What if I was the one that you warned me about?

(A/N: The fic title and the chapter title are both pilfered from a Cross Canadian Ragweed song. I may stick with lyrics as titles because every song I hear lately makes me think of these two. Gah.)

She woke up the next morning to him kissing each finger on her hand. She squeezed her eyes shut, so he would continue.

"I know you're awake," he whispered into her palm.

"No, I'm not," she groaned. "How did you know?"

"Your breathing changed," he said.

She inched up so that her lips were closer to his, and she was just about to kiss him when he pulled back.

"When are you going to let me take you out?" he asked, his face only centimeters from hers.

"Who said I was going out with you?" she replied, coyly.

"You lost our bet because of the mind-blowing sex," he murmured confidently.

"Mind blowing?" she scoffed.

"Yes. I am certain anything less and you would be gone by now. Out the door, down the street, at the penthouse, gone. And yet, here you are." He gently traced her cheek and his voice took on a more vulnerable note, "I must have done something right."

She closed the distance between them and kissed his mouth forcefully. "You're a little right. Help me put myself back together," she said, grabbing her bustier off the floor. She pulled on the bottoms, and knelt on the bed, holding the bustier in place so Dan could fasten the numerous hook and eyes that secured it.

He wasn't even halfway done when he remarked, "Blair, if this had gone differently, how would you have ever gotten yourself trussed back up in this?"

"I'd have called Dorota, or gone without, I suppose," she replied off hand.

His voice became deeply seductive as he asked, "Does that happen often?"

She looked over her shoulder at him, and replied, "Occasionally."

He caught her lips and was about to remove the little of the top he had actually secured, when she said, "You have some scheming to do."

"You are correct," he groaned.

"So tell me. I want to hear about Dan Humphrey's brilliant scheme."

"Oh, you'll see."


The next day, Dan was spending the afternoon with Eric, who was regaling him with tales of the best Pork Osso Bucco ever.

"It seems pretty easy, I bet I could make Pork Osso Bucco," Dan said confidently.

"Please," Eric rolled his eyes, "we all know your talents in the kitchen are woefully limited."

"Really, I bet you dinner at this place that I can make a mean Pork Osso Bucco."

"What do I get when you inevitably lose?" Eric asked.

"Something to embarrass me and make sure I never challenge you again?"

"Of course," Eric replied. "I can't think of anything bad enough."

"Oh, I've got it, how about this," posited Dan, "if I lose, I'll ask Blair on a date?"

"Oh my God," Eric said, laughing hysterically.

Dan had never tried to lose so hard in his life, and failed at Pork Osso Bucco spectacularly.

"Now, Eric, if she says no, that's that, right? I mean, you don't want me to stalk her, right?" Dan said, sounding more worried than he really was.

"As entertaining as that would be, how about I just make sure she says yes?" he replied taking his phone out of his pocket and dialing Blair.

"YOU WOULDN'T!" Dan yelled playfully.

"Blair, it's Eric," he said with his hand up to shield him from Dan. "I have a favor to ask… No, no hostile takeover, but something interesting. Dan just embarrassed himself horribly in the kitchen and in so doing lost a bet. As penance he has to ask you out, but I think you should say yes, and then make him miserable the whole night."

Dan groaned audibly in the background.

"Just because I love you darling. Tell him to call and let me know when," she said laughing.

Later that day, a Gossip Girl Blast let all of New York know about the impending Humphrey-Waldorf date.

Oh Boys and Girls, there are some things yours truly never thought she'd say…
Here's one of them:
We're in for a long hot summer if this is how it's getting kicked off.
I'm all for starting with a bang,
But Lonely Boy and Queen B just set off the atomic bomb.
Have fun on your date.


Thus, two nights later, Dan picked her up looking better than she thought jeans could. She of course was wearing a patterned pencil skirt and a green silk blouse.

"You look beautiful," he said. "Are you ready for our date?"

"Of course. Where are we going?" she asked.

"Not far for now, we're going to the Morgan."

"But, it's after 6," she replied, not knowing whether to be disappointed or irritated that Humphrey had not adequately planned. "It's closed."

"So you think," he replied cryptically.

When they reached the Morgan, an attractive woman opened the door for them. "Dan it's always a pleasure, do tell your father I said hello."

"Isabelle, this is Blair Waldorf. Blair, this is Isabelle Dervaux, she's the curator, and an old friend of my father's."

Blair swallowed her shock enough to politely say hello.

"Dan, you know the rules, just let yourself out when you're done," Isabelle said, winking.

And then they were alone. Blair cleared her throat, "So what are we here to see?"

"You should know," he replied leading her to the wing where the Degas exhibition was. "Tonight was the last night, and tomorrow, all this will be on a plane going somewhere new. I just wanted you to get to see it, since I gave you such a hard time about it before..." he trailed off.

She reached for his hand, and led him to the first piece. It was comfortable walking through the exhibition with Humphrey. He didn't try to rush her and she didn't protest if he lingered at a piece she was less interested in. They barely spoke until she saw "Two Dancers on Stage."

"You see the movement? I almost expect her to grande jete any moment," she said wistfully.

He pointed toward "Dancers Pink and Green," and said, "Don't you own that dress?"

She smacked him on the arm lightly, before nodding thoughtfully. "Maybe."

When they were walking out of the Morgan, she turned to him. "I really enjoyed this. I know everyone listens to me, but sometimes I think they ignore what I'm saying. So thank you, for realizing how much I wanted to see this."

"We're not done Waldorf. On to dinner," he replied hailing a taxi.

"Dinner? Where?" she asked.

"A top secret location, far away from the prying eyes of Manhattan's eye in the sky," he said with a devious laugh.

"We're going to Brooklyn," she guessed confidently.

He gave the driver the address to the loft, and just smiled at her curious stare.

They walked into the loft, and he snatched a few containers from the kitchen. One he handed to her and one he used an oven mitt to carry. Then he led her to the rooftop terrace.

She was speechless. He had set up a café style table with dinnerware and a vase with a pink rose. And all along the railing, he had strung white twinkle lights.

"Generally I'd make a snide comment about Christmas lights in May, but this is kind of gorgeous. What's for dinner?" she said smiling.

"Well, I had to redeem myself so it's your favorite salad (I asked Dorota) and Pork Osso Bucco, which went really badly the first time, but I think I've worked the kinks out," he smirked.

She got the feeling she was missing a critical part of the joke, but ignored it, as he pulled her chair out for her. Then he served them both, and sat down across from her.

"It's delicious," she said quickly. "Why did you go to all this trouble though? I mean, you know I would have been happy with takeout."

"Happy?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well, it's what I was expecting," she said.

"And that is why I didn't. Nothing about us is expected, so why should my behavior be. And, I know you could get a million guys to take you to naboo or whatever the 'it' restaurant is today, but I had a sneaking suspicion that no guy had ever gone to the trouble of making you dinner. I don't want to be just one of the millions, I want to be somebody important to you," he said, rambling nervously.

"It's Nobu, and I can tell you, no one has ever tried so hard. I'm genuinely impressed," she replied.

"Wow, was that a compliment? And the night's not even over…" he said, cryptically.

He stood, and put his napkin aside. "Blair Waldorf, park avenue princess, dictator of taste, would you do me the honor of a dance?"

"But there isn't any music?" she protested.

He pulled a tiny remote out of his pocket and pressed a button. Soft music filtered over the terrace, "Any more objections?"

She just put her hand in his and they danced softly in the spring breeze. After a moment, she laid her head on his shoulder and whispered, "I wish tonight didn't have to end."

"Hmm?" Humphrey asked softly.

"I wish I could just stay here with you… but as far as anyone knows, it's our first date, and they'll be watching for us," she said, thinking out loud. "How do you feel about tonight being our first PDA?" she asked tentatively.

"Explain."

"Well, if Gossip Girl just happened to catch us having a chaste kiss tonight and a more passionate kiss our next date, then after that everyone will assume I succumbed to your charm and fell into bed with you," she elaborated. "Then I can run away to Brooklyn and never return."

"Brooklyn should be so lucky," he chuckled.

"You bet your sweet ass," she smirked.

"Waldorf, the language!" he exclaimed, but then he tried, covertly to check his ass out.

She interrupted this by kissing him fervently.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining," he asked.

"Because I'll have to restrain myself later," she replied.

"You have to restrain yourself around me?" he asked, smirking.

"Not in Brooklyn, which is why I'm texting Gossip Girl to tell her we're leaving the loft. And, don't get cocky… it's not becoming," she scolded good-naturedly.

"You know, I really like this plan. Gossip Girl has been taking advantage of us for years. It's about time we got something out of this twisted relationship," Dan said, lightly.

"She did help us with Juliet as well," Blair reminded him.

"That's true," he replied.


On the cab ride to the penthouse, Blair asked, "Have you thought about your chaste kiss coming up?"

He reached for her hand, and said, "Don't worry. I have a plan."

"That scares me Humphrey," she said laughing.

He smiled, and she couldn't hold it in anymore, she kissed him in between laughing.

It was the shortest ride from Brooklyn ever, spent kissing Blair. When he walked her to the door, she was unable to keep the smile off her face. "I hope we can do this again soon," she said gazing at him.

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. Blair blushed and then after a moment, reached up and gave him a gentle 'first kiss.'

"Call me," she whispered as she pulled away.

Dan took the cab back to Brooklyn, and as soon as he was back in the loft, he dialed Blair on his cell.

"Have you looked at Gossip Girl?" she asked, in way of greeting.

"No, I just walked in," he replied.

"Pull it up, Humphrey. You're gonna love this."

Chivalry is not dead, boys and girls,
It's just been living in Brooklyn.

This was followed by four pictures of them. One of him walking her to her door, Blair smiling brilliantly, one of him kissing her hand, one of her reaction and finally one of their 'first' kiss.

I think we're going to have to change Lonely Boy's designation
from pauper/squire to white night.

Xoxo Gossip Girl

"So this brings me to my next question, could we negotiate our next date?" At Dan's laugh, Blair continued, "Mother is having a party to celebrate her spring line. A Pink Party. How do you feel about formal?"

"I could be amenable. Provided the second phase of our plan is still intact," he replied.

"Naturally. I've always preferred kissing in couture," she sighed.

"I wish I could say I was surprised," he laughed.

"I wish I was in Brooklyn," she whispered.

"Just think," he said cheerfully, "one more date and we're home free. Then you can move in," he chuckled. "Once you get over your aversion to Brooklyn that is."

"Two things, Humphrey. One, your closet is woefully inadequate to house my shoes, and two I'm working on my aversion. We'll simply have to work out a system," she reprimanded.