Ari never felt so alone.
In the bunker where she was currently staying at she felt like a stranger. Her entire team except Jay had been slaughtered. She had no one else.
Affa. She thought of him constantly.
The full cheeks, the big hands, his even bigger hugs.
Ari sobbed again.
This was the only time she had for herself since the attack weeks ago. When she was surrounded by people all she wanted to do was be alone and now that she was …
She hated it. She hated the silence. It was why Affa complimented her so well. He never stayed quiet. Often times in the middle of the night she would reach out to him in her bed then begin to cry when she couldn't find him.
From the very beginning he was the reason she stayed for so long.
This fight was never hers. She was born into it, molded for it. She had been trained since infancy to become a Resistance Fighter. She barely remembered a time when she was a care-free child. All her time was calculated, scheduled, used in the most efficient way to become a fighter pilot and soon lead a squadron of her own.
But it wasn't ever anything she ever wanted. She saw what it did to her family. She could almost remember them if she concentrated hard enough. They had abandoned her so early she couldn't even remember the sound of her mother's voice.
The Cause had been more important. More important than her. So she was left to fend for herself moving from base to base making new friends until eventually they separated on different assignments again.
She hated it, this was never a fight she wanted, nor was it one that she wanted to be a part of.
But Ari knew nothing else.
What would she do if she went to the new Republic? How would she blend in?
She was about to find out.
She looked at the pill bottle next to her, hating it. She had become addicted to it. Addicted to the numbness it brought, the relief she felt for the small amount of time it was in her system.
"You're lucky you're walking," the medic told her when he first saw the injuries on her back.
She was lying on her stomach on the med bed, flinching when he touched her bare back.
He was watching the images taken of her back against the light. She could see the bones there but wasn't sure what he was talking about. They looked perfectly fine to her.
But the pain, it had become so unbearable it was difficult to stand.
He placed a bottle of pills next to her. "Take these when you can't stand the pain. But you will need therapy for a while."
And like that she had to take therapy three times a week. It was a large tank where she floated for about an hour.
There was a knock on her door. "Ari," the muffled voice said.
Ari wiped her nose on her sleeve. "What?" She cleared her throat. "What is it?"
"They want to debrief you."
"Again?" irritated, she strode over to the locked door, opening it, "How many times are they going to-"
Ari froze, she hadn't seen the woman in so long. The years hadn't been too kind on her. The last time she saw her she had been worry-free, happy but now …
Ari could tell that someone had been weighing heavy on her. The burden of the Resistance could be one of the factors. Everyone had relied on her for so long. But that couldn't be it either. The woman had been cut from a different stone than the average person, she had been bred and raised for greatness. The burden of being one of the leaders of the Resistance was not what was weighing her down.
It was something else, something personal.
Of course, she knew what it was. Her only son, Ben, had been killed as a teenager in a massacre led by the First Order. She heard the news, it had spread far and wide throughout the Resistance when it happened.
How she wanted to be there for her. After all, she was the only mother figure she knew in her life. She had taken her into her family when she had been abandoned when she was little.
"Leia," she hugged the older woman gingerly.
She hugged her too. "Arianna, it's been too long."
Ari pulled back. "Why are you here?"
She sighed. "I heard what happened at Mandoo base. I wanted to hear what happened from you myself." She placed a hand on her shoulder. "I also wanted to be here for you. Being the sole survivor of an attack is not an easy burden to bear."
Ari nodded softly, holding back the lump in her throat that stung her throat.
"Thank you," Ari wasn't sure she said it, words couldn't come out when she tried to speak it.
Jay spoke up, "She won't admit it, General, but Kylo Ren saved her."
Ari looked at him confused. "Who?"
"The man in the mask."
Ari felt anger bubble up. "That thing didn't save me. He only got to me before the blaster did. I didn't get out unscathed." She felt a familiar pain in her back, she needed to take her painkillers soon.
Leia tightened the grip on her shoulder. "Ari, I must know what happened, don't leave a detail out."
It was the first thing Leia had done once Ari had been let into the home. She made her some tea, set an oversized mug in front of her and watched Ari as she stared dazed into the steaming mug. This time twenty years had passed since the first it occurred. Ari was no longer six, Leila no longer just a mother and there were no young eyes peering through the door frame trying to catch a glimpse of the small girl.
So much had changed.
Now instead of a small house, she was in a Resistance base in a small room they had to themselves. Ari no longer spoke to a princess of a destroyed world, she spoke to the general of a large resistance.
Ari tapped her long nails on the mug, a nervous gesture she did as she spoke. "And I blacked out. I don't know for how long but after that blast, all I can remember is blackness, no sound but the ringing in my ears. I don't know how much time passed but I knew I had to get back to the base." Ari took a shaky breath. "I made it back eventually and I hid in the bushes with my blaster. I then saw the troopers take everyone out, made them get on their knees."
Ari shook her head. "I don't know what they were after, I don't. Whatever it was –is- they didn't get it. One of them approached another man. Or a droid, I don't know. He was in all black, his face- he had a mask. He seemed human but didn't."
Thinking about the mask again, gave her the chills. She rubbed her arms.
"He didn't seem human to me. He was more mechanical, calculated in his movements. I can't describe it. He was definitely leading the ambush, I could tell that much."
Ari paused.
Jay out a hand on hers. "It's okay, tell her."
"He gave the order." She said after a long time. "They killed them all."
Leia reached out and held Ari's hand.
"Jay found me, I don't know how he did and we ran to his ship." Ari sighed. "They must have heard, or saw because the next thing I know, they're chasing us. All of them into the trees."
When she couldn't continue, jay spoke up. "Kylo Ren held me at my spot, I couldn't move. I only did when Ari distracted him long enough to hit him with the blaster. He could be dead."
Leia shook her head. "That is very unlikely."
"He had such power," they both turned towards Ari. She had been staring at the First Aid kit in the corner, transfixed. "Like nothing I've ever seen. He waved his hand and pushed me around like a rag doll, I've never seen anyone ever do that."
Ari saw the briefest of exchanges between Leia and Jay.
"What?" Ari asked, "What is it?"
Jay pulled an envelope from his back pocket. "Here, General." He handed it to Leia.
Leia looked at the envelope briefly before putting her full attention to Ari. "I want you to understand -there is a mission. It's dangerous-"
Ari didn't hesitate. She immediately wanted it. Though she never felt a connection to the Resistance or its cause before, she felt it now. She felt it and was connected to it from the moment that she saw Affa go down with the rest of the soldiers.
"Yes, I accept."
Leia sighed. "You didn't let me finish."
Ari shook her head. "With respect, General, I don't need to know the mission. I accept."
Leia shook her head. "You don't know what we're asking."
Ari stood mustering all the courage left in her. "General, I just saw my lover killed in front of my eyes. All of my friends were either shot down from the sky or killed on their knees." She put her hand down forcefully on the envelope on the table between Leia's hands. "I need this. I have been training all my life for this mission." Then she whispered, barely enough for them to hear. "I have nothing left to lose, General."
