seven, the time I started receiving my pocket money…

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Disclaimer. I don't own CCS, it belongs to CLAMP. This applies for the rest of the story, so you won't see this again.

A.N- First chapter! Well she's met Syaoran. (; There's not a lot to say other than I hope you enjoyed and please leave me a review x3