Author: Ganki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Obi angst (don't we all just love it) Also weird themes in parts sort of demented. Basically I will sum up the warnings as: my mind.
Summary: Obi-Wan can only hope for his masters' love and acceptance but has yet to earn it he believes. Now faced with choices he must lean to accept he will never be loved by his master, or will he? However if that ever happen will Obi-wan still love him?
Notes: I hope you enjoy. Happy reading! (Hopefully I didn't shock you guys away with a new chapter)
Chapter One
The Truth Behind Wishes
I know he ignores me, but I deserve it. I'm not good enough for him; anyone can see this. My friends lie to me about it, but I can see that they lie to make me feel better. They care about me even though I haven't learned why. I'm chilled this morning which is not surprising in the least. I'll choose to ignore it won't hinder me. I shouldn't have sat outside in the rain, my fault.
Another imperfection of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I begin my normal routine which begins with making the mourning meal. I always make enough for two and set one of the plates off for later. It's for him even though I realize that he hardly ever touches what I make. It normally ends up as dinner for me or in the disposal. I don't mind though just because I know it helps him ounce in a while. It's worth those few times that I can make him happy.
I begin to get dressed and head out for mourning training. I normally train with anyone I can learn from. Qui-Gon being as busy as he is doesn't have the time for guidance within the lower level katas. Making my way into the smaller training rooms, the ones knights normally train in when they wanted the peace of small if any groups. I greet the few knights that I see on my arrival and begin warming-up before the true work begins. After that process is done I shift right into my katas beginning, finishing, and then going on to the next.
I don't realize the eyes on me, another mistake, until I hear a tap of a grimmer stick.
"Practice make perfect it does, but too much can injury the soul and body it will." It's impossible to not recognize his voice, but even more than his voice is his apparent signature in the force.
"Master Yoda" a greeting for a greeting. I bow in reception to his entrance, however still the question lingers of why he is visiting such a remote training quarter at such an early time.
"A master missing I see." The look he gives me is inquisitive, but I can sense a bit of resentment. He too enjoys trying to catch my Master in wrong, but I don't see why. Master doesn't do wrong.
"Yes master. He was busy this morning." A true answer even though I don't know the answer to what he was busy with. It makes no difference to me he always has his reasons, and I trust them.
"Busy he is but with what young one" Sweet irony and how it always amuses me. The force has a sense of humor and a sick one at that. I dare not say that aloud.
"Something dealing with the Council if I believe right." Not a lie and it has a high probability of being true. I believe it so where is the lie in saying it? I hear a chuckle from the older master the stands in front of me. Be it good or bad is what I don't know. An amused Yoda is at many times not a good sign.
"An answer you have, hm? A good one it is." His eyes still shine with a sense of juvenile fun even though I know he is far from being a juvenile. "Continue young one you may. Watch I shall, need support you do."
It's not the first time he has done this. I have long overcome my fear of messing up in Master Yodas eyes. I have become comfortable with his eyes in me because I know he will not judge me any different. He is only there to help me not hurt me.
Ounce again I begin where I left off. I allow myself to open up to the force; there are no barriers between us. It's warm and refreshing feeling it wrap itself around me. This is the only place I feel I truly belong, with the force. Something feels a little different today I don't know what, but I can ignore it no problem. It doesn't feel like anything all that prominent. A place it into a corner of my mind where I can feel it twitching, but it has shrank considerably.
It's all just going through the motions. All I need is for the force to guide me and there will be no problem.
No problem…
The force begins to get thicken around me. It's a little different from what I'm used to. I don't doubt it because I know the force will guide me. I have long ago blocked out the signatures of the people around me, all but one. It doesn't bother me; it only acts like an anchor to my work out. I have been told I have a problem getting lost in my workouts.
I felt the perspiration role down my back. It cools everything that it touches in its path. Refreshing and tiring all at ounce, but it hardly mattered. It was getting hotter, and nothing was going to change it. I can feel my muscles begin to tighten from over usage. I don't know how long I have been going. It's been a few katas, but not enough to warrant this feeling.
The force began to suffocate my senses, and make the pain disappear. I never liked it when it hurt. I am only human. I don't like it when the light goes away. I like the light because it keeps me company. I'm alone when it leaves me.
It's raining again, but there are no clouds to cause them. I like the rain. It's cold.
It's all dark now and I'm alone. I shouldn't be.
Master…
I know weird…but first off I actually updated. I was going to leave it as a one shot but I've realized that you guys didn't want me to. Oh and good news! I have started the third chapter already. It will be longer and the plot will begin to role.
Please tell me what you think because you guys are me creative fuel. YOU make me write.
Thanks! hugs to all Hope you liked. -
