Being nice really did suck.
I mean, seriously. What's so fun about being completely nice all of the time, only to still have people be dicks to you?
But David had made me. Kind of. He made me realize what a dick I was to everyone. He's still going strong, by the way. I think he's found some guy down from Scandals. They're a really cute couple, honestly.
Anyways, as I was saying, being nice sucked. It was always so boring. There was never any drama, never anything to talk about anymore. And everyone is always so fucking nice.
They smothered me.
When the Warblers found out, they never left me alone. Hunter told them for me, and I knew they meant well, but honestly, I never got a moment to myself. Someone was always with me. Hunter stayed with me in our room, Nick and Jeff never left me alone in class, Trent went with me to every single chemo treatment.
I did appreciate that last one. No way would I have been able to do that on my own.
One of the days that were the absolute worse was when everyone else in the school had found out.
It was a few days after the Warblers and the lacrosse team had found out, and no one would leave me alone.
It started in English class. Jeff and Nick came and sat on either side of me, hugging me and then talking over me to each other. I didn't really mind, I really didn't have a lot to say anymore anyways, so it wasn't like it was a huge change. But then Matt, someone I barely knew if I even knew him at all, came up to me quietly.
"Hi, Sebastian.." He had said softly, clenching his jaw. "I heard about what happened, and... I'm really sorry. My aunt died of the same thing." He said, nodding. He patted me on the back, then walked away to sit with his friends, who continuously looked over at me.
I was confused for a moment, but then it sunk in. Everyone knew. And I couldn't tell them to fuck off. I couldn't tell them I didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't tell them to shove their sorrys up their asses and leave me alone.
Because I was being nice.
So I took it. I sat their, forced a smile, told them I'd be okay, and then walked away. A few other guys didn't take the whole 'I'm just tired' excuse, but I didn't really care, as long as they left me alone. If they didn't, I just stopped talking to them.
After a few days of it though, it was really starting to get to me, and you could tell.
I was quiet. More than usual. I didn't really talk to anyone during Warbler rehearsal, I stopped going to watch the lacrosse practices, I stayed silent unless called on in class. I cut myself off. Isolated myself.
Hunter had had enough of it.
So, he went to our room straight after a rehearsal I had skipped to find me sobbing into a pillow on the bed.
"Oh, Sebastian.." I heard him whisper, sighing softly. He walked in, closing the door and pulling off his shoes and blazer and climbing into the bed with me. I stopped crying almost as soon as I'd heard him, refusing to let anyone see me like that. I'd lost track of time, and I hadn't realized how late it was. I sat up on the bed in my sweatpants and wife beater, wiping my eyes as I reached over to grab my glasses.
Hunter sighed softly, pulling me into his side. I moved reluctantly, resting my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, sniffling. "This is fucking awful... I know I'm a terrible person, but do I really deserve this shit?" I'd asked. It was rhetorical, I didn't expect an answer, but Hunter gave me one anyways.
"Sometimes things like this happen to good people like you, Sebastian, and for no good reason. But you just have to... accept it, and move on from it, and be strong about it. And you are strong, Sebastian. I've seen you." He said softly, kissing my head. I sniffled, wiping my eyes again.
I looked up to him, swallowing slightly. I'd had a crush on him for I don't know how long, and...if I was going to die, I was going to do it right. I was going to at least kiss this man before I went. And who knows? I might've died that night.
So I leaned in, and I planted one right on his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him gently. He'd started kissing me back after a moment, but he pulled back.
"We can't. You know that. We're friends, Seb... I don't like you like that..." He said softly.
It was a lie. I knew it was a lie. He's terrible at lying. But I never called him out on it. That's rude.
So I sighed, clenched my jaw, and nodded. I pulled back, pushing him gently out of my bed. He got out reluctantly, trying to talk to me. I'd tuned him out, so to this day I have no idea what he had said. Probably something like, 'It's not you, it's me', or something just as cliché. But I continued to push him out of my bed until he'd left me alone. I got underneath the covers, closing my eyes tightly so I would stop crying, and tried my bed to sleep.
Of course, I didn't get any sleep that night.
Like I said,
Being nice really did suck.
AN: So...hi. I guess this chapter is pretty okay? I don't particularly like it... But I don't know how to fix it, so. Review!
