Chapter 2: I Think I'm Paranoid
Song By: Garbage
Singer: Kurt (ft Austin)
Their day as NYADA idols had gotten better than a creepy freshman and an even creepier TA. When they'd popped down to lunch a fairly large number of upperclassmen had swarmed them. The Freshmen didn't even stand a chance. Kurt was actually thankful for that because he could see Felicia hovering among them. Still staring at Blaine. If they'd been alone they probably would have had to face her down again. As luck would have it she was no where to be found after lunch. They would have time to come up with a game plan before seeing her again.
The downside of that was that the two of them hadn't gotten a single moment alone all day - separately or together. They had been completely bombarded. Mostly with requests to hang out at June's events. Meaning everyone wanted to know if there was any way to get in. To which they gave the response June had told them to give: Everyone was welcome to buy a ticket if they could afford it. But of course grand romantic lunchtime spectacles would always be free. Kurt was definitely planning one for Blaine's birthday. Then Blaine would probably reciprocate as normally he would be the one to initiate such a grand romantic gesture. Actually Kurt would be very lucky if he managed to beat Blaine to it this time as he'd involved other people. Though he had sworn them to complete secrecy in the name of free desserts at the diner. Bribes usually helped in events such as these.
Kurt dug his fingers into Blaine's blazer and yanked his body close. It was five minutes until Mr. Anderson had to go in for theory and the hall outside the room was actually empty. Blaine settled his arms lightly around Kurt's waist as the fading scent of the colognes they'd dabbed on that morning filled their senses. "I have to go to class you know," he teased.
"You have five minutes."
"Not long enough, sadly."
"We'll have plenty of time tonight." Blaine couldn't take that answer. His lips brushed gently against his fiancé's before they both decided that they needed more. There was no flavor more addictive.
Kurt could never have enough of Blaine's kisses. Sometimes hard, sometimes soft, never forcing more from him than he could give. Blaine was incredibly attentive to Kurt's physical signals. When they were kissing all of his focus was on Kurt. Just Kurt. He had always been that way. Kurt tried to offer the same consistent understanding but when he got excited he knew he could get a little pushy. They had a whole list of things Blaine had said to get Kurt to dial it back a bit. Anything that was notably not-sexual but not a complete turn off usually worked (typically food items or animals since those were easy words). Of course Kurt could do the same if he needed to, but he never had. Blaine had only been too forceful once and that had involved alcohol.
Blaine's phone buzzed for his one minute alarm. They knew this would happen. Kurt dug a little deeper for one brief, promissory moment before pulling back and resting their foreheads together. "See you after class. I love you Blaine."
"I love you too." He disentangled himself. With a little smirk on his face he attempted to back into the classroom so he could keep his eyes on Kurt. Which, when the person wasn't a creepy stranger that wasn't taking a hint or even a hammer smashing on their head, was kind of the most adorable thing in the known universe. That little plan quickly backfired as he walked himself right into the doorframe.
"Hey hey don't hurt yourself!" With a smile and a laugh he was gone. Kurt turned quickly and headed upstairs to their favorite practice room. It tended to be empty, especially in the evening hours. That was probably because it was on the top floor in a building where the only elevator was iffy at best. He dropped his bag just inside the doorway and immediately dropped to stretching. Despite being male he was developing a very good physical range.
The silence over the room pounded inside Kurt's head. It gave him room to think. That was a problem. He found himself grateful for the bothersome constant attention that had followed him today. They had kept his mind turned to trivial repetitions and off of things that were bothering him. Like Austin and, since he was being honest with himself, Felicia. Austin was just kind of vaguely creepy but Felicia had been overtly so. How much clearer did it get then 'my fiancé?' Did they have to explain to her what gay meant too? Hadn't they done that already? Kurt did remember hearing people whispering in the halls last year that they suspected Blaine was bi. Which was absurd. Not that Kurt was against people who were bi but Blaine wasn't. They'd covered that well enough already.
There was also a layer that was upset that people were judging them solely on how they looked. If they thought that because Blaine presented in a more traditionally alpha manner that meant he had to like girls then Kurt worried that people were implying he was a girl. Well, clearly not that he was female but that he was more girly than manly. He didn't object when the girls called on him to join in with girl talk but that did not mean he wasn't very much male and it definitely didn't mean he wanted to be treated like a woman.
The insult had been brewing inside of him for years. Mostly because of one Sue Sylvester and her constant insinuations. The dress she'd thrown at him. Lady. At least she'd had the decency to change her nickname for him when the bullying was at its worst but the fact that Santana had gone on calling him Lady Hummel had just kept the name alive. Even though he let the things his friends said go as they really didn't mean harm, he really felt he had a lot of stereotypical imagery to overcome.
Blaine had been the second out and proud gay man at McKinley. Kurt had been the first. He had carried all those expectations and negative opinions of 'their type' on his shoulders for years before Blaine had arrived. McKinley really had become a very different school by then. Not perfect. It wouldn't be perfect for a long time. But with all of them (Unique too) things were getting better. The thoughts still swarmed around in Kurt's mind though. They'd been constantly with him since that attack last winter. The two attackers, the way they'd responded to his presence and the way he suspected they had chosen their victim that night. He'd seen the second one flapping his arms around and he'd heard the squealing noises. It was one of the last things he clearly remembered about the evening. People associated him and all gay men like him with weakness. Something that was fragile and easy to hurt. They were wrong. So he pushed himself harder, physically, to overcome the image.
Twenty push ups. Thirty. Fifty.
He didn't let up until his arms were quivering. Then he went straight into reviewing the movements he thought he might need for his classes this semester. Starting with stage fighting. Austin wasn't going to have the opportunity to touch him again.
Kurt tossed his shirt off and faced the mirror, arms up and at the ready. This class was called 'fighting' but it was primarily about safety and form. He rolled his shoulders and launched into the punching sequence they'd worked on that morning. Blaine with his boxing experience was already the class star. "One two three four!" Kurt hissed to himself as he pushed through the motions. A figure in the doorway barely caught his attention. He repeated the motions.
"Your footwork is sloppy, and your shoulders are too loose." Austin. Kurt took a deep breath.
"That's why I'm practicing."
"You're a good student." The giant crossed the room and took the stance beside him. "The motions go like this." His form was tight and perfect. Kurt felt his shoulders tensing up as he copied the movements. "Where's your fiancé?"
"Class."
"Waiting for him?"
"Yes." Kurt kept repeating the motions.
"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep up like that. Relax your shoulders but don't let them become so loose your arms turn into noodles." Austin's voice was prickling the hair on the back of Kurt's neck. Still the young man pressed on, working hard to get these moves down. "So about class this morning. I don't suppose you'd be able to give someone else advice on a situation like that?"
"Like what? Getting drunk at a party?"
"No. When a man cheats on their boyfriend. What do you think that boyfriend should do?" Kurt really didn't like the insinuation he heard in that voice.
"First they both need to take some time apart for the cheater to fully understand why that happened and what that means to the person who's heart they broke and for the boyfriend to really come to terms with how far the relationship really goes for him. Then if they're still sure that they're both the one they can start talking again and rebuilding trust. They should not start making moves towards dating again until trust has been established. They definitely shouldn't have sex. Though that's easier said than done." Sleeping with Blaine then had been a cruel mistake. Even though deep down he knew he wanted to be Blaine's boyfriend again, at the time he had been using Blaine.
"You really do have experience with this stuff don't you?" Austin moved closer to him. "What sort of things drive a man to cheat?"
"Don't ask me that. I don't know how it goes with most men. For us it was a distance thing, a lack of attention and a lack of communication." On both counts - with what Blaine had done and when Kurt had been shooting flirty texts around with Chandler. "We fixed those problems. And we talk about everything and keep it all out in the open."
"No secrets huh? Is it hard having your entire life exposed, having no private life at all?" It was really getting irritating how Austin was continually talking in questions. Kurt took a deep breath and pushed through the movements again and again, not even offering a shrug in response. They really didn't need to keep secrets. Not for long anyway. Of course it was a 'secret' that Kurt was going to surprise Blaine on his birthday but that was different. "I think you've improved quite a bit just in the last ten minutes. Why don't I give you a head start on tomorrow's lesson."
"What's the lesson?" Austin didn't give him an audible response. Instead he took the question directly as permission and reached over to grab Kurt's arms. The smaller man yanked himself away. Austin was persistent though.
"Easy! Our first unit is on believably escaping holds. A lot of shows involve the hero being snuck up on or caught. This usually starts a battle sequence, but you want it to be believable all the way through."
"I'd prefer to wait to do that tomorrow with Blaine."
"I know you trust him but you're not necessarily going to have someone familiar with your strengths and weaknesses on stage with you. You need to step out of your comfort zone if you're going to land any leads. Or have you given up on musical theater? I did hear June Dalloway has taken a liking to you. Probably don't even need Broadway anymore to get famous."
"I'm not interested in Broadway for the fame." While it didn't hurt, what Kurt wanted was the enchantment of the stage. Rachel had gotten bored and that did worry him but there was a certain something he always felt when he was on a stage. Even in the chorus. Rachel was constantly put in the center so maybe she really had never had the chance to develop any humility and see the wonder of theater from the background forward.
"You can trust me," Austin switched gears. "I'm like your second teacher. I want you to succeed. I want you to achieve your dreams." The tone still had him worried but he really didn't have a reason to turn Austin down. If the guy was genuine, which he most likely was, Kurt would be extra prepared for next class. If there was something else going on Kurt was sure it wouldn't be too hard to just leave. There wasn't a water fountain here so he could grab his bag and use that excuse to go wait outside Blaine's classroom.
So he took a deep breath before straightening his back and resuming their 'home base' stance. Austin moved behind him and wrapped an arm around. "This is a basic maneuver. When someone does this – " He rested an arm loosely around Kurt's neck. For a moment Kurt could feel the hands of the attacker from last year but he forced down another deep breath. This class was going to be very good for him. What they learned in it was meant to create an illusion but they were also going to be learning very real moves so they could understand the difference. "Since they're fully behind you your ability to use your arms are going to be limited. Especially if they – " Austin's other arm wrapped around Kurt's chest, pressing his cold skin against Kurt's hot chest.
"It's a bit chilly in here," Kurt stated. He wasn't comfortable in the slightest. The idea of being trapped was terrifying. Trapped and held to the ground with a fist repeatedly pounding into his face. Kurt tried to convince himself that he was only uncomfortable because of what had happened. He never really talked about or addressed the problems from last year because he was sure he was taking care of it. He'd felt fine after all, for the most part. In the present, Austin had done nothing to warrant this reaction. He'd helped them that morning and he was helping Kurt better himself now. Like he said - Austin was a teacher. An assistant to one, officially, but that was close enough to the real deal. Their professor was taking him very seriously at least.
"When we get moving you'll warm up quick." The voice was sickeningly sweet. "Now, when someone has you trapped like this, normally you would want to stomp on their foot." Kurt was very tempted to do just that. But what would he do after? Run? That was if Austin let go. Considering Austin knew what he was doing here odds were pretty slim he'd be startled by that. "There's also head butting, but both of these have the same problem."
"What's- " Austin moved his mouth closer to Kurt's ear. The hot air rushed over his face. Kurt could feel his heart picking up its pace. This wasn't right. This wasn't normal.
"They're hard to do believably on stage without hurting yourself or the other actor. The foot stomp is easier." He tried to turn their bodies to face the mirror. "Relax would you? You are so tense."
"I'm not really comfortable with this."
"Why's that?" Kurt felt the arm around his neck tighten. He started to struggle but he didn't go for the points just yet. At least he had a defense.
"You're too close!"
"What did you expect? Can't teach you how to get out of a hold without showing you. Sure I could say all the technical terms but they don't really mean anything. Come on now, take a deep breath. Relax. You're going to be fine." Austin didn't loosen his grip so Kurt didn't stop struggling.
"I think I'll wait until tomorrow for this lesson." Kurt knew what Austin wanted. Austin knew Kurt knew. "I'm done with this. I need to go find Blaine." Kurt grabbed the arm around his neck and pulled. Well, tried.
The arms weren't budging. They locked eyes through the mirror. Austin was already three steps ahead of Kurt as the smaller man tried the two techniques he'd just been told. Stomping and head butting. The arm constricted to tilt his head back against Austin's shoulder to stop the latter while the other hand grabbed hold of one of his wrists. Austin stepped out of the way again and again, easily commanding where Kurt's body was going to go. Their tango took them all around the room.
"Let go of me!" Kurt shouted. He found his face suddenly shoved up against the wall. When had they reached the back of the room? Kurt didn't stop trying to stomp on Austin's feet. It was all he had.
"Come on, you can drop the act now. I know you aren't a good boy." Austin whispered into his ear. As though he thought what he was doing was attractive. "I've seen you around. You're such a tease."
"I'll tell Tr-" Austin pushed him harder against the wall, using his whole body to pin Kurt's legs. Kurt tensed up as he felt the man all along his back. This was not happening. He was not about to have this happen to him.
"Tattle like a girl? No one would believe you." Kurt gritted his teeth and stopped fighting for a moment. Maybe he could come up with a plan. It wasn't like Austin could really do anything in their current positions. He'd have to let go of Kurt's hands at some point to use his own. Though immediately, as if to prove him wrong, he felt the man's body begin to rub against his own.
"What is your problem!"
"I don't have one." Kurt lurched to the side as Austin tried to kiss his neck. "You're just hanging around half dressed. You're just asking for someone to show you a good time."
"Don't you dare."
"Why shouldn't I? Come on, Kurt." The name was so gross on this man's tongue. "You'll love it. I'll be a million times better than-"
"Shut up!" He wasn't going to let him say Blaine's name. He didn't deserve that honor. Austin knew what he was doing. Kurt wondered if he hadn't done this before to other men. It really wouldn't be a surprise if he had. He felt Austin's body shift against his back again. Suddenly, he found himself turned around. Austin was quick to make sure he couldn't move. Two strong hands held his against the wall and the oak-like arms kept his in place. When Kurt tried to shift his hips to slide away Austin pressed one leg right between Kurt's.
This time, when he shifted, a very shameful thing happened. It brought a deep redness to his cheeks and tears threatened the corners of his eyes. That wasn't possible. He was being attacked. That shouldn't have been possible. Biology be damned. He was terrified. Fear was the world's greatest buzzkill. Yet just the tiniest bit of pressure and his body was betraying him.
"Told you you'd like it." Kurt was helpless as a kiss was laid on his neck. "Just relax. You're going to enjoy this. Come on. Its not a big deal. Guys cheat all the time. It's what makes us men. Being with one person all the time ruins a relationship. Honest. I've been there. You need to spice things up or you'll get bored of each other."
"Clearly you don't know what love is."
"Sure I do." The breathing. The kissing. Kurt could feel his skin being defiled. "Love is what you feel for that dog or cat you adopted that keeps you from taking it back when it keeps peeing on your carpet. Love is what you feel for your parents even when they don't deserve it. Love is putting up with someone day in and day out. Love does not have to mean having sex with just one person."
"I will not sleep with you."
"Your loss." If there had even been the smallest indication that Austin would have let it go after that, his next move almost stopped Kurt's heart. The giant man kissed him full on his lips. His teeth tugged on Kurt's lips. They were already against the wall. There was no where for Kurt to move now. He tried to turn his head so he could call for help but his aggressor used the threat of his teeth to prevent that. Austin then curved his hips against Kurt, shifting his leg slightly and causing an involuntary convulsion to run up Kurt's spine. He let out an angry growl as the soft skin on his chest scraped against the coarse material of Austin's shirt. It wasn't fair. How dare his body do this to him! His eyes clenched themselves shut tight.
There was another quick tug on his lip then Kurt could feel his mouth being violated by the lumpiest tongue on earth. He was too scared to try moving again. The leg was still firmly pressed up against his traitorous body. Sweat beaded shamefully down his forehead. When Blaine was rough it was wonderful. Blaine took care of him and respected him. No matter what they did in bed he felt equal to his fiancé. Their bodies were sacred to each other, meant just for the two of them to touch and truly understand. No one else. Certainly not Austin.
So he did the only thing he could do. He bit. He bit down hard. His teeth cut into the soft flesh of Austin's tongue. The taste of blood filled his mouth. Who knew a tongue bite could bleed that much? He didn't hold onto it for long. Just long enough to leave a good hole behind. The man jolted back with a snarl that sent a spray across Kurt's face. Some of the blood spilled down Kurt's chin. Most of it wound up accidentally swallowed. One hand dug tighter around Kurt's wrist. The other balled up and pulled back for the punch.
Kurt clenched his eyes tight to protect them. He was already planning where to put the 'get well' bouquets that would be sent this time. Instead his ears were graced with the most beautiful sound the world could offer - squeaking floorboards.
Austin let go of him in an instant and spun to see what was going on. Kurt slipped away and snatched his shirt off the floor. "Who!" The attempt at shouting died as the man had to slap his hand over his mouth. Austin ran from the room. The sound of footsteps - both his and of another person - could be heard echoing down the hallway.
Kurt didn't waste any time. He grabbed his bag and shirt and made a beeline for the nearest bathroom. Girl's bathroom. He could tell any ladies within that he'd felt ill and dive for the first toilet he could find.
Entering the room allowed a sense of safety to pass over him. Austin wouldn't be looking in here so long as he kept quiet. There weren't any girls inside anyway. Kurt let his body sink to the floor so he could catch his breath and try to understand what had just happened.
What had he done to deserve that? Clearly Austin had picked him - out of everyone - to do that to. It wasn't just a case of opportunity. Not after what had happened that morning. Kurt had always expected to be picked on for how he dressed and talked and acted, but he expected it from straight men that were scared of his open sexuality or people like Dave who weren't able to handle their own sexualities. He expected slushies and dumpsters and fists. Sexual assault had never crossed his mind. He was a man. Men just weren't assaulted like that outside of a prison.
The metal of Austin's blood lingered in his mouth. He could still feel the tongue in a place where it didn't belong. That deformed, monstrous tongue. Kurt leapt to his feet and immediately started gurgling water from the faucet. Anything to make it stop.
His phone started buzzing. A call. He glanced to the device. Blaine? He answered it. "Hey?" It was all he could do to hold his voice steady.
"Hey Kurt! We got out early. There wasn't much to talk about today, just the basics of what to expect. Where are you at? You're not in the studio."
"Oh I just uhm. Needed to go get a drink. Stop by the bathroom, you know. The usual stuff. You must have just missed me. I'll be right back."
"Alright. See you in a minute then. Love you."
"Love you too." Kurt peered at his face in the mirror. There were some scratches near his eye where his face had been shoved against the wall but there were otherwise no other signs of anything. He pulled his shirt back on. This was just a bad memory. Austin wouldn't be able to attack him in a crowded room and he'd be sure never to go anywhere in NYADA without a lockable door. He would get stronger. He would never let that happen again.
The thought of talking about what had happened to anyone - even Blaine - put more fear in his body than the attack itself. Kurt felt nauseous at the thought. Talking was out at the moment. He could deal with this until he was able to talk. Maybe he would never have to. How could he? 'Austin forcibly kissed me and that got me up' just wasn't exactly something he wanted to say out loud. Let alone use the 'S-A' words. So long as Austin kept his distance this would go away and not be a problem anymore. Kurt suppressed all of his shame and guilt as he washed his face one more time.
Then, with one last deep breath Kurt turned and walked out of the bathroom with his head held high and his shoulders squared. "I was thinking we could stop by your favorite place for dinner," he called when he saw Blaine's head pop out of the studio door to search for him. "I know theory is going to be a pain so you might as well start the semester off on the best note possible, right?"
"If you're sure you don't want me to take you to your favorite place. Oh, hey, what happened here?" Blaine's thumb darted up to run over the sores on Kurt's cheek.
"My face made friends with the wall. It's nothing." As Blaine leaned over to kiss the scratches, Kurt's hand jutted out to latch onto his fiancé's. Everything was going to be fine. Kurt just had to keep telling himself that. He had a plan. He could do this. He was going to be fine.
