bilaterus: The story continues! If you're wondering how exactly this all fits into the actual universe and so on, we're working on it. For now relax and enjoy Doofenshmirtz's soothing style.
BlytheHasFreckles: So far, we're very pleased with the response our story has gotten! For those who reviewed chapter 1, author responses are at the bottom!
We hope you enjoy chapter 2!
Ah, I love the smell of new evil chapters in the morning. Don't you?
Well, it doesn't actually smell of anything. I didn't mean 'smell' as in, literal smell, like, somehow through the computer screen I get a whiff of 'new chapter', whatever that is. It's a figure of speech. What would a new chapter smell of anyway? It's just typed up words on the screen!
Speaking of morning smells, I decided this morning to check out this new family-owned diner that just opened across the street. Now, normally I don't like to leave my building when I'm in the middle of my evil inventing, but I decided to be daring enough to try it out and I had the most amazing blueberry french toast! Ok, it wasn't evil, but out of all of the non-evil breakfasts I've had it was certainly the best one I've had in ages! Have you ever eaten something so delicious that you wish you could turn back time and eat it a second time? Well it was like that. In fact, if I was a cow, I would regurgitate it and eat it all over again. Cows actually do that, it's called 'chewing the cud'! I think I did it once, that time I turned myself into a werecow by mistake. It's actually quite satisfying.
I think I'll go back to that little diner for lunch. Today's special is deep-dish garden salad pizza. Mmm, garden salad pizza. Is it salad, or is it pizza? Nobody knows, but boy is it good!
Anyway, you all are here to read my evil update, so I should probably get back to the salad. Uh, I mean... story. Get back to the story. Salad.
I'm sure you're all in suspense from the cliffhanger in the last chapter. Actually, there were two cliffhangers. Which is a bit weird, now that I think about it. I mean, can you imagine hanging from two cliffs at the same time? It hurts my fingernails just thinking about it!
Are you ready for a spectacular cliffhanger resolution? Here it comes:
After thinking about it, Phineas decided that he loved Isabella.
It's genius! I'll bet none of you evil readers saw THAT coming!
"Hey Ferb, I've decided that I love Isabella," Phineas said. Ferb, who still didn't talk much, gave him a thumbs up in encouragement. "I can't just tell her that though. I need to do something big for her first! Oh, and it has to be romantic. Something big and romantic so I can tell her how I feel about her! Oh, and it has to be evil, of course, that goes without saying. Something big and romantic and evil."
As Phineas was saying that, Ferb produced and started unfolding a poster from his pocket. It was a poster advertising the Night of the Evil Retro Dancing Youngsters event.
Look! It's even more of my creative genius! If I make them go to an evil dance, it stages the evil romance! I don't think I've seen THAT done before!
"Oh, great idea Ferb! I'll ask her to go with me to the Night of the Evil Retro Dancing Youngsters event!"
I read that the characters in the show are based on ones in real life. That means there's a real version of Phineas and Isabella right here in the Tri-State Area! Then I could build a Love-Inator and zap them with it, to get them together in real life. No wait, that's ridiculous! What're the odds of randomly hitting one exact backyard out of all of the houses in the Tri-State Area? Even if I shot one ray every day for the whole summer, the chances of hitting them just once would be unbelievably low!
Besides, a Love-Inator is not even evil! Well, if it was an EVIL Love-Inator, that'd be a different story...
Phineas decided to call her straight away. He took out his phone and dialled Isabella's number. "Hey Isabella, do you want to come to the Night of the Evil Retro Dancing Youngsters dance with me tonight?"
"Yes!" said Isabella, overly excited. She had been waiting for years for Phineas to ask her to a dance! Then she realised that she had better cover up her exclamation, as she thought Phineas was still really oblivious and she didn't realise he already knew about her massive crush. "Er, I mean, sure, I mean, I had other plans, evil plans, but if you insist, then, ok I guess..." she hung up the phone and squealed loudly to herself.
Phineas and Isabella both sighed happily. They weren't in the same place of course, and they had hung up the phone so they didn't know the other was sighing, but they both sighed at the same time after their conversation. They both had the same thought, too (again, not in the same place, but at the same time after the conversation). The thought was:
Tonight will be perfect! What could go wrong?
Ahah! A cliffhanger AND a rhetorical question! I'm so evil!
Ok, now I'll explain what happens to Jerry the Platypus. You'll see what happens at the dance later, evil readers!
Jerry the Platypus was no ordinary platypus. He was actually a secret agent! He worked for the Organisation That Has a Cool Acronym - OTHCA for short - and every day he would disappear from the boys' backyard to go and fight his evil scientist nemesis, Dr. Colman Shoofdenmirtz, from the Heinous Alliance That Enjoys Deeds Of Nefarious Undertakings in Troublemaking, (or H.A.T.E.D.O.N.U.T for short).
Now evil readers, usually when I read these fan fictions they're about the boy inventor and his girl neighbor from across the street. But occasionally they also write about what the brothers' pet platypus does every day. Apparently he's a secret agent and he fights with some pathetic evil scientist who dreams of taking over the Tri-State Area, but he never succeeds even though he tries every day. How pitiful is that? Look, even his name is so embarrassing! 'Colman Shoofdenmirtz'. Even aside from that humiliating last name, his first is the same as a famous brand of mustard. It must be so embarrassing for him to have a first name that's on the label of a famous condiment!
It all sounds pretty familiar though... but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh well, on with the story.
Jerry went to his secret agent briefing room where Major Duogram was waiting on the screen. "Your mission is to find out what Shoofdenmirtz is doing and put a stop to it," he commanded. Jerry saluted and rushed off to the Shoofdenmirtz Mischief Company, which was the place where Shoofdenmirtz carried out his evil schemes.
Jerry burst into the Shoofdenmirtz Mischief Company and instantly stepped into a trap that had him tied in several layers of rope.
Shoofdenmirtz laughed maniacally, "Looks like you're all tied up, Jerry the Platypus!"
Get it? TIED up. It's a pun! Puns reek of evil.
He did some more evil laughing and then began his monologue.
"Now, let me tell you my latest scheme. You know how people always say 'good morning' when they see you in the morning? The mailman said it to me just today, and it got me thinking; why do we say that? What if you're not having a good morning? Then they're just reminding you of what a terrible day it's going to be! That's why I created the Eh-Ineetor! A single zap from the ray will cause a person to feel indifferent about their day, thus eliminating the need for anyone to say 'good morning' ever again!"
Shoofdenmirtz then turned his back on Jerry to activate the machine. Jerry reached down with his bill to untie the knot to his trap until it loosened enough for him wiggle through the tight grip. He then jumped up and punched Shoofdenmirtz who fell backwards onto the machine, hitting the "explode" button and blowing it up. The machine shot one ray before it exploded, but nobody noticed it.
See? Shoofdenmirtz is such an amateur, he puts an "explode" button on his Ineetor! Why would any scientist put an "explode" button on any invention? It makes no sense!
And what kind of name for an evil device is 'Ineetor'?
Also I think I know why it all seems so familiar... it reminds me of Dr. Diminutive! I mean look, it's so obvious: he's an evil scientist, with an ironic name, who makes evil inventions, and his nemesis Agent Silent G goes to thwart him every day!
Of course, it's totally different. Dr. Diminutive and I are a part of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N, the evil scientist organisation, whereas this Colman Shoofdenmirtz guy works for H.A.T.E.D.O.N.U.T. And also, Agent Silent G works for the OWCA, whereas Jerry the Platypus is said to work for the OTHCA. Which is a pretty cool acronym, right? 'OTHCA' really rolls off the tongue.
Yup, not the same at all.
Okay, back to Phineas and Isabella!
Everyone was having a glorious time at the Night of Evil Retro Dancing Youngsters ball. Kids were dancing a lot, doing hip new dance moves like getting down and dougie-ing and popping and locking and other youthful movements, flailing arms and legs and other such limbs to the groovy new beats of Emperor Doofenshmirtz's overlord playlist. They played classic songs such as:
"Doofenshmirtz Can Have All My Money"
"Inator-ize Me"
"I Surrender My Free Will"
"If You Raise Taxes, It's A-Ok"
and the Overlord's personal favorite, "Heinz Doofenshmirtz: So Much Better Than Roger Doofenshmirtz In Every Way (And Mom Loves Me More Too)"
The kids at the ball were all dressed in their parachute pants (or whatever kids normally wear) and were having a good time. Phineas kept an eye on Isabella as they got down to the totally "in" evil beatz and she looked like she was having a totally rad time. He just couldn't wait to ask her what she thought about the ball.
Just then, Emperor Doofenshmirtz came through the crowd to say hello to the gyrating youngsters.
More face time for me! After all, nothing screams "great fan fiction writing" more than an original character! Also, did you see me misspell 'beats' with a z? That was deliberate! It's pretty hip and cool right?
"Are you enjoying this evil and youthful shindig?" he asked them all.
"Yes, yes we are," they all responded simultaneously, "You're the best totalitarian ruler the world has ever seen! We wish we were as evil and completely full of genius like you."
"Wonderful," he said magnificently. He was an awesome example for a magnificent overlord because everyone loved him. He waved to everyone, and then he went away. Magnificently.
Phineas and Isabella were slow-dancing now, to the tune of "Platypus Can't Put Me Down." All the couples around them were holding hands and moving romantically to the gentle beat. Phineas knew that now was the best time to ask the question.
"So, Isabella..." he started. He was a little nervous as he asked. "What did you think of today? Was it particularly romantic and special?"
It was then that, although they didn't know what happened, Isabella was hit by the ray that was fired by the Eh-Ineetor a little while ago. "Eh," she said, no longer caring for her whole day.
"Wait, what?"
"Eh."
"Oh, ok," Phineas said, dejectedly.
When they walked home that night under the evil full moon, Phineas felt sad, thinking that he had disappointed Isabella. He hung his head, thinking to himself, "I didn't try hard enough! There has to be another evil way I can make Isabella happy!"
"Tomorrow I'll do better!"
Alright, evil viewers, that just about wraps up Chapter Two! So what will happen next chapter? What evil contraption will Phineas come up with to make Isabella feel special? ...I'm not going to tell you! You'll just have to be patient and wait for the next chapter for these questions to be answered!
Now it's time to respond to your evil reviews!
To LuticolousMantis: What? Not enough evil? I'm beside myself with rage! Like, literally, if there were two of me one would be standing next to the other in anger. This story is bursting with evil! I want to see your credentials, because there's NO WAY you know evil better than me!
...Oh, you thought I DID have enough evil? This is awkward... I guess I should be thanking you instead!
To celebi4ever: A story about me and Perry the Platypus? I mean, there are loads of stories I could write about my battles with my nemesis, but, well... a lot of them are pretty embarrassing. I'll need to think about that one.
To Axis22: Wha- 'I don't know the meaning of'- that's outrageous! Ok, I didn't literally cause you all to hang off an actual cliff (that was what the Cliffhanger-Inator would have done) but I had cliffhangers! I even looked up what 'cliffhanger' means on the internet, and I'm right!
As for the Perry thing, since at places I use 'evil' as a verb and not a noun, changing 'evil' to 'Perry' would cause a lot of the sentences to stop making sense. Or so Dr. Bloodpudding said after I asked him. Actually, he was a little rude about it, like I was the idiot!
To Platyman: Oh, my character is a Gary Stu? I don't know what that means, but it sounds cool! 'Gary Stu'. I like that name! If I had a son, I might even have called him Gary (but it'd be 'Gary Doofenshmirtz' not 'Gary Stu' because you know, he has to take my last name). Anyway, I'm glad you think I'm better than some other writers! I admit that this is, er, kinda my first story. Creativity wasn't exactly encouraged back in Gimmelshtump...
bilaterus: Yes, you're right. Phineas and Ferb share those qualities, and I and blythe certainly know that's the case! We of course don't believe in that idea either because as you've mentioned, it's utter fiction, and goes entirely against the true nature of the brothers' relationship.
Now, as I'm sure you could tell, Doof's fic itself is supposed to parody some of the more poorly written stories, and hence deliberately has a simple writing style and several features which generally detract from a fic, for comic effect. However since that misconception with the boys isn't particularly funny, we rewrote it so it needn't get to your grill any more. Thanks for the comment and compliments! :D
To Rainbow Phinny, Ryan Stoppable, 14AmyChan, phinbella-luvr22, MassiveSinger, AmityTheDerpy, , Noldea: I'm glad you like my story! Remember, at the next election, vote Heinz Doofenshmirtz for Supreme Ruler of the Tri-State Area!
bilaterus: We're glad you liked the first chapter. We hope you enjoyed this chapter too, and we've got plenty of ideas for the future ones. Watch this space ;)
BlytheHasFreckles: Thanks for all the encouragement, guys! It's really been tremendous! We hope to update shortly!
Until next time, evil readers. Stay evil!
