AN "Hey guys this is Srgeman again bringing you a chapter written by the wonderful Lady of DarkFire, perfection, and the cosmic entity who shares a part of my… oh fuck this is bull shit. She's got me trapped in her dungeon! I can see the death kitten's circling me. Send help! Send- GAH!
I said a nice intro! It's so hard to find nice slaves these days… I suppose I have to do all the announcements myself now, well good thing I kept a list on hand. Okay number one: hi every one I'm Lady of DarkFire a good friend of Srgemans', number two: me and Srgeman have decided to update every other week, and finally number three: enjoy the random hilarity.
II: On Love Interests and Comic Relief
Hey the next chapter's starting? Yes, and there's no stupid Ebony around to ruin it. I get to narrate this chapter!
Rye
"Now get out! And don't forget we love you!" It's been a week since we'd been bought by Derrik. We were currently tied up to his hose outside, and like every other kid in town Derrik was being thrown out so he could "go on his journey."
"Hey Ebony?" She sighed.
"What!"
"How come all the kids in town go on their journeys on the same day?" I asked.
"Because if they all leave at once it's more likely that they'll meet their traveling companions and rivals, and they'll all be on equal footing."
"But won't they all swarm the gyms? And Pokémon centers and-" Just then Derrik came over and began to strap all his stuff to us.
"Oh shit I forgot my Masturbation jar."
"Jar…?" I asked. Oh God, did this mean we would be dragging his jar?
"He's so dreamy."
"Hey Ebony," Derrik was now riding on us in a town, somewhere. Except we weren't in a town in the last scene.
"Why does your mouth ever open?"
"Why are we now in the middle of town?"
"Because what happened between now and back then isn't important."
"Not important! We had our first battle for Arceus's sake." I said, "It happened off paige! Our readers probably have no idea what's going on, nor that we had our first battle!"
"Yeah and won it in one move too." Man did she say this smugly.
"You're acting like that's an achievement. Everyone I repeat everyone wins their first battle, though most people have it happen on paige." We were so busy argueing, that we didn't notice a kid walk in front of us. We noticed when we knocked him over however.
"Ow, what the hell, watch it!" Derrik didn't even blink when the kid he mowed down screamed at him. Instead, he staired off into the distance, unblinking.
"What's wrong with him?" I asked. Ebony's head slammed into mine. "Fucking bitch that killed!"
"he just monologing, leave him be" She wasn't hurt at all, bitch.
Excitement, happiness, nervousness, all their superficial emotions seeping out of them, targeting me, surrounding me 'till I can't think, move or even breathe. It presses and presses trying to find a way into my soul, but I got to fight back, not just for my safety, but for the safety of my Pokémon who trust me to lead them into battle, to train them till they are the strongest in the region, to give th-
"I am going to die, this jackass is going to lead me to my death." I mumbled.
"You say something Rye?"
"Just some well-timed wit."
"Okay whatever." It was about here that I noticed that we were walking towards the town gates with about 30 other kids ranging from the age of 10 to 22.
"Hey Ebony?"
"Damn it, why do I keep answering you!"
"Because we need humor in this parody… Hey now I'm answering you." I said. For some reason, this set Ebony off.
"Die… die die die DIE D-" As she was lunging for my eyes when Derrik suddenly changed direction dragging us (who he'd harnessed) with him.
"Hey Derrik! Wrong way, town gates are to the north, not west!"
"I hate to agree with the idiot but he's right, the gates are to the north." We were now walking down an ally, with no path in front of us, just a brick building.
Taking your own steps on a journey, that's what a journey's about right? Becoming your own man fighting the social norm, making your own path, fighting for your right to-
"Shit he's still monologing… Hey Ebony?" I asked, as the brick building vannished, a new path appearing.
"Yeah?"
"Was there a path here before?"
"Nope."
"So the writer gods do like him?"
"It would appear so."
"We did it again." Ebony looked over to me.
"Huh?"
"We did a time/scene skip, man that makes me dizzy, oh good now I'm remembering stuff that I didn't remember before." Every time we cut to a new scene, we would suddenlt begin remembering what happened in between scenes. Of course none of this would happen if the Overlords would just write the damn scene, but I digress.
"Suck it up pussy." Ebony said. "Sure it would be nice if-" Our conversation was stopped by the angry shouts of some man.
"Well it don't seem fair." A comical voice shouted.
"Life isn't fair." A magestic and powerfull voice repplied.
"Yeah life ain't fair." Another magestic and powerfull voice.
"Well that's bull shit!" Not too far up the road was a grown man, stairing at the sky, arguing with the air.
"Are you still talking! You inconsiderate brat!" A powerful and hammy voice.
"Your overlords said it wasn't fair, sit down!" The other voice yelled.
"Overlords! You're not my overlord, you're a nerd obsessed with Spider-man, and ann anime freak!" I'm serious there was no one there to go with the other two voices.
'You will shut up, or we will make you a woman! Or worse, a virgin!'
'Or even worser... is that a word… no? Okay then. Even more horrible: a Dragon Ball Evolution fan!'
"You wouldn't dare… right… I mean you're' not that evil right...?" Right about then we were almost on top of him, and Derrik didn't look like he was going to stop, and he didn't.
"Holy shit, my knee, my fucking knee!" Derrik wasn't hurt at all, but the man was. We trampled over him, crushing his knee, causing him to curl in agony. We coculd have probably stopped also...nah, to much effort.
"Hu… Hey you, my comic relief character! Awesome I was wondering when I'd run into you." Derrik exclaimed stupidly. The man's entire face turned red with age.
"What makes you think I'm a comic relief character!" He raged at Derrik.
"You're on the ground hurt, you argue with yourself and you ask stupid questions. You're my comic relief character." The man began to hit his head against the rock near him. "And now you're hurting yourself for my amusement."
"And what makes you think the writer god Overlords would give you a comic relief character!" At this Derrik simply laughed.
"Because they love me, watch this. Oh DarkFire, the beautiful and graceful forever, the woman who holds my heart in her slender soft hands, may I please have a cookie?" Derrik asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.
"Um excuse me sir?" From behind us up came a very cute little girl with a Skitty and Shinx (both shiny) following her. She reached into her basket and pulled out a brownie which Derrik took without asking, and smiled smugly at us.
"That's a brownie," the man said, standing up, "and for some reason, I'm coming with you because the story demands it. My name is...damn it they haven't thought of one for me yet."
"Off we go!" Derrik exclaimed. So we left, firmly equipped with incompetence.
