After a gentle nudge on the shoulder and the soft whisper of, "Lui, darling, please wake up.. the food is finally ready. We're sorry we made you wait for so long." I managed the courage to mock a yawn, wipe the fake sleep off my eyes and give my older sister a ditsy smile.
Dinner was quiet that night. The sounds of knives and forks knitting together across the plates overtook the room.
Despite all of Rin's nudges on the shoulder and pouts she sent to her husband which she must've assumed I couldn't see, Len was cutting into his steak and acting completely oblivious towards her pleads. The television was streaming in the background and my sister thought it would be lovely ambience to have candlelight over the table and across the cabinets, but I'm hoping to god that none of the curtains decide to catch on fire.
She gave up on him, instead watching me poke awkwardly into my meat trying to clear the image of that from my mind. "What's wrong..? Is the steak not cooked well enough?" Her voice turned soft, into a timid tone, and she looked somewhat like a kicked puppy. I had to gulp.
"No, no, it's nothing.. I was just thinking."
Without me doing anything, she broke open, spilling out defenses, "It is the steak, isn't it? I'm so sorry, Lui! It's just that Len always prefers his medium rare, and honestly I absolutely despise it like that as well but then he'll refuse to eat it, so I tend to forget that other people have different tastes even though I tried to cook yours for a little while longer and ー oh, gosh, just hand it here and I'll place it back on the grill."
Her hand took hold of my plate, attempting to take the dish away but I hurriedly pulled it back to my side of the table.
"No, Sis, it's fine, really. I just haven't been hungry lately."
"Oh..! Yes, that's.. understandable."
Rin bit her bottom lip, thinking to herself while a rumble of a storm brew in the distance. It'd only be a few more minutes until the dark clouds took over the roof of this building and the entire district to cover it with immense rain. If nobody blew the candles out, the howling wind likely would.
Soon afterwards her husband cleared his plate, took it to the sink and washed off the grime before heading into their bedroom without another word. Rin looked at me apologetically but didn't try to justify his actions, telling me to help myself to anything in the fridge and get as much rest as possible because we'd be heading out early tomorrow morning. I agreed without complaint.
But I still watched. Right after she turned off the lights and entered the master bedroom where her husband was waiting, unseen, the door closed behind her and there was the sound of a yell, followed by muffled arguing ー until the creaking sound of two bodies landing aggressively on the bed followed.
I didn't leave the guest room at all until the next day.
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.
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Rin was already waiting in front of the television by the time I got out of bed, sitting on the carpet with sprawled sheets of paper beneath her legs.
I took a few minutes to register that she was speaking to me, and a few more to know what she was speaking to me about. There were school application forms, flyers, and she was already skimming through some tabs on a laptop with brows knitted together in frustration. The sun wasn't up yet and somehow my sister seemed more awake than ever. Not that I could sleep very well either. I had to hesitate before folding my legs and decidedly sitting beside her.
She greeted that movement by wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to bury her nose on the top of my head. Rin left a kiss amongst the honeyed curls only to later move a few inches away.
"You still smell like Mum.." She mused, then her voice dropped softly to talk about a different subject. "Um.. if it's alright, I want you to consider transferring schools."
"Transferring?"
"Well.. your current tuition fees are a bit high, and ー oh, no! It's not that we can't afford it! I just want you to consider something else." I must've turned a little pale at remembering that, oh, yeah, my being here is troubling my older sister's comfortable life, and it's no doubt her husband will be able to find more reasons hate our family even more. Rin tried to ruffle my hair and reassure that there were no worries. "It's completely fine if you want to continue attending your current one, we can make do, we'll manage."
It didn't help much.
My decision was already made: I wanted to be as little of a bother as possible. "I'll transfer."
"Really? I mean, you can think about it a little longer, I don't want to take you away from your friends ー"
"It's fine. My current school is already too far from this city, isn't it? I don't want to waste more money on transportation."
Rin's face fell and she was biting her lip, her swollen lip that obviously had been thoroughly kissed just the night before, no doubt regretting ever bringing up the subject of changing schools. She leant back to stare at the ceiling for a full minute so she could sort out her thoughts. It's a familiar habit that I often do every once in a while as well and it's comforting to see that she's still the same sister from all those years in the past.
The same sister that had a similar laugh to my father and a similar smile to my mother. The sister who baked a failed monstrosity of egg tarts in our home's small kitchen and put a chin over my smaller shoulder to help me with my homework. The sister who left.
Except my shoulder isn't exactly smaller than hers now, and neither is the rest of me.
My eyes unwillingly scanned Rin up and down, finding the differences from then and now. Her face was no longer as filled with baby fat, and she had wrinkles and age above her lips. Her hair was shorter ー she used to maintain a perfect length that hovered over her shoulders, but now it was a wavy bobcut that curled around the shape of a heart.
Those little differences were pushed to the back of my mind quickly. I could see the heavy red blush tainting her cheeks upon the arrival of Len Kagamine, who had his hair tousled up in the messiest waves I'd ever seen on a head. Sleep still seemed heavy in his eyes and he clumsily circled around the couch in a beeline towards his wife, not paying any attention to my existence. He'd took her chin in a hand, brought her face up towards his, and pressed his mouth over her own.
My sister must've forgotten I was here too because she closed her eyes and wound her arms around his neck, lifting a leg and most probably planning to wrap it around his waist.. Her lips left his with a loud 'POP'.
"Morning, love." Rin cooed, sickeningly sweet. "You look like you could use a bit more sleep today."
"Yeah, morning.. gettin' to work early, so wanna head into the bath together?"
She nodded in response before slanting her head to one side so they could share another long smooching session.
She couldn't see me at one point because she was preoccupied with scattering kisses on the side of her husband's ear with his neck and shoulder blocking all lines of sight, but when she did, after moving to the other side for a repeated treatment, blue eyes met amber and we both froze into ice. Ah. So now she remembers me. It's good to know that I was just forgotten rather than ignored.
She pushed the blond away, whispered about how he should wait for her in the toilet, and her husband left under her orders ー only after bumping into a lamp and a wall.
Rin met my eyes again.
Please don't say anything about it, please don't say anything about it, please don't say anything about it, I don't want to know; I tried to signal those words through my gaze because the last thing I wanted to hear was about their 'affectionate' routines. The mental image of my own older sister.. doing that... flashed once again in my mind and I had to take a break and shiver. I can already imagine my dad rising up from his ashes to murder Len Kagamine.
"He can't see in the mornings."
"Hm?"
"Len. He's ー he hasn't put on his contacts yet so he can't see in the mornings." She looked down with flushed skin. Apparently I'm supposed to take that as an apology for their actions. Right, maybe he didn't know I was here, but you did. Rin breathed before continuing on, paying no attention to the wary looks I sent her. "I'm worried he'll trip in the bath, he's horribly clumsy. You don't mind, do you?"
Worried he'll trip, my arse. Maybe the first part of what she said was the truth, but I know when Rin lies and there was something larger behind her concerns for his wellbeing in the showers.
I don't know why I shook my head and released her, but when I did, she grinned the smile of a thousand suns and looked like heaven while she stood up and pranced towards the recently-closed door.
I decided to scan through the papers Rin picked out and saw the academic options. The tuition fees were, if not more expensive, just barely cheaper than the amount my parents already paid for mine, and that's a large difference between a family with middle-aged parents who grew up with enough support and sufficient finances, in comparison to only one working partner, and were likely still struggling to pay off student debt.
Rin probably never went to college and now she's got to pay out of her own pocket to fund the chances of sending her younger brother to one. That makes me feel like if she didn't get the opportunity then I shouldn't either.
Our dad wrote her name off his will so the inheritance is locked until I turn eighteen. When she found out, Rin only managed a weak smile and repeated that 'we'll manage' before kissing my head and putting on her usual carefree air. I'd likely be able to pay her back by then, when we can get our hands in it, but it's still three years from now.
We'll manage?
Honestly, I don't think we will.
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.
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I managed to avoid going out to the living room again until I was sure I heard the click of the front door, indicating that my sister's husband finally left his house. By the time the coast was clear, the sun was already up and Rin was preparing two mugs of coffee along with cookies on a plate, ready for further discussion on academics. Vaguely, I'm wondering what kind of office that man even works at to be heading out before six in the morning, but I don't want to seem too interested in him, especially with the way he's treating my existence like air.
The skies were still violet and just the slightest orange coating it's tips, and Rin looked heavily curious yet timid, as if she wanted to ask something but was afraid of frightening me away.
"Do you have to go to work?" I decided to ask after refusing her offer over the drink.
She frowned a little before pouring it down the drain.
"No, I just stay around and rot away on a couch all day because it's what he wants."
Rin's voice is uncannily bitter than I've ever heard leave her lips, though maybe that's not too much of a surprise considering the pitch black of her coffee. She's tapping a finger against the rim of her own drink now, murmuring cuss words beneath her breath about the disgusting taste on her tongue. It didn't seem like she drank coffee that often. I was slightly tempted to suggest adding milk to her mug but soon enough she poured her own drink into the sink as well.
A second later, she was murmuring beneath her breath about useless husbands who never buy their wives' favourite instant chocolate drinks on grocery trip stores.
She doesn't seem to think he's that useless when she's all wrapped around him like lice, though.
Oh, disgusting. The kettle let out a whiff of steam and a shriek at the stove behind Rin until she turned off the heat.
It didn't hurt to make small chat. "But you want to?"
"Of course I want to. That way I can send you to any school you want," Rin pinched my cheek, suddenly cooing, before sighing out the nearest window. "It's just.. well, we're relying on Len's income right now and he doesn't even want me to leave the house." Not unexpected. "It's daunting to his ego.. or something like that. Sorry, Lui, I shouldn't be talking to you about these kinds of things, Big Sis just tends to ramble every now and then, but she's gotta learn to stop."
Our dad did protest against their relationship. It's her own fault if she's less than happy about it.
The opinion was left unsaid.
"You can continue if you want."
"I'd honestly love to talk more about you."
So we did. Her skin was clearer and fresh, with a glow that I wasn't sure came from the bath or her laughter, but the rising sun couldn't compare against her smiles. She resorted to making some tea before announcing that we should continue our research in finding the best option for a new school.
I didn't have so much of an attachment to my old one, but the entire year's tuition fees were already paid and it'd be a waste to see everything thrown to the wind all because of a move.
Rin considered that deeply and said she wanted to think more about it before making a decision, and just thought it would be nice to have more of my opinion over it. She smiled again, sharing an uncanny resemblance to our mother with a secret glint in her eyes that made you sit still in place.
We talked about a number of things; how she was proud of my academic grades, how a single day never passed without her thinking about me, how she has dreams, every now and then, about simpler times in our childhood where she'd prance across the grass and hold my tiny hand in her own.
Her mouth parted, almost as if she finally got the confidence to ask me what she wanted to earlier, but the resolve was interrupted with a smooth ring of her cellphone.
Blown out candles were all over the room yet being unlit didn't mean it stopped spreading the gentle vanilla fragrance.
There are other candles around as well, stored up in the display cabinets. Lavender, daffodils, roses, lime.. I thought maybe they just found it fancy and welcoming to light fire up in the home every now and then, but seeing my sister's collection, maybe they just enjoyed varying scents and enjoyed their apartment feeling different each week in general. Our own parents would've never allowed flames inside the house, much less inside a high-rise building.
Rin accepted the call and I picked at my fingernails while eavesdropping on the conversation, not knowing what's going on the other side but hearing her voice turn from a light airy tone into something filled with nervousness. She didn't say anything much, just hums of her breath and nothing literal.
I mouthed a few words, wondering who she was talking to, but she only put her phone down and said it was nobody of importance.
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It's raining again today.
Rin forced an umbrella into my hands before I even left through the front door just one hour ago and that was before this storm came. The forecast said there was a loe chance of storm but apparently it's better to trust your older sister's instincts because it proved right. The trees rustled, leaves flushing through the wind and the trunks of all the wood threatening to snap over the roads. I had to wait out in a convenience store for the storm to pass while reveling in the warm cup noodles.
Curry and lobster.
Mum's favourite.
The spice went up to my nostrils and I had to hold in a sneeze so I could take a nice, warm sip.
The rain got heavier, almost like sharp needles of ice, and I soon recognised it to be hail rather than an average storm. One hour passed, and soon another, with no chance of this ever becoming light so I spent more time inside that store than I planned to, refilling the cup with warm water whenever needed. I wasn't alone. A few teenage girls were sitting a some seats away from me on the left, still in their school uniform and giggling about the latest gossip underneath their breath.
They were drinking green tea and eating ice cream ー they've been here a while, too.
They must've come from the academies just up ahead on this road.
One of them twisted her head around, a middle-schooler with dark black pigtails, and we met gazes. Her cheeks turned red. A friend of hers decided to laugh, and she turned away.
When I stared out the glass windows again I couldn't help but groan. What a pain. All I wanted was to get used to this neighbourhood more but instead I'm stuck inside this confinement like a hamster while a group of city girls are laughing behind my back. I should've listened when Rin suggested I wait to explore tomorrow. I didn't bring a jacket either, and my phone died before I even woke up.. sometimes you really should just check the battery.
A car stopped outside the store, honked, and I watched those girls squeal as they ran out through the rain and into the safety of the vehicle before it drove off. How lucky.
I guess I'm just stuck here.. maybe even until this store closes down, and then I'll just stand outside in the rain. Rin's going to murder me.
Maybe I'll get murdered just by standing outside in the darkness. This district isn't safe anyways, there's probably going to be some child trafficking people who'll grab me by the neck and toss me into their truck or something like that. Or maybe the police is going to enlist me as a teenage runaway.
"Hey, you."
A hand suddenly grabbed hold of my wrist and I let out a gasp.
My eyes met solid blue, deeper than the ones I've ever seen ー even Rin's.
At first I assumed the child trafficking people had merely gotten impatient and just didn't want to wait the entire day for the opportunity to abduct me, but then I recognised those eyes. Familiar eyes. Not ones I'm used to, but they were wide and hazed and his entire body was trembling from either the cold or lack of breath. Damp, blond strands of hair stuck to his cheeks. Her husband.
He let out a shaky exhale. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Couldn't have just been a good kid and stayed in one spot, could you?"
I didn't know what to say.
"I've been here for hours..?"
The look he shoots me sends warning signs above my head, notifying that I should keep my mouth shut. I looked behind him, hoping to see the figure of my sister behind him. Rin was no where to be seen.
"Minutes, hours, who the fuck cares? I had to run around like a pathetic fetchdog all because your sister was worried you'd jumped off a bridge or fell into a ditch. Would've been easier for me, honestly, but it's not as if I have anything better to do so thanks for the trouble."
"Sorry..."
"Get in the car." His voice is sharp and he doesn't give me any room to protest. I'm dragged by the shoulder, and Len doesn't bother to open up the umbrella before going into a mad sprint across the road to reach the vehicle. The seats are wet by the time we're inside, me in the back seat, my clothes are soaking it up even more.
The drive back home was quiet and I tried to make eye contact in the rearview mirror but he never looked at me once.
I'm the first person my sister runs towards when we return, her eyes looking red as if she was one minute away from cracking into pieces, demanding why I hadn't picked up any calls. Len had to walk towards his room in silence while his wife fussed over drying my hair and getting a new change in clothes, running to prepare me a warm bath and the nice, hot chocolate that she'd apparently managed to coax him into going out to buy.
I could hear Len sneeze in the distance but it isn't paid any mind.
The other day, he was the one she'd been desperate to get warm from the rain. Now it's almost like the scales went off imbalanced.
I've always hated Len Kagamine for breaking apart my family ー but somehow, why do I feel so guilty?
hmmm, how's this
