October 23rd 2018
A few weeks later and he's added me on snapchat (well he's got me to add him) and he snaps me often. I wonder if he can tell i'm not trying , that i'm not interested. If i let this guy have something to do with me it will backfire no doubt about it , i know its a bad idea i can tell instantly.
But then i slip. About two weeks after i turn 18 i hit a huge wall. Something i've never told anyone about before. I started to hit the most self conscious time of my life. I'm not exactly sure where it came from but it hit pretty hard. I spent weeks thinking i was nothing and nobody , i thought i was too fat , too ugly , that i drank too much , etc etc. It wasn't great but then there was this guy that kept wanting to see me , surely i should give him a chance i mean he finds me attractive i can't fathom it.
So i agree to meet up with him and that really starts the whole thing. I see him a lot for the next few months , i liked spending time with him despite my reservations. Then all of a sudden he was my boyfriend and that my friends is when the whole thing turned to shit.
We soon realised that having insane chemistry wasn't actually enough to keep a relationship going , who would've thought? Apparently you need to have things like common interests and you apparently both actually have to want to be in a relationship. Shocking.
So as you can tell the breakup was inevitable. It was not nice , a silent car journey home ended in a dumping via text. And yes it was him that dumped me , i was too much for him , too up too down whatever you wanna call it. I couldn't even be mad because he was right , i was too much for him.
I really did expect that to be the last time i'd hear from him but then a few weeks later he's walking around town with me in the middle of the night. It was stupid on my part i don't know why but i just couldn't say no. Just don't kiss him , it won't matter if you don't kiss him. But then he's at his car and his hands are on my waist, oh shit.
I wait to hear from him the next day , and then following and then i realise its not gonna happen. I told you not to kiss him.
